3 Easy Steps To Become A Cool Person (Explained With Science)
Summary
TLDRThis video explains how to become a popular student by balancing fear and admiration. It presents three methods to make others fear you, such as excelling in sports or rejecting social invitations, and three ways to make people love you, including standing out through subtle style choices and building female social capital. The video emphasizes using techniques like personality differentiation and persuasion to earn both respect and friendship, helping students achieve a balanced reputation of being both loved and feared.
Takeaways
- ⚽ Use sports to build fear among peers: Participating in physically demanding sports can make others see you as tough and capable.
- 👊 Mild to severe sports create different levels of fear: Sports like basketball or weightlifting build strength, while combat sports like boxing or wrestling make you feared.
- 😎 Do what you want to build respect: Being disciplined and focused on your goals, like working out, will earn respect from peers and make you more attractive.
- 👋 Reactive attachment: Saying 'no' to hanging out because you're committed to your routine increases your desirability, especially among girls.
- 🧠 Use social rejection wisely: Debating controversial topics confidently can make others fear engaging with you, enhancing your reputation.
- 🎭 Personality differentiation: Stand out through subtle changes in your style, such as wearing a unique accessory, to attract more attention.
- 💼 Social capital: Building relationships with females can boost your popularity, and joining classes with a higher ratio of women can help.
- 📚 Choose the right classes strategically: Medical science, general education, and social science classes have higher female participation, increasing chances for friendships.
- 😊 Persuasion techniques: Use techniques like positive gossip, remembering names, and specific compliments to make others like you.
- 📝 Personalize conversations: Keeping track of details about people's hobbies and interests makes your interactions more engaging, leading to instant likability.
Q & A
What was the main focus of the research conducted by the University of Connecticut in 2019?
-The research aimed to understand why certain kids in school were popular and why others weren't. It found that the most popular students were both loved and feared by their peers.
What is the perceived superiority effect, and how does it relate to sports?
-The perceived superiority effect occurs when people spread rumors or highlight the skills of individuals to make them seem unbeatable, increasing fear and admiration. In sports, excelling in a sport can make others perceive you as superior, which can increase your popularity and make others fear you.
Which sports are categorized as 'mild,' 'moderate,' and 'severe' in terms of creating fear among students?
-Mild sports include basketball and weightlifting, which increase physical reputation. Moderate sports include contact sports like American football and rugby, which make you appear tougher. Severe sports include combat sports like boxing and wrestling, which give you a reputation of being someone not to mess with.
How does reactive attachment make someone more attractive to others?
-Reactive attachment refers to becoming more attractive by being less available or harder to get. By sticking to a disciplined routine, like going to the gym, and turning down social invitations, you can appear more determined and stand apart, making you more attractive.
How can practicing debate help create fear among other students?
-Practicing debate helps you become better under pressure and more dominant in discussions. As you improve, others will start fearing being socially rejected or losing arguments when around you, increasing their fear of challenging you.
What is personality differentiation, and how can it help in becoming popular?
-Personality differentiation involves making yourself stand out from others in subtle ways, such as through your style. By differentiating yourself with something unique but not overly flashy, like a stylish watch, you can become more approachable and popular.
How does social capital with female friends influence popularity?
-Social capital with female friends refers to having a large circle of female acquaintances. Research shows that students with more female friends tend to be more popular. Joining classes that have a higher ratio of females, such as medical science or social science, can help increase female social capital.
What are the five persuasion techniques to make students love you?
-The five persuasion techniques are: 1) Share positive gossip about others to boost both their and your reputation. 2) Use someone's name when greeting them and saying goodbye. 3) Compliment specific things they care about. 4) Remember and ask about important events they mention. 5) Take note of the hobbies and interests of popular students and ask about them.
Why is it important to balance being feared and loved to become a popular student?
-Balancing fear and love is important because it creates a dual reputation where students respect your strength and discipline, but also enjoy your company. This balance makes you both intimidating and approachable, increasing your popularity.
What role does style play in becoming a popular student?
-Style plays a role in personality differentiation, which makes you unique and approachable. A subtle yet distinct style, such as wearing a stylish accessory like a watch, helps elevate your status without drawing negative attention, making you more popular.
Outlines
😎 Becoming Popular by Balancing Love and Fear
In 2019, researchers from the University of Connecticut studied why some students were more popular than others. Popular students were both loved and feared. This video discusses three ways to make students fear you and three ways to make students love you, positioning you as a popular figure. The first method for gaining fear is through sports. By excelling in physical activities, much like medieval warriors who spread rumors about their prowess, students can build a reputation that instills fear in others. The video categorizes sports into mild, moderate, and severe, recommending combat sports like wrestling and boxing for maximum intimidation.
💪 Building Respect through Determination and Discipline
Another key to popularity is making students respect you by doing what you want and staying committed to your goals. A personal example is provided where the narrator started working out at 13 and became obsessed with fitness. This determination led to increased respect and attraction, especially from girls, as they saw him as highly disciplined. The advice is to reject social invitations and stick to your fitness routine, which will elevate your status in the eyes of peers, particularly females, who will admire your persistence and strength.
🤝 Mastering Debates to Command Fear through Social Rejection
Social rejection is another way to make people fear you. The video explains how being rejected by peers reduces popularity, while rejecting others can boost fear. The narrator advises becoming skilled in debates, learning to argue complex topics, and practicing daily by taking opposing viewpoints. This will allow you to dominate discussions in class, making others reluctant to challenge you and ultimately enhancing your feared reputation.
🌟 Using Personality Differentiation to Stand Out
To be loved by others, personality differentiation is essential. This involves making yourself stand out subtly, especially through style. Rather than extreme or flashy differences, such as dyeing hair in unusual colors, the narrator recommends investing in subtle accessories like a high-quality watch. A personal example is given of how a watch can elevate status and be a conversation starter, making it an excellent differentiator for building popularity.
👩🎓 Leveraging Female Social Capital for Popularity
Female social capital, or being friends with a lot of females, is crucial for popularity. To quickly build these relationships, the narrator suggests joining classes where the majority of students are women, such as medical sciences, general education, and social sciences. This strategic approach will allow you to meet more girls and develop friendships, thereby increasing your popularity by association.
🤝 Five Persuasion Techniques to Make People Love You
The final tip focuses on five proven persuasion techniques to make others love you. These include sharing positive gossip, using people's names, complimenting specific details, remembering important dates or events, and recalling people's interests. By practicing these techniques, you will quickly build rapport with others and become more popular. The narrator notes that these tactics have been effective throughout his life in forming strong relationships.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Perceived Superiority Effect
💡Reactive Attachment
💡Social Rejection
💡Personality Differentiation
💡Social Capital
💡Persuasion Techniques
💡Combat Sports
💡Networking
💡Female Social Capital
💡Debating Skills
Highlights
Researchers from the University of Connecticut explored why certain students were popular and found that the most popular were both loved and feared.
Using sports can help students become feared by their peers, as physical prowess enhances reputation and influence.
The concept of the perceived superiority effect can be applied in school sports, making students more popular as they become feared.
Combat sports like boxing and wrestling are suggested to create the most fear among peers due to their association with physical dominance.
Reactive attachment is a phenomenon where being less available increases others' respect and attention, especially from girls.
Developing a strong gym routine and rejecting social invitations to train can increase popularity by showing discipline and determination.
Debating skills can be used to create fear by dominating classroom discussions and making others hesitant to speak up.
Social rejection can be a powerful tool, as fear of rejection makes others wary of those who master debating and argumentation.
Personality differentiation, such as through style and accessories, can make students more popular by standing out subtly but effectively.
Using a unique yet subtle style can attract attention and make others want to engage, contributing to increased popularity.
Female social capital, or having many female friends, is a key factor in becoming more popular in school.
Choosing classes with a high ratio of girls, like medical science or social science, can increase opportunities to form female friendships.
Positive gossip can improve the reputation of others and enhance the gossiper's status.
Using people's names frequently can make them feel acknowledged and liked, strengthening social bonds.
Tracking and remembering details about others' lives, such as exams or hobbies, can make students feel cared for and boost likability.
Transcripts
in 2019 researchers from the University
of Connecticut wanted to figure out why
certain kids in school were popular and
why others weren't but the most popular
students well they were both loved and
feared so in today's video I will show
you how to become a popular student by
showing you three ways to make students
fear you and three ways to make students
love you so you are right in the middle
and you become that popular student
everyone wants to hang out with one use
Sports to make others fear you you see
in medieval times Warlords would use the
perceived superiority effect to make
other people afraid they did this by
spreading rumors about their best
warriors to make those Warriors seem
unbeatable this tactic made the Warlords
Warriors more popular and it increased
the fear that others had of them this
exact same strategy Works in sports
while you're in school because as you
progress in a sport people will start
talking more about you and then they
will start to fear you so I'm going to
show you six Sports that are great for
making other students fear you from the
least feared to the most feared in the
first category we have mild Sports and
while they might not scare other
students it will increase your
reputation for being physically strong
these include sports like basketball or
weightlifting next category are moderate
Sports these will make you appear
tougher and highly competitive these
include contact sports like American
football and rugby and then the final
category we have severe Sports which
will give you the reputation of somebody
they should not be messed with because
you can handle yourself in a fight these
would include Combat Sports like boxing
and wrestling depending on your
situation you'll want to choose a sport
that's the highest on the chart to make
other students fear you and increase
your popularity and that simply students
are now going to start fearing you which
will make you more popular more
attractive but there are still two more
things I need to show you to become
truly feared by other students two do
what you want to make other students
respect you when you become harder to
get you become more attractive to girls
around you this is a phenomenon
scientists called reactive attachment
I'm going to show you how to use this
phenomenon to get more attention from
the girls in your school I started
working out when I was 13 years old and
at that time I remember I would go after
school to the gym for about an hour and
that started becoming this addictive
routine or habit that I would do every
single day and personally I just didn't
want to break it I was addicted and it
got so obsessive that I reached the
point that I would never skip a day
Monday through Sunday from there to
things happen that I didn't foresee
think about it if you start doing it
your friends are going to start asking
you to hang out but when you're that
obsessed of doing whatever you want
you're probably going to say no because
you want to go to the gym and what's
going to happen when the girls ask yo
why did Jose come they're going to be
like oh he's at the gym think about how
girls will start thinking of you you're
going to be that highly disciplined dude
that stands apart from everyone else of
course after that you're going to have
more and more friends or more and more
girls asking you to hang out and if you
can stick to it and continue to say no
and will show them that you're a strong
guy that's stuck to your determination
and not like any other dude that will
jump on the opportunity to hang out with
a girl and that will only make them want
you more so if you want to use reactive
attachment just like I did back when I
started weightlifting I want you to
start working out after school for an
hour every single day then whenever a
friend or a girl asks you to hang out
after school make sure you say you can't
because you're heading to the gym over
time if you don't break you're going to
earn more and more respect girls will
become more and more interested in you
especially if you turn them down three
use social rejection to make people
think twice whenever they're around you
you see the more rejected You Are by
those around you the less popular you
become this is what makes people
terrified of being socially rejected so
I'm going to show you how to use this
fear of social rejection to make people
fear you to do this you need to become
good at debating complicated topics
ideas or issues and look you can start
practicing every day you can do it by
just taking the the opposite opinion of
anything your parents your older
siblings or even your friends have to
say now if you don't want to make things
awkward politically with your parents or
something crazy like that you can always
just tell them that you're practicing
your skills so they don't get like super
mad or awkward between you right the
point is over time you're going to
become better and better when Under
Pressure which means that when you're
put in a situation when you have to
debate someone in school or in the
middle of a class discussing a topic you
will dominate them and then everyone
will be too scared to speak up when
around you up until now you have now
built your reputation as a student that
will be feared and respected using the
perceived superiority effect reactive
attachment and social rejection which
means now I have to show you how to make
students love you so we can balance the
equation and you can become the most
popular and attractive student at your
campus this takes me to number four you
need to use personality differentiation
to make people want to talk to you
personality differentiation
refers to making yourself look unique to
stand out from others and make you more
popular now one of the easiest and most
common ways to use personality
differentiation is through your style so
I'm going to show you how to
differentiate your style to make people
love you and want to talk to you to
start you need to find something subtle
that also makes you unique the reason I
say subtle and this is key is because
while you might know some kid that's
popular because that he dresses good or
has good style you probably know some
other kid that is also really welln but
isn't popular because they dye their
hair some random blue or purple color
just to be different so what I always
suggest and what I did is play it safe
especially upgrading your accessory game
with something that can be work with all
your outfits like a highquality necklace
or a nice watch I'll give you an example
I've been wearing this watch from Aura
for a while now and you have to
understand I'm always networking with
like high net worth individuals and
every time I wear it it always just fits
in perfectly in any room I go that's
because the design is unique it
resembles kind of like an AP which is
what I like but it's insanely affordable
but what I love about watches and i' and
I've been wearing them since I was about
14 15 years old is that it's a
differentiator think about it how many
guys do you know wear a nice watch that
elevates their status maybe one that is
a good differentiator that you can now
use with every single outfit now here's
the best part even though the AA watch
looks expensive like an AP it doesn't
come for that price not even close it's
actually insanely affordable and if
you're a student on a budget it's the
best place to start when it comes to
elevating your style and differentiating
yourself and I want to show you just how
nice these watches are cuz I mean you
can tell they look good they look good
with every outfit I throw them on now if
I were you I would run to pick up an AA
watch and elevate my style immediately
to differentiate yourself from every
other guy and right now there's a
special discount code that's going to
make it even more affordable if you guys
want to check out Ora watches I'm going
to link down below the ones that I have
in my collection so you can go pick them
up and start leveling up today five use
Social Capital to make people desperate
to want to be your friend what
researchers also found in the same study
is that the most popular students had
female Social Capital meaning they were
friends with a lot of females so I'm
going to show you what the quickest way
to make more females friends as quick as
possible just by joining the right
classes now this doesn't mean I want you
to join classes like home education or
cooking because I promise you most men
are thinking the same way and those
classes end up being like 80% men
instead I want you to be more strategic
and join classes that have been
scientifically proven to have a higher
ratio of women I'll give you three good
examples any class that's in medical
science proven to be taken by 84% of
women general education proven to be up
to 72% girl and social science also
proven to be up to 63% girls you do
those classes and you're to make more
female friends faster think about it
when you do a group project the chances
of most of them being girls are
extremely high number six use the five
persuasion techniques to make students
love you I remember when I was in school
I read every book Under the Sun that I
could find to make people love me to
persuade them and most of the tips I
learned I've used my entire life now
instead of telling you to go read those
10 bucks I'm going to give you a quick
30-second breakdown of all of them first
share positive gossip of people around
you to increase their reputation and
yours Second Use someone's name when you
see them for the first time that day and
then again at the end of the day when
you say goodbye third compliment the
specific thing you notice they spend a
lot of time on for a girl it could be
her makeup or her hair for a guy it
could be his style or the gains he's
making in the gym four jot down any
important notes in your calendar if a
girl tells you about an important exam
she has coming up strategically ask her
about the exam that day of and then a
day after so she knows you were
listening and five write down important
information about the most popular kids
like what their Hobbies what their
interests are this is a sales tactic
actually and then anytime you talk about
them always bring up that topic ask
questions about them and they'll
instantly like you it's crazy that ever
since I've learned all these techniques
I use all of them every day till this
day to make people instantly like me and
if you do this and the other five tips
you'll be both loved and feared by
everyone around you and that is what
makes you popular and attractive
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