Why Perfectionism Is Ruining Your Life

Summary

The video script discusses the contrasting attitudes of two hypothetical students, Harry and Percy, towards feedback and perfectionism. It highlights the negative impacts of perfectionism, such as decreased productivity and increased burnout, and contrasts it with the positive approach of 'healthy strivers'. The script also explores the reasons behind the rise of perfectionism and offers practical tips for overcoming it, including setting reasonable standards, embracing failure, stepping outside comfort zones, and adopting 'nice goals'. The conversation with Professor Thomas Curran, an expert on perfectionism, provides further insights into this widespread issue.

Takeaways

• 🎯 Perfectionism exists on a spectrum, with most people falling somewhere in the middle, and it's linked to rising levels among young people.
• 🚫 Perfectionism does not lead to better performance or productivity; in fact, it can lead to decreased effort after setbacks and increased procrastination.
• 🏃‍♂️ Non-perfectionists, or 'healthy strivers,' tend to enjoy the process of working towards goals and are not deterred by failure, unlike perfectionists.
• 🔄 The perfectionism trap stems from a sense of deficiency and leads to a negative spiral of ever-increasing standards, failure, and shame.
• 💡 Overcoming perfectionism involves setting reasonable standards, embracing the learning process from failure, and stepping outside of one's comfort zone.
• 📈 The concept of 'diminishing returns' applies to effort and productivity, suggesting that working beyond a certain point can lead to decreased effectiveness and potential burnout.
• 🤹‍♀️ Learning new things, such as through interactive platforms like Brilliant, can help combat perfectionism by focusing on the joy of learning rather than the outcome.
• 💭 Changing the mindset from 'should' to 'want to' or 'feel like' can help reduce the pressure and expectations associated with perfectionism.
• 🎢 Viewing failure as a form of success by redefining it as a learning opportunity can help in breaking free from perfectionist tendencies.
• 🎯 Setting 'nice goals' (NE term input-based, controllable, and energizing) can be beneficial for beginners or those struggling with perfectionism, as opposed to strict SMART goals.

Q & A

What is the main difference between Harry and Percy in terms of their reactions to feedback?

Harry appreciates constructive criticism and is willing to learn from his mistakes, while Percy sees feedback as a failure, holds himself to excessively high standards, and worries about others' opinions.

How does the speaker describe the concept of perfectionism?

The speaker describes perfectionism as a spectrum, with some people being more perfectionistic than others. It is not a black or white concept, and most people fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum.

What does the study of student athletes cycling trials reveal about perfectionism and effort?

The study reveals that students with high levels of perfectionism decreased their effort after their first failure, whereas non-perfectionists maintained the same level of effort.

How does perfectionism affect productivity and success?

Perfectionism can lead to decreased productivity and success because it often results in overworking and making unnecessary sacrifices, which can lead to burnout and a negative impact on performance.

What is the 'perfectionism trap' and how does it stem from a place of deficit?

The perfectionism trap is a negative spiral of decline and self-defeat that comes from a sense of not being good enough. Perfectionists feel they must prove their worth and excel, leading to excessively high standards that set them up for failure.

How does the speaker suggest overcoming perfectionism?

The speaker suggests several ways to overcome perfectionism, including setting reasonable standards, accepting failure as a part of the learning process, stepping outside of one's comfort zone, and reframing failure as a success.

What is the relationship between perfectionism and imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is quite strong among perfectionists, particularly those from lower socio-economic backgrounds. They often doubt their abilities and feel like they need to prove themselves constantly, fearing they are not deserving of their achievements.

How does socially prescribed perfectionism differ from self-oriented perfectionism?

Socially prescribed perfectionism comes from external expectations, such as from colleagues, teachers, or parents, whereas self-oriented perfectionism is driven by internal beliefs about needing to be perfect and better than others.

What is the concept of 'Wabi Sabi' and how does it relate to overcoming perfectionism?

Wabi Sabi is a Japanese philosophy that embraces the beauty of imperfection and the natural flow of life. It encourages simplicity, appreciation of nature, and acceptance of challenges, which can help in overcoming perfectionism by promoting contentment with the natural state of things, including failures and setbacks.

How does the speaker recommend setting goals to combat perfectionism?

The speaker recommends setting vague or 'open goals' rather than rigid, specific 'SMART goals' for beginners or those struggling with perfectionism. This approach can make the process feel less pressured and more enjoyable, reducing the fear of failure.

What is the 'Fear Setting' exercise by Tim Ferriss and how can it help with stepping outside of one's comfort zone?

The 'Fear Setting' exercise by Tim Ferriss is a journaling practice that helps individuals identify, analyze, and confront their fears. By understanding the potential consequences of not stepping outside their comfort zone, individuals can gain the motivation to embrace discomfort and take action.