I wasted my 30s...

Summary

The speaker, a 35-year-old man, reflects on the stagnancy of his life despite significant changes like moving countries and relationships. He feels trapped in his childhood bedroom, unable to escape his past. Despite various attempts at finding a career and purpose, he repeatedly faces failure and disappointment. His ventures into different countries and relationships have not provided the anticipated solutions, and he struggles with the fear of wasting his life. The speaker is grappling with the realization that change is not always permanent and is searching for a meaningful direction in life.

Takeaways

• 🔄 The speaker feels that despite life's changes, they always end up back in their childhood bedroom, suggesting a lack of permanent progress.
• 💔 At 35, the speaker compares their current situation to when they were 15, noting no significant improvements in their life, which is a source of sadness.
• 👫 The speaker observes others around them making progress in life, such as getting married, advancing in careers, and acquiring possessions, which contrasts with their own stagnation.
• 🌍 The speaker has experienced drastic life changes like moving to different countries and serious relationships, but these have been temporary and not leading to lasting change.
• 🎮 Despite various attempts at change, the speaker finds themselves back to their old habits, such as playing video games in their childhood room, with no substantial achievements.
• 💰 The speaker feels they have made no financial progress and lacks the motivation or direction to improve their situation.
• 🚶‍♂️ The speaker has spent their 20s traveling and seeking relationships without finding a meaningful or lasting connection.
• 📚 The speaker has considered further education or a new career but lacks the interest or determination to follow through.
• 🎨 The speaker has had aspirations to be a professional artist but faced rejection and criticism that led to giving up on that career path.
• 💼 The speaker has tried various dream jobs and careers, including being a YouTuber and a stock trader, but has not found success or satisfaction in any.
• 🏠 The speaker has considered moving to a new country as a solution to their problems, but realizes that relocation does not inherently solve personal issues.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speaker's life experience as described in the transcript?

The main theme is the struggle with change and the feeling of being stuck in life, despite experiencing significant events and changes.

How does the speaker describe the impact of moving to a different country on their life?

The speaker views moving to a different country as a temporary fix that doesn't permanently solve their problems, and they eventually feel homesick and face the same issues they had in their home country.

What is the speaker's perspective on the saying 'the only constant thing in life is change'?

The speaker disagrees with the saying, arguing that in their life, the only constant is the feeling of returning to their childhood bedroom and not being able to escape their past.

What does the speaker feel when comparing their current life to when they were 15 years old?

The speaker feels a sense of stagnation and disappointment, as they perceive no significant improvements or progress in their life from when they were 15 to their current age of 35.

Why does the speaker feel that their attempts to find a partner in Japan were unsuccessful?

The speaker's attempts were unsuccessful because the relationships they formed were short-term and didn't lead to anything meaningful or long-lasting.

What career aspirations has the speaker pursued and how did they fare?

The speaker has pursued various careers such as a Japanese translator, anime/manga artist, YouTuber, and stock trader, but they found each to be challenging and ultimately felt they failed at all of them.

How does the speaker view their artistic abilities and attempts to become a professional artist?

The speaker believes they have some artistic talent, but their attempts to become a professional artist were met with criticism and rejection, which led to them giving up on that career path.

What is the speaker's attitude towards the idea of moving to a new country to solve their problems?

The speaker has realized that moving to a new country is not a solution to their problems, as the same issues tend to follow them and they end up dealing with additional challenges related to living abroad.

What challenges does the speaker face when trying to establish a life in a foreign country?

The speaker faces challenges such as finding affordable housing, dealing with a foreign language, and managing visa issues, which add to their stress and sense of being stuck.

How does the speaker's experience with relationships reflect their overall life struggles?

The speaker's relationships, like other aspects of their life, tend to be short-lived and unfulfilling, mirroring their struggle to find stability and progress in life.

What is the speaker's current outlook on life and their future prospects?

The speaker feels jaded and bitter, with a sense of hopelessness about their future, as they have not yet found something they enjoy doing and are good at that can provide a decent livelihood.

Outlines

00:00

🔄 Struggling with Life's Perceived Stagnation

The speaker, a 35-year-old man, reflects on the adage that change is the only constant in life, but feels that his life has not seen any lasting changes. Despite significant life events like moving to another country, getting married, and forming serious relationships, he finds himself back in his childhood bedroom, feeling as if he's been pulled back by an 'elastic band.' He compares his current situation with his life 20 years ago, noting no substantial progress in terms of financial stability, relationships, or personal growth. He expresses sadness and frustration at seeing others advance in life while he feels stuck. The speaker also regrets spending his 20s traveling to Japan in search of relationships without any meaningful outcomes, and he laments his inability to maintain interest or determination in pursuing education or career paths, including dreams of being a Japanese translator, anime/manga artist, YouTuber, and stock trader, all of which he has attempted and failed at.

05:02

🎨 Artistic Aspirations and the Reality of Failure

The speaker recounts his experience attempting to become a professional artist, creating drawings for a book based on a contract. Despite his best efforts and the initial praise of others, the business partner found his work unsatisfactory, criticizing the proportions and overall quality. This rejection deeply affected the speaker, leading him to abandon the idea of paid illustrations. He expresses a preference for drawing for personal enjoyment rather than under the constraints of client expectations. The speaker reflects on his 15-year journey of trying various endeavors, each ending in failure and disappointment, which has led to a sense of resignation and a reluctance to pursue new challenges. He also discusses the futility of moving to a new country as a means to escape personal issues, as the same problems tend to resurface. The speaker is clinging to optimism, hoping to find a career that combines enjoyment and financial stability, but acknowledges the dwindling time and energy as he grows older.

10:04

😔 The Descent into Jaded Resignation

In the final paragraph, the speaker conveys a deepening sense of bitterness and negativity about life. Despite past failures and the ongoing struggle to find a fulfilling career or activity, he is trying to maintain a positive outlook. The speaker is aware of the toll that his feelings of failure and disappointment are taking on his mental state and is making a conscious effort not to let these emotions completely consume him. The summary ends on a note of the speaker's ongoing battle with his own mindset as he navigates through life's challenges.

Keywords

💡Change

Change refers to the process of becoming different. In the context of the video, change is initially presented as a constant in life, but the speaker reflects on their life experiences and concludes that nothing changes permanently for them. The script mentions 'drastic life changes' like moving to a different country or getting married, but these changes are temporary, as the speaker ends up back in their childhood bedroom, illustrating a recurring pattern of returning to the status quo.

💡Elastic Band

An elastic band is a metaphor used in the script to describe the speaker's life trajectory. It symbolizes the idea that despite efforts to move forward, there is an invisible limit to progress, after which one is inevitably pulled back to the starting point. The elastic band 'snaps' the speaker back to their childhood bedroom, highlighting a sense of entrapment and the struggle to achieve lasting progress.

💡Childhood Bedroom

The childhood bedroom is a recurring symbol in the script, representing the speaker's starting point and a place to which they always return, despite various life events. It signifies a lack of progress and a feeling of being stuck in the past. The speaker's return to this space after significant life events underscores their perception of life as a cycle that does not lead to permanent growth or improvement.

💡Stagnation

Stagnation is the state of being stagnant, showing little or no activity or progress. The speaker feels that despite being 35, they are in the same position as they were at 15, with no significant improvements in their life. The term is relevant as it captures the speaker's sentiment of being stuck and not advancing in life, despite the passage of time.

💡Relationships

Relationships in the script refer to both romantic and professional connections. The speaker discusses short-term, 'pointless' relationships that did not lead to long-term growth or satisfaction. Professionally, the speaker has had various aspirations and attempts at careers, such as being a YouTuber or a stock trader, which ultimately did not lead to success, reflecting a pattern of unfulfilled expectations.

💡Career Aspirations

Career aspirations are the goals or ambitions one has regarding their professional life. The speaker mentions several dream jobs, such as being a Japanese translator, an anime or manga artist, or working in a convenience store in Japan. However, these aspirations were not realized, leading to a sense of failure and disappointment, which is a central theme in the video.

💡Failure

Failure is the inability to achieve a goal or the falling short of an expectation. Throughout the script, the speaker repeatedly experiences failure in various aspects of life, including relationships, career, and personal growth. The term is used to convey a sense of defeat and the emotional toll of not being able to achieve one's goals.

💡Independence

Independence refers to the state of being self-reliant or not depending on others. The speaker expresses a desire for independence but feels hindered by their circumstances, such as needing a girlfriend to navigate life in a foreign country. This lack of independence contributes to feelings of inadequacy and being 'stuck'.

💡Homesickness

Homesickness is a feeling of sadness or nostalgia for one's home or home country. The speaker experiences homesickness after moving to a new country, which leads to a realization that changing location does not inherently solve one's problems. This term is significant as it reflects the emotional complexity of the speaker's experiences abroad.

💡Optimism

Optimism is a positive attitude or outlook. Despite the recurring theme of failure and disappointment, the speaker tries to maintain an optimistic mindset, hoping to eventually find a fulfilling career or activity. Optimism is presented as a coping mechanism and a driving force to continue searching for a meaningful direction in life.

💡Middle Age

Middle age is a period of life that typically refers to the age range between young adulthood and old age. The speaker is reaching middle age and feels a sense of urgency and despair about not having found their purpose or made significant progress in life. This term is used to convey the speaker's perception of time running out and the increasing pressure to find meaning and success.

Highlights

The speaker feels that despite popular belief, change in life is not permanent, as they often find themselves back in their childhood bedroom after significant life events.

At 35, the speaker feels stuck in life, comparing their current situation to when they were 15, with no significant progress or changes made.

The speaker expresses frustration with their lack of career, relationships, and financial stability, feeling like they have made no improvements over the years.

Despite witnessing others around them making progress in life, the speaker feels they have not moved forward and questions why they cannot make improvements.

The speaker reflects on their 20s as wasted, spent traveling to Japan and engaging in short-term relationships without any meaningful progress.

In their 30s, the speaker feels they are on track to repeat the mistakes of their 20s, with no new achievements or direction in life.

The speaker admits to a lack of interest and determination to pursue education or a career, often giving up on courses after a few weeks.

The speaker has had multiple dream jobs and careers that they pursued but ultimately felt were too difficult and challenging, leading to failure.

A past opportunity to create artwork for a book ended in disappointment when the business partner rejected the work, crushing the speaker's confidence.

The speaker enjoys drawing but dislikes being told what to draw or how to draw it, especially when it involves financial compensation.

After over 15 years of trying different things, the speaker has not found something they are good at and enjoy doing, leading to feelings of failure and disappointment.

The speaker has tried moving to different countries in search of change and progress, but ultimately realizes that relocation does not fix underlying issues.

Despite the challenges and setbacks, the speaker remains hopeful and optimistic about eventually finding something they enjoy and are good at that can provide a decent income.

The speaker acknowledges the passage of time and the diminishing energy to pursue new endeavors as they get older, leading to feelings of being jaded and bitter.

The speaker discusses the difficulties of adjusting to life in a new country, including language barriers, homesickness, and visa issues.

The speaker's experience of relying on a partner in a foreign country made them feel like they lost independence and contributed to feelings of inadequacy.

Transcripts

there's a popular saying that goes the

only constant thing in life is change

but as someone who's 35 years old now I

can speak for my own life experience

that nothing really changes permanently

at least for example I might have

drastic Life Changes like moving to a

different country getting married having

some kind of serious relationship where

we live together but it only lasts for a

few years at Max and then I'm back here

back into my bedroom my childhood

bedroom where I grew up in and it's like

back to Square One sometimes it feels

like I'm attached to this massive

elastic band and every time I try to

make progress moving forwards I can only

make progress up until the point where

the elastic band can't stretch anymore

it snaps me back and it pings me back to

my starting point in life which is my

childhood bedroom I feel like the only

constant in my life is that I can never

escape the clutches of my childhood

bedroom and I somehow always end up back

here so if you compare myself now as a

35-year-old man to 20 years ago when I

was only 15 years old literally nothing

has changed I'm in the same room I'm in

the same corner of the bedroom I'm

sitting here playing video games on my

computer and I've got barely any money

I've got no job I've got no girlfriend

I've got no car I've got no property I

don't own anything of value and I'm

still living in my parents' house

there's like zero change compared to

15-year-old me and 35-year-old me and I

feel like that's a little bit sad

sometimes sometimes it just feels like

everyone I know everyone around me is

either getting married getting their own

place getting a car getting new jobs or

promotions in jobs or making advances in

their jobs so they can make more money

and there's big improvements in their

life compared to a few years ago and I'm

sitting here feeling like I have made

zero improvements I've got less money

than I've had before and I just can't

help but feel like Life's a little bit

unfair for me why can't I make any

improvements in life why can't I move

forwards and then stay in the place I've

moved forward into instead of regressing

backwards every time so basically I

wasted my 20s just meaninglessly

traveling to Japan over and over again

trying to find a wife or trying to get a

girlfriend having these very short-term

pointless relationships that didn't

really lead anywhere didn't really give

me anything new that I could use later

in life they just were bit of fun like

short-term fun and then it got toxic and

then I had to end it or get out of it

somehow and I spent my entire 20s just

mesing around I guess trying to find out

or figure out what I want to do in life

without even finding out what I want to

do in life now I'm in my 30s halfway

through my 30s on track to also

completely wasting my 30s so I've done

nothing new in my 30s compared to my 20s

I've just done the same traveling to

Japan traveling to random countries

getting into relationships that I

thought would lead somewhere but

ultimately didn't lead anywhere and I'm

thinking to myself how long can this

possibly continue at some point in my

life I'm going to be like 40 something

50 something and I would have wasted my

20s and I wasted my 30s and eventually

it's going to reach a point where I've

wasted so much time in my life it's

going to catch up to me and there's

going to be some severe negative

consequences where I just kind of messed

up my entire life and people keep saying

to me it's not too late you can go and

study a degree study a trade start

getting a career the problem is I don't

know what to study I am not interested

in anything and I don't have the

willpower or the determination to

actually start a course and finish it I

have started courses in the past and I

just got bored and I quit after a few

weeks so I know from my own personal

track record anything that's difficult

and challenging I will just give up and

find a reason or an excuse why I don't

want to do it anymore and it'll just be

a waste of time and money in the end

I've had lots of dream jobs in the past

so my first dream job I guess was to be

like a Japanese translator and then I

wanted to be an anime or Manga artist

artist and then I wanted to move to

Japan and just work in Japan in a

convenience store that didn't work out

very well and then I wanted to become a

YouTuber and I managed to survive as a

YouTuber for nearly 7 years but I feel

like that's starting to come to an end

now because I failed at doing that as

well and then I also wanted to become an

investor stock Trader day trader kind of

person but I ended up losing loads of

money nearly half my savings lost on the

stock market and even after years of

trying to invest and try to learn how to

do it I still just can't really break

through and figure out how to reliably

make good money reliable money on the

stock market so I have had dream jobs

dream careers that I thought I wanted to

do but then when I tried it out I

realized this is actually really

difficult and really challenging I can't

do this I suck at it and for some reason

I just seem to suck at everything I try

to do I don't have a natural Talent some

people say I'm good at drawing but I'm

obviously not good enough at drawing to

be able to get professional jobs or

professional G I had this one

opportunity where this guy I knew who

makes books he wanted me to do some

artwork for his books because he likes

my artwork so he made up this contracts

and he agreed to pay me and I agreed to

make some drawings for him and I tried

my best I really did try my best to do

these drawings really professionally

make them look really good but his

business partner didn't like the

drawings kept saying they were not good

enough they look kind of weird the hands

too big or the legs too short we can't

use this for our books and it really

destroyed me it crushed me inside

because everyone kept telling me my

drawings were so good so I felt like wow

my drawings must be really good so I

kept trying to fix the illustrations I

made the hand bigger if he said they

were too small I tried to fix the pose

so it looked less wooden and less stiff

but it was never good enough so I had to

just say I'm sorry but this is the best

I can do and they ended up not using the

artwork but they paid me anyway out of

pity I guess I never talked to them

again and I just kind of gave up on the

idea of doing paid illustrations I do

enjoy drawing some times but I only like

drawing what I want to draw in the way

that I want to draw it I don't like

being told how to draw or what to draw

if they don't like a certain aspects of

my drawing don't really want to have to

care about that but if they're paying me

money to draw a specific thing I had to

care about it I had to draw what they

wanted to because that's what they were

paying me for and I just didn't really

enjoy that I thought it'd be really cool

to be a professional artist and do

commissions but I guess that's another

failed career attempt that I didn't have

any luck or success doing so basically

I've had over 15 years of trying to find

something I'm good at and something I

enjoy doing and I've tried lots of

different things and I really tried hard

on some of these things and I really

thought well I found my true calling in

life this is what I'm supposed to be

doing in life and I gave it a good shot

for maybe a few years at most and then I

realized it's actually very difficult

I'm not getting anywhere and then I give

up and I move on to something new so I'm

reaching this stage in my life where I

guess I'm middle-aged if you expect I'm

going to live until around 70 35 now I'm

halfway through my life and I'm just

feeling like what's the point anymore

what's the point in trying when every

single thing I've tried it's like 100%

track record of failure giving up and

disappointment and I'm just kind of Fed

Up of the feeling of failure and the

feeling of disappointment and I don't

really want to bother anymore trying

something new or something difficult cuz

I know what's going to happen I also

realized that moving countries doesn't

really fix anything it's like a

temporary fix but eventually the same

problems you had in your own country end

up catching up with you and it's like a

nice way to escape from reality and it's

a bit of a distraction but I kept

thinking that my problems of not making

any progress in life are because of the

UK the UK sucks I blame everything on

the country I'm stuck in so I thought if

I move to Japan or move to Thailand or I

move to Korea or some other place then

we will fix all my problems in life I'll

find what I'm supposed to be doing get

some relationship and that'll just fix

everything it never does so first of all

you have the challenge of going to a new

country and setting up a new home trying

to find a place to live that's not

really expensive and then you have to

deal with everything in a foreign

language or you just get your girlfriend

to deal with it for you and then you

just feel like you're not really an

independent adult anymore because you

need your girlfriend to do everything

for you and look after you and it makes

you feel a bit like a loser cuz you

can't do anything by yourself and at

first it does feel kind of exci you feel

like yes this is my new home it's great

here so much better than the UK but then

you start to miss certain things like

food speaking your own language to

people who actually understand what

you're saying without you having to dumb

down your language or having to slow

down your speech and you start missing

with these little things and then you

get homesick and then you start hating

the country you're run again you start

blaming the country for not making any

progress and then you realize just cuz

I'm in a new country doesn't magically

mean I'm going to start making all this

progress and you constantly have to to

worry about things like Visa problems

how do I extend my Visa how can I stay

here longer or I have to leave now where

I'm going to go where am I going to stay

I got to spend all this money on hotels

in a different country whilst I wait

until I can get back into the country I

want to be and it's just such a massive

headache and you end up just thinking if

I'm just back home in my own country I

don't have to worry about any of this

the reason why I haven't given up on

life yet is because I keep trying to

think positively and optimistically that

one day I will find my thing that I

enjoy doing that I'm actually kind of

good at that I kind of nerd out on and

it makes decent money not loads of money

don't really care about being a

millionaire or anything but if I can

make enough money to survive doing

something that I kind of enjoy then

that's kind of success in my eyes but I

still haven't really found it don't know

if I'm ever going to find it maybe in

this next 5 years I might find something

but time is kind of running out and I

feel like as as I'm getting older I have

less and less energy to pursue new

Endeavors and I'm just feeling more more

jaded and more more bitter and negative

about things and I'm trying not to let

that take over my brain