CAREGIVING: THE SANDWICH GENERATION | SECOND OPINION WITH JOAN LUNDEN | Full Episode
Summary
TLDRIn 'Second Opinion with Joan Lunden,' the focus is on the 'sandwich generation,' Americans caring for both children and older relatives. The discussion covers the physical and emotional stress of caregiving, the importance of support systems, and the need for societal and policy changes to aid these 53 million caregivers. Guest Shelly Pollard shares her personal journey, highlighting the guilt and sacrifices involved in balancing care for children and aging parents.
Takeaways
- 🏥 Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies actively support communities by providing meals and safety equipment, and partnering with nonprofits.
- 👵 The 'sandwich generation' is a term for those caring for both children under 18 and older relatives, a situation millions of families face.
- 👩⚕️ Dr. Roger Oskvig explains that the stress of caregiving can be physically inflammatory and impact a person's health and lifespan.
- 👨👩👧👦 Caregivers often feel guilt and stress from balancing care for multiple generations, alongside their own personal and professional responsibilities.
- 👩💼 Christine Peck highlights that caregivers' responsibilities don't end when a loved one moves to independent living; they often still manage medication and other care aspects.
- 🏡 Shelly Pollard's personal story illustrates the challenges of juggling full-time work, teenage children, and aging parents' care.
- 🤝 The importance of a supportive network of family and friends is emphasized for managing the emotional and practical burdens of caregiving.
- 💼 Grace Whiting from the National Alliance for Caregiving discusses the significant number of Americans in sandwich caregiving situations and the emotional stress involved.
- 🏛️ Federal initiatives like the RAISE Family Caregivers Act aim to develop a national strategy to support caregivers.
- 👨⚕️ Dr. Oskvig stresses the need for caregivers to maintain a close relationship with healthcare providers to manage the physical and mental stress of caregiving.
- 🌟 Despite the challenges, caregiving can also bring a sense of meaning and purpose, and create precious moments with loved ones.
Q & A
What is the main focus of the 'Second Opinion with Joan Lunden' series?
-The main focus of the 'Second Opinion with Joan Lunden' series is to address healthcare issues and provide insights into various medical topics, as evidenced by the discussion on sandwich generation caregiving in the provided script.
What does the term 'sandwich generation' refer to?
-The term 'sandwich generation' refers to a group of Americans who are caring for children under 18 and older relatives at the same time, as coined in 1981 and discussed in the script.
What challenges do sandwich caregivers face according to the transcript?
-Sandwich caregivers face dual challenges of caring for children and older relatives, often while being employed full time. They may experience stress, guilt, and a need to balance multiple responsibilities, as highlighted by the experiences shared in the script.
How does Dr. Roger Oskvig suggest approaching the issue of elderly parents' driving safety?
-Dr. Roger Oskvig suggests involving the parents and their children in a discussion where he communicates the driving concerns directly to the parents, instructing the children not to talk during the visit, as mentioned in the script.
What is the impact of caregiving on the physical health of caregivers?
-The stress of caregiving, especially for multiple generations, can be an inflammatory process in the body that ages various organs and can lead to shorter life expectancies, as explained by Dr. Oskvig in the script.
What resources are available for caregivers seeking support?
-Resources available for caregivers include the National Family Caregiver Support Program, community-based organizations, and the Veteran Caregiver Support program for veterans, as discussed by Grace Whiting in the script.
What is the role of primary care practitioners in supporting caregivers?
-Primary care practitioners play a role in guiding and advising caregivers through the caregiving process, helping them manage the health and well-being of their loved ones, as suggested by the script.
How does the script suggest sharing the caregiving responsibilities?
-The script suggests forming a supportive team with family members or friends, as Shelly Pollard's story illustrates the importance of her 'Three Amigos' support system in caregiving.
What is the significance of the Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies' role mentioned in the script?
-The script highlights the role of Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies in stepping up to help communities in need, expanding care to rural areas, and supporting local nonprofits, emphasizing their commitment to community health.
How does the script address the emotional stress on caregivers?
-The script addresses the emotional stress on caregivers by discussing the sense of guilt and the importance of finding meaning and purpose in caregiving, as well as the need for support systems to balance the positive and stressful sides of caring.
What is the importance of having a close relationship with physicians for caregivers?
-Having a close relationship with physicians is important for caregivers to maintain their health, as the stress of caregiving can have significant health impacts, and physicians can be allies in managing these effects, as mentioned in the script.
Outlines
🏥 Community Support and Caregiving Challenges
The video script begins with a focus on the community support provided by Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies, highlighting their efforts in preparing meals for families in need and their belief in expanding care beyond health insurance. It emphasizes the importance of supporting rural communities, providing safety equipment for heroes, and aiding local nonprofits. The script then transitions into a discussion about the 'sandwich generation,' which refers to individuals caring for both children under 18 and older relatives simultaneously. The conversation includes Dr. Roger Oskvig, a geriatrics specialist, and other experts who discuss the stress of caregiving and its impact on the body. The narrative continues with Shelly Pollard sharing her personal experience of being a full-time worker and a caregiver for her parents, illustrating the challenges faced by millions in the sandwich generation.
👨⚕️ Guiding Caregivers Through Transitions
This section delves into how Dr. Oskvig, a gerontologist, guides patients and their adult children through the challenging transition of aging care. He shares a method of involving parents and children in medical discussions to address concerns like driving safety or cooking abilities. The dialogue explores the emotional aspects of caregiving, such as guilt and the stress associated with taking care of multiple generations. The conversation also touches on new models of healthcare delivery that promote shared decision-making and the importance of maintaining the voice and autonomy of the elderly during the caregiving process.
👨👩👧👦 Balancing Caregiving with Family Responsibilities
The script continues with Shelly discussing the impact of her father's health issues and the subsequent need to find a suitable living arrangement for both parents. It highlights the difficulty of balancing caregiving responsibilities with the needs of her teenage daughter and her full-time job. The conversation with Christine, a licensed social worker, underscores the commonality of such situations among caregivers. The discussion also addresses the misconception that placing a loved one in independent living reduces a caregiver's responsibilities, as there is still significant involvement in managing medications, ensuring comfort, and handling logistics.
🌐 National Support for Caregivers
In this part, Grace Whiting, president of the National Alliance for Caregiving, provides insights into the scope of sandwich caregiving in America, with 53 million Americans caring for someone with healthcare needs and 11% of them being sandwich caregivers. The conversation addresses the emotional stress and guilt that caregivers experience and the importance of finding meaning and purpose in caregiving. The discussion also turns to the national initiatives and resources available to support caregivers, such as the RAISE Family Caregivers Act and the National Family Caregiver Support Program, emphasizing the need for better pathways and support systems.
👨⚕️ The Impact of Caregiving on Health
Dr. Oskvig discusses the physical and mental health implications of being a caregiver, noting that the stress can lead to an inflammatory process in the body that ages organs and缩短s life expectancy. He stresses the importance of caregivers maintaining a close relationship with their physicians to manage their health effectively. The conversation also highlights the silver lining of caregiving, such as the quality time spent with loved ones and the positive aspects of being part of their healthcare team.
💼 Advocacy and Support for Caregivers
The final section of the script calls for advocacy and support for the 53 million Americans who are caregivers. It emphasizes the need for policy changes to ease the burden on caregivers and for society to recognize and assist those who are providing care. The discussion encourages individuals to ask how they can help and to bring attention to the issue with healthcare providers and policymakers. Shelly shares her personal advice for other caregivers, urging them to find support and count their blessings.
📺 Conclusion and Sign-off
The video concludes with Joan Lunden encouraging viewers to take charge of their healthcare and to seek more information about the series. The script also mentions the production details of 'Second Opinion with Joan Lunden' and invites viewers to follow the show on social media platforms.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Caregiving
💡Sandwich Generation
💡Stress
💡Inflammatory Process
💡Guilt
💡Support Systems
💡Respite Care
💡Healthcare Team
💡Quality Time
💡Advocacy
💡Isolation
Highlights
Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies support communities by preparing meals for thousands of families in need.
The responsibility to expand care to rural communities and support local nonprofits is emphasized.
The term 'sandwich generation' was coined in 1981 to describe Americans caring for children and older relatives simultaneously.
Today, millions of families face the dual challenge of sandwich caregiving as the population ages.
Dr. Roger Oskvig, a geriatrics specialist, discusses the stress of caregiving as an inflammatory process in the body.
Christine Peck highlights the stress of always feeling responsible for doing for others rather than doing with them.
Grace Whiting, CEO of the National Alliance for Caregiving, discusses the complexity families face in balancing caregiving.
Shelly Pollard shares her personal story of love and caregiving in the sandwich generation.
Caregivers of the sandwich generation spend at least 21 hours a week on uncompensated care.
Nearly three-quarters of sandwich caregivers are employed full time, and about 60% are women.
Shelly's caregiving journey changed when her father had a severe car accident and lost his driving license.
The importance of finding a supportive living situation for aging parents is discussed.
The transition of caregiving roles and the associated guilt are explored.
The need for a close relationship with physicians to maintain caregiver health is emphasized.
Initiatives like the RAISE Family Caregivers Act aim to create a national strategy for supporting caregivers.
The National Family Caregiver Support Program provides resources to help alleviate caregiver burdens.
Veteran Caregiver Support program expansion includes veterans from earlier conflicts.
The importance of advocacy for caregivers and their needs is highlighted.
The emotional stress of caregiving and the need for support to balance positive and stressful sides are discussed.
The impact of caregiving on life expectancy and the importance of self-care for caregivers.
The value of having a support system and the importance of faith, family, and friends in caregiving.
Transcripts
>> When our communities need
help, Blue Cross and
Blue Shield companies step up
with partnerships capable of
preparing meals for thousands of
families in need, because it's
not just about health insurance.
We believe it's our
responsibility to expand care to
rural communities, protect our
heroes with safety equipment,
support local nonprofits.
These are our stories to help
build stronger communities for
the health of America.
>> "Second Opinion with
Joan Lunden" is produced
in conjunction with UR Medicine,
part of University of Rochester
Medical Center, Rochester,
New York.
>> In 1981, the term
"sandwich generation" was coined
to describe a group of Americans
who are caring for children
under 18 and older relatives at
the same time.
Well, today, millions of
families are facing the dual
challenge of sandwich caregiving
as the population ages and as
Americans are having children
later.
Joining us today is
Dr. Roger Oskvig, a specialist
in geriatrics and aging at the
University of Rochester Medical
Center...
>> The stress of being a
caregiver, particularly when
you're taking care of multiple
generations, is an inflammatory
process in the body.
>> ...Christine Peck, a licensed
social worker with Lifespan...
>> I think one of the most
stressful things is always
feeling like you have to do for,
instead of doing with.
>> ...Grace Whiting, president
and chief executive officer of
the National Alliance for
Caregiving...
>> Are you aware of how hard it
is for families to try to
balance all this in addition to
whatever grief or complexity
they have in their life?
>> ...and Shelly Pollard, who
will share her story of love and
caregiving in the
sandwich generation.
>> It's a journey.
It's definitely a journey.
It's just not, one day,
you're in charge.
It's just a slow, gradual
change.
>> I'm Joan Lunden, and it's all
coming up on "Second Opinion."
♪♪
Those caregivers who are part of
the sandwich generation spend at
least 21 hours a week on
uncompensated care.
Nearly three-quarters of them
are employed full time, and
about 60% of them are women.
And today we meet one of those
caregivers.
So, we want to welcome you to
the program, Shelly, and for
sharing your story with us,
because you are a full-time
worker and you have a teenage
daughter at home -- I think,
about 15 years old -- those easy
years -- but in 2018, your dad
was involved in a pretty bad car
accident.
Tell us how things changed
at that point.
>> So, sure, Joan.
Thanks so much for having me.
My caregiving journey really
changed with that episode.
Kind of about two years ago, I
had a mother who was in a
assisted-living facility, a dad
who was pretty healthy and was
taking a lot of care, just
making sure he was seeing her
regularly; keeping her mind
straight by playing cards with
her; and managing all her
assets.
And then, about two years ago,
Dad started having some
challenges.
He'd been a diabetic for a long
period of time, on insulin,
type 2 diabetes, and it was just
getting harder and harder to
manage.
And then he also had some
cardiac issues and having fluid
in his heart and just lots of
trips back and forth to the
E.R., night after night after
night.
Then, in 2019, he had a pretty
severe accident, totaled his
car, and we were very blessed
that everyone walked away,
including my then-81-year-old
dad.
But after that, the state
revoked his license.
So, when that happened, Dad knew
he couldn't see Mom at the pace
he was seeing her, because he
was going just about every day.
And then we had to make some
tough decisions about what would
be best.
And so, as a family -- my
father, my sister, my
brother-in-law, and I -- decided
to try and find a place that
would be good for both parents.
It was a hard...
>> Yeah.
>> ...a hard thing to do,
because we very different needs.
Mom needed kind of constant
care, and Dad was very
independent.
We were lucky to find the
perfect place.
But in the midst of all that --
all those decisions -- was right
when my daughter was
transitioning from middle school
to high school.
You know, that's always a
rough --
>> Yeah.
>> ...or can be a rough time
for kids.
>> And you're working full time.
I mean, that's a lot on anyone's
plate, but it's a rather common
story, Doctor, for a lot of
caregivers.
In fact, probably most of the
caregivers in the country.
And you know, how do you guide?
As a gerontologist, you're
dealing often, I suppose, with
your patients and their adult
children.
How do you help guide them
through that difficult
transition?
>> My typical format, when
daughters and sons begin to be
worried about their parents,
is I bring the parent in
with their children, and tell
the children they're not allowed
to talk at all during the visit,
but I'm going to talk
with the parent.
And so what I'll do is say,
"There are some indications that
we are concerned about -- about
your driving or about your
cooking.
The first time you put yourself
or somebody else at risk of
harm, that goes away.
And just need to be prepared
for it.
And that's what I'm going to
tell your children to do."
So, the independence that may
feel like it's being taken away
is my order that they have to
carry out to protect them.
>> You're kind of saying, "This
is going to happen, and you can
blame me."
>> Yep.
>> Because guilt is a very big
part of this.
You know, just the guilt.
Even though you know, in your
heart of hearts, that a parent
needs more observation all the
time and more help, you still
deal with the guilt.
>> Yes, and I would imagine that
Shelly, like many individuals,
gets that plea from their
parents, just like you do from
your teenager, about, "Don't
leave me here.
Take me home.
I want to go to someplace and
visit.
I want to see my brother
on the East Coast," and that
sort of thing, and the guilt
just gets layered on.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm just struck by that
approach, and I'm wondering,
one of the things we've talked a
lot about in Washington is these
new models of healthcare
delivery that allow people to
engage in shared decision-making
and that it's not necessarily
a switch that goes on and off.
But even in somebody that might
have dementia that the family is
sort of negotiating that
experience over time.
And the people who are caring
for that friend or family
member, that those folks are
thinking about, I guess, less
like the way you would treat
your kids and more like it's
sort of your third act in life
as you get older.
And so what types of things can
caregivers be helpful in
supporting that person with?
And where does that person's
voice really need to shine out?
So I'm intrigued by that
approach of the caregiver sort
of sitting quietly, and also
interested to know whether
people actually do sit quietly.
>> I was going to say, and
whether they could do that
and be quiet.
>> I did not.
>> Yeah, and, Shelly,
what changed?
I mean, once your dad went
into -- and he was in
independent living.
But what did it -- How did it
change life for you -- your
relationship, your ability to
communicate?
How did you kind of change that
role as a caregiver?
>> So, I have a very supportive
family.
My sister and I are team players
in the care of my family.
Her husband is the three -- So,
we're the Three Amigos.
I think what changed the most
was just, when people get
slower, and I've got to commute
an hour from work to come see
Dad, and it's taking him a
longer time to get to his
question.
I think you lose a little bit of
patience.
And just taking over more
responsibility was harder
for Dad.
Like, I do his medicines now,
'cause his medicines almost need
three degrees to do the 37 pills
he takes.
And so going to more of his
appointments was the first step.
Then, taking on more
responsibility, like asking him
about his bills and where things
were kept.
And it's -- it's a journey.
It's definitely a journey.
It's just not, one day,
you're in charge.
It's just a slow, gradual
change that I welcomed because I
had great parents.
But it was tricky.
It was tricky 'cause I was often
deciding between a doctor's
visit with my parents and a
school activity for my child.
>> See, what's what we see.
That juggling act is so --
Because you had a daughter going
to a new school and at a tough
age -- you know, those young
teen years.
Is Shelly's story common to what
you see all the time, Christine?
Because you're a social worker,
so you deal with people
every day.
Is that a pretty common story?
>> It's very common.
And there's really a
misperception that when you have
a loved one that goes into a
supportive but independent
living situation, that there's
more supports and a caregiver
may have reduced responsibility.
So, in some ways, you have some
reduced responsibilities, but
as I hear, Shelly, you talk
about there's still medication
management.
>> Yeah.
>> There's still, you know,
making sure that your parent has
everything that makes them
comfortable and special
toiletries and everything else
that they need.
>> Laundry -- I did the laundry
for a long time.
>> Laundry, right, right.
>> There's Shelly shaking her
head "yes."
>> [ Chuckles ]
>> And so, while there are
wonderful supportive housing
options for older adults, that
offer socialization and so much
more, there is still the
caregiving responsibility of
maybe in a little different way.
And then the guilt.
>> Oh, yeah.
The guilt was horrible.
When you have to have your
10-year-old -- say, "We're gonna
go see Mimi," and she's like,
"Well, I wanted to go to my
girlfriend's house."
And you're like, "Well, we're
gonna go see Mimi first."
And a 10-minute visit turns into
an hour, because Mom got sick.
Or the nurses are asking you
questions, or you don't like the
way her room is set up.
And my daughter had a lot of
sacrifices, even the times in
the middle of the night, I'd get
a call and I wouldn't know, "Do
I take my daughter with me to
the hospital while I care for a
parent?
Or do I call someone to come
here in the middle of the
night?"
I mean, there's a lot of
balances and juggling you do.
I'm really blessed I have a
supportive network...
>> Yeah.
>> ...between my child's family
and great, great friends.
>> But this is a teaching moment
right now, Shelly, for everybody
that's watching, that that's one
of the things that really makes
the journey much easier, is when
you have the ability to pull in
family members or friends to
have that supportive team.
Grace, we're hearing Shelly's
story, but talk to us about the
numbers of Americans, in this
country, who are all dealing
with this sandwich caregiving
situation.
>> Yeah, so, there's lots of
different ways, I think, we can
be sandwiched.
And in the research that we've
done with AARP, we do a study
roughly every five years called
"Caregiving in the U.S."
And that most recent report, we
think there's 53 million
Americans who are caring for
someone of any age, with a
healthcare need or a functional
disability.
What's, I think, most
fascinating about these families
who are sandwiched is, about 11%
of that 53 million are the
sandwich caregivers.
The other thing I would say,
it's interesting, Shelly, to
hear you talk and, Christine, to
hear you talk about that sense
of guilt.
And, Joan, I think you're right
to raise it.
We ask about that emotional
stress on caregivers, in
addition to other kinds of
stress -- financial, health, and
wellness.
But we also asked if people felt
like caregiving brought a sense
of meaning and purpose into
their life.
>> Yeah.
>> And it's only about half of
caregivers that say yes to that,
and part of the difference is
that attitude and having that
additional support around you so
that you can balance the
positive and the more stressful
sides of caring.
>> Well, because, otherwise, it
can just become so overbearing
and so stressed.
Clearly, the numbers show us
that caregivers -- people giving
care to someone else -- have
more health problems, even have
shorter life spans.
What do you -- How do you advise
families?
>> This description of a
sandwich generation actually is
a good analogy, because what you
have is the nutrient, Shelly,
in between two pieces of bread,
her parents and her daughter.
And so the important thing is
that you take care of the
nutrient in that sandwich
because if that fails, the bread
on both sides loses what they
need.
>> Shelly, I know that your mom
passed away earlier this year.
I'm so sorry that you have to
deal with that.
But how did that affect you and
also your dad?
>> The passing of my mother was
challenging.
My parents would have been
married 59 year this year.
>> Wow. Okay.
>> So you can imagine
how hard it was.
And when Mom had been hospiced
prior to her -- She started
declining, we put her in
hospice, and she was just
getting hard to look at.
She had some really bad
mannerisms, and Dad was still
going every day.
And I remember saying to him one
day at lunch, "Daddy, you don't
have to go every day.
I worry about your health and
your mental capacity, going to
see her when this is such a hard
time."
And he looked at me like I was
2, and he said, "That's my wife.
That's what I'm supposed to do."
And so that type of relationship
was a one-of-a-kind thing.
And so the challenge with Mom's
passing, the hardest thing was
COVID-19 and that he'd been
quarantined for the past
six months, that we weren't able
to have a homegoing service
for Mom.
So that was the hardest thing
about my mom's passing -- not
being able to check on him like
I would have, the family dinners
we would have had every weekend
if it hadn't been this time.
>> And, Grace, though, I also
want to take you to the fact
that what are we doing, as a
nation?
What are we doing to help
financially support caregivers?
Because these are complex
situations when care is needed
that people often don't even
know how to provide,
and it's all unpaid.
>> That's right, Joan.
So, there's a lot of initiatives
at the federal government that
are in the works.
One is the Department of Health
and Human Services had a federal
advisory council called the
RAISE Family Caregivers Act.
And essentially, they're coming
up with a plan -- a national
strategy -- for how we're going
to support caregivers in several
different domains.
There are, right now, additional
funds that have gone into the
National Family Caregiver
Support Program.
And this is actually a
partnership with community-based
organizations, and folks can go
to eldercarelocator.gov and
find, in their county, what type
of resources might be available
to help take some of that weight
off of their shoulders.
We also encourage people to
really think about, "Where is it
that I need help?
Is it -- What type of
activities?
Is it the nursing type
activities are real high-touch?
Is it medical tasks, like giving
injections or managing meds?
Or is it sort of the
coordinating of finances and
those other things?"
Because there's not a lot of
paid support programs for
caregivers.
>> Yeah.
>> I would say, if you're
caring for a veteran,
they just expanded the
Veteran Caregiver Support
program to include veterans
from earlier conflicts.
Originally, the program was just
9/11 vets.
So, that's one place, is to
check in with the V.A.
And the other is under the
Medicaid program.
Sometimes and in some states,
you can receive financial
support if you are caring for a
friend of family member.
But it varies.
I actually think folks like
Dr. O are going to be a great
place to start, just in terms of
some of those initial things.
"How do I do this?
Where can I find more
information?"
And talking to a physician who
can help guide you and your
family through that can be
really useful.
>> Yeah, I think what you were
saying --
>> It's hard to ask for help,
though, sometimes.
People find it hard to ask for
that help.
>> Yeah, and I think -- she said
that's a role for a primary care
practitioner.
Women disproportionately are
responsible for physical care of
that high-touch, as Grace
called it.
Men tend to regress to the roles
of managing property and
finances and things like that --
the technical things that are
task-oriented.
>> But women, who it primarily
falls on, we're wired --
hard-wired -- as caregivers.
So sometimes it's hard -- It
would be very difficult, I'm
sure, for a lot of women to say
to their two brothers, "Hey,
you get in there and you figure
out how to do this, as well."
>> [ Chuckles ]
>> I hear people laughing.
>> Right.
>> Was that you, Grace?
>> Yes. It's changing, though.
It's changing, 'cause when we
look at the cohorts by age,
everybody from Gen Z to the
Greatest Generation is in
caregiving.
When you look at Millennials and
younger, men and women are
equally as likely to provide
care.
Now, some of that may be they're
not doing as much of that
high-touch toileting and helping
somebody take a bath and get
dressed, but I do think that
attitudes are changing.
Part of this is recognizing that
men may care in different ways.
They haven't been socialized to
take on those care roles, so
where we see younger men
starting to do that, you know,
encouraging them that it's okay,
there's nothing "feminine"
necessarily about caring.
We all have a role to play.
>> I think those roles differ
between even same-gender
children.
I know my sister and I have very
different styles of how we care
for our parents.
My sister loves to make the
family meal, and I was picking
Mom up and buying her clothes.
I mean...
>> Yeah.
>> You know, I had to figure out
how to buy DD 42 bras.
I mean, that's not something I
ever had to do.
And so, even my sister and I
have very different styles of
caring for our parents, but we
work well together.
I think that's the biggest
thing, and I think my advice for
everyone is always faith,
family, and friends.
That's the only way you'll get
through it.
>> What do you worry about, as a
physician, about the health of
all of these people, with just
so much on their shoulders?
>> Well, I think you introduced
it earlier.
They really need a close
relationship with their
physicians to maintain their
health.
The stress of being a caregiver,
particularly when you're taking
care of multiple generations, is
an inflammatory process in the
body.
It ages the heart, it ages the
kidney, it ages the liver, it
ages the brain.
Life expectancies are shorter
for individuals the longer that
you are a caregiver.
All of that has an impact, and
you need somebody that's your
ally that's looking out for you
and saying, you know, "We need
to manage all of this.
We need to make sure you're
healthy, because if you're not,
they don't have you."
>> Absolutely.
But we don't want to end without
talking about the silver lining
that definitely comes...
I mean, I know I had it with my
mom when I was back with her as
much as I was during the process
of -- of being in charge of her
healthcare.
>> And being part of your --
your parents', your loved ones'
healthcare team is so important.
The more that you learn and
understand about, you know,
their challenges, and the more
that you can learn and
understand about their strengths
and be able to spend more
quality time and be able to
focus more attention on -- you
know, we talk about the child
becoming the parent, and, you
know, there are times when you
feel like that you need to make
choices on behalf of your
parent, but you don't want it to
be like that all the time.
You know, I think one of the
most stressful things is always
feeling like you have to do for
instead of doing with and really
having that, you know, coming
back around to that positive
relationship -- like both, you
know, Shelly mentioned, and
Grace, too, about being able to
come back around and hear each
other's voice, and there are
very -- there are precious
moments that are part of the
caregiving experience.
>> What do we need to do to
better this situation for
53 million Americans?
>> So, part of this, I think, is
really from a -- from a policy
level, thinking about how we can
build better pathways.
You know, can we make it easier
for physicians to spend time
with family members?
Can we make it easier for
service providers who give
things like respite to really
connect with people so that, you
know, the caregivers don't --
you know, it's not sort of the
end of the line?
I think the other thing is,
right now, one of the biggest
things we're seeing is that
sense of isolation, and so it's
funny, as we were talking about
different siblings, like, I know
that I'm -- I -- ironically
enough, I probably would be a
terrible caregiver.
[ Laughter ]
I feel like I would be coming in
and, like, clapping and be like,
"Buck up, you're fine."
You know? And so...
But then I think about all the
caregivers that I know that we
interact with, and how selfless
you have to be to take on that
role that you forget to advocate
for yourself.
So that same energy that, you
know, I might not be very good
at doing the day-to-day
caregiving, I can apply that
more sort of advocacy part and
advocate for that person,
whether it's within the health
systems, you know, it's helping
with insurance, helping to get
other services for the person,
you know, noticing what they're
going through, or even calling
Congress and saying, "What are
you doing about this?"
You know, and I think that's
something for a lot of people to
think about, 'cause they see
people in their network who are
doing caregiving, and they say,
"Gosh, what can I do?"
And I think not just asking that
question in our heads, but going
to people and saying, "How can I
help?" you know, that would go a
long way.
And then bringing it to the
people who control these
systems, whether it's the
doctor, you know, your health
insurance company, or your
congressman, saying, "Are you
aware of how hard it is for
families to try to balance all
this, in addition to whatever
grief or complexity they have in
their lives?"
And let's give them back that
chance to just be with that
person and to love them, and to
not have to constantly be trying
to do all these other things we
ask them to do.
>> Such great advice.
Shelly, I mean, as somebody who
has gone through this journey
yourself, dealing with all the
complexities of it, what would
you say to other caregivers?
>> Count your blessings.
Know it's a journey.
And find someone who can support
you.
>> Such great advice today.
Thank you all for being a part
of this panel and addressing
a -- a complex situation that so
many Americans deal with every
single day.
And, of course, thank you for
watching.
Find more information about the
series at secondopinion-tv.org,
and you can also follow us on
Facebook and YouTube, where you
can watch today's episode and
much more.
But from all of us here at
"Second Opinion," we encourage
you to take charge of your
healthcare.
I'm Joan Lunden.
Be well.
♪♪
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♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
>> When our communities need
help, Blue Cross and
Blue Shield companies step up
with partnerships capable of
preparing meals for thousands of
families in need, because it's
not just about health insurance.
We believe it's our
responsibility to expand care to
rural communities, protect our
heroes with safety equipment,
support local nonprofits.
These are our stories to help
build stronger communities for
the health of America.
>> "Second Opinion with
Joan Lunden" is produced
in conjunction with UR Medicine,
part of University of Rochester
Medical Center, Rochester,
New York.
♪♪
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