Business with Bob: Culture and small talk

Summary

In this video, Bob Digman explores the cultural differences in small talk between Germans and Americans, using the metaphors of the coconut and the peach. The German style (coconut) is task-oriented, reserved, and professional, with personal topics kept separate from work. In contrast, the American style (peach) is warm, engaging, and personal, diving into personal topics early on. Digman emphasizes the importance of understanding your own communication style and adapting to others' cultural norms for effective, strategic small talk in international contexts.

Takeaways

• 😀 Small talk is an important form of communication that varies across cultures.
• 😀 Suzanne Zaninelli, an interculturalist, compares German and American small talk styles using the metaphors of coconut and peach.
• 😀 The German small talk style is 'coconut-like,' task-oriented, and reserved, with a clear separation between work and personal life.
• 😀 Germans tend to prioritize professionalism and focus over personal inquiries during small talk, especially at first meetings.
• 😀 Over time, it is possible to 'crack through the coconut shell' and engage in deeper personal conversations, but this takes time and trust.
• 😀 The American small talk style is 'peach-like,' focusing on personal questions and enthusiastic engagement right from the start.
• 😀 Americans show strong interest in others' lives, asking questions like 'What do you do?' or 'Do you have children?' to demonstrate value and enthusiasm.
• 😀 The coconut style (German) might find the peach style (American) superficial, overly optimistic, and intrusive.
• 😀 On the other hand, the peach style might perceive the coconut style as distant, cold, and sometimes even rude or arrogant.
• 😀 There is no 'right' or 'wrong' style; the key is understanding your own style, recognizing the other person's style, and developing a strategy to bridge the gap between them.
• 😀 Being strategic about small talk is crucial for effective communication in international or cross-cultural settings.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video?

The main topic of the video is small talk, specifically the different cultural styles of small talk, particularly comparing German and American approaches.

What is the metaphor used to describe the German style of small talk?

The German style of small talk is described as 'coconut-like,' which means it is very task-oriented, with a thin layer of personal information being shared in professional settings. It is reserved, serious, and focused on work rather than personal matters.

How does the German style of small talk differ from the American style?

The German style is more reserved and professional, focusing on work, with minimal personal engagement. In contrast, the American style is described as 'peach-like,' where people dive into personal topics right away, showing enthusiasm and engagement with the other person.

What is the metaphor used to describe the American style of small talk?

The American style is compared to a 'peach,' which represents a more open, personal approach. At first meetings, Americans ask a lot of personal questions and show explicit interest in the other person, making the interaction more engaging and friendly.

According to the speaker, what is a potential issue when combining the German and American small talk styles?

The two styles can sometimes clash. Germans might find the American style superficial, over-enthusiastic, and overly positive, while Americans might view the German style as distant, cold, or even impolite.

What does the speaker suggest you should do in order to be successful in international small talk?

The speaker advises you to understand both your own small talk style and that of the other person, then develop a strategy to bridge the differences. This way, you can effectively navigate intercultural interactions and become a successful international small talker.

What does the 'coconut' metaphor reveal about the German approach to personal relationships at work?

The 'coconut' metaphor highlights that Germans prefer to keep personal and professional lives separate. At work, they focus on tasks and are generally not interested in engaging in personal conversations unless they have established a closer relationship over time.

Why is small talk considered unprofessional in the German context?

In the German context, small talk is seen as unprofessional because it deviates from the task at hand. Spending too much time on personal conversations may be viewed as distracting or inappropriate in a professional environment.

What are some examples of questions Americans typically ask during small talk, according to the speaker?

Americans typically ask questions like 'What do you do?', 'Where are you from?', 'Do you have any children?', and 'Are you married?' These questions are designed to quickly engage on a personal level and show genuine interest.

What does the speaker mean by 'know your own style' in the context of small talk?

Knowing your own style means being aware of how you naturally approach small talk—whether you tend to be more reserved like the 'coconut' or more open like the 'peach.' Understanding this can help you navigate conversations better, especially in intercultural contexts.