Defining Success | Fred Miles | TEDxGoshen

Summary

The speaker reflects on their evolving definition of success throughout their life, shaped by personal challenges and changing circumstances. From growing up in a single-parent household and struggling through school, to joining the National Guard, becoming a father, and pursuing higher education, the speaker highlights how their vision of success has shifted over time. They emphasize that success is not a fixed destination but a complex and ever-changing journey driven by purpose. The speaker encourages the audience to define success for themselves, recognizing that it takes many forms and is achievable at any stage of life.

Takeaways

• 😊 Success is a complex, ever-changing concept that evolves over time and life experiences.
• 👩‍👧‍👦 The speaker grew up in a single-parent household, and early on, success was as simple as getting McDonald's fries after church.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Growing up, the speaker's vision of success was having a complete family, something he lacked due to his absent father.
• 🎓 The speaker struggled academically in high school, barely graduating, with a future that seemed uncertain and without direction.
• 💼 After high school, the speaker worked at several retail jobs but didn't find purpose or fulfillment.
• 🪖 Joining the New York State Army National Guard was a turning point, where the speaker's idea of success shifted to providing for his family and being a good father.
• 👶 The birth of his son added urgency to finding purpose and stability, which led him to the active duty military for a more secure future.
• 🌍 During his military service, the speaker learned leadership, responsibility, and accountability, with success evolving into professional and personal growth.
• 🎓 After military service, the speaker pursued higher education, earning both bachelor's and master's degrees from Fordham University.
• 🏆 Today, the speaker defines success as being a good father, a dedicated husband, and a role model to students, while acknowledging that success varies for everyone.

Q & A

What is the speaker's main message about success?

The speaker's main message is that success is complex, ever-changing, and has different meanings for different people. It is not a remote place, but rather about having purpose and finding personal fulfillment in various aspects of life.

How did the speaker's upbringing influence their early vision of success?

Growing up in a single-parent household in Newburgh, the speaker initially viewed success as simple accomplishments, such as making it through church services to get McDonald's fries. Their vision was shaped by a desire for a complete family, something they lacked with the absence of their father.

What challenges did the speaker face during high school?

The speaker struggled academically, skipping classes and barely getting by. In their senior year, they had to take three different math classes to graduate and eventually attended summer school to earn the credits needed to graduate, leaving their future uncertain.

How did joining the National Guard change the speaker’s outlook on success?

Initially, the speaker saw the National Guard as a means to earn $20,000, buy a car, and show off to friends. However, after learning that their girlfriend was pregnant, their vision of success shifted to becoming a good father and providing for their family.

What motivated the speaker to join the active-duty military?

Feeling stuck in a dead-end job and lacking purpose, the speaker decided to join the active-duty military to provide for their family and find a sense of purpose, especially after their first child was born.

What life lessons did the speaker learn during their military service?

During their time in the military, the speaker learned important lessons in leadership, responsibility, personal accountability, and professionalism, which contributed to their personal growth and eventual success.

How did the speaker’s vision of success change after leaving the military?

After leaving the military, the speaker’s vision of success shifted to becoming a college graduate, finding a noble career that helps others, and being a good father and husband.

What does the speaker identify as their current vision of success?

The speaker’s current vision of success includes being a good father to their four children, a loving husband, an effective softball coach, and a role model to their students, while understanding that success is about having purpose and evolving over time.

Why does the speaker push back against the idea that traditional pathways are the only way to success?

The speaker believes that success can be achieved in various ways, not just through traditional paths like college and career. They emphasize that many successful people follow non-traditional routes, and success should be defined by personal purpose, not societal norms.

How does the speaker encourage the audience to think about their own success?

The speaker encourages the audience to define their own version of success, reminding them that success has different meanings for different people. They ask the audience to reflect on what gives them purpose and to recognize that it’s never too late to accomplish something meaningful.