5 Attractive Habits That Make Avoidants Beg For Your Attention

Summary

This video script explores the complexities of avoidant attachment in relationships. It suggests five habits to understand and navigate these dynamics, starting with the advice to stop pursuing an avoidant partner, as their true desires differ from what they express. The script delves into subconscious attraction, the impact of distraction on revealing true feelings, and the compatibility of avoidant individuals with certain Myers-Briggs personality types. It challenges the conventional wisdom of what avoidants want in a partner, highlighting the 'Pocket World Theory' and the paradox of selling them what they want versus what they need, ultimately advocating for personal growth towards a secure attachment style.

Takeaways

• 🚫 Avoidance Trap: Trying to make an avoidant person 'beg' for you is a trap because what they say they want isn't truly what they desire.
• 💔 Stop Pursuing: The best strategy when dealing with an avoidant person is to stop trying to get them back, especially after a breakup.
• 🔍 Unavailability Sparks Longing: Avoidants may long for an ex once that person is unavailable and out of contact, triggering a switch in their attachment fears.
• 📚 Free to Attach Resource: The 'Free to Attach' resource provides insights into avoidant attachment behaviors and their longing for an ex.
• 🤔 Avoidant Mindset: Avoidants often subconsciously avoid intimacy and emotional reliance due to early life experiences, leading to a protective mechanism of emotional distance.
• 🧠 Subconscious Engagement: Avoidants are drawn to people who engage their subconscious mind, allowing their true attachment feelings to surface when they are distracted.
• 🧩 Engage in Activities: Participating in activities that require full attention with an emotional component can help reveal an avoidant's true feelings.
• 🌐 Myers Briggs Attraction: Avoidants may be attracted to certain Myers Briggs personality types that align with their need for space and independence.
• 🌐 Pocket World Theory: Avoidants desire a 'pocket world' where they can exist with someone without deep emotional discussions, maintaining emotional distance.
• 🔁 Cycle of Attraction: Avoidants are often drawn to anxious partners who seek closeness, leading to a push-pull dynamic that can be addictive for both.
• 🛒 Selling vs. Needing: While avoidants may want a partner like them, they need a secure partner. However, selling oneself as secure may not attract an avoidant.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the video script?

The main focus of the video script is to discuss the habits and behaviors related to avoidant attachment styles, and how understanding these can help in dealing with avoidant individuals, especially in romantic relationships.

Why should someone who wants an avoidant person back stop trying to get them back?

Stopping the pursuit can actually trigger the avoidant person's suppressed attachment needs, as they may start to long for the person who is now unavailable, according to the 'free to attach' theory.

What does the term 'avoidant attachment' refer to in the context of the script?

In the script, 'avoidant attachment' refers to a style of attachment where individuals have a fear of intimacy and closeness, often developing a protective mechanism to avoid emotional reliance on others.

How does the script suggest engaging an avoidant person's subconscious mind?

The script suggests engaging the avoidant person's subconscious mind by inviting them to participate in activities that require full attention and have an emotional component, allowing their true attachment feelings to surface.

What is the significance of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) in the context of the script?

The script uses the MBTI to suggest that avoidant individuals might be attracted to certain personality types that align with their need for space and independence.

What is the 'Pocket World Theory' mentioned in the script?

The 'Pocket World Theory' refers to the idea that avoidant individuals desire a safe space or 'pocket world' where they can exist with someone without the pressure of deep emotional discussions, maintaining their emotional distance and independence.

How does the script explain the dynamic between avoidant and anxious partners?

The script explains that the dynamic between avoidant and anxious partners often involves a push-pull cycle where the anxious partner's need for closeness triggers the avoidant partner's fear of losing independence, and vice versa, creating a potentially addictive cycle for both.

What is the main challenge in becoming a secure partner for an avoidant individual, as described in the script?

The main challenge is that while secure individuals are generally the best partners for avoidant individuals, becoming more secure often means that one's perspective changes and they may no longer desire the avoidant partner they initially sought.

How does the script relate the concept of 'want' versus 'need' to avoidant individuals in relationships?

The script relates the concept by stating that avoidant individuals may want a partner who is similar to them and does not challenge their independence, but what they need is a secure partner who can provide a stable and supportive relationship.

What is the advice given in the script for dealing with avoidant individuals?

The advice given in the script is to understand the complex dynamics of avoidant attachment, to create situations that engage their subconscious mind, and to work on becoming more secure in one's own attachment style, while recognizing that the relationship one initially wanted may not be what is needed in the long term.