why DETACHING is the only way to get what you WANT

Summary

In this video, Selma dives deep into the concept of detachment, revealing that it isn't about becoming cold or indifferent, but about gaining clarity and control over your emotions. She emphasizes the importance of resisting the urge to chase after people, outcomes, or validation, and explains how attachment can block peace and manifestation. Through five stages—acknowledgement, self-inquiry, processing, creative action, and freedom—Selma guides viewers in navigating the uncomfortable but transformative journey of detaching from what no longer serves them. Detachment is about reclaiming your energy, walking away while still wanting to stay, and embracing growth over chaos.

Takeaways

• 😀 Detachment feels like discipline, not empowerment, especially in the beginning. It requires emotional control, not just letting go.
• 😀 Attachment is the root cause of anxiety, obsession, and loss of personal peace. It’s not just about wanting something but controlling its outcome.
• 😀 The paradox of desire: The more you grip onto something, the more it slips away. Obsession and neediness repel what you want.
• 😀 True manifestation happens when you align your energy, trust in the process, and detach from the outcome, instead of chasing it from fear or desperation.
• 😀 You attract what you are, not what you want. Manifesting requires energetic alignment with peace, trust, and abundance.
• 😀 Detaching is a multi-stage process, with stages of acknowledgment, self-inquiry, processing, creative action, and eventual freedom.
• 😀 Acknowledge your feelings and let yourself feel the pain before you can truly detach. Avoiding or numbing the pain keeps you stuck.
• 😀 Detachment requires mental detox, cutting off ties to illusions and attachments that drain your energy, and choosing your peace above all.
• 😀 Manifestation isn’t about begging or clinging to the universe for answers. It’s about trusting in your own worth, and knowing you deserve what comes without chasing it.
• 😀 True detachment is most powerful when you choose to walk away while you still want to stay, breaking the cycle of dependency.
• 😀 Detachment isn’t about becoming cold or indifferent, but about becoming clear, prioritizing self-worth over external validation, and letting go of what no longer serves you.

Q & A

What is the true meaning of detachment according to the speaker?

Detachment is not about becoming cold or detached from emotions. It's about discipline, control, and choosing not to chase what doesn't serve you. It's an active process of letting go, often when the pull is still strong, and prioritizing your peace and personal growth over attachment to outcomes or people.

How does attachment block manifestations and peace?

Attachment, driven by fear and desperation, blocks manifestation by creating an energy of lack. When you obsess over a specific outcome, you're not aligned with abundance, peace, or trust. The energy of neediness repels what you're trying to attract, rather than allowing it to flow to you naturally.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of cutting the supply?

Cutting the supply refers to stopping the behaviors and actions that keep you attached to a person or situation, such as checking social media, re-reading old texts, or keeping a door open for them. Detachment requires practical action, like muting or blocking, to prevent emotional re-attachment and allow you to reclaim your energy.

What does the speaker mean by 'manifesting from wholeness'?

Manifesting from wholeness means being in a state of energetic alignment, where you feel complete and worthy regardless of external outcomes. It’s about attracting what’s meant for you from a place of trust and self-assurance, rather than from a fear of lack or neediness.

What is the role of the ego in detachment?

The ego plays a significant role in detachment by creating fear and insecurity. It wants certainty and control over outcomes, often manifesting as desperation or obsession. The true shift in detachment happens when you move beyond the ego’s need for validation and choose to trust the process instead.

How can detachment be a process rather than a single moment?

Detachment is not immediate or magical. It’s a gradual process that happens in stages, with moments of discomfort, resistance, and reflection. It involves acknowledging the loss, understanding its impact, processing the emotions, and eventually creating new, healthier patterns and behaviors.

What are the five stages of detachment as outlined in the video?

The five stages of detachment are: 1) Acknowledgement – recognizing the hurt and loss; 2) Self-inquiry – questioning why the attachment was so strong; 3) Processing – softening the pain and learning from the experience; 4) Creative action – taking steps in a new direction with a clearer mindset; 5) Freedom – reaching a place of emotional calm and stability where you no longer feel controlled by the past attachment.

Why is it so important to let go before the feelings fade completely?

Letting go before the feelings fade is where real detachment happens. It’s not about waiting for the emotional pull to disappear; it’s about choosing yourself even while the attachment still tugs at you. This creates lasting change and helps break old patterns of clinging.

What is the difference between emotional dependency and true manifestation?

Emotional dependency is when you're tied to an outcome for validation, and your manifestation efforts come from a place of lack or fear. True manifestation is rooted in alignment, where your energy, beliefs, and actions reflect trust in what’s already yours. Manifestation comes from a place of wholeness and self-assurance, not desperation.

How does detachment relate to the idea of scarcity and abundance?

Scarcity mindset convinces you that good things are rare and that you must hold on tightly to what you have or risk losing everything. Detachment is about releasing this illusion of scarcity, trusting that there’s always more available for you, and moving from a place of abundance rather than fear of missing out.