How to RESIST becoming EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED: get a poker face

Summary

Dr. Orion Taban discusses the importance of emotional restraint in relationships, particularly for men, in the initial six months. He emphasizes the need for 'due diligence' before becoming emotionally invested, comparing it to a diligence period in business transactions. Taban warns against the dangers of emotional investment too soon, such as suffering if the partner turns out to be of poor moral character and the loss of attraction by placing oneself in the 'adorer' role. He suggests guarding one's thoughts, limiting constant communication, and avoiding inappropriate disclosures as strategies to resist emotional investment until the relationship is deemed trustworthy.

Takeaways

• 🚫 Resist emotional attachment early in a relationship to avoid potential heartache and complications.
• 📈 Consider the first six months as a 'due diligence' period to properly vet a potential partner.
• 🎯 Emotional investment should be based on the other person's character and trustworthiness.
• 🔍 Avoid the 'adorer' role by not emotionally investing too soon, as it can compromise attraction.
• 🤔 Guard your thoughts and avoid obsessing over the new person in your life to prevent emotional attachment.
• 📱 Limit constant communication to slow down the emotional intimacy process.
• 🚫 Refrain from inappropriate disclosures early in the relationship to maintain emotional boundaries.
• 💡 Compare dating to poker: maintain a 'poker face' and don't let good hands dictate your behavior.
• 🛡️ Practice emotional restraint as a survival strategy to avoid unnecessary emotional pain.
• 💭 Be mindful of your mental focus and redirect it to the present moment and other aspects of your life.
• 💌 Only engage in emotional vulnerability once you trust the person with your personal information.

Q & A

What is Dr. Orion Taban's main advice for men in the early stages of a relationship?

Dr. Orion Taban advises men to resist becoming emotionally attached in the first six months of a relationship to avoid potential problems and to properly vet the person they are considering investing in emotionally.

Why does Dr. Taban compare relationships to a diligence period before a significant purchase?

The comparison is made to emphasize the importance of taking time to understand and evaluate the person you're considering a relationship with, just as one would do due diligence before buying a house or a business to avoid future regrets and issues.

What is the 'crisis of disillusionment' that Dr. Taban refers to?

The 'crisis of disillusionment' is the point at which the fantasy or idealized image of a person is shattered by the reality of who they truly are, typically occurring after a period of time has passed, revealing the true nature of the relationship.

What are the two main reasons why emotionally investing too soon can be harmful?

First, it can lead to suffering if the person turns out to be of poor moral character, forcing a choice between what's good for oneself and what one's heart desires. Second, it can place the man in the 'adorer' role, which is less attractive and can compromise the attraction and the emotional experience sought in a relationship.

How does constant communication accelerate emotional intimacy?

Constant communication speeds up the process of becoming emotionally intimate as it leads to sharing more about oneself and engaging in deeper emotional connections, which should be gradual, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

What is the significance of not disclosing too much personal information early in a relationship?

Sharing too much personal information early on can lead to vulnerability and potential misuse of that information. It's important to build trust and establish the safety of the relationship before reaching such levels of openness.

What does Dr. Taban suggest men should focus on instead of obsessing over their romantic interests?

Dr. Taban suggests that men should redirect their attention to other aspects of their lives such as work, friends, fitness, or immediate tasks, to avoid training their minds to fall in love with the idea of someone rather than who they truly are.

How can men maintain control over the pace of a relationship?

Men can maintain control by not responding to every message immediately and not letting the other person dictate the rhythm of their interactions. This helps in not slipping into the 'adorer' role and maintaining a balanced relationship dynamic.

What does Dr. Taban mean by 'get a handle on your emotions'?

This phrase means to manage and control one's emotional responses and not let them dictate behavior, especially in the context of a new relationship. It's about being mindful and not allowing emotions to lead to premature emotional investment.

What are the three things that Dr. Taban says can lead people to fall in love with each other?

The three things are mentally obsessing about the person, constant communication, and being too emotionally vulnerable. These behaviors can lead to emotional investment before the person is truly known and trusted.

What should be the criteria for a man to consider emotionally investing in a woman?

The woman should be safe, trustworthy, competent, and loyal. These qualities ensure that the relationship is based on a solid foundation and that the emotional investment is not misplaced.