Your Inner Critic: The Global Crisis No One Is Talking About | Elizabeth Lombardo | TEDxUIUC
Summary
TLDRIn this empowering speech, Elizabeth addresses the universal presence of the 'inner critic,' a voice of self-doubt named Mitzi. She illustrates the impact of conditional self-worth on mental health and behavior, highlighting issues like perfectionism, impostor syndrome, and cyberbullying. Elizabeth advocates for unconditional self-worth, a belief in oneself regardless of external conditions, as a means to overcome the inner critic and let one's light shine. She offers practical advice on cultivating this mindset through identifying and applying personal values, sharing a relatable story of breaking through a metaphorical and literal barrier.
Takeaways
- 🗣️ The script discusses the concept of an 'inner critic', a voice in our heads that often brings us down with negative and condescending comments.
- 🤔 The inner critic, named 'Mitzi' in the script, is always present, affecting self-perception and actions, and can be a source of self-doubt and anxiety.
- 🏋️♀️ The story of a seminar where the speaker had to break a board illustrates the power of focus and how self-doubt can hinder our performance.
- 👗 A wardrobe malfunction during the board-breaking exercise symbolizes how focusing on obstacles can stop us, but shifting focus to the solution can lead to success.
- 🔄 The script emphasizes the global crisis of conditional self-worth, where self-belief is dependent on meeting certain conditions or external validation.
- 🤳 The impact of social media on self-worth is highlighted, showing how comparing ourselves to others online can lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression.
- 💡 Conditional self-worth manifests in various behaviors such as perfectionism, impostor syndrome, bullying, arrogance, and even road rage.
- 🚫 The script suggests that superficial affirmations and narcissism are not solutions, as they still involve conditional self-worth based on comparison.
- 💡 Unconditional self-worth is presented as the antidote to the inner critic, where self-belief is not dependent on external conditions or achievements.
- 🌟 Cultivating unconditional self-worth involves identifying and applying personal values, which can help to overpower the inner critic and allow one's inner light to shine.
- 🔑 The speaker provides an exercise to identify values by admiring someone and recognizing the same qualities in oneself, suggesting that this can lead to the emergence of unconditional self-worth.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the transcript?
-The main theme of the transcript is overcoming the negative impact of the inner critic, also referred to as 'Mitzi,' and developing unconditional self-worth.
Who is Mitzi in the context of the transcript?
-In the transcript, Mitzi is a metaphorical representation of the inner critic, the voice in one's head that is critical and often brings one down.
What is the connection between the inner critic and conditional self-worth?
-The inner critic is linked to conditional self-worth as it often dictates one's self-worth based on external conditions or achievements, rather than inherent value.
What is an example of conditional self-worth mentioned in the transcript?
-An example of conditional self-worth given is believing in oneself only if certain conditions are met, such as receiving a certain number of likes on social media or getting an 'A' grade.
How does the speaker describe the impact of conditional self-worth on an individual's life?
-The speaker describes the impact of conditional self-worth as limiting and controlling, leading to behaviors like perfectionism, impostor syndrome, bullying, and arrogance.
What is the antidote to conditional self-worth according to the transcript?
-The antidote to conditional self-worth is unconditional self-worth, which is the belief in oneself regardless of external conditions or outcomes.
What is the significance of the board-breaking exercise in the transcript?
-The board-breaking exercise serves as a metaphor for overcoming self-doubt and the inner critic, illustrating the power of focusing beyond the obstacle and believing in one's ability to succeed.
How does the speaker suggest cultivating unconditional self-worth?
-The speaker suggests cultivating unconditional self-worth by applying the values that are most important to the individual, which can lead to self-acceptance and a reduction in the influence of the inner critic.
What exercise does the speaker propose to help identify one's values?
-The speaker proposes an exercise where one identifies a person they admire and then determines what characteristic of that person they admire, which is also a characteristic they admire in themselves.
How can applying one's values lead to the emergence of unconditional self-worth?
-Applying one's values can lead to the emergence of unconditional self-worth by allowing individuals to act in alignment with their beliefs and principles, thus fostering self-acceptance and reducing the need for external validation.
What is the final message the speaker conveys about the power of unconditional self-worth?
-The final message is that when unconditional self-worth emerges, it allows individuals to control their inner critic, enabling their inner light to shine through and overcome even the darkest of times.
Outlines
🗣️ Overcoming Inner Critic and Conditional Self-Worth
The speaker introduces the concept of the inner critic, personified as 'Mitzi,' who constantly undermines self-confidence with negative thoughts. The narrative describes a personal experience at a seminar where the speaker had to break a wooden board, symbolizing overcoming self-doubt. The paragraph delves into the idea of conditional self-worth, which is dependent on external validation and leads to negative behaviors such as perfectionism, impostor syndrome, and cyberbullying. The speaker emphasizes the pervasiveness of the inner critic and its impact on mental health, suggesting that it's a global issue affecting everyone's lives.
🌟 Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth
This paragraph discusses the detrimental effects of conditional self-worth and introduces 'unconditional self-worth' as the antidote. Unconditional self-worth is about believing in oneself regardless of external conditions, which can help control the inner critic and allow one's inner light to shine. The speaker provides examples of how conditional self-worth manifests in behaviors like perfectionism, impostor syndrome, and arrogance. The paragraph also touches on how to cultivate unconditional self-worth by identifying and applying one's core values, which can lead to personal growth and a more fulfilling life.
💡 Applying Values to Emerge from Inner Critic's Shadow
The final paragraph offers practical advice on how to develop unconditional self-worth by identifying and applying personal values. The speaker suggests an exercise to admire someone and recognize the values they embody, which are also admired in oneself. By applying these values in daily life, one can overcome the limitations set by the inner critic and experience happiness, better relationships, and a more engaged life. The speaker concludes with a personal anecdote about breaking through a board with a renewed focus, symbolizing the triumph of unconditional self-worth over self-doubt.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Inner Critic
💡Conditional Self-Worth
💡Unconditional Self-Worth
💡Perfectionism
💡Impostor Syndrome
💡Cyberbullying
💡Values
💡Self-Doubt
💡Social Media
💡Inner Light
💡Self-Affirmation
Highlights
The concept of an 'inner critic' named Mitzi, which represents the negative self-talk that can hinder personal growth and confidence.
Mitzi's presence from the moment of waking, causing self-doubt and negative self-assessments throughout the day.
The seminar experience where the power of focus is taught through a physical challenge of breaking a board, symbolizing overcoming personal obstacles.
The impact of focusing on obstacles versus focusing on solutions, as demonstrated in the board-breaking exercise.
The global crisis of conditional self-worth and its obsession with comparison, leading to negative mental health outcomes.
The definition of conditional self-worth and how it varies from person to person, affecting self-belief and actions.
The link between social media use, comparison, and increased rates of depression due to conditional self-worth.
Examples of conditional self-worth in everyday life, such as perfectionism, impostor syndrome, bullying, and arrogance.
The tendency of the inner critic to personalize and react negatively to others' actions, contributing to behaviors like road rage.
The idea that the inner critic supports the individual only when threatened by others, leading to a 'my way or the highway' mentality.
The universality of the inner critic and its presence even in high-performing, successful individuals.
The distinction between having an inner critic and narcissism, and why superficial affirmations often fail to silence the inner critic.
The introduction of 'unconditional self-worth' as the antidote to conditional self-worth, allowing individuals to shine their inner light.
Practical steps to cultivate unconditional self-worth, starting with identifying and applying one's core values.
An exercise to identify someone one admires and recognizing the admired traits within oneself as part of one's values.
The transformational power of unconditional self-worth in improving happiness, relationships, and overall life satisfaction.
The story of overcoming a wardrobe malfunction during the board-breaking exercise as a metaphor for overcoming self-doubt.
The final message that even with an inner critic present, unconditional self-worth can enable individuals to break through challenges.
Transcripts
okay Elizabeth do not mess this up this
is Chad axe what if I forget what I'm
supposed to say what if I trip on this
red carpet oh my gosh did I brush my
teeth this morning come on Elizabeth
focus don't embarrass yourself ah that
inner voice that inner critic we all
have one mine her name is Mitzi
she's Little Miss critical camped out in
my head just waiting to screech out yet
another condescending comment meant to
bring me down oh yeah she's there before
I even opened my eyes in the morning
should have gone to bed earlier you're
gonna have bags under your eyes walking
by the mirror you really need to work
out at work promotion there's no way
you're gonna get it you're a failure in
social situations no one wants to talk
to you Oh Luther and Mitzi has an
unbelievable memory for every single
mistake ever made and loves to replay it
over and over and over again it's 2016
I met a seminar ready to learn I'm
dressed all professionally in my dress
pad and pen in hand unbeknownst to me
until this precise moment the instructor
is a third degree black belt and out of
the blue jumps up holding a plank of
wood zing put away her patents folks
today we're gonna use the power focus to
break through boards break through
boards I'm wearing a dress in heels
hmm there's no way you're gonna be able
to do this as we approach and line up to
execute the task guess who's standing
right next to me Mitzi you're too weak
to do this see you should have gone to
the gym there are three people ahead of
me the first person gets up in front of
that plank of wood totally focused and
slice karate chops right through what if
you can't do that you look like a fool
second person gets up totally focused
and slice do not mess this up Elizabeth
especially in front of your colleague
it'll be so embarrassing third person
gets up I'm next third person gets up
focused and ha ha ha
she fails to slice right through she
leaves a few moments later with a
bruised hand and probably a bruised ego
and I'm up next as I approach that plank
of wood Mitzi is in a frantic frenzy of
self-doubt she's shouting at a hundred
and ten decimals
I think crowd around me is cheering but
I can't hear it because that inner
critic is drowning me out what if you
can't do this you'll be so embarrassing
I go up to that board I will not let it
beat me and slice except it wasn't my
hand that went through the board it was
a rip up the back of my dress oh yes you
see when we focus on the board our hand
stops at the board just like when you
focus on any obstacle that obstacle can
stop you in your tracks when we focus on
our inner critic it limits us it
controls us the inner critic can take
over your life and in fact we are facing
a global crisis that no one is talking
about our inner critic has become
obsessed with conditional self-worth and
the majority of us have conditional
self-worth without even realizing it so
what is conditional self-worth
well conditional self-worth means I
believe in myself if and only if certain
conditions are met and those conditions
vary from person to person so it may be
I believe in myself if I receive a
certain number of likes on social media
if I get an A if I get a compliment if
I'm a member of a certain group or I
have a certain title right I believe in
myself if and this impacts every single
facet of your life because what goes on
up here controls what goes on out here
Mitsy determines your worth based on
certain conditions like how you compare
to others and we see the supported in
the research that consistently shows
that the longer people spend on social
media the more likely they are to be
depressed why cuz they're comparing
themselves to others look at how perfect
her life is look at how pretty she is
let's remember folks everybody looks
good with a filter so what does
conditional self-worth look like in its
natural habitat well for one thing
perfectionism that all-or-nothing
perfect or failure perfect or why even
bother mentality it's got to be perfect
or else you're a failure
conditional self-worth impostor syndrome
I have a lot of clients who struggle
with this it's the notion that you're in
way over your head and people are gonna
figure it out you're not good enough for
this role people are gonna see what a
fraud you are conditional self-worth
bullying cyber bullying the skyrocketing
rates of cyber bullying do you ever
wonder why people can be so mean on the
Internet
they're putting other people down to try
to feel better about themselves
conditional self-worth bragging
arrogance you guessed it people boasting
so that they feel good about themselves
in fact the next time someone tries to
tell you how great they are what college
they went to what kind of car they drive
this is what I want you to do I want you
to cross your arms I want you to lean
back and think that poor dear has
conditional self-worth
Mitsy tends to personalize what other
people do she is a very fragile ego a
study by Triple A Foundation of Traffic
Safety found that almost 80% of people
admit to road rage 80 percent so you're
driving down the highway life's great
someone cuts in front of you and you
think who do you think you are you think
you're better than I am
in reality they aren't thinking of you
not because you aren't worthy of being
thought of but because they're in their
own mind and Mitzi is very
threatened by other people's differences
diverse opinions backgrounds
perspectives cultures beliefs who they
make mitzi very uncomfortable and when
your inner critic is uncomfortable
she tends to share that stress with the
people around her by putting them down
in fact the only time your inner critic
actually supports you is when your inner
critic is so threatened by other people
that it feels the need to put them down
his opinions are different they're bad
he is wrong you're right for your inner
critic it's either Mitzi's way or the
wrong way as a clinical psychologist
who's worked with clients for over 20
years I can tell you we all have an
inner critic unless you're a true
sociopath but aside from that you we all
have an inner critic it's louder at some
times than others we all have one and I
work with high-performing clients people
who are on paper are very successful
even they have an inner critic so what
can we do well some people think that
the opposite of being having an inner
critic is to think that you are the best
but really narcissism and entitlement
those are types of conditional
self-worth because you're still
comparing yourself to others and
superficial affirmations don't tend to
work either right trying to convince
yourself I believe in myself you know
what your inner critic says no you don't
so are we doomed well that depends
every single person is good in their
core each one of you has an inner light
that you're meant to shine and share
with the world
if your inner critic lets you but with
conditional self-worth can really darken
your life I didn't get enough likes on
social media she's so much prettier than
I am I can't believe I just said that
I'm missing out on all the fun by
staying home
these conditions prevent our light from
shining now the antidote to conditional
self-worth is something that I call
unconditional self-worth
that's when you no longer place the
limits of your value as a human being
and when your unconditional self-worth
emerges you can control that inner
critic and your light can shine
unconditional self-worth means you
believe in yourself regardless it's
based on your values accepting yourself
and others and focusing on unconditional
self-worth helps you overpower your
inner Mitzi so when your inner critic is
telling you you totally mess that up
your unconditional self-worth reminds
you it's not failure its data we can
learn and grow from that she got the
promotion that means you lost I'm happy
for her success and I know that I can be
successful too you totally messed that
up you're a loser I got this I can
handle anything he has different
opinions than you he's wrong you're
right I love hearing other people's
perspectives and can learn so much from
them when we focus on unconditional soft
fourth we can control our inner critic
and our inner light can emerge so how
can you cultivate your unconditional
self-worth well one way is to apply the
values that are most important to you
values do I have values can i buy values
do I have to go to a Tibetan monastery
to figure out my values luckily it's not
that difficult so let's do a quick quick
experiment a quick exercise I want you
to identify someone who you admire
someone you look up to just picture that
person right now it may be someone in
your life it could be a famous figure
even a fictional character right you got
that person in your mind now what's one
thing about that person that you admire
maybe it's their tenacity their sense of
humor their ability to handle stress
their confidence their compassion that
characteristic that you admire in
someone else
is also what you admire in yourself oh
that's so good I'm going to say it again
what we admire in other people we admire
nurse elves and when you apply the
values that are most important to you in
your life that's when your unconditional
self-worth can emerge so what's one
thing you can do today to apply that
value for example if you chose tenacity
maybe you're gonna stop procrastinating
and start tackling that project that
you've been avoiding if you chose
compassion maybe you're gonna pick up
your phone and call or text a friend
who's going through a tough time and
please keep in mind it doesn't have to
be perfect so if you chose compassion
your first step doesn't need to be
moving to Africa and building water
wells for three months it could be
something as simple as looking at the
barista and the eye and saying thank you
when you get your coffee or writing a
quick note to a teacher from your past
who continues to have a positive impact
on you when you apply the values that
are most important to you your
unconditional self-worth can emerge and
when that happens your happiness your
relationships your life everything
flourishes so you get out of bed in the
morning before your alarm clock even
goes on because you're so excited about
the day you walk by the mirror and
absolute all of your body and everything
that it does including the 200 muscles
it takes to take a single
step without you even thinking about it
at work you can be fully engaged and
feel proud of the contribution that
you're making in social situations you
can feel comfortable in your own skin
even when you don't know anyone let's go
back to that board breaking experience
when we lost our protagonist her
backside was inadvertently experiencing
its own air conditioning now a friend of
mine and notice I'm not gonna let a
little wardrobe malfunction stop me
so she gives me her jacket to tie around
my waist and this time approaching that
plank of wood the focus is different
instead of on the wood it's past the
wood okay instead of on the obstacle
it's on the solution instead of there's
no way you can do this
it's you've got it and with that slice I
break right through that board and
proceed to run right up to my room and
change before I get arrested for
indecent exposure isn't that a great
reminder in life our inner mitzi may be
there but when your unconditional
self-worth emerges your light can break
through even the darkest of times thank
you
[Applause]
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)