This is Why You're Living Life on Autopilot
Summary
TLDRThis video script delves into the concept of living life on autopilot, often a result of chronic depression or a lack of motivation. It suggests that this behavior could be a trauma response, stemming from environments of coercive control that inhibit emotional expression and planning for the future. The script explains how this leads to 'hemispheric lateralization,' separating emotions from analytical thinking, causing a disconnect in the brain's ability to initiate and follow through with intentions. Solutions include acknowledging emotions, reducing thought suppression, and integrating brain functions through activities like psychotherapy and meditation, which can help individuals regain intentional control over their lives.
Takeaways
- 🧠 The script discusses the issue of living life on autopilot, a common complaint in the speaker's psychiatry practice.
- 🔄 It identifies two groups: those who actively move towards the future with intention and those who live reactively, lacking motivation and discipline.
- 🤔 The speaker raises the question of whether this autopilot behavior is due to a lack of discipline or a deeper issue like trauma.
- 🧐 The concept of 'paralysis of initiation' is introduced, showing that this behavior is a common trauma response, not just a lack of self-starting ability.
- 🕊️ The script explains that even non-abusive environments can lead to this response through coercive control, where individuals' desires and needs are overridden.
- 😢 It highlights the impact of emotional suppression, which can lead to thought suppression, emotional dissociation, and a life lived on autopilot.
- 🧬 Neuroscience research by Van Der Kolk is mentioned, showing how trauma can lead to 'hemispheric lateralization', separating emotions from analytical and planning functions.
- 💡 The script suggests that psychotherapy can help heal trauma by bridging the emotional and analytical parts of the brain, improving life quality.
- 📝 Articulating emotions is recommended as a way to reduce hemispheric lateralization and improve the brain's ability to plan and execute tasks.
- 🚫 It advises against retreating from emotions or using distractions as coping mechanisms, which only reinforce the autopilot behavior.
- 💭 The speaker concludes with an analogy of feeling like a non-player character (NPC) in life, suggesting that addressing the trauma response can help individuals live more intentionally.
Q & A
What is the main issue discussed in the video script?
-The main issue discussed is living life on autopilot, which is a common complaint among people who struggle with motivation, discipline, or willpower to create a life with direction.
What are the two groups of people described in the script?
-The two groups are those who successfully move towards the future with intention and direction, and those who live life reactively, often procrastinating and lacking the drive to craft a purposeful life.
What is the connection between living life on autopilot and trauma response?
-The script suggests that living life on autopilot is actually a common trauma response, linked to the 'paralysis of initiation' observed in trauma survivors, such as prisoners of war.
What is the 'paralysis of initiation' and how does it relate to trauma?
-The 'paralysis of initiation' refers to the difficulty in setting intentions or direction in life and following through with them. It is a problem observed in trauma survivors who have experienced situations where they had no control over their lives, leading to a reactive mode of living.
What is coercive control and how does it affect a person's ability to plan for the future?
-Coercive control is an environment where an individual has no control over their life, often characterized by external dictates on daily activities. It affects the ability to plan for the future by suppressing the brain's capacity to think ahead due to the lack of control and agency.
How does growing up in an environment of coercive control impact a child's development?
-Growing up in coercive control can lead to the 'paralysis of initiation' by suppressing a child's ability to express desires, needs, and emotions, which in turn affects their capacity to set goals and plan for the future.
What is the concept of hemispheric lateralization and how does it relate to living life on autopilot?
-Hemispheric lateralization refers to the separation of emotional experiences and creativity from analytical and planning functions in the brain. This separation, often a result of emotional and thought suppression, can lead to living life on autopilot by disconnecting emotions from the ability to plan and execute tasks.
What role does the corpus callosum play in the brain's response to trauma?
-The corpus callosum is the part of the brain that connects the right and left hemispheres. In cases of trauma, it may not function effectively, leading to a disconnection between emotional experiences and the ability to plan and organize, which contributes to the autopilot lifestyle.
How does psychotherapy help in healing trauma and reducing hemispheric lateralization?
-Psychotherapy helps by encouraging individuals to articulate their emotions, which strengthens the connection between the emotional right hemisphere and the analytical left hemisphere, thereby reducing hemispheric lateralization and improving the ability to plan and live intentionally.
What practical steps can individuals take to overcome living life on autopilot?
-Individuals can work on acknowledging and articulating their emotions, reducing thought and emotional suppression, and avoiding retreating from negative emotions. Practices like journaling and meditation can also help integrate the brain's hemispheres and improve intentional living.
What is the analogy used in the script to describe the feeling of living life on autopilot?
-The script uses the analogy of an NPC (non-player character) in a video game, who only becomes active when interacted with by others, to describe the feeling of living life reactively without intention or direction.
Outlines
🛑 Overcoming Autopilot Living: Trauma's Impact on Initiative
The first paragraph introduces the concept of living life on autopilot and the author's experience with patients struggling with this issue. It distinguishes between two groups: those who intentionally move towards their future and those who live reactively, lacking motivation and discipline. The author highlights the connection between this reactive living and a trauma response known as 'paralysis of initiation,' which was initially observed in prisoners of war and later found to be prevalent in a significant portion of the population. The paragraph concludes by introducing the idea that living on autopilot may not be due to a lack of discipline but rather a common trauma response linked to coercive control environments.
🧠 Understanding the Brain's Response to Coercive Control and Trauma
The second paragraph delves into the effects of coercive control environments on individuals, particularly children, and how these environments can lead to the 'paralysis of initiation.' It discusses the suppression of emotions and thoughts as a survival mechanism in such settings, which can lead to dissociation in extreme cases. The author explains the neuroscientific concept of hemispheric lateralization, where the brain's right hemisphere handles emotions and creativity, while the left hemisphere is responsible for analysis and planning. The trauma-induced separation of these functions can result in living life on autopilot, as the emotional experiences are disconnected from the ability to plan and execute tasks.
🌉 Bridging the Brain Hemispheres for Integrated Living
The third paragraph explores the healing process of trauma through psychotherapy, which helps to bridge the gap between the emotional and analytical parts of the brain. It discusses the role of language in expressing emotions and how this process can strengthen the connection between the brain's hemispheres. The author suggests that articulating emotions can lead to a reduction in hemispheric lateralization, allowing for a more integrated approach to living. The paragraph also advises against retreating from emotions and emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing them to foster brain integration and move away from an autopilot existence.
🎮 From NPC to Player Character: Taking Control of Your Life
The final paragraph uses the analogy of video game characters to illustrate the difference between living life with intention and living reactively. It suggests that the trauma response may make individuals feel like non-playable characters (NPCs), only acting when prompted by external stimuli. The author encourages those who feel like NPCs to recognize that their autopilot living may be a result of a common trauma response rather than a lack of willpower or discipline. The paragraph ends with a motivational note, urging individuals to take control of their lives and move beyond the reactive state.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Autopilot
💡Intention
💡Motivation
💡Trauma Response
💡Paralysis of Initiation
💡Coercive Control
💡Emotional Suppression
💡Hemispheric Lateralization
💡Corpus Callosum
💡Psychotherapy
💡NPC
Highlights
The discussion focuses on overcoming the autopilot mode of living and its connection to chronic depression and lack of motivation.
Identifies two groups: those with intentional direction in life and those who live reactively without planning.
Introduction of the concept of 'paralysis of initiation' as a common trauma response affecting up to 50-60% of the population.
Historical research from the 1960s links trauma to difficulties in setting life intentions and direction.
Explanation of how prisoners of war experienced a reactive mode of living due to lack of control over their lives.
Connection drawn between the trauma response in POWs and the effects of growing up in coercive control environments.
Description of coercive control environments where individual desires and needs are overridden, leading to paralysis of initiation.
Analysis of how emotional suppression in childhood can lead to thought suppression and dissociation in adulthood.
Neuroscience research by Van Der Kolk revealing the impact of emotional suppression on brain function and hemispheric lateralization.
The role of the corpus callosum in connecting the emotional and analytical parts of the brain and its impairment due to trauma.
Meditation and flow states as methods to achieve brain integration and overcome the trauma response.
Clinical evidence supporting psychotherapy as a means to bridge the emotional and planning aspects of the brain.
The importance of articulating emotions in psychotherapy to strengthen brain synchronicity and improve life outcomes.
Strategies to stop retreating from emotions and the role of self-awareness in overcoming emotional suppression.
The analogy of feeling like a non-player character (NPC) in life due to the trauma response and the need for external stimuli to act.
Final thoughts on the prevalence of the trauma response and its potential misinterpretation as a lack of willpower or discipline.
Transcripts
today we're going to talk about how to
stop living life on autopilot
in my Psychiatry practice I would get
tons of patients who would come in with
essentially this complaint and they
would look slightly differently so
people would come in with something like
chronic depression or people who've been
depressed their whole life other times
it would be people like students who
they could study for a test but
theoretically they know they should be
networking or they should be doing
extracurriculars and they couldn't seem
to motivate themselves towards actually
moving towards something
and so it seemed like there were almost
two groups of people there's this group
of people out there who sort of thinks
about the future acknowledges that
moving towards the future is going to
require intention and Direction and
effort and they successfully sort of
move towards it and there's this other
group of people who sort of just lives
life reactively if something happens to
them they can respond to it if there's
some sort of external deadline they can
find some degree of motivation but they
usually procrastinate and wait till the
last second but they can't seem to find
the motivation discipline or willpower
to actually craft a life with Direction
hey there thanks for watching and I'm
glad these videos have been helpful a
lot of times I'll read the comments and
see people asking well what do I
actually do about it which is such a
great question and unfortunately my
experience has been that the resources
out there aren't actually that good at
helping people create sustainable change
which is why I started HG in the first
place he coaches are trained on a
curriculum that integrates all of my
unders standing into what is motivation
what paralyzes Us and how to create
lasting behavioral change so if you're
ready to take the next step he coaches
are ready to build the life that you
want they've helped people build careers
find relationships build networks of
friends discover what their passions are
and pursue their Hobbies so if this
sounds like something that you'd be
interested in check out the link in the
description below and it turns out that
this is actually a trauma response which
may sound kind of surprising because we
tend to think about okay if I'm living
my life on autopilot isn't that an issue
of like lack of discipline or motivation
or whatever I'm not a self-starter but
it actually turns out that due to a lot
of recent research we've discovered this
is actually a very common trauma
response in a large portion of the
population
so the research with this actually
starts like maybe in the 60s when there
were trauma researchers who discovered
that people who experienced trauma have
this problem called the paralysis of
initiation and so what that sort of
means is they notice that pows prisoners
of war from places like the Vietnam War
had difficulty sort of setting some kind
of intention or Direction in their life
and following through with it that these
prisoners of War essentially lived life
in sort of a survival or reactive mode
essentially what they're doing is just
going through life every single day and
if something happens to them they can
respond to it but they can't seem to
kind of formulate a plan for the future
and you may be listening to this and
sort of thinking well okay that makes
sense for people who are prisoners of
war and we'll explain what the principle
is but as we did more and more research
on trauma we started to discover is up
to even 50 or 60 percent of the
population has this kind of response and
we looked at people like kids who grew
up even in non-abusive households who
can sometimes Manifest this paralysis of
initiation so what causes the paralysis
of initiation it comes down to something
called being raised in an environment of
coercive control so if we look at the
prisoner of war camp what happens there
this is a situation in which you have no
control over your life you wake up every
day you do what the guards tell you to
do you eat what they tell you to eat and
really your brain can't plan for the
future because you have no idea are you
going to be here for a day are you going
to be here for a year are you going to
be here for a decade so there's no point
in thinking about the future if you have
no control over the future and no agency
in your life how does that environment
of coercive control translate to even
regular kids who are not prisoners of
War well it turns out that a lot of us
grew up in situations where we also were
raised in an environment of coercive
control and so think a little bit about
your parents in the environment that you
grew up in was this a situation where
you could sort of set the direction of
your life when you were seven years old
eight years old 10 years old 12 years
old 15 16 17. could you go to your
parents and say hey I want to learn how
to play this instrument or I want to
stop learning how to play this
instrument or did you grow up in an
environment where if you sort of
expressed your desires or needs those
were constantly overridden there are a
couple of other features that we sort of
see from Child Development in this kind
of paralysis of initiation so these were
also kids that were not allowed to
express thoughts or emotions so another
really interesting diagnostic kind of
test that I would do with my patients is
that I would ask them when you
experienced emotions in your household
how were those emotions responded to so
if you got pissed off were you punished
for it if you got scared what are you
punished for it if you started crying at
home did your parents get mad at you for
crying and call you ungrateful so if we
sort of look at these situations what
we're starting to realize is that the
things that happen within you
start to become problematic so let's
kind of go back to the prisoner of war
example for a second so if I get pissed
at the guards what happens the guards
aren't going to apologize they're going
to actually punish me for it if I get
pissed at my parents what's going to
happen if I start yelling at my parents
they're going to punish me for it right
and so then if you sort of stop and
think about it what's happening in your
brain what is the lesson that your brain
learns your brain learns the lesson that
expressing emotions feeling emotions and
even trying to build some kind of plan
for the future is an absolute waste of
time at best and it's actually something
that hurts and punishes us at worst and
so literally what happens in these kids
as well as the pows is our brain starts
to suppress those thoughts and emotions
and something really devastating happens
when we start to do this emotional
suppression
so in the mild cases what we sort of
result in is thought suppression
suppression or emotional suppression
right because our brain learns hey when
we get pissed off it actually damages us
so we're gonna stop feeling anger we're
gonna stop feeling fear we're going to
stop feeling shame and then in the worst
case scenarios when we get into really
traumatic situations this ends up as
Frank dissociation so dissociation is
when we completely separate ourselves
from our emotions so even though there
are negative things happening to us we
don't really feel those emotions at all
because the suppression has gotten to
such a high level that we're actually
mentally checking out completely it
turns out that there's actually some
really fascinating Neuroscience research
that explains how suppressing our
thoughts and emotions literally leads us
to living a life on autopilot now a lot
of This research was done by by Van Der
kolk who did literally brain scans of
people who grew up with some kind of
traumatic diagnosis and what they
discovered is essentially there's this
cool neuroscientific phenomenon which is
damaging but it's really fascinating
called hemispheric lateralization now
what does that mean so we got to take a
step back and understand hemispheric
lateralization
so some time ago we sort of came up with
this idea that our right brain is
creative and emotional and our left
brain is sort of analytical planning and
this is where language also kind of is
dominated by the the left hemisphere
what trauma researchers discovered is
that this old concept actually turns out
to be true and that what would happen in
these people who did a lot of thought
suppression and emotional suppression is
they actually had a corpus callosum that
did not allow the two parts of their
brain to connect the corpus callosum is
sort of in the middle of our brain that
connects our right and left hemisphere
and so what Van Der kolt discovered is
that there's this hemispheric
lateralization which means I'm going to
separate all of my emotional experiences
and creativity from analysis
organization planning execution and even
language and so what they sort of
discovered is that when you dissociate
what happens is you take all these
feelings but they don't affect you in
the moment so you're able to kind of
still go through tasks and kind of like
almost live life on autopilot keeping
all these emotions left to the side and
now what we sort of discovered is that
even kids who were growing up in this
environment of course of control have
some degree of this going on
so when we have this hemispheric
lateralization and we essentially
separate out our emotions from our
ability to plan and execute tasks which
by the way is absolutely necessary right
because in the traumatic experience we
can't afford to have our emotions affect
our actions we have to be completely
separate I can't let my anger result in
me actually yelling at my parents
because I'm pissed off or blaming them
or holding them accountable because I'm
going to get punished so in order to
survive our brain decides to do this
thing where it's like hey we're going to
separate these two parts of ourselves
organization planning and action are
going to be over here and emotions are
going to be over here
now in that moment it helps us survive
in that that kind of environment but it
causes us a huge problem long term this
adaptation which supports our survival
becomes a maladaptation as we begin to
grow up because it turns out that a lot
of our ability to initiate tasks and
sort of plan for the future to live a
life with intentionality requires
integration across both hemispheres so
if we look at research on things like
meditation what we kind of discover is
that when we enter these meditative
States we have a lot of synchronicity
across both sides of our brain and when
we meditate a lot we start to like get
into these flow States we start planning
for the future we start living our life
to its fullest and literally this trauma
response does the exact opposite of that
by separating these two parts of our
brain
and there's actually good clinical
evidence to support this as well because
one of the things that we've sort of
discovered is that one of the reasons
Psychotherapy heals trauma is because it
actually Bridges these two things so
remember that the right hemisphere is
where we experience emotion and the left
hemisphere is where where our language
comes from and so if you work with
people who sort of have this traumatic
upbringing they have a lot of difficulty
vocalizing their emotions and so it
turns out that even in Psychotherapy
when you sit down with someone and you
just get them to talk about their
feelings it turns out that that sort of
strengthens the synchronicity across
both parts of the brain so what we're
sort of doing is I've got all these
emotions over here which normally I
separate and without any sort of emotion
I can't kind of plan or like live life
to the fullest and even if we sort of
think about
um you know like these movies that we
watch whether there's a hero or heroine
who like digs really deep and like
conquers all their fears what are they
driven by it's usually driven by some
kind of ocean
and so what what's sort of happening in
these people who are traumatic is that
these parts are separated and they can't
harness that emotion to kind of plan for
the future and their left brain is
actually sort of shut off so one way
that we can sort of reinvigorate that
left brain is actually through the
process of psychotherapy where we sort
of get people to articulate their
emotions and this is what's also really
confusing for people because a lot of
people will say I don't understand
how talking about my feelings is going
to fix anything right my problems are my
problems and talking about my feelings
is over here but I can't do anything
about it right I need to fix the
problems and it's that that's precisely
the problem is that right now even
though you know you have a problem your
brain isn't able to actually execute on
those tasks and this is what's really
bizarre is that the way that we're able
to execute it the way that you can
almost turn on your brain to execute on
that task is by reducing this
hemispheric lateralization which can be
done through things like talking
so if you're kind of living your life on
autopilot there are a couple of things
that we can do to help integrate our
brain as we've already mentioned even
articulation of your emotional state
will sort of lead to this synchronicity
and well I know it sounds kind of
bizarre but we'll get you to actually
start doing stuff for the future the
second thing that you can do is stop
retreating from your emotions so in the
minds of people who have grown up with
this kind of environment of coercive
control remember that your brain has
learned that when I experience negative
emotions this results in bad things so
anytime you start to experience negative
emotions your brain will cope by
retreating from those emotions or
distracting yourself
and this process needs to be stopped and
the tricky thing about this is that if
you grew up with a lot of emotional
suppression you may not even detect the
emotion all you're going to experience
is the retreat Behavior so I don't know
why but today I'm going to get up and
instead of doing anything that I'm
supposed to be doing I'm just going to
distract myself with stuff and if you
really pay attention to yourself what
you'll discover is that the amount of
distraction that you do is not the same
on a day-to-day basis even though your
circumstances are broadly the same there
are certain things that will trigger the
retreat so you really have to pay
attention and pay attention to when you
feel like retreating when you feel like
procrastinating there's one question you
can ask yourself which is okay am I
actually feeling some kind of emotion
here is there something going on where
someone has said something or someone
has done something or there's a deadline
coming up or something is going on that
is triggering or in a normal person
would trigger some kind of anxiety or
fear or something like that and if the
answer to that is yes just stop for a
second and try to pay attention to okay
what am I feeling right now
you can take a look at some of these
very simple things like your heart rate
um you know your respiratory rate why is
it that it's so hard for you to be able
to focus in this moment and this is
where a lot of people slip up because
they think that the goal is to force
themselves to focus but the goal is not
to force yourself to focus that's what's
really bizarre the goal is simply to
acknowledge the emotion and to not
Retreat from it so as we acknowledge the
emotion and not Retreat from it what
that'll sort of do is train our brain to
okay we no longer need to do thought
suppression and emotional suppression
these are things that are no longer
dangerous and will cause us pain and as
we take a step forward into that
direction and hopefully we can even
articulate it by journaling or something
like that the more integration we're
going to get across our hemispheres and
this is what we sort of see clinically
with patients with trauma is when you do
Psychotherapy on trauma and they start
to articulate all their emotions their
life starts to improve even though the
therapist is not helping them you know
get a job or apply for a promotion or
form relationships or anything like that
all we're doing is sort of getting the
brain to function the way that it's
supposed to
I want to just leave you all with kind
of one last kind of analogy which is
that sometimes in life we sort of feel
like we're an NPC we're not living Our
Lives as player characters right so a
player character decides what they're
gonna do they're going to be pursuing
main quests they're going to be going
here and going there and there's some
degree of advancement but some of us
feel like we're NPCs and what we're sort
of doing is we're just existing in our
little corner of the world and we're not
even saying anything or doing anything
until someone else comes along and when
they interact with us when they right
click us that's when we start to go
through this dialogue and we become
active and this is exactly what happens
in this trauma response because you
can't live a life with intention you're
living life very reactively and it
requires external stimuli to motivate
you to action
so if you're someone who's sort of
living life as an NPC it may not be due
to lack of willpower or discipline it
may simply be due to this sort of
stealth and very common trauma response
that affects up to 50 of people
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