How a Disney Movie Made Me Hate Being Chinese...
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares a personal journey of self-discovery, beginning with a childhood desire to fit in by rejecting his Chinese heritage after being influenced by Western media. He recounts his disappointment with the reality of high school compared to the idealized portrayals in movies like High School Musical. This leads to a period of self-hatred and attempts to assimilate into white culture during university. However, through learning Mandarin and embracing his cultural roots, he eventually finds pride in his Asian identity, realizing the value of his unique background and the 'coolness' of being multilingual and multicultural.
Takeaways
- 😔 The speaker once felt inferior for being Chinese and tried to reject their heritage to assimilate into a white culture.
- 🍜 As a child, they were self-conscious about bringing traditional Chinese food to school, desiring the 'cool' American lunch options seen on TV.
- 🎬 High School Musical and other movies greatly influenced the speaker's perception of high school life, leading to disappointment when their real high school experience didn't match the glamorous portrayals.
- 🏫 The speaker's high school was predominantly Asian, which was a stark contrast to the diverse and 'cool' high school experiences depicted in movies.
- 📚 The academic focus of the speaker's high school, including the pursuit of the 'Asian six-pack' of advanced courses, was far from the party-centric high school life idealized in films.
- 🗣️ The speaker's identity crisis led to a period of disassociation from their Chinese culture, including avoiding the Cantonese language and trying to hang out with non-Asian peers.
- 🎉 Influenced by movies like Project X, the speaker sought a wild and party-oriented college experience, which further distanced them from their Asian roots.
- 🏛️ Despite initial resistance, the speaker ended up attending an engineering-focused college, which was more Asian and academically rigorous than they had hoped for.
- 🤝 Feeling out of place trying to fit in with white peers, the speaker eventually returned to the Asian community where they felt more comfortable and accepted.
- 🌐 Learning Mandarin and embracing Chinese culture led to a newfound appreciation for their heritage and a realization that being Asian was something to be proud of.
Q & A
What was the speaker's initial feeling towards their Chinese heritage?
-Initially, the speaker felt inferior and rejected their Chinese heritage, wanting to become a white guy and disassociate from their culture.
What Disney movie had a significant impact on the speaker's self-perception?
-High School Musical had a significant impact on the speaker's self-perception, making them aspire to a lifestyle that was not reflective of their own experiences.
Why did the speaker feel that their high school experience was different from what they saw in movies?
-The speaker's high school was almost all Asian and focused on academics rather than parties and social events, which was different from the portrayal in movies like High School Musical.
What was the 'Asian six-pack' mentioned in the script?
-The 'Asian six-pack' refers to the collection of advanced courses typically taken by Asian students, such as calculus, vectors, Advanced functions, chemistry, physics, and biology, all in one semester.
How did the speaker's perception of being Asian change over time?
-Over time, the speaker's perception of being Asian evolved from self-hatred and rejection to embracing their heritage and culture, realizing the value in being multilingual and enjoying diverse cultural experiences.
What role did the speaker's mother play in their decision to attend university?
-The speaker's mother convinced them to attend a prestigious engineering school instead of a party school, which initially the speaker was reluctant to do.
Why did the speaker initially want to avoid hanging out with their old friends in university?
-The speaker wanted to avoid their old friends in university because they believed hanging out with white kids would help them become 'cool' and fit into the lifestyle they thought was desirable.
What was the turning point for the speaker in embracing their Chinese identity?
-The turning point was when the speaker started learning the Chinese language, which led them to dive into the culture and eventually embrace their Chinese heritage.
What was the speaker's initial attitude towards learning Mandarin?
-Initially, the speaker viewed learning Mandarin as a necessary task for future career prospects rather than something they were interested in or passionate about.
How did the speaker's experience in university differ from their high school experience?
-In university, the speaker initially tried to distance themselves from their Asian identity but eventually found a sense of belonging and coolness in embracing their Asian heritage, unlike their high school experience where they felt inferior.
Outlines
😔 Struggling with Identity
The speaker reflects on a childhood struggle with their Chinese identity, feeling inferior due to cultural differences and media influences. They recount an experience of feeling embarrassed about bringing traditional Chinese food to school, which contrasts with the 'cool' Western foods they saw on TV. The speaker's desire to fit in led them to reject their heritage and culture, influenced by the unrealistic portrayal of high school life in Disney's 'High School Musical.' They express disappointment when their actual high school experience did not match the movie's glamorous depiction, and this, combined with the lack of Asian representation in media, reinforced their negative feelings towards their own race.
😣 Internalized Racism and Alienation
The speaker delves deeper into their teenage years, marked by a strong internalized racism and a desire to distance themselves from their Asian heritage. They recount making insensitive comments about their race and actively trying to disassociate from their culture. Influenced by movies like 'Project X,' the speaker sought a wild and party-oriented high school experience, which further alienated them from their Asian peers. They chose a university based on its party culture and lack of Asian students, attempting to fit into a social circle that was not naturally theirs. This led to feelings of isolation and a realization that they did not belong in the social environment they had idealized.
😊 Embracing Heritage and Language
In the final paragraph, the speaker shares a turning point in their life where they began to embrace their Chinese heritage. The journey started with learning the Mandarin language, which inevitably led to a deeper exploration of Chinese culture. They found joy in listening to Chinese music, engaging with Chinese celebrities, and connecting with family through language. The speaker ultimately realized the value of their bilingualism and bicultural identity, recognizing the coolness in being able to speak multiple languages and enjoy diverse cultural experiences. They returned to their roots, appreciating the community they had once rejected, and found a newfound sense of belonging and pride in their Asian identity.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Cultural Identity
💡Self-Rejection
💡Media Influence
💡Stereotypes
💡High School Musical
💡Project X
💡Asian Six-Pack
💡Language Learning
💡Cultural Assimilation
💡Identity Crisis
Highlights
The speaker once believed being Chinese was the worst thing that could happen to them.
A Disney movie influenced the speaker to reject their heritage and try to become a white guy.
Growing up in Canada, the speaker felt inferior due to cultural differences.
The speaker was self-conscious about bringing Chinese food to school.
Media portrayals of 'cool' influenced the speaker's perception of their own culture.
High School Musical led to the speaker's disillusionment with their Asian high school experience.
The speaker had grand expectations of high school based on movies, which were not met in reality.
The realization that the cast of High School Musical was not actually in high school.
The speaker's high school was almost all Asian and did not resemble the movies' portrayal of high school life.
The speaker's school was stereotypically Asian, focused on academics rather than parties.
The speaker's identity crisis led to a period of hating being Chinese and trying to disassociate from their culture.
The speaker's experience in university, where they initially tried to avoid their Asian peers.
The realization that trying to fit in with a different culture was not satisfying and the speaker returned to their own community.
Learning Mandarin and embracing Chinese culture led to a change in the speaker's perspective on their heritage.
The speaker's journey from rejecting to embracing their Asian identity and the realization that being Asian is cool.
Transcripts
what if I told you that I once believed
that being Chinese was the worst thing
that could possibly happen to me that
one Disney movie made me shun my entire
Heritage reject my culture and leave all
my friends to try to become a white guy
but before I share what that Disney
movie was and what happened a little bit
of important backstory so picture this
little old me born and raised in Canada
1995 and I grew up in a very aan
Community but despite that I always felt
kind of inferior I remember at 8 years
old going to school with my noodles in a
little th most and I'd be self-conscious
of my food smelling weird that it looked
like worms to be honest and that it was
strange the idea of race didn't exist to
me yet it was just I got some weird ass
smelling food versus what I saw on TV
which by the way I had restaurant level
Chinese food every single day cuz my
family went to a restaurant and somehow
TV had convinced me that Lunchables and
a peanut butter sandwich were the
ultimate cool kit food I begged my mom
for them thinking it was normal it was
what was cool and I'm just imagining
like my mom getting a delicious meal and
her dumbass kid asked for some crackers
with some cheese now of course it was
all homeless at that time I mean I was 8
and it was just lunch but this concept
of being cool and wanting to be like
what I saw on TV is something that would
eventually lead to me absolutely hating
myself because in 2006 the legendary
were all this together High School
Musical came out and I remember I had
the biggest crush that time on Vanessa
Hudgins and Ashley Tisdale I remember I
was in the sixth and seventh grade and I
was like looking at the TV and I was
like wow that's what high school girls
are like that's that's what high school
is like wow they had the coolest high
school life like fun basketball pretty
girls I watched and thinking like wow
that was everything I wanted to be
confident popular aesthetic but there
was one important aspect that a young
impressionable 11-year-old brain never
registered at that time which was that
no one at the perfect East High School
was Asian now going into high school I
had these really really Grand
expectations like I watched a couple
more movies including I mean American
Pie and so I thought you know
cheerleaders docks wild parties sex a
wild place where I get thrown into
lockers but also have the craziest
memories I honestly thought I'd be a
cool basketball Jo I'm not going to lie
I remember going into my first day of
high school thinking like I might get
jumped or initiated or something and
that scared me but it also excited me so
much but boy oh boy was I wrong because
I ended up at an almost all Asian high
school and I won't be the first to tell
you that
it was nothing like the movies first off
I didn't really realize at the time but
none of the cast of High School Musical
was actually in high school in fact no
high school movie ever has the cast
actually been high school students but I
didn't make that connection so I was
pretty damn surprised when we went into
high school and no one was like the
hotness that I expected from the movies
and and look before you know girls from
my high school come attack me this is
just what what like movies did to me
okay and it's not that you're not pretty
or cute okay it's because you were 12
and 13 and the movies were showing me
20year olds and Asians like now we're
awesome we have amazing jeans but let's
be real okay we don't goow up till like
20 High School is not our time because
in high school going in each and every
single one of us looks like we're 8
years old myself included docks
cheerleaders homecoming wild parties
that did not exist let me show you a
quick clip of what my high school looked
like
like nobody else and look I know they
say don't believe in stereotypes but if
you wanted to give a comedian all the fu
they need for Asian jokes my school is
the place to be cuz we were 100% your
stereotypical Asians like seriously I
think every single kid in my grade
including myself did summer school every
single summer to get ahead I took grade
11 classes in grade n to get ahead and
this was normal for everyone and I was
like okay this is not cool but I
remember hearing the older kids in the
hallway and they were having convers of
all the crazy parties they were having
you know like drinking uh sex yeah the
movies made me think that if I graduated
high school of Virgin I was a total
loser and so that really excited me
except it didn't because I was kidding
okay everyone in my school all they
talked about was grades summer school
extra classes I mean and the infamous
Asian six-pack which by the way isn't
about being a sexy Asian who's getting
all the girls who's like you know has a
six pack and everything no the Asian
sixpack is all about the collection of
courses you're doing calculus and
vectors Advanced functions chemistry
physics and biology the Asian six-pack
all in one semester it was so far from
the high school experience that I had
dreamed of that I saw the movies that
was cool and all I could see was that
our high school wasn't cool and that
made me feel not cool and looking around
me there's only one logical answer that
my brain came to
it's cuz we were Asian and I hated it
now before anyone cancels me for what
I'm about to say next this was back in
2009 like we were still using Facebook
at that time there was no IG or it was
like just starting out like the social
environment was very very different and
I was very influenced by media and
stereotypes and so I remember sitting in
the cafeteria ranting to my friends and
I said being Asian is the worst race you
could possibly be like seriously I would
rather be anything but Asian and so
that's when I began to hate being
Chinese to hate being Asian I'd go see
family in Hong Kong and intentionally
speak English out loud thinking it made
me better than everyone I I try my best
to not speak Cantonese and just speak
English with my parents and I did my
best to disassociate as much as I could
for my culture and people I did not want
to be associated with Chinese in any way
possible now obviously at the time you
in high school you kind of just figuring
things out and I just make all these
crazy dumb statements but this identity
problem and me being so disconnected
from my culture and Heritage it would
eventually come back to haunt me now in
2012 another legendary American High
School movie came out Project
[Applause]
[Music]
X I remember watching that movie and
coming out and I was like oh my God I
cannot graduate a virgin and it's just
crazy how impressionable I was at that
time like how did I not make the
connection that this girl who looks way
too old now was not actually a high
schooler that high school isn't actually
like this and so I came out of that
movie inspired and I would tell my
friends Mike Edward like yo guys we are
not going into University as losers we
are not going into University as virgins
enough is enough if our high school is
too ching chong bing bong if it's not
going to be lit we just got to hang with
the white
kids gentan believes that every party
you go to has to be like Project X for
is a real party had some fun time it's
some fun experiences but it was never it
never hit that level you were not
satisfied until you had a Project X
party where somebody stole a street sign
somebody jumped off the roof into a pool
right and then there was a lot of motor
boating with none of which we had yeah
now when it was time for University
guess what I prioritized it definitely
wasn't school I actually got into every
school that I applied for but the one I
wanted to go to the most was a party
school school that was most importantly
a lot less Asian rather than the nerdy
pop engineering school that my mom
wanted me to go to cuz I also got to
that school and it was like the best
engineering school to learn engineering
by applying Concepts and Building Things
but according to my research was going
to be super Asian and basically my high
school part two I did not want to go
there but somehow my mom convinced me to
just give it a shot okay fine Mom I
guess I'll think about my future instead
of you know saying I'm Jan like it's
fine I'll think about you know that
University is not for partying but for
my future but I mean University was
supposed to be my fresh start like sure
my nerd school was Asian but like you
know it's University it's much more
diverse and I thought you know what this
is it I'm going to be partying I'm going
to beat a frat and I remember cuz Mike
was going to the same school and he was
like yo you want to room together and
I'm like nah we got to meet new people
and Branch out I was like I don't want
to hang out with my old friends I don't
want to hang out with them and I
remember the first day I legit told him
I was like yo yo like we'll catch up
when we go back you know home or
something but like we shouldn't hang out
as much here like like now that there
were more white kids around I was like
yo I'm going to hang out with the white
kids like I'm going to become white then
we're going to go party I'm going to
like be cool you know do what in my head
like white people do and so I hung out
with random white kids that first week
they were just talking about so many
things that I cannot relate to things
they build and they just love small talk
for the sake of small talk I like nuto
and video games and it was clear I
didn't belong like they didn't say it
but I felt it like they'd hang out
without me they wouldn't tell me to
chill they wouldn't call me it was
always like me reaching out like I was
that desperate guy and so I went back
begrudgingly to be with the Asians the
community that I always got along well
with but that I never wanted to be a
part of it's kind of like when you're
when you're in high school and there's a
cool kid table and and you finally get a
chance to sit there and you realize you
don't belong there then you have to go
back back to your table I felt inferior
as an Asian yet I couldn't change the
fact that I was Asian I had spent my
childhood rejecting my entire identity
to try and get a new one only to realize
that that one didn't fit me so where did
I go from here now when 20 came around I
still hated being Chinese like I hated
Chinese school I hated learning it
growing up I couldn't deny at that point
like okay like you know I guess it' be
helpful to speak manderin like for the
career or whatever I guess the Asian and
me should try to be productive so let's
try and like learn a stupid language
like maybe it'll help me in the future
whatever so now the interesting thing
about learning a language is that you
can't learn one without diving into the
culture you know suddenly I'm not
listening to the six God but listening
to some Jo and look I still couldn't
speak manner at this point cuz like the
basic classes apps and tutors like
weren't that helpful for me but I
started to fall in love with the culture
I'd start watching celebrities trying to
speak Chinese hearing Chinese
International students speak about their
experiences getting closer with my
family and relatives by speaking in
Chinese I finally learned to embrace my
Chinese side my Asian side who I was and
not reject it and so I went back to that
cfer table with the nerdy overachieving
agents that I had rejected for so many
years and I realized you know being able
to speak and gossip in multiple
languages that's cool being able to
enjoy music in another language that's
cool this right here us being Asian
hanging
out this is what's cool
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