Keep your goals to yourself | Derek Sivers

Summary

The script challenges the common belief that sharing personal goals with others boosts motivation. It explains that announcing goals can lead to a 'social reality' illusion, where the mind feels prematurely satisfied, reducing the drive to complete the necessary work. Studies from various years support this, showing that those who keep their goals to themselves tend to work harder and longer towards achieving them. The speaker suggests resisting the urge to share goals and, if necessary, to discuss them in a way that avoids the premature sense of accomplishment.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Think about your biggest personal goal and feel the motivation it brings.
• 🗣️ Saying your goal out loud can actually make you less likely to achieve it.
• 🧠 Psychological studies have shown that telling others your goal creates a 'social reality' in your mind, tricking you into feeling like you've already achieved it.
• 💪 Ideally, you should only feel satisfied once you've done the actual work towards your goal.
• 📚 Historical psychological research supports this phenomenon, starting from Kurt Lewin in 1926 to Peter Gollwitzer's studies in 1982 and 2009.
• 📈 A study with 163 participants demonstrated that those who announced their goals worked less time towards achieving them compared to those who kept their goals private.
• 🏃‍♂️ The average time spent working on goals was significantly less for those who announced them, indicating a decrease in motivation.
• 🤐 Keeping your goals to yourself can help maintain your drive and focus on the actual tasks needed to achieve them.
• 🔒 If you must discuss your goals, frame them in a way that doesn't provide immediate satisfaction, such as outlining the hard work still needed.
• 🤔 The script encourages reflection on the common advice of sharing goals with friends for accountability, suggesting that this might not always be beneficial.
• 👏 The audience is left with a thought-provoking question about how they will handle sharing their goals in the future.

Q & A

What is the main point of the script?

The main point of the script is that announcing your personal goals to others can actually make you less likely to achieve them due to a psychological phenomenon called 'social reality'.

Why does stating your goals out loud make you less likely to achieve them?

Stating your goals out loud can lead to a sense of satisfaction and a feeling that the goal has already been achieved in the mind, which psychologists call 'social reality.' This can reduce your motivation to do the actual hard work required to achieve the goal.

What is the term used to describe the psychological effect of announcing goals?

The term used to describe this psychological effect is 'social reality.'

What did Kurt Lewin, the founder of social psychology, call this phenomenon?

Kurt Lewin called this phenomenon 'substitution,' indicating that the act of announcing a goal can substitute for the actual work needed to achieve it.

What did Wera Mahler's 1933 findings suggest about acknowledging goals?

Wera Mahler found that when a goal is acknowledged by others, it feels real in the mind, which can lead to a premature sense of achievement.

Who wrote a book about this phenomenon and conducted new tests in 2009?

Peter Gollwitzer wrote a book about this phenomenon and conducted new tests in 2009.

What was the experimental setup in the 2009 tests conducted by Peter Gollwitzer?

In the 2009 tests, 163 people were divided into four separate groups. Each person wrote down their personal goal, and then half of them announced their commitment to the goal to the room, while the other half did not. They were then given 45 minutes of work that would directly lead them towards their goal, with the option to stop at any time.

What were the results of the 2009 tests regarding the time spent working towards the goal?

Those who kept their goals to themselves worked the entire 45 minutes on average, while those who announced their goals quit after only 33 minutes on average.

How did the participants who announced their goals feel after the experiment?

Participants who announced their goals felt much closer to achieving their goal after the experiment, despite spending less time working on it.

What is the advice given in the script for those who feel the need to talk about their goals?

The advice given is to resist the temptation to announce your goal or to state it in a way that gives no satisfaction, such as focusing on the actions needed to achieve the goal rather than the goal itself.

What is the final message to the audience regarding their goals?

The final message is to be cautious about announcing their goals to others and to understand that the act of talking about goals can sometimes hinder the actual achievement of those goals.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 The Paradox of Sharing Goals

This paragraph discusses the psychological impact of sharing personal goals with others. It suggests that verbalizing one's ambitions can lead to a false sense of accomplishment, reducing the motivation to actually achieve them. The speaker invites the audience to envision their biggest personal goal and the positive feeling that comes with sharing it, only to reveal that this can be counterproductive. The concept of 'social reality' is introduced, where the mind is tricked into feeling that the goal has been achieved just by telling others, which can lead to less effort being put into the actual work required.

Keywords

💡Personal goal

A personal goal refers to an individual's specific objective or aspiration they wish to achieve. In the context of the video, the speaker encourages the audience to think about their biggest personal goal and imagine the feeling of announcing it to others. This concept is central to the video's theme, which explores the psychological effects of sharing one's goals.

💡Social reality

Social reality is a psychological phenomenon where the mind perceives something as real due to social acknowledgment. The video explains that when people announce their goals and receive acknowledgment, their minds are tricked into feeling that the goal has been achieved, leading to reduced motivation to actually accomplish the task. This term is crucial in understanding why merely talking about goals can be counterproductive.

💡Motivation

Motivation in this context refers to the drive or willingness to put in the effort required to achieve a goal. The video suggests that announcing a goal prematurely can decrease motivation because of the premature feeling of satisfaction from social acknowledgment, thus hindering the actual work needed to achieve the goal.

💡Psychological tests

Psychological tests mentioned in the video are scientific experiments designed to study human behavior and mental processes. The speaker cites several historical studies, such as those by Kurt Lewin and Wera Mahler, to support the claim that announcing goals can negatively affect the likelihood of achieving them.

💡Substitution

Substitution, as used by Kurt Lewin in 1926, refers to the act of replacing actual work with the satisfaction gained from merely talking about a goal. This concept is pivotal in the video's argument, illustrating how the act of sharing a goal can lead to a false sense of accomplishment, thereby reducing the need to actually undertake the necessary work.

💡Acknowledgment

Acknowledgment in the video is the act of recognizing or confirming someone's statement or intention. The speaker warns that when people announce their goals and receive acknowledgment, it creates a 'social reality' that can trick the mind into feeling that the goal has been achieved, thus diminishing the drive to complete the actual work.

💡Hard work

Hard work in this context refers to the effort and dedication required to achieve a goal. The video emphasizes that the satisfaction derived from merely announcing a goal can lead to a reduction in the willingness to engage in the hard work necessary to actually achieve it.

💡Resistance

Resistance, as mentioned in the video, is the act of holding back or not giving in to a temptation. The speaker advises the audience to resist the temptation to announce their goals prematurely, suggesting that doing so can help maintain the motivation needed to complete the required work.

💡Gratification

Gratification in the video refers to the pleasure or satisfaction derived from an action. The speaker warns that the social acknowledgment of a goal can provide immediate gratification, which can be detrimental to the actual achievement of the goal by reducing the motivation to engage in the necessary work.

💡Marathon

Marathon in this context is used as an example of a personal goal that requires significant effort and dedication. The speaker uses the marathon as an illustration of a goal that one might want to achieve and suggests a way to talk about it without gaining premature satisfaction, thus maintaining the motivation to train.

💡Silence

Silence in the video is used to emphasize the audience's understanding of the advice given. When the speaker asks what they should say next time they are tempted to announce a goal, the silence from the audience indicates their comprehension and agreement with the idea of not prematurely sharing their goals.

Highlights

The importance of personal goal visualization and its emotional impact.

The paradoxical effect of sharing goals can decrease the likelihood of achieving them.

The psychological phenomenon where social acknowledgment creates a 'social reality'.

The role of satisfaction derived from sharing goals and its demotivating effect.

Historical psychological studies supporting the 'substitution' theory by Kurt Lewin in 1926.

Wera Mahler's 1933 findings on the mind's perception of goals when acknowledged by others.

Peter Gollwitzer's extensive work on the subject, including a book published in 1982.

Results from Gollwitzer's 2009 tests involving 163 participants and their behavior towards goal achievement.

The contrast in work ethic between those who announced their goals and those who did not.

The average time spent working towards goals by participants who kept their goals private.

The average time spent working by participants who announced their goals and felt closer to achieving them.

The recommendation to resist announcing goals to avoid premature satisfaction.

Strategies for discussing goals without gaining satisfaction, such as setting specific action plans.

The audience's challenge to consider how they will respond when tempted to share their goals.

The humorous and effective conclusion that silence is the best response when tempted to share goals.

The applause indicating the audience's agreement and understanding of the presented concept.

Transcripts

Everyone, please think of your biggest personal goal.

For real -- you can take a second. You've got to feel this to learn it.

Take a few seconds and think of your personal biggest goal, okay?

Imagine deciding right now that you're going to do it.

Imagine telling someone that you meet today what you're going to do.

Imagine their congratulations,

and their high image of you.

Doesn't it feel good to say it out loud?

Don't you feel one step closer already,

like it's already becoming part of your identity?

Well, bad news: you should have kept your mouth shut,

because that good feeling

now will make you less likely to do it.

The repeated psychology tests have proven

that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen.

Any time you have a goal,

there are some steps that need to be done,

some work that needs to be done in order to achieve it.

Ideally you would not be satisfied until you'd actually done the work.

But when you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it,

psychologists have found that it's called a "social reality."

The mind is kind of tricked into feeling that it's already done.

And then because you've felt that satisfaction,

you're less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.

(Laughter)

So this goes against conventional wisdom

that we should tell our friends our goals, right?

So they hold us to it.

So, let's look at the proof.

1926: Kurt Lewin, founder of social psychology,

called this "substitution."

1933: Wera Mahler found when it was acknowledged by others,

it felt real in the mind.

1982, Peter Gollwitzer wrote a whole book about this,

and in 2009,

he did some new tests that were published.

It goes like this:

163 people across four separate tests.

Everyone wrote down their personal goal.

Then half of them announced their commitment to this goal to the room,

and half didn't.

Then everyone was given 45 minutes of work

that would directly lead them towards their goal,

but they were told that they could stop at any time.

Now, those who kept their mouths shut

worked the entire 45 minutes on average,

and when asked afterward,

said that they felt that they had a long way to go still

to achieve their goal.

But those who had announced it

quit after only 33 minutes, on average,

and when asked afterward,

said that they felt much closer to achieving their goal.

So if this is true, what can we do?

Well, you could resist the temptation to announce your goal.

You can delay the gratification that the social acknowledgment brings,

and you can understand that your mind mistakes the talking for the doing.

But if you do need to talk about something,

you can state it in a way that gives you no satisfaction,

such as, "I really want to run this marathon,

so I need to train five times a week

and kick my ass if I don't, okay?"

So audience, next time you're tempted to tell someone your goal,

what will you say?

(Silence)

Exactly! Well done.

(Laughter)

(Applause)