No Sex Marriage – Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame | Maureen McGrath | TEDxStanleyPark

Summary

This engaging script delves into the complexities of sex in marriage, highlighting the disconnect between societal expectations and intimate realities. It humorously addresses the decline in sexual frequency post-marriage, the impact of chemical reactions like PEA on attraction, and the role of sex education—or lack thereof—in shaping attitudes towards sex. The speaker advocates for open communication, addressing sexual health, and prioritizing intimacy to combat the rise of sexless marriages and their associated emotional and physical health risks.

Takeaways

• 😅 Sex is a contentious issue in marriage, often second only to financial concerns.
• 🔒 Many married couples experience periods of no sex, which can be acceptable if both parties are content.
• 🚦 A survey shows 75% of married men are satisfied with their relationships but over 50% are dissatisfied with their sex lives.
• 🛍️ The average time couples have sex before marriage is ten years, which can lead to sexual boredom and affect marital sex life.
• 💔 A significant number of men would not have married if they knew their marriage would be sexless.
• 🔥 Only about 7% of married couples have very active sex lives, with most having sex a little over once a week for the first decade.
• 🧠 The brain chemical PEA is responsible for the excitement of new relationships and diminishes over time, affecting sexual frequency.
• 🚫 Poor sex education contributes to issues in sexual relationships, often teaching women that sex is dirty or overrated.
• 💻 The prevalence of internet pornography as a 'sex education' for men fails to teach them about intimacy and making love.
• 📱 Modern life distractions, like smartphones, can disconnect couples from each other, even during intimate moments.
• 💔 Lack of sex in a marriage can lead to feelings of frustration, loneliness, and can even have negative health impacts.

Q & A

What is one of the most contentious issues in marriage today?

Sex is one of the most contentious issues in marriage today, second only to finances.

According to the national newspaper survey, what percentage of married men were satisfied in their relationship but dissatisfied with their sex lives?

More than 50% of the married men surveyed were dissatisfied with their sex lives, despite 75% being satisfied in their relationships.

What is the average duration of sex before marriage in the context of the script?

The script mentions that people are having sex before marriage for an average of ten years, which is akin to being in a long-term relationship.

What percentage of brides today do not have sex on their wedding night according to the script?

The script states that most brides today do not have sex on their wedding night, although it does not provide a specific percentage.

What percentage of marriages meet the criteria for being considered sexless?

20% of marriages meet the criteria for being sexless, which is defined as having sex less than ten times a year.

What is the role of the chemical PEA in sexual attraction and frequency?

PEA is a chemical in the brain responsible for the elation, excitement, and euphoria felt when attracted to someone. However, after two years, the PEA diminishes, which can lead to a decrease in sexual frequency.

How does the speaker describe the sex education provided to girls and women, and its impact on their view of sex?

The speaker describes the sex education provided to girls and women as often teaching them that sex is dirty or bad, leading to a fear-based approach that can frighten women from enjoying sex and discourage discussions about pleasure or orgasm.

What is the common perception about the role of technology in sex education for boys and men as mentioned in the script?

The script suggests that internet pornography serves as a 'global program' for sex education for boys and men, which does not teach them about intimacy or how to make love to anyone.

What impact does the script suggest that children and the responsibilities of marriage can have on sexual desire?

The script implies that the responsibilities of marriage, such as finances, children, and caring for aging parents, can lead to exhaustion and disconnection, potentially reducing sexual desire.

What does the speaker suggest as a potential solution to increase sexual desire in a marriage?

The speaker suggests that communication, dealing with marital issues, seeking help for sexual dysfunctions, and focusing more on the spouse than on technology are potential solutions to increase sexual desire in a marriage.

How does the script address the issue of loneliness in the context of sexless marriages?

The script states that people in sexless marriages report feeling frustrated, unloved, and lonely, and that loneliness can have severe health consequences, including increasing the risk of early death.