Mike Birbiglia Admits Why He Didn't Want Kids | Netflix Is A Joke

Summary

In this humorous monologue, the speaker shares their experience returning home after a long trip, only to be confronted with the idea of having children by their partner, Jen. They express their strong aversion to the idea, comparing it to a disease, and humorously discuss the social pressures to procreate. The conversation with Jen reveals their unwavering stance on not wanting children, despite her playful suggestion of having one on her own while staying married.

Takeaways

• 🛬 The speaker arrives at JFK airport and heads to the apartment, feeling exhausted and comforted by the couch.
• 🍵 Jen provides the speaker with mint tea and hot-and-sour soup, showing care and support.
• 😂 The speaker humorously compares having children to a disease, suggesting it negatively affects people's lives.
• 🧟 The speaker jokes about friends who have children behaving like 'zombies', urging others to have kids as well.
• 🔫 The speaker uses a zombie metaphor to describe the pressure from friends to have children, implying it's something to avoid.
• 🤣 Shared laughter between the speaker and Jen indicates a lighthearted and humorous conversation about children.
• 🚫 Jen suggests that having a baby might be different for them, but the speaker is adamant about not wanting children.
• 🔄 The speaker recalls being clear about not wanting children when they got married, but Jen believes feelings might change.
• 🤷‍♀️ Jen proposes the idea of having a child independently while staying married, which the speaker rejects humorously.
• 🤔 The speaker questions Jen's logic about a baby not changing their lifestyle, implying it's a naive perspective.
• 🏋️ The speaker lists seven reasons for not wanting children, starting with a lack of desire to reproduce more of themselves.

Q & A

What is the first thing the speaker does after landing at JFK?

The speaker takes a cab to their apartment and collapses on their beloved couch.

What does Jen prepare for the speaker when they return home?

Jen gets the speaker some mint tea and hot-and-sour soup.

What is the speaker's opinion on people with kids?

The speaker humorously suggests that people with kids are miserable and compares having kids to a disease.

Why does the speaker feel that having kids is like a disease?

The speaker believes it's like a disease because those with kids seem to want others to have kids too, similar to how zombies in movies want others to become like them.

What is the speaker's view on the idea of having children?

The speaker is strongly against having children, stating they have never wanted to have a kid for seven specific reasons.

How does the speaker describe their stance on having children before getting married?

The speaker claims they were very clear with their partner, Jen, that they never wanted to have a child when they got married.

What is Jen's response when the speaker insists on not wanting to have a child?

Jen suggests that she might have a baby on her own and they can still stay married.

What humorous analogy does the speaker use to describe the idea of Jen having a child with someone else?

The speaker compares it to a zombie scenario, suggesting the child would be a mix of Jen and a grad student, implying an undesirable outcome.

What does the speaker argue about the impact of having a child on their lifestyle?

The speaker argues that having a child would change the way they live their lives, contrary to Jen's belief that it wouldn't.

What is the speaker's first reason for not wanting to have a child?

The speaker's first reason is that they have never felt there should be more of them in the world.

How does the speaker's body comparison relate to their view on having children?

The speaker compares their body to someone who is about to start a fitness program but doesn't follow through, suggesting they are not the 'fittest' and thus not the best candidate for procreation.