Why We Fear Public Speaking | Taylor Williams | TEDxUF
Summary
TLDRIn this engaging talk, the speaker, a comedian, humorously addresses the universal fear of public speaking, comparing it to the fear of death. They redefine public speaking as a daily interaction, not just formal presentations, and share practical tips for overcoming anxiety. The speaker emphasizes the importance of authenticity, body language, and finding a supportive 'yes person' in the audience. They conclude by encouraging viewers to embrace both successes and failures as opportunities for growth, reiterating that public speaking is about connecting with others as our true selves.
Takeaways
- 😅 The speaker, a comedian, was nervous about preaching a sermon despite loving public speaking, highlighting the vulnerability many feel in such situations.
- 🗣️ Public speaking is often feared more than death, indicating the deep-seated anxiety people have about expressing themselves in public.
- 🎯 The definition of public speaking should be broadened to include everyday interactions, not just formal presentations or speeches.
- 🤝 Engaging in public speaking is about presenting our authentic selves to the world, which involves both confidence and vulnerability.
- 👀 The fear of public speaking often stems from the fear of being judged, a universal concern that can be paralyzing.
- 🙅♂️ Common advice like picturing the audience in their underwear is not effective and is universally disliked.
- 💡 Practical tips for better public speaking include opening up your body language, finding a supportive 'yes person' in the audience, and being yourself.
- 🌟 Success in public speaking comes from small, incremental improvements and learning from both successes and failures.
- 🤗 Public speaking is not a competition but a conversation that helps in building a stronger connection with the audience.
- 🎉 The ultimate goal of public speaking is to represent and celebrate our true selves and the diversity of others.
Q & A
What was the speaker's initial reaction to being asked to preach a sermon?
-The speaker was utterly and uncharacteristically nervous, despite loving public speaking and being a comedian, storyteller, and improviser.
Why did the speaker's experience with preaching a sermon help in their coaching?
-It provided empathy for the speaker's clients who are terrified of public speaking, as the speaker experienced similar nerves and vulnerabilities.
How does the speaker suggest we should redefine public speaking?
-The speaker suggests we should think of public speaking as the way we present ourselves to the world, not just as formal presentations or speeches.
What common fear does the speaker mention that is ranked alongside the fear of public speaking?
-The fear of death is ranked alongside the fear of public speaking, indicating how deeply rooted the fear can be.
What is the underlying fear that the speaker identifies in people's responses to public speaking?
-The underlying fear is the fear of being judged, which is a universal concern regardless of whether someone loves or hates public speaking.
What advice does the speaker give for dealing with the fear of public speaking?
-The speaker suggests being gentle with oneself, opening up one's body, finding a 'yes' person in the audience, and being one's authentic self.
Why does the speaker say picturing the audience naked is bad advice?
-The speaker mentions that picturing the audience naked is not effective and is universally disliked, suggesting it does not help with public speaking anxiety.
What is the speaker's view on the role of failure in public speaking?
-The speaker views failure as inevitable, normal, and helpful, emphasizing that it is as authentic as success and should be seen as part of the learning process.
How does the speaker encourage counting successes in public speaking?
-The speaker encourages counting every success, no matter how small, to build confidence and recognize progress in public speaking.
What is the final message the speaker wants the audience to take away about public speaking?
-The speaker wants the audience to see public speaking as a representation of their truest, most authentic selves and a celebration of that in others, focusing on daily improvements rather than perfection.
Outlines
🎤 Overcoming Public Speaking Fears
The speaker, a comedian, shares their experience of being nervous about preaching a sermon despite being a public speaking enthusiast. They draw parallels between their own anxiety and the common fear of public speaking, which is often ranked alongside the fear of death. The speaker reflects on the importance of understanding this fear and the universal desire to be a confident public speaker. They propose a broader definition of public speaking, suggesting it's not just about formal presentations but also includes everyday interactions where we present ourselves to others. The speaker emphasizes that the fear of public speaking is rooted in the fear of judgment, a sentiment shared by both those who love and hate public speaking.
🌟 Tips for Confident Public Speaking
The speaker offers practical advice to help overcome the fear of public speaking and become a more proficient presenter. They suggest opening up one's body language to communicate confidence and calmness, finding a supportive 'yes person' in the audience to connect with, and being one's authentic self during presentations. The speaker also encourages counting every success, no matter how small, and accepting that failure is a normal part of the learning process. They conclude by framing public speaking as a conversation rather than a battle, and as an opportunity to present one's true self to the world, advocating for continuous improvement and celebrating authenticity.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Public Speaking
💡Empathy
💡Vulnerability
💡Fear of Public Speaking
💡Authentic Self
💡Body Language
💡Yes Person
💡Anxiety
💡Failure
💡Improvisation
💡Conversation
Highlights
The speaker, a comedian, was asked to preach a sermon, which made them nervous despite loving public speaking.
Being a comedian doesn't necessarily help in preaching a sermon, highlighting the different skills required.
The fear of public speaking is ranked among the worst phobias for adults, comparable to the fear of death.
Jerry Seinfeld's quote humorously compares the fear of public speaking to the fear of death.
The speaker suggests that the fear of public speaking is due to a wrong definition of what it entails.
Public speaking should be defined more broadly as the way we present ourselves to the world.
Daily interactions like introducing oneself or making small talk are forms of public speaking.
The speaker's surveys show that both lovers and haters of public speaking fear judgment.
Fear of inadequacy, failure, rejection, and judgment are common among those who fear public speaking.
The desire to feel known, seen, heard, and understood is a universal human need.
The worst advice for public speaking, according to the speaker's surveys, is to picture the audience naked.
Three tangible tips are given to become a more proficient public speaker: open up your body, find your 'yes' person, and be yourself.
Body language communicates 93% of what we say to our audience.
Finding a supportive person in the audience can help with comfort and encouragement.
Being authentic and using your natural personality can make public speaking more enjoyable for both the speaker and the audience.
Counting successes, no matter how small, is important for building confidence in public speaking.
Failure is seen as inevitable, normal, and helpful in the process of improving public speaking skills.
Public speaking is not about winning or losing but about engaging in an ongoing conversation with the audience.
The speaker concludes by emphasizing that public speaking is about presenting our authentic selves and celebrating others' authenticity.
Transcripts
[Music]
a year ago
i was asked to preach a sermon in my
beloved spiritual community
at my church the only thing is
i'm a comedian not a minister
my friend said oh taylor this will be a
breeze for you you're a storyteller
you're an improviser you're kind of a
ham well let me tell you being a ham
doesn't help you preach a sermon
and i was utterly and
uncharacteristically
nervous i love public speaking
i think about it i write about it i
teach it
i even think about it in my sleep but in
this case
my palms were sweaty my heart beat fast
and i feared i would forget everything i
had prepared
maybe you know what that feels like but
this was a great exercise and empathy
for me
in the work that i do because i coach a
lot of people who are terrified of
public speaking
and the vulnerabilities surrounding it
so in this case
i wasn't telling a story i wasn't doing
improv or trying to be a ham
i was preaching and the stakes felt high
and i felt vulnerable and i wanted to
crush it
as much as you can crush a sermon
but that was all it took for me to feel
all the nerves
i guess the good news is i'm not alone
the fear of public speaking ranks
amongst
the worst phobias for adults in fact
it ranks right up there with the fear of
death
kind of puts it in perspective doesn't
it the comedian jerry seinfeld famously
said that means you'd rather be in the
coffin
than giving the eulogy makes the
prospects of becoming a more
confident public speaker feel pretty
grim in fact i'm willing to bet that
some of you out there are feeling
anxious with just me talking about
public speaking
but before you start to freak out let me
tell you why trying to understand this
fear
is so important and why we all have
hopes
of becoming more proficient confident
public speakers
i have a secret i'd like to share with
you
i think the reason why we are all so
terrified of public speaking
and why we think we're all so horrific
at it is because we're actually defining
public speaking
in the wrong way
maybe you think of it as talking to a
large group of strangers with a huge
powerpoint behind you
or making a pitch to a group of
colleagues or presenting something in
class
full of your peers or leading a virtual
meeting
and certainly all of those are examples
but i think we need to define it
much more broadly than that i think we
need to
think of public speaking as the way we
present
ourselves to the world
and if we look at it that way then we
can see that we're engaging
in some form of public speaking pretty
much every day
think about introducing yourself for the
first time and making that
back and forth getting to know you
banter or making small talk at a party
going out for an interview or going on a
first date
all of these are examples of public
speaking if we can change our framework
to see that
and in all of these cases we're not only
trying to
uphold our confidence and our knowledge
of whatever subject matter we're talking
about
but we're also trying to present our
most authentic
self at the same time
so yeah that can feel like a lot
in our shows and workshops we give out
surveys
to ask people whether they love public
speaking or whether they hate it
and then there's a series of follow-up
questions that ask them any tips or
tricks they've received along the way
that help them with their
anxiety around public speaking
and what's fascinating is whether
someone loves public speaking or they
hate it
their answers to the open-ended
questions are largely the same
everyone's fear lies in the fear
of being judged there are nuances
and differences to those responses but
it's pretty much true for everyone
judgment is just too painful to face
when you're a human being trying to
present yourself to the world
it's fraught with fear and insecurity
because it's so
raw and real and vulnerable
and larger research studies show us the
same the ranking right up there
with the fear of public speaking and
death
are the fears of inadequacy failure
rejection and judgment
it's hard to hear isn't it and the
opposite of these fears and hurts
are the desire to feel known and seen
and heard and understood
isn't that what we all want
as an important side note you should
know that in those surveys i mentioned
both lovers and haters of public
speaking agree that the worst
advice they've ever received around
public speaking is to picture your
audience
naked or in their underwear like i'm
doing to all of you right now
just kidding it turns out that doesn't
work for people it's never worked for me
either
let's move on let's talk about some
tangible
tips and tricks to become a more
proficient
confident public speaker or presenter of
yourself to the world
now it's hard this isn't going to happen
in one day
so be gentle with yourself let's make it
less scary shall we
okay number one open up
your body breathe into it
93 of what we communicate to our
audience
is through our body language it lets
them know
that you're okay but it also lets you
know
that you're okay and you're okay
open up breathe smile
blink unclench your fists
number two find your
yes person ah there is someone in every
audience who is
nodding and smiling and validating you
love that person as you look around
skating the room check in with them to
feel comfortable
and encouraged my mom always says that
public speaking
should feel like you're talking to your
best friend
and that person in the back slumped down
with their arms crossed
and scrolling through their twitter feed
the whole time that's not your person
don't worry about that person and number
three
be yourself like seriously act like
yourself
if you have a great sense of humor use
it
if you like to think and speak in sports
analogies sprinkle a couple of those and
be yourself and let them enjoy you
they came to see you to hear you
and besides believe me when i say they
are
so glad it's you up there doing the
public speaking
and not them and as you
improve remember to count all of your
successes
no matter how small they might seem you
make that pitch to all of your
colleagues
and you don't break out in hives count
it you make small talk at the church
potluck
heck yes you did you make that class
presentation and you sweat through that
gray t-shirt but your voice didn't crack
nailed it count each and every win
and as you do also remember that
failure is inevitable
normal and helpful because
failure is just as authentic as success
and as you go around presenting yourself
as a human being to the world
remember that it's never you against
your audience
no one is supposed to win
in many ways public speaking is
an ongoing conversation where you become
more of
a part of your audience by speaking to
them and teaching them
and they become more a part of you by
listening and learning
and we all get stronger that way
what i want you to take away from all of
this is that public speaking
is not about perfection
it's woven into our everyday experience
it's about the way that we interact with
the people in the world around us
and how we want to present ourselves in
those interactions
and we can get better day by day by
taking our successes
and our failures and just making small
improvements
so let's take public speaking
and see it as a representation of our
truest
most authentic selves and a celebration
of that in others
and the great news is no one has to
picture
anyone else in their underwear which is
a victory
in and of itself thank you
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