Why There’s So Much Conflict at Work and What You Can Do to Fix It Liz Kislik TEDxBaylorSchool 1

Summary

The speaker emphasizes the importance of addressing underlying structures rather than merely focusing on people's behavior in conflict resolution. They share a five-step approach to tackle persistent conflicts, including recognizing structural issues, asking critical questions, ensuring alignment, seeking allies, and teaching new communication habits. Techniques like 'lizard listening' and 'elephant cards' are introduced to foster better understanding and dialogue, ultimately aiming to improve organizational and societal functioning.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Conflict is often attributed to individual behaviors, but it's more complex and rooted in underlying structures.
• 👥 The belief that conflict would disappear if people behaved better can perpetuate and escalate conflicts.
• 🏢 Conflict management is crucial in various settings, including businesses, non-profits, schools, families, and societies.
• 🔍 To solve conflict, one must delve deeper into the structures that contribute to it rather than just addressing surface-level issues.
• 👂 'Lizard Listening' is a technique to consider how our primal brain reacts to emotional cues and to communicate in a way that avoids triggering it.
• 🧐 The 'Evil Logic Check' encourages reevaluating perceptions of others, questioning whether they are truly evil or just misunderstood.
• 🐘 'Elephant Cards' are a tool for addressing uncomfortable truths or taboo topics in a group setting, promoting open and honest communication.
• 🤝 Building alliances and seeking support from others can be instrumental in implementing changes to resolve conflicts.
• 🛠 Teaching new habits for managing differences is essential to equip individuals with better communication skills during conflicts.
• 💪 Resolving persistent conflict requires courage, commitment, humor, and effort from all parties involved.
• 🌟 Understanding the root causes of conflict can lead to more effective collaboration and contribution in various social contexts.

Q & A

What is the common misconception about conflict?

The common misconception is that conflict happens only between people, and if those people would just behave better, conflict would not exist.

Why does the belief that conflict is solely due to people's behavior often lead to more conflict?

This belief leads to actions and words that exacerbate conflict, causing more damage to organizations and individuals.

What are the five steps suggested to fix conflict?

The steps are not explicitly listed in the transcript, but the speaker mentions the need to look at underlying structures, manage up effectively, and teach new habits for managing differences.

What is the significance of looking at the structures underlying conflict?

Understanding the underlying structures helps in addressing the root causes of conflict, rather than just the visible interpersonal issues.

How can teaching new habits for managing differences help in resolving conflict?

New habits can help people deal with strong feelings and stressful thinking that conflict brings, leading to more effective communication and resolution.

What is 'lizard listening' and why is it important in conflict resolution?

'Lizard listening' is a technique that reminds clients to consider how their words might be interpreted by others' amygdala, or 'lizard brain,' which can misinterpret emotional cues as physical danger. This helps in reframing conversations positively.

What is the purpose of the 'evil logic check' technique?

The 'evil logic check' helps clients reconsider their perceptions of others by questioning whether someone they find annoying is truly evil, leading to a more compassionate understanding of their actions.

What are 'elephant cards' and how do they facilitate communication in conflict situations?

'Elephant cards' are a tool used to bring up important but uncomfortable topics in a meeting. They allow anyone to initiate a discussion on previously undiscussable subjects, promoting open communication.

Why is it crucial to uncover and understand what's truly underneath any conflict?

Uncovering the true underlying causes of conflict is essential for effective resolution and for enabling people to work together successfully for everyone's benefit.

What does the speaker suggest is necessary to help schools, workplaces, and civic organizations function better?

The speaker suggests that uncovering and understanding the root causes of conflict is necessary to help these organizations function better and enable people to make their real contributions.

What qualities does the speaker mention are needed to work through conflict effectively?

The speaker mentions that working through conflict requires courage, commitment, humor, and a lot of effort.