6 Common Mistakes When Talking with Young Children

Summary

In this video, Cindy revisits and expands on her popular topic of common mistakes people make when talking to young children. She highlights six key mistakes, including over-flattery, making hollow threats, using meaningless phrases, asking questions instead of giving directives, and turning commands into questions. The most important takeaway is the need to give clear, positive instructions rather than focusing on what children shouldn't do. Cindy encourages viewers to share their ideas in the comments, making it an interactive and insightful discussion for parents and educators.

Takeaways

• 😊 Over-flattery is ineffective: Excessive praise comes across as insincere, and children can tune it out. Instead, offer genuine compliments when deserved.
• 🤔 Avoid empty threats: Don't make threats or promises, like canceling a field trip, that you can't follow through on. It weakens your authority and trust with children.
• 🗣️ Eliminate meaningless phrases: Statements like 'you know better than that' are ineffective, as they don't guide children on what to do differently.
• ❓ Don’t phrase commands as questions: Directives like 'Does everyone want to do art?' create confusion. Be clear and assertive by saying 'It's time for art, please sit down.'
• 🙃 Avoid adding 'okay' after commands: Ending a directive with 'okay?' turns it into a question, allowing children to feel they can opt out. Keep commands direct.
• ✅ State what you want in positive terms: Instead of telling a child what not to do ('Don't stand on the table'), clearly explain what they should do ('Put your feet on the floor').
• 👂 Repetition is essential: Children often need instructions repeated multiple times, so avoid expressing frustration over having to repeat directions.
• 💡 Be specific with feedback: Broad statements or vague criticism don’t help. Focus on clear, constructive feedback to help children understand your expectations.
• 🧠 Children learn from consistency: The more consistent and clear you are with directions, the more children will understand and follow them.
• 📢 Clear communication improves behavior: Providing direct, simple instructions fosters better comprehension and behavior from young children.

Q & A

What is the main purpose of the video?

The main purpose of the video is to discuss six common mistakes people make when talking with young children and provide tips on how to avoid them.

What is the first mistake mentioned in the video?

The first mistake discussed is over-flattery, where adults give excessive praise that can come across as insincere to children.

Why should threats that cannot be followed through on be avoided when communicating with children?

Threats that are not followed through on should be avoided because children will eventually realize that they are hollow, and this undermines trust and the effectiveness of communication.

Why is it ineffective to say things like 'you know better' to children?

It's ineffective because children often don’t remember or haven’t fully learned certain behaviors, so such statements do not help them understand what they should do. Children need clear instructions and repetition instead.

What’s wrong with phrasing commands as questions?

Phrasing commands as questions, like 'Do you want to sit down?', gives children the impression they have a choice, when in fact the instruction should be followed. It leads to confusion about expectations.

How can saying 'okay?' at the end of commands confuse children?

Saying 'okay?' at the end of commands turns the directive into a question, giving children the impression they can choose not to comply. This weakens the authority of the instruction.

What is the benefit of stating commands in positive terms rather than using negative language?

Stating commands in positive terms helps children understand what they should do. For example, saying 'Put your feet on the floor' instead of 'Don’t stand on the table' provides a clear, actionable instruction.

What can be done to break the habit of adding 'okay?' to commands?

One way to break this habit is to have a co-worker or peer observe and signal each time the phrase 'okay?' is used, raising awareness so it can be consciously corrected.

How do children respond to insincere praise?

Children can sense when praise is insincere, and when overused, it diminishes the value of genuine compliments, causing them to tune out the praise altogether.

What should adults focus on when giving compliments to young children?

Adults should focus on giving heartfelt, meaningful compliments, praising children when they truly believe the child has done a good job, to make the praise more impactful.