Bruce Christopher: "How Men & Women Speak Differently"

Summary

This script explores the communication differences between men and women, highlighting that women tend to use a 'historical narrative' style, rich in detail and saving the main point for last, while men prefer concise, bottom-line-first statements. It humorously illustrates these points with anecdotes and emphasizes the importance of understanding these differences to improve communication between the sexes, based on social studies and research.

Takeaways

• 🧩 Multitasking is discussed with a focus on the strengths and weaknesses of compartmental and global approaches, emphasizing the power of diversity when combined.
• 👥 The speaker highlights a significant difference in communication styles between men and women, suggesting that understanding these differences can improve interactions between the sexes.
• 📚 The communication styles are backed by social studies, indicating a research-based approach to the discussion.
• 🎁 A gift is promised to the audience, with a playful reminder to be given at the end of the talk.
• 🗣️ Women tend to speak in paragraphs, providing a historical narrative with lots of details, often saving the main point or 'bottom line' for last.
• 🔎 Men, on the other hand, speak in short, clipped statements, prioritizing the bottom line and providing fewer details.
• 💬 The difference in communication styles can lead to misunderstandings and frustration, especially when men and women expect different levels of detail in conversation.
• 📉 Men are said to use up the majority of their daily word count at work, leaving very few words for conversations at home, which can affect communication with their partners.
• 📈 The purpose of communication differs between the sexes; men communicate to report facts, while women aim to build rapport.
• 📝 The speaker uses personal anecdotes to illustrate the communication gap, showing how misunderstandings can occur in everyday interactions.
• 📰 The analogy of newspapers is used to explain the difference in communication styles, with men speaking in headlines and women in full stories.

Q & A

What are the two types of multitasking mentioned in the script?

The two types of multitasking mentioned are compartmental and global.

According to the script, which gender is said to speak in paragraphs and provide a historical narrative?

Women are said to speak in paragraphs and provide a historical narrative.

What is the significance of the 'bottom line' in the way women communicate according to the script?

The 'bottom line' in women's communication comes at the end of the story, which is often supported by lots of details and context.

How does the script describe the way men communicate compared to women?

Men are described as communicating in short, clipped reporting statements, often placing the 'bottom line' first.

What is the average number of words a man speaks in a day according to the script?

A man speaks approximately 12,500 words in a day.

What is the average number of words a woman speaks in a day according to the script?

A woman speaks between 25,000 to 50,000 words in a day.

What is the purpose of communication for men according to Dr. Deborah Tannen, as mentioned in the script?

The purpose of communication for men is to report a fact.

What is the purpose of communication for women according to Dr. Deborah Tannen, as mentioned in the script?

Women speak to build rapport.

How does the script illustrate the difference in communication styles between men and women using the story of the husband announcing the birth of his sister's baby?

The husband gives only the headline 'baby born, mother lives', while his wife wants to know additional details such as the baby's gender, the delivery's difficulty, the baby's weight, and the child's name.

What is the script's analogy for the communication styles of men and women?

The script compares men's communication to newspaper headlines and women's communication to full stories.

What gift does the speaker mention they have for the audience, and who is supposed to remind them about it?

The speaker mentions a gift for the audience but does not specify what it is. They ask someone in the audience to remind them about the gift.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Communication Styles: Men and Women

The speaker discusses the differences in communication styles between men and women, highlighting that women tend to speak in paragraphs, providing historical narratives with lots of details and saving the main point for last. Men, on the other hand, speak in short, clipped statements, prioritizing the main point at the beginning. The speaker humorously points out that men use up most of their daily word quota at work, leaving very few words for communication at home. The purpose of communication for men is to report facts, while women aim to build rapport. The speaker also promises a gift related to the topic at the end of the presentation.

05:05

👥 Misunderstandings in Communication

This paragraph illustrates the communication gap between men and women through a series of anecdotes. It starts with a story about the speaker's father who, after an eye surgery incident, communicates the situation to his friend in a very brief manner, which is typical of male communication style. The paragraph continues with a counseling scenario where a wife feels her husband doesn't share enough information, which is due to the difference in communication styles. Another story tells of a husband who announces the birth of his sister's baby without any additional details, leaving his wife with many unanswered questions. The speaker compares the communication styles to newspaper headlines for men and full stories for women, emphasizing the need for understanding these differences to avoid misunderstandings.

Keywords

💡Multitasking

Multitasking refers to the ability to handle multiple tasks or processes at the same time. In the context of the video, it is used to introduce the topic of compartmental and global approaches to communication, suggesting that different styles can be effective depending on the situation. The script mentions 'multitasking now which one's better, compartmental or global,' indicating a comparison between two communication strategies.

💡Compartmental

Compartmental refers to the practice of separating different aspects of a task or process into distinct categories or 'compartments.' In the video, it is contrasted with 'global' communication, implying a more focused or segmented approach. The speaker suggests that both approaches have their strengths and weaknesses, and are most effective when combined.

💡Global

Global, in this context, represents a holistic or integrated approach to communication, where different aspects are considered together rather than in isolation. The script contrasts 'global' with 'compartmental,' suggesting that a comprehensive understanding can be more effective in certain situations.

💡Historical Narrative

A historical narrative is a method of storytelling that provides background, context, and a sequential account of events. The video uses this term to describe how women tend to speak, offering a detailed play-by-play with lots of background information before reaching the main point or 'bottom line' at the end of the story.

💡Bottom Line

The 'bottom line' refers to the most important or conclusive point of a discussion or narrative. The script highlights that women often place the bottom line at the end of their stories, while men tend to start with it, indicating a fundamental difference in communication styles between the genders.

💡Communication Styles

Communication styles refer to the various ways in which people express ideas and information. The video discusses distinct styles between men and women, with women using paragraphs and historical narratives, and men using phrases and reporting statements, highlighting the importance of understanding these differences for effective communication.

💡Rapport

Rapport is the establishment of a harmonious or sympathetic relationship, often through communication. The script suggests that women speak to build rapport, indicating a motivation to connect with others on a deeper level, which contrasts with men's tendency to report facts.

💡Report

To 'report' in the context of the video means to convey information or facts in a concise manner. Men, according to the script, use communication as a tool to report facts, which is a direct and to-the-point style that can sometimes lack the detail-oriented approach preferred by women.

💡Word Count

The 'word count' refers to the total number of words spoken by an individual in a given period. The video script mentions that men speak about 12,500 words a day, while women speak between 25,000 to 50,000, suggesting a difference in communication frequency and possibly intensity between the genders.

💡Frustration

Frustration in the video is tied to the communication gap between men and women, particularly highlighting the scenario where a man, having used up most of his daily word count at work, comes home with very few words left to communicate with his partner, potentially leading to misunderstandings or feelings of being unheard.

💡Language Difference

The 'language difference' mentioned in the script refers to the distinct communication patterns between men and women. It underscores the idea that understanding these differences is crucial for effective interaction between the sexes, as it can lead to misinterpretations or perceived lack of communication.

Highlights

Multitasking effectiveness varies between compartmental and global approaches, with each having its own strengths and weaknesses.

The importance of embracing diversity for collective strength and effectiveness.

Men and women communicate differently, with women using a historical narrative and men favoring direct statements.

Women tend to provide a detailed historical narrative, placing the conclusion at the end of their communication.

Men communicate concisely, prioritizing the bottom line at the beginning of their statements.

The average number of words spoken by men and women in a day, with men speaking approximately 12,500 and women 25,000 to 50,000.

The purpose of communication for men is to report facts, as opposed to building rapport, which is more common for women.

A humorous anecdote illustrating the difference in communication styles between men and women when cancelling plans.

The impact of communication style differences on marital relationships, with examples of misunderstandings.

The significance of understanding communication styles for effective interaction between men and women.

An example of a husband's lack of detail in communication, leading to a wife's desire for more information.

The analogy of newspapers to describe the communication styles of men and women, with men as headlines and women as full stories.

The speaker's promise to provide a gift related to the communication topic, indicating additional value for the audience.

A light-hearted moment in the transcript where the speaker jokes about forgetting the promised gift.

The role of social studies in understanding the communication patterns between men and women.

A real-life example of a father's communication style when dealing with a medical issue, reflecting the direct approach of men.

The contrast in communication expectations between men and women, with women seeking more context and men focusing on the essential information.

Transcripts

multitasking now which one's better

compartmental or global

global okay all

right we're different and both

compartmental and Global have strengths

and weaknesses that we bring to the

table and uh we're most powerful and

effective when diversity comes together

everyone

go second big Point I've been telling

you men and women speak a different

language let me tell you what it is

write this down can use this as a map to

help you be more effective with the

opposite sex this is based upon many

social studies uh everything uh I've

given you is based upon uh research and

I've got a gift for you at the end so

someone remind me about the gift remind

me about the gift promise yes I

[Laughter]

promise I

promis but someone remind me cuz I'll

forget or you're lying or I'm lying

right yes

women tend to speak in paragraphs say

the social studies women tend to speak

in

paragraphs uh giving what's called a

historical

narrative now what does historical

narrative mean years yes three years ago

the background the context the setup

kind of a play-by-play sequential

accounting of what happen and it's

always supported with lots of details

lots of details and here's the most

important important piece for women to

remember where does the bottom line of

the story come for women at the

beginning middle or end of the story at

the end the bottom line comes last in

female e this makes a lot of sense why

do you think they call it the bottom

line well it should come at the bottom

women speak in paragraphs historical

narrative details uh women speak in

story form women actually enjoy the

suspense of working up to the bottom

line men actually experience your

enjoyment as agitation

[Laughter]

because men don't speak that way men

don't speak in paragraphs men speak in

phrases short clipped reporting

statements they don't give a lot of

details and where do men put the bottom

line first bottom line comes first for

men and sometimes that's all you

get and that drives women nuts right

does it

not

how many words do a man speak in a day a

man speaks 12,500 words in a single day

I bet you didn't think men spoke those

many words that's a lot of words 12,500

words in a single day how many words

does a woman speak in a single

day 25,000

plus

25,000 to 50,000

actually now this could be be a lot of

frustration because men go to work and

at work they use up 12,000 495

words we come home we've only got five

left so we have to pick these five words

carefully uh what's for dinner that's

three good night that's

[Laughter]

five and I know you ask yourself ladies

you ask yourself why do men speak

anyway what is what is the purpose of

communication for men well according to

Dr Deborah tannan she says the purpose

of communication for men is to report a

fact this is why men communicate to

report data to report the facts here are

the facts why do I need this Crown these

four clinical reasons 1 2 3 4 5 here's

the data here's the facts here's the

report why do women speak she says very

clever how she says it women speak for

kind of a different motivation women

speak to build a rapport isn't that

clever men speak to report women speak

to

ra I shall report to you I would like to

rapport with

you here's the report let's

report a couple years ago I remember

this I called up my best buddy Carl and

I spoke to him like this I called him up

and I said Carl I've got the tickets

pick you up at 8:00 goodbye click now

was that okay for me to speak to Carl

like that manto man yes I reported the

fact tickets 8:00 pickup goodbye if a

woman spoke to another woman in the same

way what would the response be Mary Beth

got the take picky up at 8:00 goodbye

click what would the other woman

think what's her

problem well that was kind of a snippy

little attitude wasn't

it somebody having a bad day today

this is a true story this is a true

story I uh was visiting my father Jack a

few years ago and he had had some eye

surgery nothing serious but he had some

eye surgery so he had some stitches

right and so we're talking and the

newspaper fell off his lap onto the

floor and so he bent over to pick up the

newspaper and he popped a stitch and

some blood was coming out you know so

nothing serious but you know obviously

had to go to the doctor and get it you

know fixed up uh so he was scheduled at

breakfast with his best buddy Johnny

Johnny and Jack were going to have

breakfast tomorrow morning and so he had

to call and cancel cuz he had to go to

the doctor and so he calls up Johnny and

I can hear Johnny on the other end of

the line I'm not embellishing my dad

goes Johnny I can't go to breakfast

tomorrow cuz my eyes bleeding and Johnny

goes okay bye

click I mean no details at

all it's like are your eyeballs hanging

out of your

head should we call an ambulance your

eyes bleeding

are you

okay

hilarious husband and wife are uh in the

counseling couch and uh the wife says to

me in front of the husband she'll say

you know what Bruce my husband never

tells me anything and then I ask him

ladies fill in the blank he says well

honey I tell you isn't that strange

what's going on well we actually have a

language difference here he speaks in

bottom line she speaks in historical

narrative detail so at the uh end of the

day she'll ask him she'll say hi honey

how was your day today he answers bottom

line fine this means nobody died and I

still have a

job I mean that's the bottom line but

when she asked the question how was your

day she wants some detail she wants some

historical narrative she wants to know

how was your day how was how was

8:00 I was

nine I was 10 10 was 10 more like eight

or more like

[Laughter]

nine it's amazing we communicate it all

isn't

it few years ago my associate who worked

for me at that time was a female and

well and and is a female to this very

day

actually she told me the story her

husband comes home Friday afternoon true

story husband comes home and he bursts

into the kitchen and he says he says and

he makes this announcement he says honey

my sister had her baby

today and what does she want to know

yeah was a boy or a girl was a difficult

delivery how much it'll weigh what they

name the child can I call them and and

he turns to her and says man I didn't

even think to ask those

questions those are a lot of questions

to

ask you can think of it think of it like

newspaper like newspaper men speak in

headlines women speak in story right so

he just gave the headline baby born

mother

lives