How to Be a Good Listener (and Why Bother) - Prof. Jordan Peterson
Summary
TLDRこの動画は、真に人の話を聞くことの重要性について語っています。通常の会話では自己主張や相手を納得させることが目的となりがちですが、本質的には他人の視点を理解し、そこから新しい知識を得ることが重要だと述べています。心理療法の効果的なセッションでは、真実を共有し合うことで双方がより良くなることが目指されます。このような「関係」が本物であれば、それは治癒的な効果を持ち、双方の成長に繋がります。誠実に相手の話を聞くことが、個々の変化と共に、より良い関係を築くカギであると強調されています。
Takeaways
- 😀 人々は通常、会話をする際に自分の正しさを証明しようとするが、相手の意見に耳を傾けることは少ない。
- 👂 真剣に相手の話を聞くことによって、自分が知らなかったことを学べる可能性がある。
- 🤝 カール・ロジャースの提唱する心理療法の目的は、真実を追求することで両者がより良くなること。
- 📚 ピアジェの理論に基づき、知識の本質は新しいことを学ぶ過程にある。
- 🧠 二人の異なる脳が協力することで、より多くの洞察や解決策を見つけることができる。
- 💬 良好なコミュニケーションは、お互いが真実を共有することを目的とし、それが心の健康につながる。
- 👥 セラピーは「何かがうまくいっていない」という認識と、改善のために真実を話す意志がなければ成立しない。
- 🤔 関係が治療的でない場合、それは関係ではなく、支配と従属の関係かもしれない。
- 🔄 人々が本当に話を聞いてくれる場面では、非常に興味深いことを学べることがある。
- 🔍 良い会話の目的は、最終的に両者がより賢く、状況に対応できるようになること。
Q & A
質問1: 通常の会話とスクリプト内で述べられている会話の違いは何ですか?
-通常の会話では、人は自分が正しいことを証明したり、相手を説得しようとしますが、スクリプト内では相手の話を聞き、新しい知識や視点を得ることに重点を置いています。
質問2: ピアジェの知識に関する理論は何ですか?
-ピアジェは、知識の本質はその生成過程にあり、知識がどのように求められるかが重要であると述べています。
質問3: 他者の視点を聞くことが重要な理由は何ですか?
-他者の視点を聞くことで、自分が知らない情報や新しい視点を得ることができ、自分が賢くなる可能性があるからです。
質問4: 長期的な平和を保つためには、相手の何を理解する必要がありますか?
-相手は自分とは異なる視点を持っており、それを理解し受け入れることが重要です。相手の事実や考え方が自分と異なることを認識する必要があります。
質問5: 良い心理療法のセッションの特徴は何ですか?
-良い心理療法のセッションでは、双方が真実を可能な限り明確に表現し、共に成長し、心理的に健康になることを目的とします。
質問6: カール・ロジャースの提案とは何ですか?
-カール・ロジャースは、真実の交換が人々をより良くし、心理的に健康にすると提案しました。
質問7: 真実を交換することが健康に寄与するという考えは、どの文化に基づいていますか?
-この考えは主に西洋文明に基づいていますが、西洋文明に限らず、他の文化にも影響を与えています。
質問8: 人が心理療法を受けるための最低限の条件は何ですか?
-人が心理療法を受けるためには、現状に満足していないこと、真実について話し合う意欲があること、そして現状を改善したいという意志が必要です。
質問9: 「真の関係」とは何ですか?
-真の関係とは、お互いに成長し、癒される関係を指し、対立や支配的な関係ではありません。
質問10: なぜ会話が退屈に感じることがあるのでしょうか?
-会話が退屈に感じるのは、相手の話を十分に聞いていないためです。人々は本質的に奇妙で複雑な存在であり、彼らの真実に耳を傾けることで、会話は興味深いものになります。
Outlines
🎧 相手に耳を傾ける対話の重要性
この段落では、会話における傾聴の重要性が強調されています。多くの人は、自分の意見を主張しがちで、相手の話を真剣に聞かないことが多いですが、対話の目的は新しい知識を得ることであるべきです。相手が異なる視点を持っていることで、新しい発見が得られる可能性があり、その結果、自分の無知が少しでも解消されるかもしれません。特に長期的な関係においては、互いの違いを理解することが平和な共存につながります。また、ピアジェの知識の生成プロセスに関する理論も引用されており、真実を探求する姿勢が知識を深めるという考えが紹介されています。
🧠 真実の追求がもたらす心理的健康
ここでは、カール・ロジャーズの理論を通じて、真実を共有することが心理的な健康をもたらすという深い考えが述べられています。ロジャーズは、真実を率直に伝え合うことで、両者がより良い状態に到達できると考えました。心理療法の基本は、クライアントが自分に不満を持ち、それを正直に話し合い、改善したいという意欲を持つことにあります。真実を求める姿勢がなければ、治療関係は成立しません。そして、このような対話は、単に心理療法に限らず、真の人間関係にも必要な要素であると強調されています。
Mindmap
Keywords
💡傾聴
💡真実の交換
💡心理療法
💡関係性
💡異なる視点
💡知識の生成
💡ピアジェの理論
💡優越の争い
💡カール・ロジャーズ
💡復讐心
Highlights
Listening differs from regular communication, where the focus is often on proving oneself right.
Many conversations are about impressing or thinking about what to say next, rather than truly listening.
True listening involves the possibility of learning something new, which can lead to personal growth.
If you only listen to affirm your own beliefs, you're not gaining any new knowledge.
Even if most things someone says aren't useful to you, just one valuable insight can be enough.
Psychotherapy is about expressing the truth of a situation as clearly as possible.
Carl Rogers believed that truth-sharing in a conversation improves both people and leads to psychological health.
The idea that truth leads to health is central to Western civilization and psychotherapeutic relationships.
For therapy to work, the patient must be willing to speak truthfully and seek improvement.
A real relationship is therapeutic; if it’s not, it's likely based on dominance or conflict.
Listening to people often reveals strange and unexpected truths about them.
If a conversation feels dull, it’s likely due to a failure to listen deeply.
People are inherently unique and interesting, and real communication reveals this.
Proper orientation in listening means wanting both parties to leave the conversation in a better place.
Bitterness, resentment, or anger can lead to wanting others to walk away worse from a conversation.
Transcripts
okay we're having a conversation I'm
deciding I'm going to listen to you
right that's different than people how
people generally communicate because
usually when they communicate they're
doing something like okay we're gonna
have a conversation and I'm gonna tell
you why I'm right and Alwyn if you agree
or maybe you're having a conversation
where I don't know what you're trying to
do maybe you're trying to impress the
person you're talking to so you're not
listening to them at all you're just
thinking about what you're gonna say
next okay so that's not this this is you
might have something to tell me and so
I'm gonna listen on the off chance that
you'll tell me something that would
really be useful for me to know and so
you could think about it as an as an
extension of the PIA jetty and you know
Piaget talked about the fundamental the
fundamentally important element of
knowledge being to describe how
knowledge is sought the process by which
knowledge is generated well if you agree
with me and I find that out I know
nothing more than I knew before I just
know what I knew before and maybe I'm
happy about that because you know it
didn't get challenged but I'm no smarter
than I was before
but maybe you're different than me and
so while I'm listening to you you'll
tell me something I wouldn't I don't
like maybe it's something I find
contemptible or difficult whatever maybe
you'll find you'll tell me something I
don't know and then I won't be quite as
stupid and then maybe I won't run
painfully into quite as many things and
that's a really useful thing to know
especially if you live with someone and
you're trying to make long-term peace
with them is they're not the same as you
and their way they look at the world and
the facts that they pull out of the
world aren't the same as your facts and
even though you're going to be
overwhelmed with the proclivity to
demonstrate that you're right it is the
case that two brains are better than one
and so maybe nine of the ten things they
tell you are dispensable or maybe even
49 out of 50 but one thing all you need
to get out of the damn conversation is
one thing you don't know and one of the
things that's very cool about a good
psychotherapeutic session is that the
whole conversation is like that all
you're doing is trying to express
the truth of the situation as clearly as
possible that's it
and so now Rogers proposition and I'll
tell you why he derived it was that if
you have a conversation like that with
someone it will make both of you better
it'll make both of you psychologically
healthier so there's an implicit
presupposition that the exchange of
truth is curative well that's a very
cool idea it's a very deep idea I think
it's the most profound idea it's the
it's the idea upon Western civilization
although not only Western civilization
is actually predicated the idea that
truth produces health but for Rogers
that was the entire purpose of the
psychotherapeutic alliance you come to
see me because you want to be better you
don't even know what that means
necessarily neither do i we're gonna
figure that out together but you come
and you say look things are not
acceptable to me and maybe there's
something I could do about that so
that's the minimal precondition to
engage in therapy
something's wrong you're willing to talk
about it truthfully and you want it to
be better without that the therapeutic
relationship does not get off the ground
and so then you might ask well what
relationships are therapeutic and the
answer that would be if you have a real
relationship it's therapeutic
if it isn't what you have is not a
relationship god only knows what you
have you're a slave they're a tyrant you
know you're both butting heads with one
another it's a primate dominance
hierarchy dispute oh I don't know you're
like two cats in a barrel or two people
with their hands around eat each other's
throats but you what you have is not a
relationship and it's extraordinarily
useful for people because it's often
difficult for anyone to find anyone to
talk to that will actually listen and so
another thing that's really strange
about this listening is that if you
listen to people they will tell you the
weirdest bloody things so fast you just
cannot believe it so if you're having a
conversation with someone and it's dull
it's because you're stupid
that's why you're not listening to them
properly because they're weird they're
like warm bats or albatrosses or
rhinoceroses or something like there's
strange creatures
so if you were actually communicating
with them and they were telling you how
weird they really are it would be eight
it would be anything but boring so and
you can ask questions that's a really
good way of listening but you know one
of Rogers points is well you have to be
oriented properly in order to listen and
the orientation has to be look what I
want out of this conversation is that
the place we both end up is better than
the place we left that's it that's what
I'm after and if you're not after that
you got to think why the hell wouldn't
you be after that what could you
possibly be after that would be better
than that you walk away smarter and more
well equipped for the world than you
were before you had the conversation and
so does the other person well maybe if
you're bitter and resentful and angry
and anxious and you know generally
annoyed at the world then that isn't
what you want you want the other person
to walk away worse than you - because
you're full of revenge but you know
you'll get what you want if you do that
you
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