Overthinking: How Improving The QUALITY Of Our Thoughts Can Fix QUANTITY Errors
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful video, Heidi PRI explores the concept of neurotic thinking, often associated with overthinking. She challenges the idea of 'overthinking' by suggesting that the issue lies in the quality of thoughts rather than the quantity. Drawing from her master's degree in attachment theory and discourse analysis, she examines how language patterns reflect thinking patterns. Heidi uses Grice's maxims to dissect overthinking, emphasizing the importance of clarity, relevance, and truth in thought processes. She offers practical advice on identifying the root of overthinking and suggests focusing on answerable questions to break thought loops and improve mental clarity.
Takeaways
- 🤔 The concept of 'overthinking' is challenged by the idea that the problem lies not in the quantity of thoughts but in the quality and patterns of thinking.
- 🔍 Heidi explores the tweet that states 'there is no such thing as overthinking, there is only thinking badly', emphasizing the importance of thought patterns over the amount of thinking.
- 💡 The script discusses the idea that overthinking often occurs when one is trying to find answers to questions that either have no answer or are not answerable with the current information.
- 📚 Heidi's master's degree in attachment theory is mentioned as a background for understanding patterns of thinking through language, particularly in the context of discourse analysis.
- 🗣️ Discourse analysis is introduced as a field that studies patterns of language to understand thinking patterns, with a focus on the use of language revealing thought processes.
- 📝 Grace's maxims are explained as unwritten rules of conversation that, when followed, can lead to effective communication and are used as a metaphor for understanding overthinking.
- 🔄 The maxims of quantity, quality, relevance, and manner are discussed as guidelines for evaluating thought processes and identifying areas where overthinking may be occurring.
- 💭 The script suggests that overthinking can be a sign of unclear or muddled thinking, often related to not being able to filter information effectively according to the maxims.
- 🧠 The importance of clarity in defining the problem and the solution when overthinking is emphasized, as understanding the exact question one is trying to answer can help reduce unnecessary thinking.
- 🔍 The script encourages checking if the information being analyzed is relevant and true, and if the question being asked is answerable, as focusing on unanswerable questions can lead to endless loops of overthinking.
- 💖 The role of emotions in overthinking is highlighted, suggesting that sometimes overthinking is an attempt to avoid dealing with emotional issues or to find logical solutions for emotional problems.
- 🔄 The process of recognizing and accepting the truth when overthinking is due to not wanting to face an unpleasant reality is discussed as a way to break the cycle of rumination.
Q & A
What is the main focus of the video script provided?
-The main focus of the video script is to explore the concept of neurotic thinking, often referred to as overthinking, and how to address it using principles from discourse analysis and attachment theory.
What is the tweet's message that Heidi PRI references in the script?
-The tweet's message is that there is no such thing as overthinking, but rather there is only thinking badly, suggesting that the issue lies in the quality, not the quantity, of thoughts.
How does Heidi PRI connect the concept of overthinking to discourse analysis?
-Heidi PRI connects overthinking to discourse analysis by suggesting that the way people use language reflects their patterns of thinking, and by examining these patterns, one can understand the underlying issues in overthinking.
What are Grice's maxims and how do they relate to the conversation about overthinking?
-Grice's maxims are a set of unwritten rules that govern how people cooperate in conversation, including maxims of quantity, quality, relevance, and manner. They relate to overthinking by providing a framework to evaluate the quality, relevance, and clarity of one's thoughts.
How does the maxim of quantity relate to overthinking?
-The maxim of quantity suggests presenting the right amount of information. In the context of overthinking, it implies that the issue may not be the amount of thinking but the inability to filter and identify the relevant information.
What does the maxim of quality state and how does it apply to thought patterns?
-The maxim of quality states that one should be truthful in conversation and not assert what is false or unsupported by evidence. In thought patterns, it suggests focusing on whether the information one is considering is true and可信.
How can the maxim of relevance help in identifying issues with overthinking?
-The maxim of relevance emphasizes saying what is relevant to the conversation. For overthinking, it helps in identifying whether the thoughts are focused on the actual problem or if one is following irrelevant leads.
What is the role of the maxim of manner in addressing overthinking?
-The maxim of manner calls for clear and direct communication. In overthinking, it suggests the importance of structuring thoughts in a clear manner to effectively address the problem at hand.
How does Heidi PRI suggest using the concept of discourse analysis to understand overthinking?
-Heidi PRI suggests using discourse analysis as a metaphor to understand overthinking by examining language patterns, which can indicate how individuals are thinking and where they may be going wrong in their thought processes.
What is the advice given for dealing with overthinking related to traumatic memories?
-The advice given is to discern which parts of the retained information are actual indications of danger and which are not, helping the nervous system recognize real danger cues and integrate the understanding that certain cues, like a song or a color, are not threats.
What is the importance of identifying the deeper subconscious question when overthinking?
-Identifying the deeper subconscious question is important because it helps to clarify the actual issue that is causing distress, allowing for more directed and effective thought processes and potentially reducing overthinking.
Why is it suggested to focus on questions that can be answered when overthinking?
-Focusing on answerable questions is suggested because it provides a path towards a concrete solution and prevents endless rumination on questions that are unanswerable, thus reducing overthinking.
What is the significance of accepting the truth in stopping overthinking?
-Accepting the truth is significant because it often stops the pattern of endless rumination that occurs when one tries to make something false seem true due to not wanting to accept an uncomfortable reality.
How does the script suggest evaluating the quality of thoughts during overthinking?
-The script suggests evaluating the quality of thoughts by assessing whether the information is true, reliable, and if one is trying to solve a problem that is impossible to solve, in which case it's better to focus on coping mechanisms.
Outlines
🤔 The Paradox of Overthinking
Heidi PRI explores the concept of neurotic thinking and overthinking, questioning the idea that there is such a thing as 'overthinking'. She reflects on a tweet suggesting that the problem lies not in the quantity of thoughts but in the quality. Heidi shares her personal experience with thought patterns that lead to loops and emphasizes the importance of understanding the nature of the problem and the quality of thinking to break free from overthinking.
📚 Discourse Analysis and Adult Attachment Interviews
Heidi delves into her studies in attachment theory and discourse analysis, which examines language patterns to understand thinking patterns. She explains how discourse analysis is used in coding adult attachment interviews, highlighting the importance of language structure in identifying truthfulness and thinking patterns. Heidi suggests using discourse analysis as a metaphor to understand overthinking by examining language use to identify problematic thinking areas.
🗣️ Grice's Maxims and Conversational Rules
The video script introduces Grice's Maxims, a set of unwritten rules that govern conversational cooperation. These maxims include quantity, quality, relevance, and manner, which dictate the appropriate amount, truthfulness, pertinence, and clarity in communication. Heidi discusses how not adhering to these maxims can lead to muddled thinking and difficulty in communication, drawing parallels to overthinking and the challenges it presents.
💭 Overthinking and the Clarity of Thought
Heidi addresses the issue of manner in Grice's Maxims, relating it to the clarity of thought when overthinking. She emphasizes the importance of identifying the specific problem and solution when thinking, using personal examples to illustrate how vague goals can lead to overthinking. The summary explains the need for operational definitions to provide concrete objectives and how this approach can help in managing overthinking by focusing on relevant information.
🔍 Focusing on Relevant Information in Overthinking
The script discusses the maxim of relevance and its application to overthinking, pointing out common errors such as trying to logically solve emotional problems or vice versa. Heidi suggests checking for biases and focusing on relevant information to answer the identified problem. She provides examples of how emotional deregulation can affect clear thinking and the importance of addressing the root cause to prevent overthinking.
🕵️♀️ The Quality of Thoughts and Knowing the Truth
Heidi examines the maxim of quality, focusing on the truthfulness and knowability of information during overthinking. She discusses the futility of trying to solve problems with unknowable outcomes and suggests shifting focus to coping mechanisms for the anxiety that arises from such uncertainties. The summary encourages developing answerable questions and seeking reliable information to make informed decisions.
🔄 Accepting the Unknowable and Ending Overthinking
In the final paragraph, Heidi summarizes the key points for addressing overthinking by questioning the clarity, relevance, and truthfulness of the thought process. She shares a personal anecdote about overthinking a trivial matter as a metaphor for deeper subconscious concerns, illustrating how recognizing and accepting the true nature of the problem can alleviate overthinking.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Neuroticism
💡Overthinking
💡Attachment Theory
💡Discourse Analysis
💡Grace's Maxims
💡Quantity
💡Quality
💡Relevance
💡Manner
💡Emotional Regulation
💡Trauma
💡Coping Strategies
Highlights
The concept of neurotic thinking is explored, often associated with overthinking.
A tweet's influence on the perception of overthinking as a matter of thinking badly, not excessively.
The importance of the quality of thoughts in overthinking, rather than just the quantity.
Introduction to discourse analysis in the context of attachment theory and its relation to thinking patterns.
The role of language patterns in revealing an individual's thought processes.
Grace's maxims as unwritten rules governing conversation and their relevance to overthinking.
The maxim of quantity and its connection to providing the right amount of information in thought.
The maxim of quality emphasizing truthfulness and evidence in conversation and thought.
The maxim of relevance and its application to focusing on pertinent information during overthinking.
The maxim of manner and the need for clarity and directness in thought communication.
How trauma can affect information retention and the relevance to overthinking.
The process of identifying and solving problems within overthinking by focusing on the maxims.
The importance of recognizing which cues indicate real danger versus those that do not.
The role of operational definitions in clarifying thought problems and solutions.
The distinction between feeling problems that require emotional presence and logical problems that require rational solutions.
The impact of emotional dysregulation on the clarity of thought and the importance of addressing it.
The necessity of focusing on answerable questions to prevent endless rumination.
The process of identifying subconscious questions driving overthinking and addressing them explicitly.
The importance of accepting the truth to stop overthinking and the role of self-reflection.
Transcripts
hey guys I'm Heidi PRI welcome back to
my Channel or welcome if you're new here
this summer on this channel we've been
talking about neuroticism and today in
particular I want to go deep on the
concept of neurotic thinking which is
often something we refer to using the
term overthinking so to kick this off I
actually want to talk about a tweet that
I saw several years ago that kind of got
into my mind and stayed there and the
Tweet simply said there is no such thing
as overthinking there is only thinking
badly and I remember seeing that tweet
and initially going well that's not true
and then really sitting with it and
noticing that if I could trace my
thought patterns back to the times when
I got really stuck in some sort of loop
or some sort of thinking pattern that I
couldn't seem to find my way out of
often the problem was not in fact only
that I was thinking too much it was that
I was trying to figure something out
that either had no real answer to it
that did have an answer to it but the
answer to it was not one that I wanted
or that I simply did not have enough
information or enough real and valid and
verifiable information to come to a
conclusion on or something else in that
category and so I started noticing going
forward anytime I found myself thinking
too much about something was it true
that the quantity was the main problem
or was there something about the quality
of my thoughts that I actually needed to
pay attention to in order to stop the
quantity from going way over the limit
and then in 20121 I started doing my
master's degree in attachment Theory and
part of what you study when you study
attachment Theory particularly if you
are learning to code adult attachment
interviews which is the assessment tool
that we give to people to determine
their attachment Styles is something
called discourse analysis now the first
thing you need to understand about
discourse analysis at least in the way
that it's used to code adult attachment
interviews is that when we are coding
AIS what we're looking at is what are
their patterns of language giving away
about their patterns of thinking so the
way that people use language is often a
reflection of how they are thinking now
obviously the thought that comes up
right away here for most people is well
people can lie but interestingly there
are also certain structures of language
we would expect people to use when they
are lying so with that taken into
account we can look at the ways that
people are expressing themselves and
with a reasonable degree of accuracy
predict certain patterns of thinking
that that individual might have now
discourse analysis is a really complex
field so this doesn't map perfectly onto
the concept of overthinking but what
we're going to do today is use the field
of discourse analysis as a metaphor for
understanding what's going on for us
when we are overthinking and in some
cases this does actually track very
nicely onto our language patterns so in
the field of discourse analysis there's
something called Graces maxims Graces
maxims are kind of Unwritten rules
they're technically written down in that
somebody wrote out the maxims but most
people follow these maxims without being
aware of them that govern how people
cooperate with each other in
conversation for example if somebody
asks you hey are you going to the beach
later you're not going to start talking
about the movie that you saw last night
you're going to probably answer the
question about the beach first and then
change topic so just basic things like
that the four maxims are quantity
quality relevance and manner the maximum
of quantity states that we ought to
present the right amount of information
so don't say too much relative to what's
expected of you and don't say too little
the maxim of quality states that we
ought to be truthful in conversation so
don't say that which you know to be
false and also don't State as fact that
which you have insufficient evidence for
the maximum of relevance is of course
say what is relevant to the conversation
and don't say what is irrelevant without
creating some sort of bridge in the
conversation so don't start talking
about your gym routine if you're asked
for the bus schedule and the maxim of
manner implies that we ought to be clear
and direct about what we're saying so
don't use unnecessarily complicated
language that the other person isn't
going to be able to follow and also try
to keep the points you're making clear
direct and connected to each other and
when two people in a conversation
naturally follow these four maxims the
conversation tends to go fairly well but
quite often people do not follow all of
these maxims because because if our
thinking is muddled in one of these
areas it's going to be really hard to
communicate that which we cannot work
out internally so when we were studying
AIS something I found very interesting
was that when you have someone saying
way more than what is expected or is
appropriate in an adult attachment
interview so you ask them a short
question that most people answer in two
or three sentences and they go on for
two or three pages it's often indicative
that they're thinking around that top
topic is not particularly clear and so
often what they're doing is giving you
way too much information because they're
unable to parse out for themselves what
within that information is relevant and
important to communicate to the
interviewer now why this is so
interesting is because we can kind of
think of overthinking through the same
lens when our brain is giving us way too
much information often the problem is
not the quantity itself it's that we're
not clear on the other three maxims we
might not know which parts of this
information are relevant and which parts
we ought to be focusing our attention on
we might not know which information is
true and what is false and so we might
not know which information to trust and
weigh the most heavily or we might not
even be clear on what problem we're
trying to solve within our own thinking
so we might not know what information we
can naturally stop focusing on and when
we're doing something like looking at an
adult attachment interview where there's
way more text than we would expect there
can be many reasons why this is the case
but one of them might be that someone
has trauma and when you have a certain
type of trauma it can cause you to
retain too much information about the
traumatic event and your mind is unable
to sort through what is relevant and
what is irrelevant so if you once got
jumped on the street and the person who
attacked you was wearing a red shirt
your brain in its traumatized State
might log everything that was happening
around you as part of the threat so in
the future it might think not only is
that area of town a threat also red
shirts are a threat maybe you were
listening to a particular song right
before you got attacked in your
headphones so that song might signal a
threat response in your body in the
future all of these things that in a
nontraumatized state were able to filter
out as unimportant information might get
registered by your traumatized brain as
relevant when they're not so when we
find ourselves in a state of
overthinking what we can do is turn our
attention towards these other three
maxims to try to figure out how to
improve the quality and structure of our
thinking so that we get better results
quicker if you think about something
like a traumatic memory in which you
have retained too much information which
I just want to clarify is not always how
traumatic memory works but this is one
possible expression of it the learning
that needs to happen both somatically
and intellectually around that trauma is
which parts of the information that you
have retained are actual indications of
danger and which are not so you probably
do want to keep the information in your
awareness that that area of town is not
a good area to be walking in after dark
if that is true information that might
keep you out of danger in the future but
you probably also want to find a way to
integrate the fact that red shirts are
usually not indicators of danger or that
the song Shake It Off by Taylor Swift
does not necessarily mean that you are
about to get attacked every time you
hear it so working with traumatic
memories is in large part and there are
a variety of ways to achieve this but
it's in large part about helping your
nervous system recognize which cues are
real danger cues and which are not and
this is similar to what we want to start
doing with our own thinking when we find
ourselves thinking in Loops we want to
start narrowing down the information to
figure out what is true what is relevant
and what problem am I trying to solve
here this is going to help us narrow our
attention to focus on what is most
relevant or it's going to lead us to
broaden our perspective if we find out
that actually we're missing information
that is incredibly important to what
we're trying to figure out so what we
actually need to do is kind of drop this
problem and go gather more information
so we're going to do a journey through
the other three maxims and look at what
might be going wrong in the instances
where we are
overthinking so the first one I actually
want to encourage you to check in on is
the one that is listed last in G's
maxims and we're going to work kind of
backwards here which is manner manner
refers to whether we are conveying our
thoughts in a clear and direct way and
when we apply this to thinking it's
really hard to structure our thoughts
effectively if we don't know in clear
and unambiguous terms what problem it is
that we are trying to solve with our
thinking so when I find myself
overthinking something the first thing I
stop and ask myself is do I know very
specifically what the problem I'm
dealing with is and do I know what the
solution to the problem would look like
so a lot of the time when I ask myself
these questions I get very hazy
responses from myself so it'll be
something like well I feel bad and I
want to feel good or I feel like I can't
focus and I want to focus but often
those aren't very clear goals they're
very vague and indirect goals so what
helps is to get way clearer on both of
those things and to determine
operational definitions of what those
things mean for me in the context that
I'm currently in so if I feel bad but I
want to feel good what would feeling
better actually look like in what way do
I want to feel better physically
emotionally what am I actually aiming
for here so spending more time
clarifying that question might get me to
the result of well I feel anxious
because I'm in a conflict with my
partner and I want to know when we're
going to speak again maybe right now
we're taking space and it's been a while
and I'm just kind of getting anxious
about when we're going to reconnect now
that's a much more comp conrete thing
I'm working with then I feel bad I want
to feel good I'm anxious because I'm
dealing with an unresolved conflict I
want to have a time and date that I can
anchor in the future as to when we're
going to return to it so my nervous
system can kind of settle around that
now I have a problem with a potential
solution and I can Orient my thinking
around getting to that solution point or
getting to a similar solution point or
sometimes I sit down to start making
bullet points for a YouTube video
and find that I'm writing way too much
and I stop myself and go okay what
question am I trying to answer with this
video maybe I have this idea that I want
to talk about shame and then all of a
sudden I have 5,000 words on shame and
what I really need is like five bullet
points and it helps me to really narrow
that down what is the Beating Heart of
this video what do I really really want
people to get from it well I want them
to understand let's say how to recover
from a toxic shame emotional flashback
so if you are suddenly overcome with
these unbearable feelings of
worthlessness and you feel like you are
5 years old what are some concrete
things you can do to manage that state
now that's going to help me narrow down
what I need to say about Shane because I
have a very clear and direct purpose
that I'm trying to achieve with the
video so my brain can start to filter
out irrelevant information maybe I have
a to say on toxic shame that is true but
it's not relevant to toxic shame
emotional flashbacks specifically so my
brain knows to not focus on that and it
knows what to focus on which leads us
naturally into the next Maxim relevance
do you definitely know which information
is relevant to the solution that you're
trying to arrive at or are you actually
following a lot of false leads so some
really classic errors I see people
making over and over again myself
included in this department are either
trying to think your way out of a
feeling problem so trying to find a
logical solution for something that can
actually really only be solved through
being present with your emotional
experience and listening to the data and
the wisdom that your body is giving you
or trying to feel your way out of a
problem that logic could solve so if you
find that you're continuously ending up
in the same distressing situations over
and over and over again
is there a way that you could zoom out
and look at what mistakes you're making
that is causing that pain to repeat
itself rather than continuously focusing
on how to manage your feelings around it
so often for myself when I'm really
overthinking something I'm trying to
write let's say the underlying problem
is that I'm emotionally disregulated
about something that's happening
somewhere else in my life and my
disregulated body is just not able to
think as clearly as my regulated body is
because it's trying to pull my attention
back towards whatever it is that is
causing my disregulation until my time
is probably best used attending to that
situation and finding my way back into a
regulated State before my thinking about
these other things will be clear again
so sometimes we're omitting information
that is very relevant which is that I
can't solve this problem because I'm
emotionally disregulated and that is
taking up a lot of my attention
resources or or once again you could
have a situation where you're finding
yourself chronically emotionally
disregulated and in that case you might
be discarding a lot of relevant
information around how you could stop
that pain from occurring before it
begins so let's say we are living in
really close quarters with someone and
we're starting to get chronically
frustrated with each other and we could
spend endless amounts of time trying to
work out all of these tiny frustrations
that come from living in this very small
cramped space
but what if we could just move to a
bigger space and of course that isn't
always a possibility but this is just to
get us all thinking about the fact that
most of us tend to neglect certain areas
of our own thinking so some of us tend
to naturally repress what's going on for
us emotionally and assume that the
solution to every problem is
logical and I kind of hate using that
language because I think that attending
to your emotions actually is incredibly
logical way more logical than avoiding
them but to someone who's learned to
suppress their emotions for much of
their life there's often that bias that
attending to emotions is irrational or
illogical so you might have the bias in
that direction in which case you want to
ask yourself am I trying to think my way
out of a feeling problem or you might
have the opposite bias or the opposite
bias in certain situations which is that
you're comfortable attending to your
emotional needs and the emotional needs
of others but you're not always as
comfortable with zooming out and looking
at what logical Solutions might help
those recurring emotional problems to
not get started in the first place so we
want to be checking for am I focusing on
the relevant information that is
actually important to answering that
question that I made clear to myself
when I was evaluating the manner of my
thinking am I focusing on the right
information and or is there information
that I need in order to answer that
question that I currently don't have and
that I actually need to go out and find
and then of course we want to look at
quality so is the information that we're
focusing on true and do we know for sure
that it is true and here's the thing I
think that there are different levels of
this so sometimes the problem with
quality is that we're making assumptions
so we think that something's true but we
can't be sure and that's one type of
problem but another type of problem and
this is one that I think happens very
quently to people who are overthinkers
is that when you evaluate your thinking
for Quality you learn that you are
actually trying to solve a problem that
it's impossible to solve so what does
that look like it might look like
getting really obsessed with a text
message that you want to send to someone
you had a really great first date with
and your conscious thoughts about this
might be I need to get this text message
perfect but your subconscious thoughts
about it might be if I nail this text
message they are going to to love me
forever and if I mess it up they're not
going to like me and in reality there is
actually no way to know for sure what's
going to happen in the future and so you
might be ruminating over this text
message because you are trying to use it
in your brain to represent one of two
possible outcomes that are actually not
possible to know for sure there is no
way on this planet to predict whether
someone is going to love you forever in
the future or not so information you're
looking for is not within the realm of
Truth so there is no way to arrive at
the solution to the question that you
are subconsciously posing so what we
want to do here is start being conscious
of what questions we are subconsciously
posing through this overthinking process
and see if we can start developing
questions that can be answered so a
question that can't be answered is
what's going to happen in the future am
I going to be safe and happy and okay
but a question that can be answered
that's much more relevant to your
distress is how do I cope right now with
the feelings of anxiety that come up for
me when I think about how uncertain the
future is right now in this moment in
the present I have feelings that I am
distressed by and what it is possible
for me to figure out is how to deal with
that anxiety how do I deal with the
anxiety of not knowing whether my date
feels the same way about me as I do
about them because there's no real way
for me to get inside of someone's brain
and know for sure what they're thinking
and feeling but can I start working on
tools for dealing with the anxiety of
not
knowing that actually is within my
control and it actually is something
that it would be beneficial for me to
focus my thoughts on because it's a
question that ultimately I can work my
way towards a concrete solution to which
again might include expanding our
awareness and going out into the world
and finding new resources or reading
books or talking to people about anxiety
management right so when we arrive at
that clear question that is answerable
we can naturally start sourcing the
relevant resources that we need so one
thing we want to get clear on when we're
looking at the quality of our thoughts
is not just what is true but also what
can and cannot be known if you're
working with let's say a relationship
issue you cannot possibly know what the
other person is thinking and feeling
entirely whatever they tell you is only
ever going to be a portion of what's
going on for them but what you can know
for sure is how you're feeling you can
tune into when this person says this
whether or not it's true whether or not
they are lying to me I know how I feel
when I hear it if I feel distrust ful
that is real information that I can form
a relevant question about in my own mind
I feel distrustful of my partner what
might help me increase my trust in them
or is this feeling of distrust so
chronic that I think it might be time
for me to leave the relationship because
it's causing me so much distress we can
know for sure what we're feeling and
when we share with another person what
we're feeling how they respond and how
we feel about that is more concrete
information so what we want to make sure
of here is that we are focusing on what
we can know and using that as the
relevant information that helps us make
decisions when we stay fixated on what
it's impossible to ever know for sure we
will end up endlessly in an overthinking
Loop because there is no end to thinking
about that which has no concrete answer
so before we wrap up here I just want to
summarize once again really quickly what
you might want to check in on if you
find yourself overthinking and don't
know how to stop one are you clear on
exactly what question you are trying to
use your thinking to answer and is the
surface question the same as the deeper
subconscious question that you were
trying to answer getting clear on that
question is going to be really helpful
so this is very embarrassing but I'm
going to tell this story for the the
purpose of driving the point home I
remember when I was living in Colorado
there was this point where I had a
massive crush on this guy that I was
seeing and nothing had happened between
us yet but we had this big hiking day
planned and I remember saying I'll bring
the snacks and I went to the grocery
store and became obsessed with finding
the perfect trail mix and I got really
in my head about like is he more of a
salty snacks guy more of a sweet guy
more of a dried cranberries kind of
person and I actually remember calling
my best friend from the grocery store
and saying I am going insane please help
me and she went sure this isn't about
the trail nuts and I think that if you
just accepted that you're nervous
because you like this guy and you don't
know how he feels about you you might be
able to relax a little bit around the
peanuts and she was absolutely right I
didn't know the answer to what trail mix
he liked but the intensity to which I
was focusing on a relatively benign
question implied there's probably a
deeper subconscious one which is does
this person feel the same way about me
as I feel about them and even just
getting in touch with that question and
making it explicit to myself
automatically allowed that overthinking
to really slow down so are we clear on
the question that we're asking both the
surface level one as well as the deeper
one and what solution we're looking for
next question is the answer that we're
trying to arrive at answerable or are we
struggling with some great existential
question that has no answer or a small
existential question that has no answer
if we are fixated on a question that is
unanswerable can we instead turn our
Focus to how to cope with the anxiety
we're feeling around the fact that we
are struggling with an unanswerable
question that's going to be where our
resources are better used three are we
dealing with a question that is
answerable but that we don't have enough
information to arrive at an educated
answer to as it stands this is one of
those cases where going out into the
world and seeking more relevant
information that we can be sure is
reliable and true is going to help us
sometimes and no overthinker likes to
hear this that means taking some action
and then thinking about it again fourth
question and this is one that I actually
think is the problem a lot more of the
time than many of us like to admit do I
already know the answer to this question
I just don't want it to be true and so
am I going in circles over and over
again in my mind trying to make
something that is false seem true
because I don't like the actual truth
and when we ask ourselves that question
in Earnest often we arrive at the real
answer that's hard harder to accept and
digest but that does stop that pattern
of endless rumination I would say much
of the time when I'm overthinking
something it's because I don't want to
accept the truth that I no longer care
about this thing or I no longer value
something that I used to value or I no
longer want something that I once really
did want and I'll jump through so many
mental Hoops to try to make that not
true but it's soon as I accept that it
is true all of that overthinking stops
so in short is the question that we're
trying to answer clear to us is the
information that we're analyzing
relevant to the answer to that question
are we sure that the data we're looking
at to try to answer that question is
true and reliable and if not what
information might we be missing that we
could go out into the world and gather
for ourselves and is the answer to the
question that we are posing knowable or
are we driving ourselves crazy trying to
make the unknowable
knowable this is not a comprehensive
guide to how to stop overthinking but
these are some of the questions that
have helped me immensely when I find
myself stuck in thought Loops checking
my own thinking not just for quantity
which is the most obvious problem but
for Quality relevance and Clarity often
the problem actually lies in one of
those
domains all right that's all I have to
say for today on this topic as always
leave any questions comments thoughts
that are popping up for you in the
comment section below I love you guys I
hope you're taking care of yourselves
and each other and I will see you back
here again really soon
[Music]
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