Leading with Emotional Intelligence | Ben Zoghi | TEDxTAMU

Summary

The speaker, raised in a Persian family with limited career choices, shares a personal journey from studying engineering to becoming a professor. He emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence, intrinsic motivation, and the power of being present in the moment. The speaker challenges the traditional 'do-have-be' mindset, advocating for a shift towards self-awareness, empathy, and relationship management as keys to personal and professional fulfillment.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on personal and professional development rather than just academic achievements.
• 🏛 Raised in a Persian family, the speaker was limited to career choices of being an engineer or a doctor, highlighting cultural influences on career paths.
• 🎓 The speaker reflects on the extensive curriculum in higher education and questions how many of those courses are truly about the individual's personal growth.
• 👨‍🏫 As a professor, the speaker admits to using only 10-15% of their education in their daily work, suggesting a disconnect between education and practical application.
• 💡 The speaker challenges the traditional 'do-have-be' mindset, advocating for a shift towards understanding what one truly wants to be in life.
• 💖 Emotional intelligence is a key focus of the presentation, with the speaker explaining its importance in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
• 🔄 The speaker suggests that changing one's mindset and behavior can lead to intrinsic motivation and a more fulfilling life.
• 👂 The importance of active listening and empathy is highlighted as essential skills for effective communication and understanding others.
• 🌐 The concept of being interconnected and responsible for each other's well-being is presented, encouraging a sense of global community and social awareness.
• 🧘 The speaker introduces mindfulness and its benefits, such as calming the emotional brain and promoting emotional intelligence.
• 🌬 The power of breathing as a tool for being present and managing emotions is shared, underlining its role in achieving a balanced state of mind.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial career choice influenced by their family background?

The speaker's initial career choice was influenced by being raised in a Persian family, where they were given limited choices to become either an engineer or a doctor.

What does the speaker suggest about the relevance of the education received during their bachelor's degree?

The speaker suggests that the education received during a bachelor's degree may not be fully relevant to one's professional life, as they personally use only 10 to 15 percent of their education as a professor.

What is the speaker's childhood dream and what influenced it?

The speaker's childhood dream was to become a professor, influenced by a neighbor who was a professor, always well-dressed, smoked a pipe, and commanded high respect in their neighborhood.

What is the speaker's main challenge to the next generation of leaders?

The speaker challenges the next generation of leaders to reevaluate their mindset, focusing not just on doing and having but on being—on what kind of person they want to become.

What is the speaker's view on the current mindset of people in relation to their happiness?

The speaker believes that the current mindset, which is focused on doing a lot of work to eventually have a job, family, house, and money, is the root cause of unhappiness for many people.

What is the concept of emotional intelligence as discussed by the speaker?

Emotional intelligence, as discussed by the speaker, involves recognizing and understanding one's own emotions and those of others for the purposes of self-motivation, self-management, and building deep, profound relationships.

How does the speaker define intrinsic motivation?

Intrinsic motivation, according to the speaker, is the ability to internally motivate oneself, driven by personal desires and goals rather than external incentives.

What is the significance of the poem from the Persian poet mentioned in the script?

The poem signifies the interconnectedness of all human beings and the importance of empathy, suggesting that one should not be indifferent to the pain of others and that responding to it is a shared human responsibility.

What is the speaker's advice on effective communication and listening?

The speaker advises to listen with the intent to truly understand the other person's perspective, which is different from merely hearing their words, and this is referred to as empathy.

What is the concept of mindfulness as presented by the speaker?

Mindfulness, as presented by the speaker, is the act of paying attention with intention to one's thoughts, feelings, and body, which can lead to a more emotionally intelligent and calm state of being.

How does the speaker suggest one can manage their emotions and reactions?

The speaker suggests managing emotions and reactions by being aware of one's biases, understanding the impact of emotions on thoughts and behavior, and practicing mindfulness to soothe the emotional brain.

Outlines

00:00

📚 The Traditional Education Mindset

This paragraph discusses the speaker's background and the conventional educational path, which often leads to a career in engineering or medicine. The speaker reflects on the extensive coursework and the limited applicability of this knowledge in later life. They emphasize the importance of reflecting on the relevance of one's education to their personal and professional life, challenging the audience to consider how many courses truly align with their interests and goals. The speaker also shares their childhood dream of becoming a professor due to the respect it commanded, only to realize later that as a professor, they use a mere fraction of their education in their daily work.

05:01

🔄 Shifting the Paradigm: From 'Do-Have-Be' to 'Be-Do-Have'

The speaker introduces a paradigm shift in mindset from the traditional 'Do-Have-Be' to 'Be-Do-Have,' suggesting that one should first define who they want to be, which will then guide their actions and ultimately lead to desired outcomes. They encourage the audience to consider their aspirations beyond material success, such as becoming a great human being, partner, or professional in their field. The speaker shares their personal journey of realizing the limited use of their education in their daily life and challenges the audience to re-evaluate their motivations and priorities, focusing on intrinsic motivation and personal fulfillment.

10:02

🧠 Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Personal and Professional Growth

This paragraph delves into the concept of emotional intelligence, which the speaker identifies as a critical component of personal and professional development. They explain emotional intelligence as the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one's own emotions and those of others. The speaker outlines three key aspects: self-awareness, self-management, and relationship management. They stress the importance of intrinsic motivation, empathy, and effective communication, using the model by Daniel Goldman as a reference. The speaker also shares their experience of teaching emotional intelligence to engineering students, emphasizing the need for leaders in various fields to possess these skills.

15:03

🌱 Mindfulness and Presence: Tools for Emotional Intelligence

The final paragraph focuses on the practice of mindfulness as a tool for enhancing emotional intelligence. The speaker advocates for being present in the moment to alleviate anxiety and depression caused by excessive focus on the past or future. They introduce breathing as a simple yet powerful method to achieve mindfulness, which can calm the emotional brain and promote a more balanced response to life's challenges. The speaker concludes by defining mindfulness as the intentional attention to one's thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, which provides insight into oneself and the situation at hand.

Keywords

💡Persian family

The term 'Persian family' refers to a family with roots in Persia, which is historically an area that corresponds to modern-day Iran. In the context of the video, it is used to illustrate the cultural background and the limited career choices the speaker faced growing up, which were either to become an engineer or a doctor. This concept is integral to understanding the speaker's personal journey and the cultural expectations placed upon them.

💡Curriculum

A curriculum is the complete set of courses and experiences a student engages in during their education. In the video, the speaker reflects on the curriculum's impact on students' lives, noting that the average bachelor's degree requires about 120 credit hours, which translates to roughly 30 to 40 courses. This concept is central to the speaker's argument about the disconnect between the extensive education students receive and the practical application of that knowledge in their professional lives.

💡Intrinsic motivation

Intrinsic motivation refers to the internal drive to complete tasks for the sake of the task itself rather than for external rewards. The speaker challenges the audience to seek intrinsic motivation, emphasizing the importance of finding personal fulfillment in one's work or studies. This is a key concept in the video, as it contrasts with extrinsic motivation and is presented as a means to achieve genuine happiness and contentment.

💡Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one's own and others' emotions effectively. The speaker introduces this concept as a critical component of personal and professional success, explaining that it involves self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. The speaker's personal experience of teaching emotional intelligence to engineering students exemplifies the relevance of EQ in various aspects of life.

💡Mindset

Mindset refers to a set of beliefs or ideas that shape an individual's attitudes and behaviors. In the video, the speaker discusses the importance of shifting one's mindset from 'do-have-be' to 'be-do-have,' suggesting that being a certain way or having certain qualities should precede actions and achievements. This mindset change is presented as a transformative approach to life that can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

💡Paradigm

A paradigm is a framework containing the basic assumptions, concepts, and practices that are commonly accepted by members of a scientific community or school of thought. In the context of the video, the speaker uses the term to describe the fundamental shift in perspective that can change one's life, moving from a focus on external achievements to internal qualities and personal growth.

💡Accountability

Accountability is the state of being responsible for one's actions and decisions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of being accountable for one's emotions and behaviors, particularly in the context of emotional intelligence. This concept is illustrated through the example of how parents' actions and reactions can influence their children's behavior and language.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, often by imagining oneself in that person's situation. The speaker discusses empathy as a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence, particularly in building deep and profound relationships. The concept is highlighted through the speaker's reference to a Persian poem about human interconnectedness, emphasizing the importance of understanding and responding to others' pain.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. The speaker concludes the video by advocating for mindfulness as a powerful tool for emotional regulation and self-awareness. The concept is exemplified by the speaker's suggestion to pay attention to one's breathing as a means to achieve mindfulness.

💡Aggie spirit

The term 'Aggie spirit' is used by the speaker to encapsulate the values of unity, empathy, and collective responsibility, which are exemplified in the Persian poem mentioned in the video. It represents the idea that individuals are interconnected and should respond to the suffering of others, reflecting a sense of community and shared humanity. This concept is used to inspire the audience to embody these values in their personal and professional lives.

Highlights

The speaker emphasizes the importance of choosing a personal and professional path that can change one's life, suggesting a shift in mindset from 'doing' to 'being'.

Raised in a Persian family, the speaker chose engineering due to limited career options, reflecting on the extensive education that often feels unused later in life.

The average bachelor's degree requires about 120 credit hours, equating to 30-40 courses, highlighting the extensive curriculum students undertake.

The pursuit of higher education, including master's and PhD degrees, involves taking numerous courses, yet the speaker questions how many are truly about the individual.

The speaker's childhood dream was to become a professor, influenced by the respect a neighbor received, revealing the impact of role models on career aspirations.

As a professor, the speaker finds that only 10-15% of their education is utilized, suggesting inefficiencies in the educational system.

The speaker challenges the audience to reflect on their mindset, questioning the traditional 'do-have-be' paradigm and urging a reevaluation of priorities.

Emotional intelligence is introduced as a key to personal and professional success, with the speaker sharing their experience of teaching it to engineering students.

The speaker defines emotional intelligence as recognizing and understanding one's own emotions and those of others, for motivation, self-management, and empathy.

The importance of intrinsic motivation is discussed, encouraging students to find internal drive rather than relying on external incentives.

Effective communication and the challenge of listening with intent are highlighted, with the speaker advocating for empathy in understanding others.

The speaker shares a poem about human interconnectedness, emphasizing the collective responsibility to respond to the suffering of others.

The concept of 'Aggie spirit' is introduced, linking the speaker's educational philosophy to a broader sense of community and social awareness.

The speaker discusses the power of being present and the role of mindfulness in managing emotions and thoughts for better decision-making.

Breathing is presented as a tool for achieving mindfulness and calming the emotional brain, with the speaker sharing personal techniques.

The presentation concludes with a call to action for the audience to evaluate their mindset and consider their version 2.0, aiming for continuous self-improvement.

Transcripts

foreign

for the past few months

what can I share with you rather than

what I can lecture you

if I can give you one nugget

that can change your life personally and

professionally what would it be

so that's what I'd like to share with

you

being raised in a Persian family or was

given limited choices

either I can be an engineer or a doctor

or nobody

so I decided to choose the first one so

when I came to a state

I started

studying engineering so I took a lot of

classes like you do

regardless of your major a math physics

chemistry

engineering you name it

I studied a lot did a lot of homework

that I never used for the rest of my

life

there's a lot of papers that I don't

know why I wrote those

but I had to do it because that was a

part of the package

so I went back out look at the

curriculum that every one of us gets

impacted by when you look at the

bachelor's degree on the average is

about 120 credit hour

if a course is three to four hours

you're checking about 30 to 40 courses

and I make the Assumption you know what

you're doing

because a lot of you may change your

major

so you take more classes

and if you want to do your master's

degree that would be about another 10

courses

and some of you may decide to do your

PhD even though there's a lot of

research involved but you're going to be

taking some classes as well so on the

average

we're taking about 30 to 50 courses

I want you to think I want you to

reflect how many courses do you check

that the topic of the course is all

about you

so wait a second wait a second I forgot

to mention something my dream was to be

a professor since I was a kid and the

reason I wanted to be a professor I had

a neighbor

who dressed up all the times

he was smoking pipe and he got the

highest respect in their neighborhood

and I told my parents if smoking is bad

why is this guy getting all the respect

they said because he was a professor

I'm like damn

that's what I want to be I want to be a

professor

and I'm not joking with you that's how

the whole thing started

you know what the sad news is

the sad news is as a professor I use 10

to 15 percent of my education

as a professor I use 10 to 15 percent of

my education

do you know what percent of me I use

every day

think about that

I use me 24 hours a day 100 percent

and the worst case is when you get

married or if you're in a relationship

you're gonna find out she's a lot

smarter than you in my case

you can't even understand that part of

it they never taught us how to listen

that's why especially men

we can hear but we don't listen well

so four years of college four years of

studying four years of you know simplest

night

what am I missing here

took me a long time to figure that out

so what I'm going to share with you is a

current mindset the mindset that we have

is actually the root cause problem for

the way we live

so what exactly is the mindset the

mindset that we have is what I refer to

as do

we do a lot of work we do a lot of

studies we do a lot of classes we do a

lot a lot a lot the reason we do all of

that is eventually

we have a job we have a family we have a

big house we have a nice car we have

money and the reason we do that is

eventually

to be happy to be content to have impact

I see some of your parents here in this

room and I don't want to embarrass

anyone

but if you ask your parents a lot of

them are not happy with their job

they did their job just to pay the bills

they did their job just to make sure you

know you have a better education and a

better life

so you don't need to blame them

my challenge to you as a next generation

of leaders in our country

is to consider the following mindset

so rather than do have be

run like rats

working on 18 hours a day stay up three

four nights I want you to reevaluate

your paradigm

so what I'd like to propose to you is a

little shift in the mindset that changed

my life personally and professionally

and the question is what do I want to be

that's a hard hard question to have an

answer when you're 18 to 22 you may not

have an answer for that it's perfectly

fine you don't have to but you can think

what do I want to be I want to be a

great human being

I want to be a great husband I want to

be a great friend I want to be a great

father I want to be an outstanding

engineer I want to be a great doctor I

want to be a good accountant I want to

be an artist I want to be a dancer

regardless of what you want to be

then you can go ahead focus on doing

what you want to do

if I love what I'm doing then it's not

work anymore so if I know what I want to

do then I can do that and I'm spending

hours and hours is worth it they have

will eventually come even if it doesn't

come I'm happy with what I want because

my Paradigm about the whole world

started early on

rather than I get a job I get fired I

have a house mortgage you go to a couple

you know family divorces and then you

find out why am I so miserable

so my challenge to you

is re-evaluate your mindset what is your

mindset

the previous speaker Allison is the best

example and I met her yesterday it's the

best example of a young lady who has the

right mindset

she could be a lawyer and make a lot of

money and Chase ambulances you know and

other people

but she decided not to do it

she decided you know to go ahead

dedicate her life to something you know

of value

every one of you has Aggies you have

that responsibility

in my case I got into this Paradigm

through actually understanding and

learning more about emotional

intelligence

I even created a course that I teach

engineering students about emotional

intelligence

no I get a lot of you know crap because

of that they say that's oxymoron but

none in College Station Texas

because here we make leaders who are

Engineers our focus is on leadership

development we make leaders in

agriculture we make leaders in political

science we make leaders in nutrition

so that's a different level of mindset

so what exactly is emotional

intelligence

emotional intelligence is recognizing

understanding your own emotion and of

others for three reasons for three

reasons simple reasons

how do you motivate yourself

as a student we all have days that it is

hard to motivate yourself

a lot of us we live in a society that we

look outward

we're looking for incentive from outside

to motivate us

it's called extrinsic motivation my

challenge to you is intrinsic motivation

I can internally motivate myself what

drives me to do what I do and to do an

excellent job

the second aspect of emotional

intelligence is managing emotion well in

myself

obviously all of you look so calm right

now

but if you are under the halt State

hungry angry lonely tired

stressed out

you would be reacting a little

differently

I promise you we all have we're human

you're human we have emotion and the

third aspect is how do you build

relationship I'm not talking about

superficial relationship I'm talking

about deep profound relationship the

model that I'm sharing with you is from

Daniel Goldman relatively a simple model

is being divided between self

interpersonal and others into a personal

and the reason this is important the

reason you know that I'm sharing it with

you there's a lot of Neuroscience in the

past 10 years that actually backs up

what I'm sharing with you

your emotion has direct impact on your

thinking

and you're thinking has a direct impact

on your behavior

what do people see do they see your

thoughts

no they don't do they see your emotion

no they don't the only thing they see is

your behavior you're being judged based

on your behavior so my challenge to you

is you want to change your behavior you

got to change your thoughts

so I can change even my emotion by

changing my thoughts

keep that in perspective it's a powerful

tool

is very powerful

the second aspect of the model is okay

I'm aware of myself I'm aware of the

emotion I have the knowledge now what am

I doing about that

that's a self-management aspect of it

those two leads into social awareness

social awareness is really understanding

others

it's beyond listening to words is really

understanding him on an emotional level

and that's what we refer to as empathy

empathy is actually trying to be in

somebody else's shoes and feeling you

don't have to agree with them

but being able to be there and

understand them

both of those come into relationship

management

that's what's visible to a lot of people

that's where the emotional intelligence

and social intelligence come together so

self-awareness our mentioned it's about

knowing your emotion knowing you know

that that emotion is gonna impact the

way you think

and believe it or not it's going to

impact your behavior

do you understand your biases we all

have biases

but being aware of those biases and

being able to manage those biases is

extremely powerful

I'm sure he probably has happened to

some of you or I may be the only person

in this room you're driving on a highway

somebody cuts you off and flip a finger

how would you react some people say oh I

send a kiss that's brilliant a lot of us

at a younger age we don't act that way

we curse we scream we yell we tailgate

and if you have kids in the car

you go home at night the kids are

learning a new language a language that

you don't like to hear but your kids at

age two they picked up

interesting language and you ask your

spouse where the heck did the kid learn

that language

and it was from you

because everything starts with you

and you can manage it and Lead it so

you've got to be accountable and

responsible

so under a stress sometimes we act like

animals

you've got to be very very cautious of

that

the other thing is how do you motivate

yourself

the days you are not motivated

the days you don't want to do it I'm an

engineering student I hate differential

equation

well the fact is pass it

change your major no I love engineering

so how do I motivate myself the

motivation factor is maybe this helps me

somehow

maybe it does maybe it's a little hard

right now but if I study it makes it a

lot a lot easier

this is a hard hard part listening

every company I work with the biggest

problem they have with their team is

effective communication

every challenge marriage

activity people I talked to the biggest

challenge they have is

effective communication

so what is it that we don't communicate

why is it so hard to listen to somebody

else not just listen listen with the

intent

to really know where they're coming from

and what they're saying which is

completely different

and that's what I said I refer to as

empathy I love this poem from a Persian

you know poet it is in the United Nation

on the wall it says human beings are

member of a whole in creation of one

Essence and soul if one member is

inflicted with pain other members uneasy

will remain if you have no sympathy for

human pain the name of human you can't

pertain you know what I call this

I call it Aggie spirit this was written

900 years ago

900 years ago

the fact is you're not alone anymore

we're all connected

a kid you know in Siberia in China in

Africa downtown Bryan is being infected

it impacted you know by pain is our

responsibility to respond to it that's

what social awareness is

and again we're very very good at that

and the last aspect of it was

relationship management building a

bridge being there dealing with issues

and bringing the better version of your

team your people so the challenge is

what is your version 2.0

can I be better than what I am right now

and how can I get better

so I want you to be present I want you

to bring your mind to this room because

your mind has a mind of its own

a lot of a lot of us we agronize about

the past what we have done wrong and

what we could have done better

spending too much in the past brings

depression

some of us we worry too much about the

future

worrying too much about future actually

bring anxiety

we see it all over higher education with

our students high level of anxiety

getting ready for medical school getting

ready for law school getting ready for

exam

this is a powerful tool that I'd like to

share with you try to be in the present

moment

and the easiest way to do is what God

has given you is right under your nose

is breeding

use breathing you know to actually bring

your attention to the present moment

most of us we don't pay any attention to

breathing right

isn't it true

and the best part is the day you don't

have to worry about it all your problem

will be solved

not funny but it's true

so I want you to pay attention to

breathing

the most important gift on this planet

is breathing

just pay attention to it

it's a life-changing event from a

neuroscience perspective it actually

sootheens your amygdala that's your

emotional brain

so you act more like a human an

intelligent human not only the

cognitively intelligent but also

emotionally intelligent human

so I can be calm or I can try to

actually calm my amygdala my emotional

brain

the way I have done it I'm going to end

my presentation with a technical

mindfulness

most of us we have mindful not mindful

what exactly is mindfulness you may ask

mindfulness is to really pay attention

with intention to three things your mind

what am I thinking right now my emotion

my feelings how am I feeling right now

because they tell me a lot about myself

and then my body which provides a lot of

information about the situation that I'm

in

one more time

can I go ahead pay attention with

intention not just pay attention

pay attention with intention of my

thoughts feelings and body

with that in mind I conclude you know my

presentation thank you very much I

appreciate your time