Want to Get Ahead at Work? Risk the Awkward Moments | Henna Pryor | TED

Summary

The speaker reflects on the awkwardness of taking risks and the impact of social norms on our willingness to do so. Drawing from psychological research, they explain how our brains change during adolescence, leading to increased self-consciousness and a desire to fit in. This, in turn, affects our professional lives, making us less likely to take risks. The speaker advocates for embracing awkwardness as a signal to improve and grow, encouraging listeners to shift from an 'approval mindset' to an 'improvement mindset' to achieve personal and professional advancement.

Takeaways

• 😅 The speaker humorously recounts personal anecdotes of awkwardness at work, such as being called by the wrong name and misjudging social cues.
• 🧠 Research indicates that our brains change during early adolescence, leading to increased self-consciousness and a tendency to internalize social norms.
• 📉 As we grow older, our willingness to take professional risks decreases, influenced by a deep-seated desire to fit in with social norms.
• 🤔 The speaker suggests that the fear of awkwardness stems from a subconscious need for social approval and belonging.
• 🚫 The approval mindset can hinder personal growth and risk-taking, as it focuses on external validation rather than internal goals.
• 💪 The speaker advocates for an 'improvement mindset' where personal development and self-identity take precedence over the need for external approval.
• 🔄 To foster an improvement mindset, one must realign goals and motivations to be internally driven rather than externally influenced.
• 🏋️‍♀️ The speaker recommends seeking out 'micro stressors' and embracing 'ick moments' to condition oneself to be more comfortable with awkwardness and risk.
• 💡 Internal motivation is key to overcoming the fear of awkwardness and taking calculated risks for personal growth and self-improvement.
• 🌟 The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to find one goal they are willing to feel awkward for, to cross the 'cringe chasm' towards self-improvement.

Q & A

What was the speaker's experience with her name being mispronounced at her first job?

The speaker's name was repeatedly mispronounced as 'Helen' instead of 'Henna' by a partner at her first job. She felt it was too risky and awkward to correct him after the initial mistake, which led to the error continuing.

Why did the speaker feel awkward about correcting her name at work?

The speaker felt that correcting her name would be risky and awkward because she hadn't corrected the partner when he first mispronounced it, and doing so later felt like it would draw unnecessary attention and potentially jeopardize her professional relationship.

According to the speaker, why do we become more self-conscious and risk-averse as we grow older?

The speaker explains that our brains change during early adolescence, leading us to internalize social norms and become more self-conscious. As we grow up, we start to avoid actions that make us feel 'little icky', which are often associated with violating social norms.

What is the 'approval mindset' as described in the script?

The 'approval mindset' refers to a state where individuals are driven by the desire for external validation and approval. They change their behavior to meet others' expectations and focus on preserving their gains and fitting in with social norms.

How does the speaker suggest we can shift from an approval mindset to an improvement mindset?

The speaker suggests that shifting to an improvement mindset involves aligning one's internal motivation with personal goals rather than external expectations. This involves embracing awkward situations, seeking out micro stressors, and deliberately practicing discomfort in areas where there's room for change.

What role does the feeling of awkwardness play in our decision-making according to the speaker?

Awkwardness serves as a signal that we are at a moment of choice, standing at the edge of a 'cringe chasm'. It indicates that it's time to take a risk and make a jump towards self-improvement, rather than avoiding the discomfort to seek approval.

Why do people often avoid taking risks in their professional lives, as explained in the script?

People avoid taking risks in their professional lives because they fear losing the approval of others, which they have come to value highly. This fear is exacerbated by the visibility of the risk in a professional setting, where performance is often measured and scrutinized.

What is the 'cringe chasm' mentioned in the script, and how does it relate to personal growth?

The 'cringe chasm' is a metaphor for the gap between our desire for approval and our need for self-improvement. It represents the awkwardness and risk associated with personal growth, which can only be crossed by embracing discomfort and taking actions that align with our internal goals rather than external approval.

How does the speaker relate the concept of 'ick moments' to personal development?

The speaker refers to 'ick moments' as instances of discomfort or awkwardness that signal an opportunity for personal development. By facing and embracing these moments, individuals can strengthen their internal motivation and improve their ability to take necessary risks for growth.

What does the speaker mean when she says 'play not to lose' instead of 'play to win'?

When the speaker says 'play not to lose', she is describing a mindset where individuals avoid taking risks to maintain their current status and avoid the potential loss of approval. In contrast, 'play to win' implies taking calculated risks and pursuing personal growth and improvement, even in the face of potential awkwardness or failure.