We Know Each Other Better Than We Know Ourselves | {THE AND} Claire & Stanley
Summary
TLDRThe script is an intimate conversation between two individuals reflecting on their relationship. They discuss cherished memories, such as a significant trip and a transformative New Year's Eve, and acknowledge the challenges of balancing work and romance. They also delve into personal growth, with one partner's struggle to find purpose outside of the relationship. The dialogue highlights the importance of communication, mutual support, and recognizing each other's sacrifices. It concludes with a heartfelt exchange of love and gratitude, emphasizing the profound impact they have on each other's lives.
Takeaways
- 💞 The couple deeply values their partnership and the life they've built together, highlighting their commitment to each other.
- 😭 A significant shared memory is their emotional experience upon seeing the city skyline, symbolizing a new beginning.
- 🎉 They cherish the New Year's Eve of 2018/2019, marking a year of personal transformation and the start of a new path for their relationship.
- 💍 The proposal is a pivotal moment, signifying a deepening of their bond and commitment.
- 🤔 The current challenge is balancing work and personal life, with the 'boss man hat' interfering with romantic time.
- 🚀 The importance of finding one's own purpose outside of the relationship is identified as crucial for personal fulfillment and relationship health.
- 🙏 Acknowledgment of sacrifices made in the relationship is necessary to maintain balance and appreciation.
- 🤝 Open communication is key in addressing and overcoming challenges in the relationship.
- 🌟 The partner's insecurities are a source of concern, with the other partner wishing to help heal these by recognizing their worth.
- ❤️ The love and admiration between the couple are profound, with each recognizing the positive impact they have on each other's lives.
Q & A
What is the significance of the trip mentioned in the script?
-The trip is significant as it's described as 'epic' and marked by emotional moments such as crying and laughing together upon seeing the city skyline, indicating a strong bond and shared experience.
Why is the New Year's Eve of 2018-2019 memorable for the couple?
-It's memorable because it was the anniversary of one partner's decision to stop drinking for a year, which was a transformative period that strengthened their relationship and set them on their current path.
What is the biggest challenge the couple is facing during their current trip?
-The biggest challenge is the blending of professional and personal roles, where the 'boss man hat' is not being switched off, leading to an imbalance in the romantic aspect of their relationship.
How does the couple address the challenge of the partner wearing two hats?
-They communicate openly about the issue, resetting expectations for the trip and managing the balance between work and romance, with one partner acknowledging the need to adjust their emotional needs.
What is the underlying issue that the couple believes is affecting their relationship?
-The underlying issue is the partner's struggle to find their own purpose outside of the business, which is causing an imbalance and reliance on the other for fulfillment.
What sacrifices does one partner feel are taken for granted?
-The partner feels that their daily struggles and efforts to support the business and the relationship are often overlooked and taken for granted due to their consistent capability.
How does the couple view the importance of acknowledging each other's efforts?
-They recognize the importance of acknowledging each other's efforts to maintain a balanced and appreciative relationship, and they discuss the need to avoid taking each other for granted.
Why does the partner wish to heal the other's insecurities?
-The partner wishes to heal the other's insecurities because they see them as an amazing person, and it saddens them that the other partner doesn't recognize their own worth.
What does the partner wish to convey in their last conversation?
-In their last conversation, the partner wants to convey that they are who they are because of the other, emphasizing the profound impact and love they have for each other.
What is the purpose of the book '12 Questions for Love' mentioned in the script?
-The book '12 Questions for Love' is designed to guide couples through intimate conversations to foster deeper connections and understanding in their relationships.
Outlines
💞 Building a Life Together
This paragraph explores a deep emotional connection between two individuals. It begins with a question about memory loss, leading to a heartfelt recount of their shared life and experiences. The speaker reflects on how they built a life together, emphasizing that they are a team who does everything together and has never been apart for long. They cherish the memories of significant milestones, like a meaningful New Year's Eve and a proposal, while also addressing the challenges they face in balancing professional roles with their romantic relationship. The discussion also touches on the importance of communication and managing expectations during difficult times.
🔍 Searching for Purpose
This paragraph delves into the complexities of individual purpose within a relationship. The speaker acknowledges the imbalance created by one partner’s search for meaning outside the relationship, while the other is fully immersed in their business. They discuss the challenges of feeling unfulfilled and the pressure placed on the relationship due to unmet personal needs. The conversation is candid about the difficulties of waiting for the other partner to 'come home' emotionally and the importance of finding a separate sense of purpose to maintain balance and happiness.
🛠 Acknowledging Sacrifices
The focus shifts to unacknowledged sacrifices within the relationship. The speaker feels their efforts and daily struggles are often taken for granted, creating tension and feelings of underappreciation. While they do not require constant praise, they express a need for recognition of the hard work that goes into maintaining both their business and relationship. The discussion also highlights how perceived superhero capabilities can mask the real difficulties faced by one partner, and how periodic conversations help reset mutual appreciation and understanding.
🤔 Reflecting on Regrets
The conversation takes a reflective turn, with a discussion on regrets and the desire to change past experiences. Despite facing bumps in the road, the speaker expresses a sense of gratitude for all experiences, as they have shaped their current selves and relationship. They acknowledge that every challenging situation has contributed to their growth and development, making it difficult to wish any of them away. They emphasize the positive outcomes that emerged from these adversities, underscoring a philosophy of making the best out of every worst situation.
💔 Healing Insecurities
This paragraph explores the pain and insecurities one partner wishes they could heal in the other. The speaker expresses frustration and sadness over their partner's lack of self-belief and self-esteem, despite being seen as beautiful, talented, and amazing by everyone around them. They discuss the difficulty of trying to convince their partner of their worth and the importance of finding a purpose that allows them to share their true self with the world. This emotional segment underscores a deep desire to help their partner see themselves through a more positive and loving lens.
🗣 Final Words and Why Love Lasts
The closing conversation revolves around what the speaker would want their partner to remember if this were their last conversation. They convey that they are who they are because of each other, expressing deep mutual love and appreciation. The reasons for love are listed: support, motivation, and personal growth, all attributed to their relationship. The speaker shares that their partner has helped them become a better person and find a sense of purpose and fulfillment. They conclude with a promotional note about a book that aims to help others foster intimate and meaningful conversations.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Memory
💡Relationship
💡Challenge
💡Purpose
💡Sacrifice
💡Insecurities
💡Appreciation
💡Regret
💡Love
💡Conversation
💡Acknowledgment
Highlights
The importance of shared life experiences and the depth of the relationship.
The significance of the couple's commitment to never being apart for more than ten days.
The couple's mutual love and deep understanding of each other.
The emotional impact of a memorable trip and the first glimpse of the city skyline.
The couple's shared New Year's Eve memory and its significance in their sobriety journey.
The transformative year that led to a reinvention of their relationship.
The proposal and its role in solidifying the couple's bond.
The challenge of balancing work and romantic roles during a business trip.
The need for open communication to manage expectations and address feelings.
The realization of the importance of finding personal purpose outside of the relationship.
The acknowledgment of sacrifices made and the need for appreciation.
The struggle with insecurities and the desire to heal them.
The impact of the relationship on personal growth and overcoming past struggles.
The appreciation for the positive influence each partner has on the other's life.
The concept of '12 Questions for Love' as a tool for intimate conversations and deeper relationships.
The availability of '12 Questions for Love' in various formats for readers.
Transcripts
If I lost all my memory,
what would be the first thing
you'd tell me about us?
If you lost all your memory.
I would tell you about how
we
built a life together.
And you and me are a team.
We do everything together.
And we've never been apart
for more than ten days.
And
that we love
each other stupid amounts.
And we know each other
better than we know ourselves.
So you could count on me
for rebuilding your memory
because I
already knew everything about you.
Yeah,
I like it.
Oh, what are three
favorite memories we share,
and why do we cherish them?
God, so many more than three.
Because of recency,
I think
it's this trip.
This trip it’s been epic.
Like that drive over
from the airport into the city.
Yeah.
When we first got here.
The first glimpse of the skyline.
Yeah.
And the whole car, we all cried.
Yeah.
Like shout out, laughing, crying.
Yeah.
That was pretty cool.
Yeah.
I remember New Year's Eve.
2018, 2019.
- When after - I know.
- In Melbourne balcony.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
And that was like
the anniversary of the first time,
like giving up drinking for a year.
- Like that was like - You changed so much that year.
Yeah, that was a big
that was a big year for us.
Because like
that was the year that put us on this path.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we
we reinvented our relationship
and became
solid as a rock.
Yeah.
And that was a really special year.
And then
when I proposed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What is the biggest
challenge in our relationship right now
and what do you think it is teaching us?
You
wearing two hats like,
and I know the hats that you play,
you have your, your boss man hat
and then you have your romantic
relationship hat and
on a normal,
the way our life normally runs
it is separate and they don't cross over.
And you do
both really, really fucking well.
And
this trip
has been a business trip
and we have staff member
living in our accommodation.
And so the boss man hat
has not come off.
And I haven't had
the quota
of romantic Stanley
like, to level me out
during this trip, which I didn't
I,
I think I mentally was aware
of coming into this trip knowing
what it was, but I think
I wasn't fully
prepared for
how it was going to make me feel.
And I think I still thought,
maybe naively, that
we would still have the weekends,
we would still have the nights, and
I voiced it.
We communicated.
And we sort of reset
what this trip was about.
We managed the expectations.
I realized I just needed to pull back on
my needs in that department
and understand that, what we're here for.
And we have to double down on that.
And I think it was
it was good that we had that chat
early on in the piece.
Maybe the jetlag emphasized it
a little bit faster, but
um.
Yeah.
I think that
the biggest challenge
we're facing right now,
which that is,
I think what you say is a symptom of it.
But I think, at least talking about it
last night,
our biggest challenge right now
is you finding your own purpose.
Yeah.
Yeah, it’s definitely a symptom.
Because you don't,
you only have waiting for me to come home.
Yeah.
And that's not enough for you.
Yeah.
You need so much more.
You've got so much more
to offer the world.
And this business isn’t your purpose.
It's mine.
Yeah.
I know.
I know that that's the missing piece
that fuels these
feelings and,
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, all the energy goes into that
All the energy goes into that
instead of being shared
with something else.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
And then you look for me
to give you all of that.
Yeah.
And it's not fair on you.
Yeah.
I think that's a big challenge for us.
I think
and I think the longer we take
to find that, the harder
we’re going to take, the harder
it is to find it.
The longer it takes it,
the harder it's going to be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.
What is a sacrifice
you've made that I haven't acknowledged
and why do you think that is?
Yeah.
I don't know if,
I don't know if there's many things
that you haven't acknowledged.
I think that there's a lot
you,
um.
I think there's a lot that gets taken
for granted of what I do.
Yeah.
I think you know it.
That I do these things.
But I think you just,
there’s the superhero complex, right?
Like, Oh, that's just Stan.
He can just do that.
You forget that I struggle through it
every day.
Yeah.
Like, all these things
that are
real tough.
Real tough for me to do.
But I do them anyway.
Because I know what it,
I know what it does for us.
Yeah.
You know it, I know you know it.
I know you know it, but
I think a lot of
it is taken for granted.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know that.
I know I fall into the trap of it
just becoming the new norm.
And
and yeah, I do just think.
Oh, you, you're so capable,
and therefore it must be easy.
And then I give it no waiting anymore
because it just becomes the new,
the new foundation, right?
The new normal.
And
every now and then we have,
you know, conversations like this or the one
we had last night.
And then all of a sudden
I just, there's just like, holy shit.
Like, you idiot.
Like, I can't believe you've just been
swinging along, like,
enjoying the ride
and not,
yeah, not acknowledging the effort
daily and just taking it
for granted.
Yeah.
That's hard
because like, I don't need that praise.
It's not what pumps me up, like.
Yeah.
But it's just hard when
like the conversation
shifts to me not appreciating you.
Yeah.
And my language it's to show you,
is to do all this other stuff.
Yeah.
Like I show you that
I love you
through providing for you.
Yeah.
So I might not, like,
pick my T-shirts up or
wash my clothes
or any of that sort of stuff.
- But - Yeah.
I would go out and talk
to a thousand strangers that I hate talking to,
because it scares the shit out of me.
But I do it because it takes
our business
Yeah.
to the next stage and, yeah, that's,
it's tough.
Like, it's tough
for me to have these conversations where
where I have to say,
what about the fucking shit I do?
You know?
Because I shouldn't have to say that.
Yeah, I know.
And
I know.
That
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I know you know.
And we’ve talked about it.
And we're good about it.
Yeah, I know.
What is one experience
you wish we never had and why?
That's tough.
Because anything
anything
that has been a bump in the road
is the reason
that we've got here, is the reason
the path we've traveled.
So it's,
we've made the best,
that we literally made the best
out of every worst situation
that we've been in.
And I really don't
have any regrets, like
every step
has shaped this.
And the reason, has been the reason
how we've got to this.
Yeah.
So.
Yeah.
The person I am today is like,
come out of all that struggles.
The thing I learned from
these conversations,
the reason I gave up drinking
and just all that stuff, like
that's so good.
Like, we've got such a good life
because of it now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
there's probably
some silly experiences, but
nothing, nothing crazy.
What is the pain in me
you wish you could heal and why?
- I think you know. - I know the answer.
I think you know the answer.
Just your insecurities.
Like, there isn't a person who meets you,
who doesn't think you're beautiful
and smart, and talented, an amazing.
There isn't a person in the world
who meets you,
that doesn't think all those things.
And you go through life
thinking you're the opposite.
And that's
I just don't understand.
I don't know how to convince you otherwise.
I don't know how to show you what I see.
It makes me sad because,
like, all I see
is this amazing person
and I wish, I don't know how to
I mean I've tried for seven years
now to
convince you otherwise
and everyone around
you tries to convince you the same.
And I just think that you've got
so much more to offer the world.
And that's why
I talk about the last thing,
like, finding your purpose.
Because you can take all of that,
find something you love
and like, give the world access to this person
that they're missing.
Yeah.
I knew that would be your answer.
If this was our last conversation,
what would you never want me to forget?
That I am who I am
because of you.
Likewise.
Why do you love me?
Oh.
Just so many reasons.
You are amazing,
like,
you just like, you light up the world.
Like, people love you.
I wish you could see it.
Like, I wish you could see what I see.
You look after me.
I would be 50 kg heavier if it wasn’t for you.
I'd be an alcoholic.
I wouldn't be pushing myself
to the levels that I push myself.
Uh, I wouldn't
know what love was.
I’d have a big wake
of destruction behind me.
I'm a better person
because of you.
Love you.
I love you too.
If you enjoyed that conversation of {THE AND}
and you're wondering how it works,
it comes down to the space
and the questions that are offered.
And we've taken that learning
and distilled it down into a book.
It's called 12 Questions for Love.
A Guide to Intimate Conversations
and Deeper Relationships.
You can order your book now,
available anywhere you get your books.
Available in e-book,
audiobook and hardcover.
And most importantly,
thank you for watching.
Посмотреть больше похожих видео
Design & Human Behavior Experiment
[Official] Between Us | เชือกป่าน | Ep.12 [2/4] | Studio Wabi Sabi
Things I Need
[Eng Sub] My Love Mix-Up! เขียนรักด้วยยางลบ | EP.10 [4/4]
*juicy* relationship q&a while doing skincare
QUANTO CONOSCI DAVVERO I TUOI AMICI? - QUALE POSIZIONE SESS*ALE PREFERISCI A LETTO? (CHE DELUSIONE)
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)