I Wrote 100 Pages About Charisma, And I Found This.
Summary
TLDRThe speaker recounts their journey from social misfit to a charismatic individual, inspired by a friend named Tom. They delve into the concept of 'Heart of Gold' and the importance of authenticity in conversations. The speaker emphasizes the power of active listening and having fun as key elements to being enjoyable to be around. They also share personal strategies for embracing authenticity, including therapy, positive thinking, and expressing thoughts openly. The script is a blend of personal experiences and research, aiming to inspire others to improve their social skills.
Takeaways
- đ The speaker compiled a nearly 100-page document after extensive research and personal experimentation to improve their social skills.
- đ€ The speaker used to feel like a social misfit but through dedication and learning, they became more charismatic and better at conversing with people.
- đ The document contains a mix of research findings and the speaker's personal experiences, showing how they applied the knowledge to their life.
- đ ïž The speaker worked in customer service, which provided a platform to practice and refine their social skills.
- đĄ A significant realization was that the speaker was not always charismatic and had to overcome feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem.
- đ§ The speaker discovered that having a 'Heart of Gold' mindset, characterized by genuine interest in others, was key to becoming more likable.
- đŻ Changing personal goals from seeking approval to enjoying conversations and understanding others was a turning point for the speaker.
- đ Active listening was identified as a crucial skill that not only improved conversations but also led to deeper connections with people.
- đ Authenticity was found to be more important than trying to force likability; being genuine and true to oneself is attractive to others.
- đ The speaker emphasizes that being your positive self and allowing others to be themselves around you fosters warm and enjoyable interactions.
- đ The speaker suggests that embracing therapy, positive thinking, gratitude, and expressing thoughts openly are steps towards authenticity and self-improvement.
Q & A
What was the initial motivation behind creating the nearly 100-page document?
-The creator was a social misfit and wanted to improve their social skills, so they researched extensively and documented their findings and personal experiences to become more charismatic and better with people.
How did the creator's experience in customer service influence their social skills development?
-Working in customer service for 2 or 3 years provided the creator with ample opportunities to practice and refine their social skills in real-life situations.
What was the significant realization that led to the concept of the 'Heart of Gold'?
-The creator realized that a person named Tom, who was excellent with people, had a special mindset that made people enjoy being around him, which the creator termed as the 'Heart of Gold'.
What does the 'Heart of Gold' represent in the context of the document?
-The 'Heart of Gold' represents a mindset and set of attributes that make a person naturally charismatic, which includes having a positive attitude, being a good listener, and being authentic.
Why did the creator change their goals and attitude towards becoming more charismatic?
-The creator realized that seeking approval and being liked out of insecurity was not a sustainable or fulfilling goal. Instead, they aimed to enjoy conversations and understand people, which led to more meaningful interactions.
What is active listening, and how did it help the creator in their journey to become more charismatic?
-Active listening is a way of engaging with someone that shows you truly understand and value what they are saying. It helped the creator by making conversations more enjoyable and unique, as people felt genuinely heard.
What common trait did the creator find among the people they studied to be charismatic?
-Authenticity was the most common trait found among charismatic people. Being genuine and true to oneself made others feel comfortable and at ease.
Why did the creator initially struggle with authenticity?
-The creator initially struggled because they were forcing themselves to act in ways they thought would make them likable, which came off as fake and unnatural.
How did therapy and studying certain individuals contribute to the creator's authenticity?
-Therapy helped the creator address underlying issues and improve self-esteem. Studying individuals like Carl Rogers and David Hawkins provided insights into the importance of being one's positive self and the benefits of authenticity.
What practical steps did the creator take to become more comfortable with being themselves?
-The creator started by thinking more positively, practicing gratitude, and expressing their thoughts openly without fear of judgment. This helped them become more comfortable with their authentic self over time.
What advice does the creator give about the role of experience in learning to be more charismatic?
-The creator emphasizes that the best teacher is experience and encourages continuous learning and self-improvement, suggesting that the process is ongoing and requires practice.
Outlines
đ Journey to Charisma: Self-Discovery and Social Skills
The speaker recounts their transformation from a social misfit to a charismatic individual through extensive research and personal experimentation. They compiled a nearly 100-page document after studying numerous lectures, studies, books, interviews, and courses. The speaker's experience in customer service allowed them to practice and refine their social skills, leading to the discovery of the 'Heart of Gold' mindset, which is key to charisma. The speaker emphasizes the importance of changing one's goals and attitude towards social interactions, focusing on having fun and genuinely understanding others through active listening. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's realization of the significance of authenticity in becoming more likable and charismatic.
đ Embracing Authenticity: The Path to Genuine Connections
In this paragraph, the speaker delves into the concept of authenticity as a cornerstone of charisma. They share their initial struggles with inauthentic attempts to be likable, such as forcing smiles and compliments, which ultimately felt fake and ineffective. The speaker then discusses the profound impact of being genuine and true to oneself, drawing on the teachings of Carl Rogers. They highlight the importance of allowing oneself to be vulnerable and expressing one's true thoughts and feelings. The speaker's journey includes seeking therapy and embracing a positive self-image, which led to a more natural and enjoyable social life. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's advice on practicing authenticity, such as speaking one's mind and expressing gratitude, as a means to improve social interactions and personal well-being.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄCharisma
đĄSocial Misfit
đĄDocument
đĄActive Listening
đĄGoals and Attitude
đĄAuthenticity
đĄHeart of Gold
đĄCustomer Service
đĄConversation
đĄInsecurity
đĄTherapy
Highlights
The author used to be a social misfit and wrote a 100-page document after extensive research and personal experimentation to improve social skills.
The document includes a mix of research findings and the author's own experiences, with a focus on practical application in customer service.
A realization that being charismatic involves more than just being liked; it's about enjoying conversations and not seeking approval.
The concept of 'Heart of Gold' mindset is introduced as a key to charisma, which involves having certain attitudes and behaviors.
Active listening is highlighted as a crucial skill for improving conversations and understanding others.
The importance of authenticity in conversations is emphasized, as people are naturally attracted to those who are genuine.
The author's personal journey from feeling anxious and lonely to becoming more charismatic through self-improvement.
Inspiration from a friend named Tom, who was excellent with people and had a unique 'Heart of Gold' mindset.
The ineffectiveness of generic advice like smiling and giving compliments when not done authentically.
The author's discovery that being yourself and being okay with it is a monumental task that leads to personal growth.
The role of therapy in helping the author to be more authentic and comfortable with being their positive self.
Practicing gratitude and positive thinking as a way to change one's attitude and improve social interactions.
The idea that forcing oneself to act likable can come off as fake and is not as effective as being genuine.
The author's strategy of saying nearly everything that comes to mind, within reason, to become more comfortable with being authentic.
The transformative effect of authenticity on the author's life, making conversations more fun and unique.
The video's call to action for viewers to subscribe for more content on personal growth and social skills.
Transcripts
have you ever wondered what it is about
someone that just makes them really
enjoyable to be around and to talk to I
used to be a social misfit and pretty
much no one wanted me around so
naturally I wrote a document that's
almost 100 pages long after looking at
countless lectures Studies books
interviews and courses and even
experimenting on my own doing so I made
some very surprising discoveries like
just how much advice is wrong as well as
two of the most straightforward ways I
used to become more charismatic and
better with
people oh lord it's good to be here with
you Mr
right so what does a nearly 100 page
document look like well it's long pretty
long and it needed a lot of bookmarks
cuz I wasn't going to spend 3 days
finding what I wanted to work on yeah
now of course there's loads and loads of
research in here but there's also a lot
of my own experiences and how I found
that research to apply into my own life
working in pretty much only customer
service for the past 2 or 3 years made
it very easy to practice my social
skills I would say now I'm fairly
charismatic I mean I strike up
conversations with completely random
people and the document was a big help
and in it I found out what worked and
what didn't and it was all thanks to the
one big realization that I made you know
I wasn't always super swag and super
cool I used to be awful with people I
had barely any friends in high school
and I didn't get invited to most things
I got cut off a lot and no one listened
to me I felt anxious and lonely and I
had basically no self-esteem it was bad
right going to the shops for me was like
climbing Mount Everest for an ant with
one leg so one night I got pretty drunk
I only just started riding up the
document at this point so my social
skills were only just starting to get
better I was hanging out with this guy
that I worked with let's just call him
Tom and he was an amazing person
excellent with people was just something
about him I enjoyed being around him and
so did everyone else it seemed it was
like he understood people he made people
feel happy I wondered what it was about
him so I asked I asked him who raised
you and he goes myself I'm an
orphan so it turned out this guy doesn't
have parents it's pretty embarrassing
right but he wanted to say that he
doesn't think there's anything special
about him what a humble guy but it
didn't help it inspired me to go ham on
that document because when I talked to
him longer I think I figured it out I
realized that Tom has different goals
from you and I he has a special mindset
and I called this mindset the Heart of
Gold it's something I found massively
helped me out when I wanted to get
better at talking to people which is
awesome but what the hell does that even
mean people naturally gravitate towards
other people that have these kinds of
attributes that seems like a lot because
it is it's a lot that's a part of
Charisma there's a lot going on in it
because it's not a thing you can have
it's rather a result of having a certain
attitude and behavior as well as good
communication skills so the document
helped me narrow everything down into
the definition of a heart of gold making
it way easier for me to become more
charismatic so what exactly did I do
well let's dive into the two and a half
things that I did to become more
charismatic he can you land on your back
just like down one of the really big
things I did was I changed my goals and
attitude I asked myself a really big
question why do you want to be more
charismatic most people purely want to
be like liked or they want approval from
others this comes from insecurity
because they feel incomplete I felt
incomplete I realized that no matter how
many people liked me or how much they
liked me it would never fill that ho and
with that as my main goal I would have
gotten nowhere I'd be like a donkey with
a carrot in front of it so then I asked
myself another question what is the
point in trying to be liked if I'm not
even enjoying the conversations I'm
having why don't I just talk to others
to have fun why don't I just chill out
who cares if they don't like me how
could they hate me if I just wanted to
have a good time that was a really
effective goal that I found that Tom had
but what does a fun conversation look
like and how do you even get that we go
day by day battling life on our own with
barely anyone to talk to us but there
are people out there that make it better
and dramatically easier just by being
there but how I thought that just
listing to people was enough but I
realized that people don't want me to
just listen to them that's rude they
want me to understand them that's what
listening is about but how that's when I
came across something called active
listening which is a way of listening to
someone which basically makes almost
everything better it's something that
you can practice too I got really good
at doing this thanks to a guy called KL
Rogers I should make a video about this
maybe what what if I already have oh God
when people knew they were being heard
sometimes they said the most out of
pocket or interesting stuff not only did
I learn so much more as a person but it
made conversation so much more fun and
unique because the other person when
they understood that I was listening to
them properly they would just go ham
they'd say whatever and I believe that's
what makes up a good conversation so I
changed my goals to not only having a
chill and fun time but also to
understand people but I was still
missing something something that through
my research I found was vital to be
actually remotely charismatic and I
found it to be the most common trait
among the people that I studied I want
you to see if you can guess what it is
and he's a clue I'm doing it right now
now this is something that really sticks
out when you do it and I first
encountered in high school long before I
started this document I made a friend
who I'm still friends with now he was
really fun to be around when I met him
and most people agreed yet he didn't
seem to do anything special he wasn't
constantly cracking dumb jokes and he
wasn't loud and annoying actually
sometimes it was pretty blunt but he was
still a joy to be around why what that
doesn't make any sense now when I
thought I understood it I tried using it
and it didn't work it made me look like
a complete clown so if you want my
advice don't do it unless you really
commit to it then you can do it this
worked really well once I understood it
completely but it was still pretty hard
to do yet it led to one of the biggest
chapters in the document that I wrote up
and it changed my life too man like wow
okay so you know the generic advice you
get on the internet like smile Lots give
compliments have good eye contact I did
that and it really didn't work and
that's because I was forcing myself to
act like a likable person we're
hardwired to really hate fake people
even if we don't know why we end up
hating them okay so did you guess what
it is cuz I kind of need to tell you
what it is now that's right it's
authenticity I was trying to be myself
and most of this part of the video is
unscripted it's just talking points
that's all but how can you be more
authentic what does that even mean and
why is it so good I mean what is that a
game from being really vulnerable and
weird right it doesn't make any sense
you have to be normal I realize that
people aren't actors people love being
around other people who are themselves
and this is because they feel warm
comfortable like they can be themselves
as well they think if they can do it I
can do it and this makes with some
really fun conversations people get real
that's what we need Carl Rogers also
talked about the amazing effects that
happen when you be your positive self
around people not only did I make
friends easier but it just made my life
easier I wasn't stressing about how to
act all the time and it just made
everything happen naturally and people
love this stuff because when it's real
it matters okay so how did I do this how
did I achieve this Monumental task of
just being myself and being okay with it
well first of all I got therapy I'm
going to be honest here don't just rely
on the internet for this stuff that
helped the most researching people like
David Hawkins and K young really helped
me be my positive self another thing I
did was instead of forcing myself to
smile I gave myself a reason to I
thought more positively I saw the good
in things and I practice gratitude and I
know this might sound ridiculous but I
just started saying nearly everything
that came to my mind within reason
instead of just letting it float around
in my head and calling myself an idiot
if I even thought about saying it
everything from outof pocket questions
to funny remarks or just greeting
someone that I haven't greeted yet even
if I thought it might be a bit weird too
this worked really well like really well
I started to get more comfortable with
being myself because I saw that it
wasn't so bad one baby step at a time it
came to me that a life that you're
living where you're not yourself in my
opinion is wasted being myself at the
start was really hard but over time it
got a bit easier and now I'm way more
capable as a person than I was before
now of course I could go super into
depth about everything I talked about
but then the video will be 15 weeks long
and 7 days just remember that the best
teacher is experience I'm not going
anywhere though so please subscribe and
I'll be uploading whatever the hell I
feel like it next week I'll be next it's
next week
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