How I Killed My Gaming Career…

Summary

In this reflective video, content creator Flexinja candidly discusses his decline in the gaming industry, detailing the pressures and challenges that led to his burnout. Despite having a substantial online presence, he shares his struggles with maintaining content quality, dealing with internet criticism, and the emotional toll of a declining viewer count. He offers advice to aspiring creators, emphasizing the importance of uniqueness, variety, taking breaks, and avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol. Flexinja's story is a testament to resilience and the potential for rebuilding a career with a healthier approach.

Takeaways

• 🎮 Flexinja started gaming at a young age and was inspired by early YouTube content creators to start making his own videos.
• 🚀 His break came with the release of the game Valorant, where he capitalized on the game's popularity to grow his channel significantly.
• 📈 Flexinja's success was rapid, leading to collaborations with well-known streamers and even a position with NRG as their first Valorant content creator.
• 🔥 At the peak of his career, he experienced burnout, which led to a decline in his content quality and a shift in his attitude towards streaming and content creation.
• 📉 The pressure of maintaining views and the repetitive nature of his content led to a decrease in viewer engagement, which affected his mental health.
• 💔 Flexinja struggled with depression and self-hatred, which manifested in his online persona and led to a further decline in his content creation.
• 🍺 As a coping mechanism, he turned to alcohol and partying, which provided temporary relief but ultimately exacerbated his problems.
• 🍽️ His lifestyle choices led to financial strain and a further decline in his mental health, affecting his ability to create content.
• 🔄 Flexinja emphasizes the importance of taking breaks, maintaining a variety in content, and not relying on alcohol or external validation for mental health.
• 🔄 He concludes with a message of hope, stating that despite falling off, he has learned valuable life lessons and is working towards rebuilding his career in a healthier way.

Q & A

Why did Flexinja feel he 'fell off' as a content creator?

Flexinja felt he 'fell off' as a content creator because he experienced burnout, stress, and a decline in the quality and creativity of his content, which led to a decrease in viewer engagement and satisfaction.

What was the turning point for Flexinja when he decided to pursue content creation full-time?

The turning point for Flexinja was when his Omen exclusive video blew up, garnering over 100,000 views within the first day, which prompted him to quit his job at FedEx and focus on content creation.

How did Flexinja's initial success with 'Valorant' impact his career?

Flexinja's initial success with 'Valorant' led to rapid growth in his subscriber base and viewership, which eventually resulted in him being contacted by NRG to become their first 'Valorant' content creator.

What were some of the challenges Flexinja faced during his peak in content creation?

During his peak, Flexinja faced challenges such as burnout from streaming and creating content for long hours, dealing with online criticism and negativity, and maintaining a consistent level of performance and content quality.

Why did Flexinja's content and streaming quality decline over time?

Flexinja's content and streaming quality declined due to his increasing focus on playing well rather than creating enjoyable content, his growing perfectionism, and his mental health struggles, which led to a decrease in creativity and viewer engagement.

How did Flexinja's mental health affect his career as a content creator?

Flexinja's mental health significantly affected his career, leading to depression, anxiety, and a loss of motivation, which in turn impacted his content creation process, social interactions, and overall online presence.

What role did alcohol and partying play in Flexinja's life during his struggles?

Alcohol and partying served as an escape mechanism for Flexinja during his struggles, providing temporary relief from his mental health issues and career pressures, but ultimately contributing to his complacency and lack of motivation to create content.

What advice does Flexinja give to aspiring content creators based on his experiences?

Flexinja advises aspiring content creators to be unique, diversify their content, take breaks to avoid burnout, not to rely on alcohol as a coping mechanism, and to focus on creating quality content rather than obsessing over view counts.

How does Flexinja plan to improve his content creation process moving forward?

Flexinja plans to improve his content creation process by catching up on his content backlog, potentially hiring an editor and a manager, and focusing on creating content that he enjoys and that resonates with his audience.

What is Flexinja's current perspective on his career and the lessons he has learned?

Flexinja's current perspective is one of gratitude and a desire to rebuild his career in a healthier way. He has learned valuable lessons about the importance of mental health, content diversity, and maintaining a balance between work and personal life.

Outlines

00:00

🎮 The Downfall of a Gaming Career

Flexinja, a content creator with nearly 500k YouTube subscribers and 400k Twitch followers, discusses his perceived decline in the gaming industry. Despite his success, he feels he has 'fallen off' due to stress and a lack of fulfillment. He shares his journey from playing games casually to becoming a content creator, emphasizing the importance of creating content for games like Valorant during its beta phase. His decision to quit his job at FedEx to focus on content creation full-time led to a significant increase in his audience, but also to feelings of burnout and depression.

05:15

🌟 The Highs and Lows of Content Creation

Flexinja recounts his experience of being signed by NRG as their first Valorant content creator, which was a dream come true. He discusses the financial stability and social connections this brought, including meeting gaming idols like ASU and Shroud. However, he also details the negative impact of constant scrutiny and the pressure to perform well on stream. This led to a rapid burnout, a decline in the quality of his content, and a growing resentment towards his online persona. He admits to becoming insufferable to watch and to experiencing depression, which affected his content and interactions with his audience.

10:17

🍺 Escapism and the Struggle with Mental Health

The paragraph delves into Flexinja's struggle with alcohol as a means of escaping the pressures of content creation. He describes how alcohol provided temporary relief from the stress of declining view counts and the need to constantly produce content. This led to a cycle of partying and alcohol consumption, which further exacerbated his depression and feelings of emptiness. He also discusses the impact of his mental health on his eating habits and social interactions, highlighting a period of severe depression and even suicidal thoughts.

15:17

🔄 Rebuilding and Reflecting on Content Creation

In the final paragraph, Flexinja reflects on his experiences and offers advice to aspiring content creators. He emphasizes the importance of being unique, posting regularly across platforms, and considering a manager to handle non-creative tasks. He also stresses the need for variety in content, taking breaks to avoid burnout, and not relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism. Flexinja concludes by expressing gratitude for his audience and a newfound perspective on life, indicating a desire to rebuild his career with a healthier approach.

Keywords

💡Valerant

Valerant is a popular online multiplayer first-person shooter game developed by Riot Games. In the context of the video, the speaker discusses how his content creation career took off after the release of Valerant, as he was able to capitalize on the game's growing popularity by creating content around it. His videos featuring Valerant gameplay, particularly with the character Omen, garnered significant views and helped establish his online presence.

💡Content Creator

A content creator is an individual who produces various forms of digital content, such as videos, blogs, podcasts, or live streams, often for entertainment or educational purposes. The speaker identifies himself as a content creator, primarily focusing on gaming content. His journey as a content creator is central to the video's narrative, as he reflects on his rise to prominence and subsequent challenges he faced in maintaining his career.

💡Burnout

Burnout refers to a state of chronic physical and emotional exhaustion caused by intense and prolonged stress. In the video, the speaker mentions experiencing burnout due to the demanding nature of content creation, particularly the pressure to constantly produce high-quality content and the emotional toll of dealing with both positive and negative feedback from his audience.

💡Depression

Depression is a mental health disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest or pleasure in activities. The speaker discusses his struggle with depression, which was exacerbated by the pressures of being a content creator and the isolation that resulted from his work. His candid discussion of depression serves as a cautionary tale for aspiring creators about the importance of mental health.

💡Twitch

Twitch is a live streaming platform primarily focused on video game live streaming, including broadcasts of esports competitions. In the video, the speaker mentions having a significant following on Twitch, indicating that live streaming was a major component of his content creation career. His Twitch viewership is used as a measure of his success and influence within the gaming community.

💡YouTube

YouTube is a video-sharing platform where users can upload, share, and view videos. The speaker discusses his YouTube channel, which hosts his gaming content, as a significant aspect of his career. YouTube serves as a platform for him to reach a wide audience and is central to his content creation strategy.

💡Editing

Editing, in the context of content creation, refers to the process of selecting and arranging recorded material to produce a coherent and engaging final product. The speaker mentions editing as a critical part of his workflow, but also as a source of stress and dissatisfaction, as he felt his videos were not meeting his own standards.

💡View Count

The view count is the number of times a video has been viewed on a platform like YouTube. In the video, the speaker discusses the importance of view counts as a metric of success for content creators. However, he also shares his struggle with the pressure to maintain high view counts, which led to stress and dissatisfaction.

💡Alcohol

Alcohol is a psychoactive substance that can induce a temporary state of intoxication and relaxation. The speaker mentions using alcohol as a means of escape from the pressures and stresses of his career. However, he also acknowledges the negative consequences of this coping mechanism, including increased depression and a lack of motivation to create content.

💡Isolation

Isolation refers to the state of being alone or separated from others. In the video, the speaker discusses how his career led to a sense of isolation, both physically and emotionally, which contributed to his struggles with depression. His isolation is depicted as a barrier to seeking help and maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

💡Collaboration

Collaboration in the context of content creation refers to the act of working with other creators to produce content. The speaker mentions his reluctance to collaborate with other content creators due to feelings of inadequacy and a fear of being a burden. This highlights the challenges of maintaining professional relationships while dealing with personal struggles.

Highlights

Flexinja discusses his decline as a Valerant content creator and the lessons he's learned.

Despite having a large following, Flexinja feels he's fallen off due to stress and burnout.

He reminisces about his start in content creation and early fascination with YouTubers.

Flexinja's initial success with Valerant videos during its beta test.

Quitting his job at FedEx to pursue content creation full-time after a viral video.

Joining NRG as their first Valerant content creator and the excitement it brought.

The pressure of maintaining a successful online presence and dealing with haters.

Burnout from excessive streaming and content creation led to a decline in quality and enjoyment.

Flexinja's struggle with depression and how it affected his content and interactions.

His realization that focusing solely on playing well was detrimental to content creation.

The impact of alcohol and partying as a means to escape from the pressures of online fame.

Admitting to a period of severe depression and suicidal thoughts.

The importance of taking breaks and not letting view counts dictate self-worth.

Flexinja's advice for aspiring content creators: be unique, post regularly, and diversify content.

The need for a manager or editor to avoid burnout and maintain a consistent content schedule.

His current mindset of gratitude for the audience he has, regardless of numbers.

Flexinja's commitment to rebuilding his content creation career with a healthier approach.

Transcripts

yo how's it going flexinja here in this

video I talk about how I fell off as a

valerant content creator you're probably

thinking this is a weird video to make

about myself but it's a video that's

been on my mind for some time now a lot

of people comment online that I fell off

and that I should put the fries in the

bag so sit back relax and let me explain

to you all how I killed my gaming career

and I know some of you might be thinking

that I still have a successful gaming

career because I have nearly 500k

subscribers on YouTube 400k on Twitch

and I'm decently connected in the gaming

World on Twitter but this is more so a

deep of how I fell off as a Creator and

what I could have done better in the

past to make my gaming career thrive in

a way that I wouldn't be as stressed as

I am today let's take this time together

to figure out why I fell off take this

video as a lesson for any of you

aspiring content creators and streamers

out

[Music]

there first off I'd like to mention how

I got started with creating content in

the first place as of right now I'm a

28-year-old man shocking I know I'm

ancient and I grew up playing video

games all my life with siblings I played

Nintendo GameCube PlayStation and even

began PC gaming at a very young age some

of the first PC game titles that I

played was Aventure Quest RuneScape

maple story combat arms Alliance of

Valley and arms and so on also shout out

to those who still follow me from the

black Squad days as well as a kid I was

always fascinated by content creators on

YouTube who would upload montages of

whatever game they'd be playing I

watched a lot of cod montages such as

the early phase days of trickshotting

and thought it was really cool that

people made a living from posting

content of their gameplay usually

whatever game I played on the PC I'd

record my gameplay and I even learned

how to edit at a younger age like 13 14

using YouTube's old built-in video

editor I wish I still had those combat

arms montages with mid clips and cringe

transitions to show you all but those

are long lost now I've always treated

this as a hobby until something in my

brain clicked I thought of how much time

I sunk into gaming 10 12 14 hours a day

playing FPS games or League of Legends

but nothing to show for it so why not

just record the games I love to play and

edit the gameplay into content and

that's what I did and I will say when

valerin came out I got lucky at the time

I was working at FedEx for over a year

and then Co hit my brother got Co and

since I was living with him at the time

I was told to take two weeks off of work

which is when valerant was in its beta

test I remember those two weeks I

uploaded nearly 20 valerin videos that

were an assortment of random highlights

that got like a th000 to 3,000 views per

video nothing too crazy prior to those

valerant videos I created over 200

videos for a game I was playing at the

time called black Squad and earned

myself nearly 30,000 subscribers from a

game that wasn't even popular this is

random but from my knowledge I am still

the largest black Squad content creator

and I haven't made a video on that game

in a few years which is funny to think

about but fast forward a bit I created

my first Omen exclusive video of how I

reached Immortal by only playing Omen

which absolutely blew up and changed the

course of my life completely I still

remember driving around doing my FedEx

deliveries unable to focus feeling

multiple emotions at the same time from

unrelenting happiness to like an unknown

nervousness I was happy because the

video that I posted got over 100,000

views within the first day and I was

nervous because I know I had to take a

chance and go all in and that's that's

exactly what I did I put my two weeks in

that FedEx AKA I quit and I decided to

get to work every video afterwards was

popping off and it felt very surreal I

just couldn't believe it it felt like I

was dreaming without a backup plan and

jumping at the opportunity I quit my job

to pursue content full-time the homies

that I was playing valerant with at the

time had a spare bedroom in their house

in Austin Texas and you know what I did

I packed my car with my PC chair

clothing and whatever else I could fit

and drove my ass from Massachusetts to

Austin Texas shout out to the four of

you you know who you are I know we don't

talk much but I Will Always Love You

Forever nearly 28 hours of driving later

I settled in and got to work grinding

out more content until I got reached out

by NRG to join as their first valerant

content creator

[Music]

[Applause]

how many must I kill before I

restored more always

[Music]

more I'm call to

[Applause]

say let's go Bab

[Applause]

W oh 105

[Music]

on oh my God you're

insane I'm

better this opportunity was insane for

me to me it's always been a dream to

represent an org and make content for

them so with that said Jamie thank you

so much for taking a chance on this

clueless and unexperienced gaming kid

for the very first time in my life I was

making decent money all thanks to gaming

and the luck that transpired from

posting valerant content at the right

time I got to make some amazing friends

and create awesome content with the

likes of flights average Jonas kaid when

she was a silver rank ethos governor and

a ton of other dope creators sorry if I

don't name your name but I I love you

all appreciate you I got to meet some of

my absolute Idols that I looked up into

the gaming space like ASU and shroud at

this time I felt incredible it felt like

I was Unstoppable at this point I even

then took my first flight which I had

anxiety about cuz I've never been on a

plane or through an airport before I

flew to Oregon for a getaway weekend

where I got drunk and high for the very

first time in my life at the ripe age of

24 it was my first kind of getaway where

I could relax and just do whatever and

and not worry about things so at this

time my streams were going insane where

I'd be reaching 3,000 viewers

organically without being raided I'd

often get raided by other people like

the likes of ASU putting me over 10,000

viewers and I'd received so much love

and support through the chat and my

YouTube videos but with all these new

eyeballs on me and this being the

internet of course it comes with the

haters as well which I wasn't really

ready to deal

with surely all this love and support

felt amazing but the honeymoon phase

doesn't last forever after creating

countless valerant videos and streaming

10 hours a day I burnt out pretty

quickly I had the tendency to get in my

head a lot and constantly beat myself up

if I started to play Bad on stream

rather than enjoying the game like I had

been my mood quickly became sour if I

wasn't playing well or if I couldn't get

any content that day one of my biggest

mistakes is that I only started to care

about if I played well instead of

producing good content and I must admit

I probably became insufferable to watch

over the past few years I've always

thought of myself as a chill streamer

but over those past three years I I kept

losing my cool and overall just raged in

an unpleasant way I started to really

dislike who I was becoming and I even

noticed people commenting all the time

that I look depressed whether it's on

stream or in my YouTube videos like does

this [ __ ] even enjoy valerant at

this point what's going on here at first

those comments ate me up inside I hated

seeing them but but the reality is yeah

I was very depressed at that time even

having 3,000 viewers and seeing a lot of

people comment about how low energy and

Dinda look it it just got to me so being

absolutely drained in with the burnout

of valerant I stopped streaming as much

I got tired of editing my YouTube

content because I didn't like editing my

own content seeing myself in that light

I tried to get other people to edit my

videos but I had trust issues about them

getting the videos how I wanted it to be

on YouTube which it just that's a whole

another mess I started to isolate and

return to my depressive habits in real

life I had trouble eating more than one

meal a day and due to not streaming as

much or posting videos as frequently My

Views kept going down and down and down

when I tell you you could not get my

mind to focus on anything other than the

decreasing view count Lower views on

YouTube lower views on Twitch it was

destroying me it put me in the cycle of

trying to work harder but burning out

faster on the days I should be resting

and relaxing my mind to better my human

existence I couldn't stop stressing over

that damn view count at this point every

video I created turned into a puzzle

that I couldn't quite figure out the

same puzzle I saw effortlessly before

now became something I started to

overthink I began to think the content I

was putting out was worse than before

because the views were lower at this

time I didn't consider that I've been

putting out the same Omen content for

over two years and I mean I'm still

doing that nowadays but that's one

reason why My Views kept going down and

down it just gets repetitive this pushed

me to a point where I became a

perfectionist to the point where I

couldn't get myself to post because I

started to think that the content of the

video was lacking the thumbnail needed

to be better the title had to be worded

perfectly and I'm not kidding I'd often

spend a few hours changing the title

several times until I exhausted myself

out from changing it so many times and

refreshing the video to see if the views

went up more I will say over the past

few years my content in fact became less

creative where I started to use my voice

less and I started to only post

highlights for my streams where I was

barely reacting to anything because I

started to feel more empty overall the

best way to describe my situation is

that I felt like I was drowning but I

was drowning from the screens people

view me from whether it's on their PC TV

phone whatever and in the midst of this

drowning Sensation that I felt deep

within me I started to grow into this

resentful version of myself where I

couldn't help but feel bitter about my

situation I remember I used to answer

people in my chat and such a [ __ ]

way with a really negative tone just

because I was going through a [ __ ] storm

mentally voice crack I'm going leave

that in I don't care and by the way I'd

like to make this very clear I'm not

trying to say that my job as a content

creator is harder than any other job cuz

I know people will have the argument hey

bro you just play video games for a

living but I'd like to say that any and

every job in this world comes with

differences and stress whether you want

to compare jobs to someone else's or not

that's just a fact all these factors

never made me feel so Restless in my

entire life and so I turned to alcohol

and partying to escape my racing mind

there's a reason why alcohol makes

people happy and it has everything to do

with the fact that it Alters your state

of mind and it takes the edge off and

that's exactly what it did for me some

of my best nights on this Earth I've

ever had in my favorite memories had to

do with alcohol and this isn't to Hype

up alcohol but rather to tell you that

it's an Escape the only way I could ease

my mind from thinking about my view

count was alcohol alcohol at the time

was my poison I started to spend spend a

lot of money ubering to and from clubs

buying drinks flying to La sometimes to

go to parties to see my other content

creator friends the more I partied and

drank the less I wanted to think about

my online career in a sense I became

complacent and this is the very opposite

of what you're supposed to do by the way

if you want to keep a successful Online

Career believe it or not but that's just

how I went

downhill when the alcohol was flowing

through my system damn I felt good and

once that [ __ ] was out of my system and

I was sober not only did I feel more

depressed but I felt void of any

motivation to create content not is the

word that best describes how I felt when

I had to return to reality my best

advice is not to train your brain to

touch alcohol when problems arise in

life because that [ __ ] does not fix your

problems I know hard to believe that one

another habit that I picked up from

drinking a lot is ordering food I think

I spent the majority of the money that I

ever made from my gaming career ordering

Uber Eats I became so depressed that I

couldn't even get myself to cook meals

for myself anymore the thought of having

to socialize with anyone in the kitchen

to cook something or even go to the

grocery store to buy food became an

actual challenge for me I remember some

days that I was so painfully void of

emotion that I'd sit in my car outside

of a grocery store unable to get myself

to go in because I just felt so anxious

the amount of days I spent driving to

restaurants to pick up my food order

just to eat it in my car alone kind of

disgusted me and not only that I spent

some of those days crying in my car

because I didn't know what to do it

seems pretty pathetic to admit all this

but I was truly suicidal and depressed

at this time and a little fact that I

want to share with you all when I used

to play games off stream and if I played

bad and performed bad i' get so tilted

and I'd actually hit myself I'm not very

proud of myself to admit that but I am

doing better nowadays and I no longer do

that at the time I was very weak and I

was just filled with so much self-hatred

let me tell you something when you're

feeling suicidal in life the last thing

you want to do is show your face online

pretending you weren't just thinking

about offing yourself before going Live

to play some Valerie sometimes I'd go

live without my webcam on just because I

didn't want people to comment on my

emptiness and expressionless face I

started isolating myself more and more

unable to get myself to ask any other

content creators to play or collab

because I felt as though I wasn't good

enough anymore and that I'd bring down

the Vibes just being me I can't help but

think how much my spirit has changed

over the past few years and all the

people that I turned away due to having

witnessed that change no one likes a

sour streamer it makes me a bit sad to

think about that but I'm glad to say

that I'm doing better now if I were to

sum up this video to help you aspiring

content creators this is what I have to

say number one be unique enough to stand

out from the masses like I did by

becoming the omen guy on valerant number

two if you're new to streaming start

posting content on YouTube whether long

form shorts start posting on Tik Tok

Instagram rails to drive traffic to your

Twitch or wherever you stream number

three if you're able to get a manager to

help with sponsors editing posting

content so that you the content creator

and streamer can focus your energy on

creating the best content possible

number four Once you build an audience

try introducing variety content so

you're not stuck doing one thing sort of

like I am right now with valerant still

number five take breaks away from the

online world so you come back feeling

motivated recharged and not so burnt out

take a goddamn vacation is what I'm

trying to say number six The View count

shouldn't always reflect how you should

feel what I recommend is hiding it and

focus on creating good content number

seven this one's important stay away

from alcohol if you're using it to

escape your problems rather than

celebration number eight don't go

chasing relationships or constant

validation from other creators within

the same space you're going to find

yourself drained find your circle of

friends that are like-minded individuals

and grow those relationships instead

this applies to anyone really not just

the online space let's revisit Point

number three again about getting a

manager as of right now I've been back

on my YouTube grind and I've been

editing my videos again but if I

continue down this row I will simply

burn out again I do plan on getting an

editor and a manager soon once I catch

up on my content the one reason why I

haven't been streaming right now is

because I'm trying to catch up with that

content I would love to get an editor

right now but I just simply don't have

the budget to do so that's kind of why

I've been dishing out videos to jump

start my YouTube channel again so that I

can afford to pay an editor well enough

I'd also like to revisit the topic of

posting videos another reason I stopped

posting like I mentioned before is

because the views kept going lower and

lower which made me feel bad about

myself I still kind of struggle with the

this but I've been better about it

lately the best way to look at being a

content creator is not about the views

going up and up and up but rather

appreciating the views that we do get

and moving forward without being

discouraged basically my mindset now is

that I'm grateful that I get to post and

have an audience that watches me stream

no matter the number I used to post

videos and' get 100K views in 24 hours

which is by normal but now I'm even more

thankful that My Views get a minimum of

30k views because that's 30,000 eyballs

that decide to click on my content

whether they watch it for 30 seconds or

they end up watching the entire video

and that's kind of insane if you think

about it the same goes for streaming I'm

thankful that I have an audience of 100

to 200 viewers every time I go live even

if I'm in a shitty mood that day dude

that's about 5 to 10 classrooms full of

people choosing to spend their time to

watch and support me so to sum up this

video in a nutshell yes I did fall off

as a content creator but it's given me a

much more mature perspective in life and

taught me very valuable lessons and like

anything in life what is destroyed can

always be rebuilt in a stronger and more

healthier way I'm flexinja or Chris and

thank you so much for listening to what

I had to say let me know in the comments

down below what you think think of this

video or what I mean to you as a content

creator I appreciate you all much love

have a great day or night wherever

you're from peace