Faith Jegede: What I've learned from my autistic brothers | TED

Summary

The speaker shares a heartfelt tribute to his two autistic brothers, Remi and Samuel, highlighting their unique qualities and the beauty of their differences. Remi, at 22, is described as a non-verbal communicator who embodies love and joy, while Samuel, at 16, is noted for his impeccable memory, recalling specific details from their past. The speaker emphasizes that autism, a complex brain disorder affecting social communication and learning, manifests differently in each individual, and challenges the societal notion of 'normal.' He reflects on the challenges and lessons learned from his family's experiences, advocating for the acceptance and celebration of individuality. The speaker passionately argues against the pursuit of normality, stating that it is the differences among us that represent our gifts and potential for greatness, urging everyone to embrace their own extraordinary nature.

Takeaways

• 👨‍👦 Remi, at 22, is described as tall, handsome, and non-verbal, yet he communicates joy and love in a profound way.
• 🌈 Remi embodies unconditional love, not seeing differences in skin color or religion, and has an honesty that is unparalleled.
• 🎶 When Remi sings, it serves as a reminder of the vastness and wonder of the human mind, especially in the context of autism.
• 🧠 Samuel, at 16, has an impeccable yet selective memory, highlighting the diverse manifestations of autism in different individuals.
• 🚫 The societal definition of 'normal' often leads to the bypassing and misunderstanding of those whose minds don't fit this mold.
• 💖 The speaker finds strength and heartlift in the extraordinary qualities of his brothers, despite their differences from societal norms.
• 🧬 Autism is a complex brain disorder affecting communication and behavior, with no known cause or cure, and is diagnosed in one person every 20 minutes worldwide.
• 👶 The speaker's first encounter with autism was at a young age, observing the differences in his brother's behavior and interests.
• 🌟 The speaker appreciates the unique qualities of his brothers, such as their pure and innocent nature and honesty, over a 'normal' existence.
• 💌 The message is clear: individuality and differences are valuable, and striving for 'normality' sacrifices the potential for greatness.
• 🎉 The pursuit of being extraordinary is encouraged over being 'normal,' as everyone has a unique gift to offer the world.

Q & A

What is the main message of the speaker in the transcript?

The main message is to embrace and celebrate the uniqueness and extraordinary qualities of individuals with autism, rather than striving for a societal definition of 'normal'.

Who are Remi and Samuel, and how do they differ from each other?

Remi and Samuel are the speaker's brothers who both have autism. Remi is 22, speechless, and communicates joy uniquely, while Samuel is 16, has an impeccable but selective memory, and remembers specific details from their past.

What is autism according to the speaker?

Autism is described as a complex brain disorder that affects social communication, learning, and sometimes physical skills, manifesting differently in each individual.

How does the speaker view the differences between Remi and Samuel?

The speaker views their differences as a source of their extraordinary qualities, highlighting that their uniqueness is something to be celebrated rather than seen as a deviation from 'normal'.

What does the speaker suggest about the concept of 'normal'?

The speaker suggests that the pursuit of 'normal' overlooks the beauty of individual differences and can be a sacrifice of potential, greatness, progress, and change.

Why does the speaker believe that the differences among people are valuable?

The speaker believes that differences are valuable because they represent a gift within each person, contributing to the diversity and richness of human experience.

What is the speaker's personal connection to autism?

The speaker's personal connection to autism is through their brothers, Remi and Samuel, who both have the condition.

How does the speaker describe Remi's approach to life?

The speaker describes Remi's approach to life as pure and innocent, seeing the world without prejudice, and having never lied.

What is the frequency of autism diagnosis mentioned in the script?

The script mentions that every 20 minutes, one new person is diagnosed with autism.

What challenges has the speaker's family faced due to autism?

The speaker acknowledges that there have been challenging moments in their family due to the differences brought by autism, but these challenges have also been a source of learning and growth.

What lessons has the speaker learned from Remi and Samuel?

The speaker has learned about individuality, communication, and love from Remi and Samuel, and these lessons have made them realize the value of being extraordinary rather than 'normal'.

Outlines

00:00

😇 Embracing the Extraordinary: A Sister's Perspective on Autism

The speaker begins by expressing her desire not to be considered 'normal' and introduces her brothers, Remi and Samuel, who are both autistic. Remi, at 22, is described as handsome and joyful, communicating love unconditionally and without prejudice. He's noted for his honesty and unique way of experiencing the world. Samuel, at 16, is characterized by his impeccable yet selective memory, remembering specific details like song release years and personal anecdotes but not everyday events like stealing a chocolate bar. The speaker emphasizes that despite their differences, which do not align with societal norms, they are extraordinary. Autism is briefly explained as a complex brain disorder affecting communication and learning, with varying manifestations. The speaker reflects on her own experiences growing up with her autistic brothers, recognizing their uniqueness and the challenges they face. She concludes by advocating for the acceptance and celebration of individuality, stating that being different is not wrong but rather a different kind of right, and encourages embracing one's extraordinary qualities over striving for a restrictive 'normality'.

05:03

🙏 A Plea for Acceptance: The Power of Being Extraordinary

In the concluding paragraph, the speaker reiterates her plea not to be considered 'normal' and thanks the audience for their applause. This final statement reinforces the message that being extraordinary is a positive attribute and that there is no need to conform to societal expectations of normalcy. The speaker's emphasis on the value of individual differences and the potential that lies within each person, regardless of whether they are autistic or not, serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of embracing one's unique qualities and the extraordinary potential within us all.

Keywords

💡Autism

Autism is a complex neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by challenges with social skills, repetitive behaviors, speech and nonverbal communication. In the script, it is mentioned as a condition that affects the brothers Remi and Samuel, highlighting their unique abilities and challenges. The speaker emphasizes that autism manifests differently in each individual, as illustrated by the distinct personalities and experiences of Remi and Samuel.

💡Normal

The term 'normal' is used in the script to contrast with the idea of being extraordinary. It is presented as a societal standard that the speaker rejects, arguing that the brothers' differences are not shortcomings but rather sources of their unique strengths. The speaker pleads not to be considered 'normal,' suggesting that normalcy can limit one's potential and individuality.

💡Extraordinary

The concept of being 'extraordinary' is central to the video's message. It is used to describe the unique and remarkable qualities of the brothers, who are autistic. The speaker uses this term to celebrate their differences and to argue that everyone has a gift, emphasizing the value of individuality and the potential that lies in not conforming to societal norms.

💡Communication

Communication is highlighted as a key area affected by autism, as it is a disorder that impacts social interaction. However, the script also showcases the unique ways in which Remi communicates joy and love, suggesting that there are multiple forms of communication beyond verbal language. The brothers' experiences with communication teach the speaker valuable lessons about individuality and connection.

💡Individuality

Individuality is a recurring theme in the script, with the speaker advocating for the recognition and celebration of each person's unique qualities. The brothers' individuality is emphasized through their distinct personalities and abilities, which challenge the notion of a 'normal' standard and highlight the beauty of diversity.

💡Love

Love is portrayed as an unconditional and pure emotion in the script, particularly through Remi's character. He is described as sharing love without prejudice or condition, which serves as a reminder of the inherent goodness and connection that exists beyond societal norms. The concept of love in the video is tied to acceptance and the celebration of differences.

💡Prejudice

Prejudice is mentioned in the context of how Remi sees the world without it, indicating an absence of bias or preconceived notions. This contrasts with societal expectations and norms, which often involve judgments based on appearance, abilities, or other superficial factors. The script uses the lack of prejudice to underscore the purity and authenticity of the brothers' perspectives.

💡Selective Memory

Selective memory is used to describe Samuel's unique ability to remember specific details while forgetting others. This concept is relevant to the video's theme as it highlights the different ways autism can affect individuals, and it also serves to illustrate the unique strengths and quirks that each person possesses.

💡Challenges

Challenges are acknowledged in the script as part of the experience of having autism, with the speaker reflecting on moments of frustration and difficulty. However, these challenges are not presented as defining the brothers, but rather as part of their journey, which also includes moments of joy, connection, and personal growth.

💡Potential

Potential is a central concept in the video, with the speaker arguing against the pursuit of normality as it can stifle individual potential. The brothers' stories serve as examples of the extraordinary potential that can be found in each person when they are allowed to be themselves, rather than conforming to societal expectations.

Highlights

Introduction of the speaker's brothers, Remi and Samuel, both of whom are autistic and have unique qualities.

Remi's ability to communicate joy and love unconditionally despite being speechless.

Remi's purity and innocence, and his lack of prejudice and dishonesty.

Samuel's impeccable memory, selectively remembering specific details from his past.

The societal misunderstanding and bypassing of individuals with autism due to their differences.

The speaker's realization that his brothers' perceived lack of normalcy actually signifies their extraordinariness.

Definition of autism as a complex brain disorder affecting social communication and learning.

The alarming rate at which autism is diagnosed, with one new case every 20 minutes.

The lack of a known cause or cure for autism, despite its prevalence.

The speaker's personal journey with autism since childhood and the early signs he noticed in his brother.

The unique behaviors and interests of Remi that set him apart from typical children.

The challenges faced by the family and the speaker's moments of wishing for normalcy.

The valuable lessons the speaker learned from his brothers about individuality, communication, and love.

The argument against the pursuit of normality as it overlooks the beauty of differences.

The empowerment message that being different is not wrong, but rather a different kind of right.

The call to embrace one's uniqueness and the idea that everyone has a gift inside them.

The final message urging not to strive for normality but to be extraordinary, regardless of autism.

The applause and appreciation from the audience indicating the impact of the speaker's message.

Transcripts

Transcriber: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Today I have just one request.

Please don't tell me I'm normal.

Now I'd like to introduce you to my brothers.

Remi is 22,

tall and very handsome.

He's speechless, but he communicates joy

in a way that some of the best orators cannot.

Remi knows what love is.

He shares it unconditionally and he shares it regardless.

He's not greedy. He doesn't see skin color.

He doesn't care about religious differences, and get this:

He has never told a lie.

When he sings songs from our childhood,

attempting words that not even I could remember,

he reminds me of one thing:

how little we know about the mind, and how wonderful

the unknown must be.

Samuel is 16. He's tall. He's very handsome.

He has the most impeccable memory.

He has a selective one, though.

He doesn't remember if he stole my chocolate bar,

but he remembers the year of release for every song on my iPod,

conversations we had when he was four,

weeing on my arm on the first ever episode of Teletubbies,

and Lady Gaga's birthday.

Don't they sound incredible?

But most people don't agree.

And in fact, because their minds don't fit

into society's version of normal,

they're often bypassed and misunderstood.

But what lifted my heart and strengthened my soul

was that even though this was the case,

although they were not seen as ordinary,

this could only mean one thing:

that they were extraordinary --

autistic and extraordinary.

Now, for you who may be less familiar with the term "autism,"

it's a complex brain disorder that affects social communication,

learning and sometimes physical skills.

It manifests in each individual differently,

hence why Remi is so different from Sam.

And across the world, every 20 minutes, one new person

is diagnosed with autism, and although it's one of

the fastest-growing developmental disorders in the world,

there is no known cause or cure.

And I cannot remember the first moment I encountered autism,

but I cannot recall a day without it.

I was just three years old when my brother came along,

and I was so excited that

I had a new being in my life.

And after a few months went by,

I realized that he was different.

He screamed a lot.

He didn't want to play like the other babies did,

and in fact, he didn't seem

very interested in me whatsoever.

Remi lived and reigned in his own world, with his own rules,

and he found pleasure in the smallest things,

like lining up cars around the room

and staring at the washing machine

and eating anything that came in between.

And as he grew older, he grew more different,

and the differences became more obvious.

Yet beyond the tantrums and the frustration

and the never-ending hyperactivity

was something really unique:

a pure and innocent nature, a boy who saw the world

without prejudice, a human who had never lied.

Extraordinary.

Now, I cannot deny that there have been

some challenging moments in my family,

moments where I've wished that they were just like me.

But I cast my mind back to the things that they've taught me

about individuality and communication and love,

and I realize that these are things that

I wouldn't want to change with normality.

Normality overlooks the beauty that differences give us,

and the fact that we are different doesn't mean that one of us is wrong.

It just means that there's a different kind of right.

And if I could communicate just one thing to Remi

and to Sam

and to you,

it would be that you don't have to be normal.

You can be extraordinary.

Because autistic or not,

the differences that we have --

We've got a gift! Everyone's got a gift inside of us,

and in all honesty, the pursuit of normality

is the ultimate sacrifice of potential.

The chance for greatness, for progress and for change

dies the moment we try to be like someone else.

Please -- don't tell me I'm normal.

Thank you. (Applause)

(Applause)