How to Do an Integrity Cleanse — Martha Beck

Summary

The speaker discusses the concept of an 'Integrity Cleanse,' suggesting a gradual approach from 'white belt' (being aware of dishonest thoughts) to 'black belt' (complete honesty in all actions). They emphasize the importance of writing down true thoughts, choosing to say no assertively, and forgiving oneself for lapses in integrity.

Takeaways

• 📚 Start with a 'White Belt' approach by committing to honesty for a short period, like three days a week, and keeping a journal to note when you're not being truthful.
• 🔍 Be aware of the lies you tell to smooth social interactions and write down the truth in your journal to maintain integrity.
• 🌐 Progress to a 'Blue Belt' by extending the time period to a month and speaking the whole truth to a trusted person, such as a therapist or in a support group.
• 🏆 Aim for a 'Black Belt' by striving for complete honesty in all aspects of life, including actions and facial expressions, and ensuring that what you say is true, kind, and useful.
• 💪 Practice saying 'no' assertively, using phrases like 'Caesar will not come' from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, as a model for clear communication.
• 🚫 Eliminate phrases like 'I can't' and 'I have to' from your vocabulary, and instead use 'I choose not to' or 'I choose to' to empower your decisions.
• 📈 Studies show that eliminating disempowering language can help individuals recover from depression more effectively than therapy or medication.
• 📝 Keep a notebook to record your true thoughts and feelings, and gradually align your actions with these honest reflections.
• 🤗 Understand that being truthful can lead to losing friends, but it's a necessary part of living with integrity.
• 💔 Forgive yourself when you fail to be completely honest, as self-condemnation is never true and can be harmful.
• 🐒 Recognize that humans are not far removed from other animals in terms of fear and socialization, and strive for compassion beyond mere honesty.

Q & A

What is an 'Integrity Cleanse' as mentioned in the transcript?

An 'Integrity Cleanse' is a practice where an individual commits to telling the truth and being honest in their interactions, even if it might be uncomfortable or socially challenging. It involves a conscious effort to align one's words and actions with their true thoughts and feelings.

What is the humorous sidebar about AJ Jacobs' experiment?

The humorous sidebar refers to an old article from Esquire titled 'I think you're fat' by AJ Jacobs. It recounts his experiment with radical candor, where he told his wife bluntly what he thought of her appearance, leading to an amusing yet challenging situation.

What advice is given for someone starting an 'Integrity Cleanse' at a beginner level?

For a beginner, or 'white belt' level, the advice is to take a smaller time period, such as a year, and commit to being honest three days a week. One should be aware when they are not being truthful and keep a journal to note down what they really think when they lie.

How does the speaker suggest maintaining honesty in social interactions?

The speaker suggests noting down the truth in a journal whenever one lies to smooth social interactions. This practice helps in being aware of the lies one tells and is a step towards maintaining honesty.

What is the 'blue belt' level of the 'Integrity Cleanse'?

The 'blue belt' level involves taking a month and speaking the whole truth to another person, such as a friend, therapist, or in a 12-step group. This step is about deepening the commitment to honesty and sharing it with others.

What does the speaker mean by 'no lying even with your actions or facial expression'?

This statement emphasizes the importance of aligning not just words, but also actions and expressions with one's true feelings and thoughts. It suggests a holistic approach to honesty that extends beyond verbal communication.

How does the speaker describe the process of becoming more truthful in one's life?

The speaker describes it as a process of self-awareness and action. One should first write down what they would do if they were being honest, then gradually start to act on this honesty in their daily life, forgiving themselves when they fail to keep their commitments.

What is the significance of eliminating the words 'I can't' and 'I have to' in responses?

Eliminating these words is suggested as a way to empower oneself and take control of their choices. It shifts the focus from feeling trapped by circumstances to making conscious decisions, which can help in overcoming challenges like depression.

Why does the speaker mention the book 'The Way of Integrity'?

The speaker mentions 'The Way of Integrity' as a book they wrote based on their experiences and insights gained from practicing honesty and integrity. It serves as a guide for those seeking to follow a similar path.

What is the next book the speaker is planning to release and what is its focus?

The speaker is planning to release a book that focuses on the concept of compassion, which they describe as a level beyond just telling the truth. This book will explore the importance of kindness and gentleness in maintaining integrity.