Top 10 MOST Powerful Negotiation Tips | Black Swan Method | Chris Voss
Summary
TLDRThe video discusses effective negotiation techniques centered around 'no-oriented' questions to avoid decision fatigue and improve outcomes. Key strategies include asking if now is a bad time to talk, questioning if an idea is ridiculous, and exploring if someone is against something. It emphasizes the importance of empathy, handling decision fatigue, and fostering collaboration by letting out 'no' gradually. Practical examples and success stories are shared, demonstrating the efficacy of these methods. The video concludes with tips for maintaining respect and long-term relationships in negotiations.
Takeaways
- 😴 'No' Oriented Questions: The speaker emphasizes the importance of using 'no' oriented questions to combat decision fatigue and gain an advantage in negotiations.
- 🕒 Decision Fatigue: It's a human nature issue where the ability to make decisions diminishes throughout the day, affecting decision-making in various situations, including parole hearings.
- 🚫 Saying 'No' at Any Time: Through practice, individuals can learn to say 'no' effectively at any time of the day, which is a skill that can be beneficial in negotiations.
- 🤔 'How' and 'What' Questions: The speaker advises against answering 'how' and 'what' questions after 1 PM due to decision fatigue, instead suggesting to set boundaries for deep thinking.
- 📞 'Now a Bad Time to Talk': This phrase is positioned as a respectful and effective way to initiate a conversation, as opposed to the common 'Do you have a few minutes to talk?'
- 💡 'Is It a Ridiculous Idea?': Instead of asking if an idea is good, questioning its ridiculousness can prompt more thoughtful consideration and open up dialogue.
- 🙅♀️ 'Are You Against XYZ?': This question format is suggested as a way to reframe discussions and can lead to more productive outcomes, as illustrated by a hospital services company example.
- 🛑 'Have You Given Up On X?': This question is recommended for restarting conversations when the other party has gone silent, as it can re-engage them effectively.
- 🔄 Letting Out 'No' Gradually: The concept of gradual refusal, as advised by Ned Coletti, promotes a collaborative approach and avoids blindsiding others with a sudden 'no'.
- 🤝 'How Am I Supposed to Do That?': This question is a tool for passive refusal and for invoking empathy from the other party, encouraging them to consider your situation.
- 📉 'Your Offer Is Very Generous': This phrase is a way to decline an offer without causing offense, by acknowledging its generosity while stating it doesn't meet one's needs.
- 🔄 'What Makes You Ask?': This question seeks to understand the motivation behind inquiries, which can provide deeper insights into the other party's intentions.
- 🤔 'It Seems Like You Have a Good Reason for Asking': This statement, used in place of 'What Makes You Ask?', prompts the other party to explain their reasoning while maintaining respect and rapport.
- 📝 Handling Non-Performance: When the other side fails to meet an agreement, asking if they have a reason for not performing can re-engage collaboration and respect.
Q & A
What is decision fatigue and how does it affect daily decision-making?
-Decision fatigue is the phenomenon where an individual's ability to make decisions deteriorates over time, especially after a series of choices have been made throughout the day. It is influenced by factors such as sleep, diet, and circadian rhythms, and can lead to a tendency to make 'no' decisions as a default, particularly in the afternoon.
Why might someone want to appear for parole in the morning rather than the afternoon?
-Parole boards are more likely to make 'no' decisions in the afternoon due to decision fatigue. By the end of the day, the decision-makers are more likely to be mentally exhausted and less capable of making thoughtful decisions, increasing the chances of a negative outcome for the parole applicant.
How can practicing 'no-oriented' questions help in negotiations?
-Practicing 'no-oriented' questions can help individuals to develop the ability to say 'no' at any time of the day, which is a useful skill in negotiations. It allows for the establishment of boundaries and the avoidance of agreeing to unfavorable terms due to mental exhaustion or pressure.
What is the significance of the phrase 'How am I supposed to do that?' in the context of negotiation?
-The phrase 'How am I supposed to do that?' is a powerful implementation question that can be used to express a passive or passive-aggressive 'no'. It forces the other party to consider the implementation challenges and empathize with the situation, potentially leading to a more collaborative negotiation.
Why is it important to let out 'no' a little at a time during negotiations?
-Letting out 'no' a little at a time prevents the other party from feeling blindsided and encourages a more collaborative and respectful negotiation process. It allows for the gradual introduction of objections or reservations, which can lead to better understanding and resolution of issues.
What does the phrase 'Your offer is very generous, I'm afraid that just doesn't work for me' achieve in a negotiation?
-This phrase acknowledges the generosity of the offer while firmly stating that it is not acceptable. It encourages the other party to be more generous without feeling cornered or attacked, and it removes the need for agreement on external criteria that may not be favorable.
How can the question 'What makes you ask?' help uncover the real motivation behind a question?
-Asking 'What makes you ask?' helps to reveal the underlying reasons or motivations behind a question. It can provide deeper insights into the concerns or interests of the other party, leading to a more informed and targeted response.
What is the purpose of the counter-intuitive response 'It seems like you have a reason for not doing X' when the other party is failing to perform?
-This response is designed to re-engage a collaborative approach by acknowledging that the other party may have a valid reason for not fulfilling their obligations. It encourages open communication and respects their autonomy, which can be key to resolving performance issues.
How can the phrase 'It seems like you have a place you want to start' be used to build rapport and gather information?
-This phrase acknowledges the other party's agenda and shows willingness to engage with it. It builds rapport by showing respect for their perspective and can help gather information about their priorities and concerns, which is valuable for tailoring the negotiation strategy.
What is the 'Black Swan Method' and how can it help improve negotiation skills?
-The 'Black Swan Method' is a set of negotiation techniques and strategies designed to enhance an individual's ability to navigate complex negotiations. It includes the use of 'no-oriented' questions, empathetic responses, and other tactics to achieve favorable outcomes while maintaining respect and collaboration.
How can subscribing to the Black Swan Group's negotiation newsletter benefit someone interested in improving their negotiation skills?
-Subscribing to the Black Swan Group's negotiation newsletter provides access to a wealth of free information, tips, and strategies that can help individuals improve their negotiation skills. It offers insights into the 'Black Swan Method' and other advanced negotiation techniques.
Outlines
🚫 Understanding No-Oriented Questions and Decision Fatigue
The speaker introduces the concept of no-oriented questions and how they can be advantageous despite the common issue of decision fatigue. Decision fatigue refers to the limited number of decisions a person can make in a day, influenced by factors like sleep, diet, and circadian rhythms. The speaker advises against making important decisions in the afternoon when decision-making capacity is lower. They share insights from the Black Swan group, suggesting that practice allows people to say 'no' effectively at any time of the day. The speaker also discusses the importance of avoiding yes-questions like 'Do you have a few minutes to talk?' and instead using no-oriented questions to gain an advantage in negotiations.
🤔 Practicing No-Oriented Questions for Negotiation
This paragraph delves into the practical application of no-oriented questions in various scenarios, emphasizing the need for practice to internalize these techniques. The speaker recounts an anecdote about an intern and how decision fatigue affected their interactions. They stress the importance of not asking questions after 1 PM due to the impact of decision fatigue on the ability to think deeply. The speaker also provides examples of no-oriented questions and their impact, such as switching from a yes question to a no question to secure agreement on a program that had been previously rejected.
📅 Timing and Techniques for Effective Communication
The speaker discusses the importance of timing in communication, particularly when using no-oriented questions. They suggest that if someone has gone silent, using these questions can re-engage the conversation effectively. The speaker also emphasizes the need to understand the system's design in communication and how it contributes to the outcomes obtained. They introduce the concept of TR (That's Right) and explain how summarizing the other party's perspective and going silent can lead to a better understanding and agreement. The speaker also shares a story about Ned Coletti, a former GM of the Los Angeles Dodgers, and his approach to negotiation.
📝 Strategies for Responding to Questions and Offers
This section provides strategies for responding to questions and offers in a way that builds rapport and preserves time. The speaker suggests counter-intuitive responses such as 'What makes you ask?' to understand the motivation behind a question. They also discuss the importance of not backing people into a corner and the value of removing external criteria from negotiations. The speaker provides examples of phrases to use when declining an offer gracefully and how to handle situations where someone asks about your well-being, emphasizing the importance of respect and empathy in negotiations.
🔄 Dealing with Non-Performance and Building Long-Term Relationships
The final paragraph focuses on how to handle situations where the other party is not meeting their obligations. The speaker introduces the 'it seems like you have a reason for not...' approach to re-engage collaboratively and respectfully. They stress the importance of making the other party feel safe and respected, which are key to long-term relationships. The speaker concludes by encouraging the sharing of the black swan negotiation techniques and emphasizes the value of teamwork in achieving success.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Decision Fatigue
💡No-Oriented Questions
💡Parole
💡Circadian Rhythm
💡Black Swan Group
💡TR (That's Right)
💡Negotiation
💡Empathy
💡Counter-Intuitive Response
💡Calibrated Question
💡Performance
Highlights
Introduction to 'No' oriented questions to overcome decision fatigue.
Explanation of decision fatigue and its impact on daily decision-making capacity.
Strategic timing for parole hearings to leverage decision fatigue.
The concept of practicing 'No' responses to maintain mental energy.
Using 'No' to avoid deep thinking when decision fatigue sets in.
Advocating the use of 'No' oriented questions for effective communication.
The importance of respecting the other party's time and decision-making capacity.
Transforming a common question 'Have you got a few minutes to talk?' into a 'No' oriented approach.
Substituting 'Is it a good idea?' with 'Is it a ridiculous idea?' to provoke thought.
Using 'Are you against XYZ?' instead of 'Are you in favor of XYZ?' to frame questions differently.
A real-life example of switching from a 'yes' to a 'no' question to achieve agreement.
The strategy of asking 'Have you given up on X?' to re-engage silent or ghosting counterparts.
The importance of not using negotiation techniques manipulatively but collaboratively.
Ned Coletti's advice on letting out 'No' a little at a time in negotiations.
Using 'How am I supposed to do that?' to implement forced empathy in negotiations.
The counter-intuitive response to 'How are you?' in a professional setting.
Responding to questions with 'What makes you ask?' to uncover underlying motivations.
Using 'It seems like you have a good reason for asking that' as an alternative to direct questioning.
Addressing failure to perform with 'It seems like you have a reason for not doing X' to maintain respect.
Encouraging the sharing of the Black Swan Method to improve negotiation skills across networks.
Transcripts
now let's dive in
number one
is now a bad time to talk
now we're going to give you several no
oriented questions in a row because
they're awesome and they help get you an
advantage right away
but one of the things i'm going to
underscore on these no oriented
questions
is the issue of decision fatigue now
look everybody's got the same problem we
all suffer from decision fatigue you
suffer
from decision fatigue what does that
mean what that means is there are only
so many decisions you can make in a
given day there are only so many
decisions any human being
can make in a given day that's one of
the reasons why if you're in prison and
you come up for parole
you want to come up for parole in the
morning instead of the afternoon
because in the afternoon they're going
to give you no decision they're not
going to be able to make a decision
you're more likely to stay in jail
this is not parole and parole board
issues this is human nature issues there
are only so many decisions only so much
gas anybody has in a tank to make
decisions on a given day
and that's going to be a result of you
know how much sleep they get the night
before
what uh what their diet is what they ate
that day whether or not they ate carbs
where they are in their circadian rhythm
everybody hits a circadian low
roughly about 3 am and about 3 pm
just part of being a human being
decision fatigue issues
however
we found in a black swan group
through practice and application and
people are capable of saying no at
pretty much any time of the day
i had an intern a number of years ago
only wanted to ask me how and what
questions because he was horrified about
making a mistake
middle of the afternoon he'd be asking
me how and what questions and i just
didn't have the gas in the tank to
answer them to be able to
engage in that deep thinking as danny
kahneman would say
so consequently i'd say like i don't
know don't bother me leave me alone
instead of giving them an answer
finally i said look don't ever ask me a
question after one o'clock in the
afternoon
the answer isn't no because i could say
no and i can think through the next
several steps and give them guidance
we've used this on a regular basis
you got to get into practice
using no oriented questions and number
one is the flip side of the most common
thing you're saying on a regular basis
which is wrong actually it's not that
it's wrong it's just not great
is have you got a few minutes to talk
now i know you mean that respectfully
and we're not throwing respect out the
window here the blackstone method is
actually extremely respectful
it's now a bad time to talk
test drive it use it on a regular basis
build you know oriented questions mental
synapses
and experiment with the sort of
answers that you get you're gonna like
them
and as a side note i would say to you
anybody that would say yes to that
do you really want to talk to them
then at that moment when they've
actually said yes to that
no you know
right number two is it a ridiculous idea
use this in place of is it a good idea
for all the same reasons that i just
gave you you got to get your practice in
number three
are you against
xyz whatever it may be instead of are
you in favor of
again
you've got to use this
to get into practice
we had a woman at a
in a
uh hospital services company once
who was a little skeptical
of our no oriented questions approach
walked out of the room during the
training
and reached out to the head nurse in a
hospital
about a program that she'd been trying
to get the head nurse to accept that the
head nurse had been rejecting
instead of saying
do you want to agree or would you like
to do this she said
are you against
and then ask the question
the head nurse immediately said no they
came to an agreement
and they implemented the program she
came walking back in the room and said
you guys are not going to believe
what just happened
i've been trying to get agreement on
this for weeks
and i switched from a yes question to a
no question and cut the deal
got gotta get your reps in number four
have you given up on
x whatever that x may be
this is context driven
what's the context it has to be
something they've already started on
otherwise
you're using a black swan skill as a
manipulative trap which is not what we
advise
they have to have already started on
this now when do you use this
you use this when they are ghosting you
they've gone silent on you this will
restart your conversation 999 times out
of a thousand
don't let the fact that it stops one or
a thousand times stop you scare you
nothing works all the time this works
more than anything else does and what
makes it work well you gotta keep this
in mind
your system is perfectly designed
to give you the outcome you've obtained
if they've gone silent on you
you've been doing something to
contribute to them going silent on you
you've probably been explaining
you've probably been pitching you've
probably been educating
going to stop all these things
restart the conversation with this one
shot restart
and then your very next move is you got
to get a tr out of them what's a tr
that's right how do you get a tr how do
you get that's right
you got to summarize their perspective
particularly
their
reservations the reasons for not doing
it what they're up against
the difficulty of what they might be
facing
and then go dead silent you do not go
but here's why those aren't good reasons
you got to go dead silent and get it
that's right out of them
if you can't get it that's right out of
them at that point
you've got to say it sounds like i've
left something out that's a bonus
response for you to use here which is
not on our top 10 list but helps you get
farther in your conversations number
five
and we're going to get into the category
here with
letting out know a little at a time a
person that i consider a good friend and
i'm really impressed with ned coletti
former gm at the los angeles dodgers we
were sitting around talking about
negotiation one time ned is a phenomenal
negotiator
and he told me the phrase
i like to let out know a little at a
time this is a great attitude you do not
want to let people get
blindsided by you suddenly saying no
you've got to let it out a little at a
time
and the first way is letting out know a
little at a time in a highly
collaborative way is
how am i supposed to do that now many of
you know this is one of the most famous
lines
with the black swan method and it's
pretty much the opening story in the
book never split the difference how am i
supposed to do that
and we originally conceived of this
as a way to passively
say no even passively aggressively
against the throat cutting negotiators
that are really trying to kick your
backside
and what it is in many other ways is
it's an implementation question how
questions are about implementation
it's designed to let the other side
realize that there's some implementation
issues here this also falls in the
category of what brandon voss is labeled
forced empathy
it forces the other side to take a good
empathic look at your situation
we use empathy because it works
and we use empathy
because we want to get it in return
you're going to use empathy because it
works and you're going to use empathy
because you want it in return
and how am i supposed to do that is a
great starting point for that now what
happens if they turn around and say well
that's your problem will they put it
right back on you
which will happen occasionally
once i had a woman say i used how am i
supposed to do that and it didn't work
because they shot back right at me
and told me how i was supposed to do
that well number one the fact is it's
not that it didn't work the fact is is
that it's giving you a better clearer
picture of the situation
they throw it right back on you they're
telling you they're not interested in
showing you any empathy
that's an interesting clue that maybe
you don't want to do business with them
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you should take three
and in the model of letting out know a
little at a time
here's the next
no that you let out which is number six
on our list and it is
your offer is very generous
i'm afraid that just doesn't work for me
now here's the beauty aspects of this
you mentioned generous
you want to encourage generosity on
their part
that's a good thing for you to throw
into this statement
second part it just doesn't work for me
that removes the problem of external
criteria
now my academic brothers and sisters
like to talk about well let's agree on
an external criteria
why should you agree to the external
criteria
maybe the external criteria
is
okay and appropriate in a neutral
situation or in situations other than
yours well why should external criteria
apply to you
in many cases it doesn't you want to
remove
an agreement on external criteria from
the conversation
because they're only going to agree to
external criteria that works against you
and you don't want to put yourself in
that corner this is a great way to come
back with a much stronger no
one of the students in our class at
georgetown said
they use that phrase your offer is very
generous
but i'm sorry it just doesn't work for
us
and he said the people on the other side
of the table looked at each other
and then looked back at him and said
you're right it is high
now that's an interesting response
because you want to have an impact on
what you say
what you say and what they hear you want
them to get
across in their brain
this stuff doesn't work there's a pretty
good chance it's too high you don't want
them to feel backed into a corner when
you're letting out knowledge a little at
a time and this is a great way to do
that don't back people into a corner
they will disagree even when it's not in
their interest to disagree
taking away their autonomy is a bad idea
and that's what happens when you back
people into a corner now number seven
this is another counter-intuitive
response and you use it for when
somebody calls you and says how are you
today
instead of saying fine you know
how are you or
my back hurts or it's a wonderful day
when they're calling you and saying how
are you today
what are they really trying to find out
well they're really trying to find out
are you in a mental place to talk about
what i want to talk about
so here's how you
short circuit this conversation in a way
that builds rapport that they appreciate
gathers information and
preserves your most precious commodity
and theirs
which is time
it sounds like you've got a place you
want to start they are going to love
this
of course they have a place they want to
start they've thought about it before
they called you
now every now and then
somebody's going to say to you
yeah i do have a place i want to start
but i really want to know how are you
today
cool then engage in the conversation
and then you can get back to the place
they wanted to start
everybody wins
number eight
another counter-intuitive response
and this is how you should respond to
questions when you're asked a question
so the first way to respond to questions
and number eight on our list is
what makes you ask
just like that
now
when somebody asks you a question what's
more important is the question behind
the question
what makes you
ask for two reasons number one most
people are not good at asking questions
that question may be a result of a
committee decision
you know uh how good a committee is well
let me give you an example
a giraffe is a horse designed by a
committee
so committee decision questions are
going to be off on number two
what's really driving at what make them
ask is far more important than what they
actually asked
so
you got to find out and this is not
disrespectful
they're going to be happy to tell you
and if they're not well
that tells you a lot about them too and
how can you respond if they say just
answer the question
your response is i want to make sure
that i
answer what you're really asking me i'm
just trying to dial in to what you're
really after
more respect
if they don't like respect from you
that tells you a lot about them and
whether or not you should continue to be
in business with them now what happens
if
some of the afternoon their decision
fatigue they're having trouble coming up
with an answer it's too in-depth
the alternate to great calibrated
questions and what makes you ask is a
calibrated question
you want to ask an alternative label an
asking label if you will and so number
nine
on our list is the alternative to what
makes you ask
and that is
it seems like you have a good reason for
asking that
or
it seems like you have a good reason for
asking that i give you both inflections
there
make sure you shut the front door right
after you use that label what does that
mean
go
silent count thousands to yourself if
you have to
let them break the silence
you won't get past three
be prepared to count to ten
and wait
respectfully
this is a respectful dynamic
and respect is one of your best choices
finally number 10
on the top 10 list of black swan
negotiation bullets
you're going to use this when the other
side is failing to perform
when they're not living up to an
agreement
what do you say it seems like you have a
reason for not doing
and then whatever it is that they didn't
do x y
perform finish the contract finish the
work call me back
they're gonna have a reason
they're probably afraid to tell you
this is the best way
to re-engage a collaborative
approach to whatever the problem is
so that they feel safe and respected
always the keys to a long-term
relationship
so these were the 10 most powerful
negotiation bullets of the black swan
method
share this video across your network
share with the people that are on your
side
remember if you want to go fast go alone
if you want to go far go as a team
and let the black swan group continue
to help you up level your negotiation
skills
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