Joshua Graham-Tough Love
Summary
TLDRThe speaker reflects on life lessons from his father, emphasizing the rarity of true love and the importance of honesty and effort in relationships. He critiques societal delusions of equality and the superficiality of modern connections, advocating for personal growth, accountability, and the recognition of life's adversities. The script calls for individuals to seek authenticity over validation, to embrace challenges rather than shirk responsibility, and to cultivate strength and resilience in the face of societal decay and personal obstacles.
Takeaways
- 💔 Real love is rare and not often experienced at first glance; it's typically developed through shared experiences of joy and hardship.
- 👪 Different types of love exist, such as familial, romantic, and platonic, each with its own unique expression and depth.
- 🔒 Trust, honesty, and effort are the foundations that sustain long-term relationships, especially when challenges arise.
- 🚫 The fear of being alone or the fear of confrontation often keeps people in toxic relationships, despite the lack of true love or fulfillment.
- 👮♂️ Discipline and tough love, even when uncomfortable, can be essential for personal growth and steering individuals away from destructive paths.
- 📈 Personal growth and success are not achieved by taking the easy road; they require effort, failure, and self-exploration.
- 🌐 Living in a world of outrage and non-logical behavior has led to a disconnect from reality, where superficial causes and emotions are prioritized over genuine connections and personal development.
- 🏆 The idea that everyone is equal and should be treated as such is a fallacy; true equality comes from recognizing individual worth and contributions.
- 💬 The constant need for validation and attention on social media is a sign of arrested development and a distraction from meaningful life experiences.
- 💰 The commodification of love and sex has degraded their true value, turning them into mere transactions rather than expressions of deep human connection.
- 🛡️ The belief in pacifism as a virtue without understanding its implications can lead to weakness and a lack of preparedness for real-world challenges.
Q & A
What is the main message the speaker's father conveyed to him about love?
-The speaker's father conveyed that only one or two people might truly love someone, and this was meant to prepare him for the reality of interpersonal relationships rather than a fantasy.
How does the speaker describe the nature of real love?
-The speaker describes real love as being discriminatory and not something that happens at first glance. It is cultivated through mutual experiences of suffering, accomplishments, pleasures, and shared goals.
What does the speaker say about the fear of being alone and its impact on relationships?
-The speaker suggests that the fear of being alone can lead people to settle in relationships that are not good for them and to make excuses for toxic companions, perpetuating cycles of abuse.
What role does the speaker believe his father played in his life?
-The speaker believes his father played a crucial role by providing discipline and tough love, which helped him avoid negative outcomes and develop the tools to face life's challenges.
How does the speaker view the societal obsession with superficial causes and emotions?
-The speaker views the societal obsession with superficial causes and emotions as a distraction from true personal growth and a sign of a lack of depth in human connection.
What does the speaker criticize about the current state of social media and personal branding?
-The speaker criticizes the use of social media and personal branding for creating a false image of oneself and for promoting a culture where people seek attention and validation rather than genuine connection and personal growth.
What does the speaker suggest is the problem with the idea that everyone is equal and should be treated as a winner?
-The speaker suggests that treating everyone as equal and winners undermines personal growth and societal evolution, as it ignores the reality of individual differences and the value of competition and merit.
How does the speaker feel about people who take the easy road and expect quick success?
-The speaker feels that people who take the easy road and expect quick success are immature and lack foresight, as they fail to appreciate the value of failure, delayed gratification, and self-exploration.
What does the speaker say about the role of fear and the need for personal accountability?
-The speaker emphasizes that fear is a natural part of being human, but it should not control one's actions. Personal accountability is crucial, and individuals must take responsibility for their own growth and success.
What is the speaker's view on the importance of developing skills and influence in the world?
-The speaker views the development of skills and influence as essential for personal growth and success. He encourages individuals to become more financially and physically capable and to develop real influence in their lives.
How does the speaker define the concept of 'earning' love, respect, and a better life?
-The speaker defines 'earning' love, respect, and a better life as the result of hard work, personal development, and the willingness to face challenges and adversity, rather than expecting them to be handed to one without effort.
Outlines
💔 The Rarity of True Love
The speaker reflects on his father's advice about the rarity of true love, emphasizing that it's a profound and selective emotion, not to be confused with fleeting infatuation or lust. He explains that real love is developed through shared experiences of joy and hardship. The father's role is highlighted as a guide to prepare children for the realities of life, not fantasies. The speaker also touches on the different forms of love, such as familial and romantic, and how they vary in expression and intensity. The paragraph concludes with a reminder that honest communication is crucial for maintaining strong relationships, and that true love is discerning and not easily given.
🌐 The Illusion of Equality and the Decay of Society
This paragraph discusses the unrealistic expectations society has created around love and relationships, fueled by social media and a culture that rewards superficiality. The speaker criticizes the idea that everyone is equal and that everyone can be loved equally, arguing that this mindset hinders personal growth and societal evolution. He advocates for a more realistic approach to life, where people are assessed based on their actions and contributions rather than superficial attributes. The paragraph also addresses the enablement of negative behaviors and the lack of personal responsibility, suggesting that facing reality and embracing challenges are essential for true growth and development.
🚫 The Trappings of Modern Life and the Loss of Individuality
The speaker laments the loss of originality and authenticity in modern society, where people are more focused on gaining attention and validation than on developing genuine skills or talents. He criticizes those who copy others' work or rely on artificial means to achieve success, emphasizing the importance of hard work, self-exploration, and delayed gratification. The paragraph also touches on the unrealistic expectations of instant success and the unwillingness to accept failure as a stepping stone to growth. The speaker calls for humility and perseverance in the face of life's challenges.
🙅♂️ The Misguided Priorities of Modern Masculinity
In this paragraph, the speaker addresses the misguided priorities of some men who expect handouts from society, such as jobs or partners, instead of working to improve themselves. He criticizes the lack of ambition and the tendency to blame external factors for personal failures. The speaker also discusses the unrealistic standards that some men have for women, while neglecting to improve their own qualities. He argues that true strength and respect come from personal growth and self-improvement, not from entitlement or resentment.
💪 The Necessity of Strength and Self-Reliance
The speaker emphasizes the importance of strength, both physical and mental, in a world that often rewards weakness and passivity. He argues against the idea of pacifism as a virtue when it is used as a cover for fear or laziness. The paragraph encourages men to develop their skills, take responsibility for their lives, and not rely on others to provide for them or solve their problems. The speaker also discusses the importance of competition and the willingness to fight for what one believes in, while acknowledging that violence is a part of life that cannot be ignored.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Interpersonal Relationships
💡True Love
💡Discriminatory Nature of Love
💡Fantasy vs. Reality
💡Toxic Companionship
💡Fear of Being Alone
💡Self-Destruction
💡Hyper-Expression of Ego
💡Equality and Subjectivity
💡Personal Responsibility
💡Self-Sabotage
Highlights
The importance of understanding the reality of interpersonal relationships over societal fantasies.
Love is discriminatory by nature and is not something that can be equally given to all.
True love is cultivated through mutual experiences of suffering, accomplishments, and shared goals.
The different types of love, such as familial, romantic, and pet love, all have their unique expressions.
The role of trust, honesty, and effort in maintaining a loving relationship.
The rarity of deeply felt and transcendental love in the world.
The fear of being alone and how it influences people to stay in toxic relationships.
The cycle of abuse and why it is common in both friendships and romantic relationships.
The value of honesty in relationships, even when it risks causing resentment.
The significance of receiving tough love from those who care for our well-being.
The impact of a father's discipline and love on shaping one's character and life.
The realization of love in a father's actions and the depth of care over time.
The critique of modern society's focus on superficial causes, cares, and emotions.
The monetization of love and how it has become a commodity like any other.
The psychological manipulation by governments and corporations to keep people dependent.
The necessity of facing reality and growing as individuals to overcome life's obstacles.
The fallacy of expecting handouts and the importance of earning one's success.
The illusion of pacifism as a virtue and the reality of needing to protect what is important.
The call to stop seeking an easy life and to start taking responsibility for one's own growth and success.
Transcripts
when I was a young man I remember my
father telling me something that has
stuck with me to this day he said son if
you're lucky besides your mother and I
only one or two people will ever truly
love you
my father's message or should I say
warning was not to belittle me or make
me view people as bad it was instead raw
insight to the truth of interpersonal
relationships as an adult
it is the role of the father and mother
to prepare their sons and daughters not
for the fantasy they hold in their mind
but the reality that awaits them
the concept of Love is a strange one
because our societal definition of it
has been molded by fervor and fiction
this is also reinforced by the vague
idea people hold that we are all equal
that life can be made fair and that love
can be fully given to all
however it cannot
love is discriminatory by Nature real
love is rarely something that happens at
first glance it is generally lust or the
projection of our ideal partner placed
unconsciously onto the person
true love with another is cultivated
through mutual suffering accomplishments
pleasures and goals the love for family
is different from that of a lover and
distinct from the love of a pet
but it is love the same
how we express that love into what
intensity depends on the intensity of
suffering and or Joy shared between two
people
it is easy to love your spouse when
there is sexual interest youth freshness
and easy goings when money illness or
the erosion of time wear away at the
phrase the true Materia of the
relationship Remains the consistency of
trust honesty and effort is what holds
it all together
if we feel we cannot be truly honest
with someone or them with us something
is terribly wrong
so when I tell you like my father told
me that only a small number of people
will ever truly love you I mean it and I
tell you because I care this does not
mean people do not care for you or
everyone is out to get you it simply
means that real deeply felt and
transcendental love is very rare in this
world
most people settle most people lie to
themselves that the relationships they
have are good for them
to them they may see no issue or make
excuses for why things are the way they
are yet it is the fear of being alone
the fear of the intense reaction or
inaction that makes them hold water for
their toxic companion
there is a reason the cycle of abuse is
well known to psychologists it is not
only common but nearly Universal whether
it be friends or lovers they may hurt us
beyond words but then shower us with
gifts or affection
maybe they promise to change or they
play upon our own fears they may tell
you things to hurt you but they never
tell you things that hurt to make you
better
so few people are willing to do so
because we fear the person may come to
resent us
many times they will
but it is the people that can tell it to
us straight when we need it that we can
count on
my father is much that way uncomfortably
so if he didn't like you you'd be the
first to know if he liked you and cared
for you he would speak with actions and
not words
without my father's discipline whether
it be words a paddle a switch or a belt
I would have surely ended up in prison
somewhere in fact I nearly did but once
again my father was there to save me
from myself when I was younger I
resented my father he was everything I
couldn't be
strong and self-assured competitive and
athletic a man of control and plans I
was wild and introverted I cared for
dreams more than the world around me yet
As I Grew Older my father's seemingly
harsh lessons and strictness my entire
life began to take hold as I entered
adulthood
times under great distress and danger
did my father's image and words come to
remind me the core fundamentals lead me
to develop my own and help me cultivate
the tools I would wield against the
hordes of life
the strong man made of stone was merely
a man he aged he lost some of his fire I
aged and lost some of my immaturity only
then did I see how much love resided in
my father's actions and how much care he
truly had for me
while he had his positive words of
encouragement when I was younger I
tended to only remember the yelling or
the punishments but he did those things
not because he wanted to
but because he had to
that's truly loving someone being
willing to be hated or disliked by
someone you love to help them avoid
suffering
many times a true friend's love is shown
by them leaving us when our Behavior
becomes overly self-destructive
when we no longer listen to reason
sometimes it is the absence of our good
company that makes us realize the Bad
Company we have alone
we may think back to our teachers or an
authority figure in the past as we get
older and see how they saw the path we
were heading down when we did not
with a softened and objective gaze we
see many times that the people who
abandoned us or the authority figures
that accosted us were justified in their
assumptions as we were incapable of
seeing our own behavior from a
non-emotional lens
the problem today is that we live in a
world of outrage and non-logical
behavior the atypical the bizarre the
animalistic Tendencies are rewarded
everything is geared towards
hyper-expression of our ego horoscopes
blogs and bti Love Languages social
media accounts and on and on they go we
think this grants us a deeper look at
our natures and makes us more unique but
it is all ironically shackles in terms
of personal growth doing something with
no attention attached to it no reward is
a sign something really means something
to you same with relationships my
education my personal life why do I need
others to know who gives a damn what I
ate today or what vacation I went on
this masturbatory Behavior keeps us
further engrossed in our own fantasy
putting forth what we want others to see
us as but not what we really are
we live in a time of enablers we enable
violence hatred mental illness and the
abuse of children because people are
more interested in looking loving and
tolerant than actually being of any real
substance
everyone gets a trophy everyone's equal
and everyone's valuable these ideas are
poisons on society and Spiritual
Development I am not equal to a man who
created inventions that bettered the
lives of millions like Henry Ford or
Steve Jobs the man who steals and kills
the man on the street who prowls for
sexual gratification the dirty
politician or the warmonger are not the
same as someone who doesn't burden
Society doesn't infringe on others
rights and takes care of themselves
when we detach from reality By ignoring
the truth of things in favor of our
delusions we create the breeding ground
for Misfortune when treating everyone as
equal and winners we rip from them the
circumstances to evolve as people and
thus the evolution of society
equality sounds nice but it is very
subjective equality to one person is
oppression to another
we should treat people based on
individual assessment and how they are
as people
the same goes for competition school or
labor we should base our Judgment of
someone in those fields on how they
perform not how they look or an
irrelevant background what do they
generate and how well do they do it how
can I learn from A Loss if I get a
trophy for trying
trying isn't good enough as a man in the
real world winning and being successful
in what success means to you is what
matters how does pretending that there
isn't evil and sick people that need to
be removed from society change crime
rates how does empty compassion help
those who don't wish to be helped it
does not people ignore their own Evil
Within and so they don't see it in
others better yet it is projected onto a
group or movement that Society deems as
acceptable an outlet for the mass rage
and the internal Schism of man this is
the result of what fantasy and lack of
personal responsibility engenders look
at our peers now they are spoiled rotten
they take for granted clean water food
ample amount of work opportunities Safe
Streets free education and so on they
weren't taught how to handle reality and
so they want to bubble wrap the world
the only way to overcome obstacles isn't
to shrink them but to grow as a person
this world lacks true love tough love it
is obsessed with superficial causes
cares and emotions love like sex has
become monetized more than ever a
commodity is common as a cup of coffee
but deeply realized within individuals
is more important than any other need
desire for strong bonds a desire for
vulnerability for camaraderie for family
yet sex and love are twisted and
degraded today beyond belief this is
unironically the fall of most civilized
Societies in history the understanding
of human psychology and Anatomy are
being used against us our desires made
known everywhere we look our rage
reminded to us every time we see a
screen we are being coddled by a
governmental and corporate body that
wants us to never leave the nest and
face reality but to be reliant on its
teeth and to never leave the nest or
should I say web your social media
addictions and emotional Fishers are
pulling you down you are drowning and
don't even see the waves you haven't
breathed in so long and don't even know
it you've forgotten reality
so I'm going to be straight with you
because it seems more people on here
wish to make money or get admiration
than give people what they really desire
which is the truth
even if it isn't their own truth
they just want someone to give it to
them straight and tell them what they
really think
so we'll start with this there isn't an
easy road to originality for example
there are people on this site who have
taken the exact script of one or more of
my videos and make sad attempts at
getting a channel started as a life
coach or something another
I want to be clear that I'm not a life
coach a pickup artist or someone who has
all the answers it's unfortunate that
such things are so profitable
piggybacking on like most things the
flaws in human psychology
say something with enough confidence and
act apart and people will believe it
instead of these people taking what I
have said and finding what makes them
original or makes them feel inspired
hell even finding a talent they instead
copyright my exact script and then
wonder why nobody watches their videos
what do you have to gain this isn't even
about my content as I could stop this
tomorrow and would make no difference to
me
I have written for years and not a soul
read the words and I am content doing
the same tomorrow this is about the
attitude of many people they will gladly
sell their self-worth and dignity for a
quick profit many people come out of
college expecting high-level jobs or
they put out one album on Soundcloud and
expect to be rich in a year you act as
though you've done anything significant
as though you're deserving of something
people are so eager to take the easy
Road at any chance they suffer in the
long run because they fail to see the
real value in failing in delayed
gratification and in self-exploration
you can easily spot a person's
immaturity by their lack of foresight
how many people use AI to make their
writings and pretend to wax
philosophically how many people copy the
same sound as all these famous artists
how many people try and look like
someone or another they are living
someone else's dream passion and vision
the hard truth is that somebody has to
take out the trash bust the tables and
work the cash register humble yourself
work small and move up I hear countless
excuses for why men don't want to work
now they instead [ __ ] themselves by
spending their most energetic and
Youthful years behind screens and
believing they can live under mom's
skirt Forever
you see idiots who get face tattoos and
pay for their music to be on Spotify
thinking one day they'll make it big
people resort to scams pornography and
even crime all to escape the hard
reality that they aren't special that
they have to work for it and that it
doesn't always come easy there is always
a storm coming and when it does and it
will what worth will you have
what skills what value
you may think you can live at home
forever or use the I'm young and dumb
excuse this might be fine in your 20s
but when someone is 35 and their life is
a mess it isn't cute anymore to people
it's a red flag
the same men I see complaining about the
reality of Labor and work I also see
complain about the state of women dating
gender roles in society how women are
shallow how Society doesn't care for us
anymore how hopeless the future seems I
do not disagree with these sometimes
being true
however what does the anger excuses and
grudges do for us
what will it change so what if the world
is unfair cruel and unable to understand
our pains and troubles so what if women
prefer rich men or men who are tall or
who have great genetics what does this
realization Grant you besides the
motivation for change I will not lie if
you are short not well endowed ugly dumb
poor and so on women even men on average
will not respect you as much as someone
who is those things
studies even show that tall people tend
to almost always be world leaders more
that attractive men and women get more
job opportunities and have better
outcomes in dating and reproduction but
this is also complete crap we live in a
time where we are exposed to repetitive
and selective events via studies
propaganda social media and so on
all to convince us a certain world view
is actually the entire reality we dwell
in look at the news they never talk
about all the people around the world
getting more education clean water or
food showing all the charity and love
around us
it is all a constant fear programming
because like it or not we are our own
biggest enemy we self-sabotage
constantly we feed on the negative
somewhere deep within us we believe some
evil eye is watching and that if we get
too happy it will strike us with
misfortune many young men create this
victim cycle with women much how someone
may see racism everywhere but doesn't
see how they come off to everyone else
and create self-fulfilling prophecies
so a short man may actually attract many
women but since he believes being short
affects his chances and that women are
shallow he comes off as angry insecure
and frankly a spaz it is one thing to
cry about how women are mean about how
work sucks and why you shouldn't have to
contribute to a society that doesn't
care about you and yet you take no
action at the very least if inaction is
your decision you could just stop
complaining and accept it
but no I see men even saying the
government should Supply them a wife I'm
not even going to begin to explain how
weird and pathetic that is you complain
women are shallow and Vain and yet many
men I see are out of shape have no job
or a low-income one live with Mom and
are obsessed with cartoons and video
games better yet many of these men are
Vain and expect a woman who is a virgin
8 out of ten and does X Y and Z for them
sounds very similar to the out of shape
worn out and immature women who demand a
man who's six foot and up with a
six-figure salary
the sad part is many women like that get
men who are way above their sexual
market value mainly due to weak men
inflating the currency of the female
genitalia it may sound silly but really
think about it
The Depths many of these men will go
especially online for a crumb of female
attention is mind-boggling
you have men who are so pathetic and
desperate for female intimacy or
attention that they stalk throw money or
obsess over anything with a high voice
and an X chromosome
these women know they don't have to work
on their looks as much or personality
because they are making a living simply
existing around weak men
this also reinforces bad behavior as
women can be irresponsible throughout
their youth and still find a weak man to
settle down with and pay for their way
of life
it is the weak men's fault for how women
behave
if weak men didn't pay for women at
least unattractive and lazy women to
live such a life then they would not be
able to do so
there would be no Financial reason to do
so either
but men fail to see how many truly good
women are out there you don't attract
them because those kind of women are not
into guys who watch cartoons all day and
sleeps in race car bed sheets
many of the incels I have spoken to are
indistinguishable from a feminist in
terms of behavior and attitude
another problem I see today is people
hiding their weakness behind virtue this
is very observable in certain groups and
people yet the so-called based and red
pilled people do much the same
the most popular one I see is the
perceived virtue of pacifism
I recall recently seeing a motivational
quote going around from a manga called
Finland Saga where the main character
proclaims that he has no enemies I felt
Disturbed angry on some level at the
amount of attention such a quote
garnered I witnessed all the people
subscribing and identifying with the
quote and my anger turned to a boiling
rage I myself at one point would have
been in agreement with such a statement
but I was wrong I was a liar and I was a
coward many hide behind pacifism as
though they have reached some
Enlightenment or understanding after an
arduous Journey or study but the fact is
that they are weak hiding behind virtue
hiding behind moral erectus you are
afraid you are afraid of violence you
are afraid of looking stupid you are
afraid to be alone most of all you are
afraid to die but many men die before
their hearts ever stop Fear feeling
scared feeling pain does not make you
weak it makes you a human what nobility
is fighting if one felt no fear face no
obstacle or had no need of summoning
moral prowess I can assure you that
while you convince yourself that you
have no enemies or no need for violence
that others are making enemies of you
would kill you dominate or take from you
at the slightest chance to do so
while I am no fan of Peterson the saying
lacking claws doesn't make you virtuous
it makes you weak is a harsh truth
how can you be deserving of a woman's
love of a country's freedoms or the arms
of your brothers if you cannot protect
it how can you believe in your heart of
hearts that such a world is this wants
you to turn the other cheek
everything we do everything we possess
takes from something or someone else
there are people right now who are
hungry who are willing to do whatever it
takes for their ideas to be the dominant
one and while our men become more soft
effeminate and scared we have men from
other countries coming in droves at
military age battle hardened and
stronger of will all Races and ages in
this country are becoming weakened by
decadence by Privileges and by lack of
true adversity you want strength you
want the woman you want the respect earn
it you want to be loved earn it you want
a better life than earn it nobody is
going to do it for you no God no woman
nothing will save you but yourself
putting your strength out there
somewhere same to be said about your
happiness
don't lie to yourself that you're a
warrior either you likely are not and
that's okay
when asked if we can do calculus and we
know we can't we don't say of course I
can do calculus I'm the best we would
say no I don't know how and anyone with
even a room temperature IQ wouldn't
judge you for it but ask a male if he
can fight and he will nine times out of
ten tell you he can scrap why
because our value as males is placed on
such things but the reality is fighting
violence in general is a skill if you
never learned it it doesn't mean you are
weak or less of a man but it does mean
you are unskilled in violence
humans weren't even designed to strike a
hard skull with the fragile little bones
in our hands or use our shins to kick
skulls even if you can do such things
with proficiency you are still immortal
I recall a story of a three-time gold
medalist Jiu Jitsu practitioner from
Brazil who stopped an off-duty cop one
night at a bar the cop was drunk and
causing problems the cop attacked him
the Jiu Jitsu practitioner stopped him
let him go and told him to get lost
as soon as the practitioner turned his
back the cop shot him dead I don't care
if you're Jon Jones on all the steroids
in the world even he has his limits and
so do you don't fall for the mental trap
of being the best or strongest in combat
that is not the world we live in anymore
and even if you are someone will always
surpass you
but don't live in the illusion that
violence isn't a reality of life or that
being defenseless or unwilling to fight
makes you virtuous
it is better to be a warrior in a garden
than a gardener in a war
realize the reality we are in you must
fight you must compete you must evolve
otherwise you will rot you will continue
to lose and you will continue to suffer
a slow death
stop seeking the Easy Life what you
don't have what you are not
realize the days of childhood are gone
but that what lies ahead is far more
joyous
you are the one who will save yourself
the hero of your story the underdog on
the come up you are the one who can make
a change when nobody else dares to but
it doesn't involve protesting or getting
mad online it starts with you becoming
more financially and physically able in
this world developing skills and actual
influence
Find meaning for your suffering and be
willing to do what it takes to be
successful hold yourself accountable all
is mind and all his attitude start
seeing the lessons in all things and
soon you will grow it might be hard but
I know you can do it
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