The $50,000 beer: why very attractive women aren't on dating apps

Summary

In this episode, Dr. Orion terban delves into the economics of dating, explaining why successful men may opt for escorts over traditional dating. He argues that the time, money, and emotional investment required in conventional relationships often yield uncertain returns, making the straightforward transaction of escort services a more cost-effective alternative. This perspective challenges societal norms and prompts a reevaluation of dating dynamics, suggesting that scarcity versus abundance mentality significantly influences personal choices in the dating market.

Takeaways

• 💰 The script discusses the high costs of traditional dating for successful men, comparing it to the perceived value of a '50,000 dollar beer'.
• 📉 It suggests that as a man's success increases, so does the financial and time investment in dating, which can be economically inefficient.
• 🚶‍♀️ The speaker argues that women who 'take it slow' in dating are not appealing to successful men due to the high opportunity cost involved.
• 🤔 The script implies that women who have specific rules about dating and sex may be overvaluing their time and attention in the dating market.
• 💸 It provides a hypothetical example where the cost of dating can escalate to an unrealistic amount if a woman insists on a certain number of dates before becoming intimate.
• 🚫 The speaker advises against 'playing hard to get' when a high-value man shows interest, as it could lead to missed opportunities.
• 💔 The script highlights the frustration successful men may feel in traditional dating due to the lack of guarantee for a satisfying outcome.
• 💼 It contrasts the idea of hiring escorts as a more cost-effective solution for successful men, solving many of the issues they face in conventional dating.
• 💲 The average cost of hiring a sex worker is presented as significantly lower than the potential costs of traditional dating, especially for high earners.
• 🔄 The concept of 'abundance mentality' is introduced, suggesting that successful individuals should delegate tasks to free up their time for more lucrative activities.
• 🤝 The script concludes that successful men may prefer the straightforwardness and efficiency of hiring escorts over the uncertainties and costs of traditional dating.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Orion terban's talk?

The main topic of Dr. Orion terban's talk is the economic perspective on why successful men may choose to use escorts, referring to it as the '50,000 dollar beer' scenario.

What does the term '50,000 dollar beer' imply in the context of the talk?

The term '50,000 dollar beer' implies the high opportunity cost of engaging in a casual date, especially for individuals with high value or success, where the cost of the date is far greater than the actual expense.

What is the relationship between a man's success and the expenses associated with dating?

According to the talk, the expenses associated with dating increase with a man's success, making traditional dating prohibitively expensive due to the time, attention, and financial investment required without a guarantee of a sexual encounter or mutual interest.

Why does Dr. Orion terban suggest that women should be sexually generous with men they are interested in?

Dr. Orion terban suggests that women should be sexually generous because expecting time, attention, emotion, and provision without providing sex in return is a one-sided and expensive proposition in the dating game.

What does Dr. Orion terban argue about the dating strategies of older women?

Dr. Orion terban argues that the dating strategy of taking things slow is less effective for older women compared to younger women, as it can make the relationship more expensive and less attractive to successful men.

What is the economic reality that successful men face when dating according to the script?

The economic reality is that successful men have to spend a significant amount of time, energy, and money on dating, often without a guarantee of a sexual encounter or mutual interest, which makes traditional dating a less attractive option for them.

Why does Dr. Orion terban believe that successful men are not likely to date women who make them wait for sex?

Dr. Orion terban believes that successful men are not likely to date such women because it represents an expensive investment of time and money with no guarantee of a satisfactory outcome, which is not a rational use of their resources.

What is the scarcity mentality and how does it differ from the abundance mentality?

The scarcity mentality focuses on counting dollars spent and saved by doing tasks oneself, while the abundance mentality focuses on counting hours spent and the money saved by delegating tasks to others, aiming to free up time to earn more.

How does the script suggest that hiring an escort can be more cost-effective for successful men?

The script suggests that hiring an escort can be more cost-effective because it solves the problems of time investment, rejection, and uncertainty associated with traditional dating, and provides a guaranteed sexual encounter at a relatively lower cost compared to the potential expenses of dating.

What is the difference between the dating experiences of average men and successful men according to the script?

The script suggests that average men might not mind the expenses and efforts of traditional dating, while successful men find it less appealing due to the high opportunity cost and the abundance of other options that provide a greater return on their investment of time and money.

Why does the script mention that very attractive women are less likely to be found on dating apps?

The script mentions that very attractive women, like successful men, do not date conventionally because they have too many high-value options and invitations, making traditional dating too expensive in terms of opportunity cost.

What is the conclusion of the talk regarding the dating habits of successful men?

The conclusion is that successful men may prefer using escorts over traditional dating due to the cost-effectiveness, convenience, and the guaranteed satisfaction that this option provides, which aligns with their abundance mentality.

Outlines

00:00

💸 The Economics of Dating for Successful Men

Dr. Orion terban discusses the financial implications of dating for successful men, highlighting how traditional dating can become cost-prohibitive. He emphasizes that the cost of dating is further increased when women choose to 'take it slow.' He uses the example of a woman in her 50s who has been single for a long time, insisting on not having sex before marriage, and a 41-year-old woman who believes her previous quick intimacy led to her current single status. Dr. terban argues that women should be more sexually generous and that making men wait for sex is an expensive and one-sided proposition in the dating market. He illustrates this with a hypothetical scenario where a woman's 'rule' of not sleeping with a man until the third date could cost a man $155,600 for a single sexual encounter, emphasizing the economic unattractiveness of such dating strategies for successful men.

05:00

💔 The Absence of High-Value Women on Dating Apps

In this section, Dr. terban explores why exceptionally attractive women, likened to 'nines and tens,' are rarely found on dating apps. He suggests that these women, much like successful men, avoid conventional dating due to its high costs. He paints a picture of a world-class beauty receiving numerous high-value offers daily, making the idea of a casual date with an average person economically unappealing. Dr. terban uses the metaphor of a '$50,000 beer' to illustrate the opportunity cost of a world-class beauty choosing a low-key date over a luxurious invitation. He also touches on the different outcomes for men and women in such scenarios, noting that while an average man might not stand a chance with a high-profile woman, an average woman could potentially attract a successful man through direct communication, emphasizing the importance of seizing opportunities in such encounters.

10:02

💼 The Rationality of Escorts for Successful Men

Dr. Orion terban explains why hiring escorts can be a more cost-effective and problem-solving option for successful men compared to traditional dating. He provides statistics on the average rates for sex workers in the United States and contrasts the cost of an hour with a high-priced call girl to the time a corporate lawyer would charge. Dr. terban argues that even at a high price, hiring an escort is a bargain for successful men due to the time saved and the guaranteed outcome. He delves into the concept of scarcity versus abundance mentality, using a personal anecdote to illustrate the difference in perspectives when it comes to spending money to save time. He concludes that successful men view hiring escorts as a form of delegation that frees up their time for more lucrative activities, ultimately increasing their earning potential.

15:03

🔄 The Inverted Dynamics of Escorts vs. Traditional Dating

In the final paragraph, Dr. terban discusses the benefits that escorts provide to successful men beyond cost-effectiveness. He outlines the various issues that escorts solve, such as avoiding the time-consuming process of dating, including swiping, texting, planning dates, and dealing with uncertainty. Escorts offer a guaranteed sexual encounter, convenience, and the ability for the man to choose based on his preferences. Dr. terban points out that this dynamic is reversed from traditional dating, where men often have to settle for what is available rather than what they truly desire. He also touches on the societal implications of men's expenses in romantic relationships and suggests that hiring escorts can be a more equitable exchange for men, leading to a more satisfying outcome with less investment.

Keywords

💡Prohibitively Expensive

This term refers to costs that are excessively high, to the point where they deter or prevent action. In the context of the video, 'prohibitively expensive' is used to describe how traditional dating becomes increasingly costly as a man's success grows, making it financially impractical for him to engage in the dating process as it traditionally stands.

💡Success

Success, in this video, is related to a man's achievements and wealth, which paradoxically makes traditional dating more costly and less appealing. The script suggests that as a man becomes more successful, the expenses and time associated with dating increase, leading to a preference for alternative arrangements such as using escorts.

💡Structured Women

The term 'structured women' refers to women who have specific rules or prerequisites for dating and engaging in a relationship, such as not being intimate before a certain number of dates. The script argues that these women are 'too expensive' for successful men because they require a significant investment of time and money without guarantee of a sexual encounter.

💡Scarcity Mentality

Scarcity mentality is the belief that resources are limited and must be carefully guarded. The video contrasts this with an 'abundance mentality,' where time is valued more than money, and delegating tasks is seen as a way to earn more. The script uses the concept to explain why successful men might choose to hire escorts, as it is a more efficient use of their time and resources.

💡Abundance Mentality

This concept is the opposite of scarcity mentality and is characterized by the belief that there is plenty of resources available. In the video, it is used to describe the mindset of successful men who value their time more than money and are willing to pay for convenience and guaranteed outcomes, such as hiring an escort.

💡Delegation

Delegation in the video refers to the act of assigning tasks to others to free up one's own time for more valuable activities. It is used to illustrate how successful men can save time and resources by hiring escorts instead of investing in traditional dating, which requires more effort and has uncertain outcomes.

💡Economic Realities

Economic realities pertain to the practical financial considerations and constraints that individuals face. The video discusses how successful men operate under economic realities that make traditional dating less appealing due to the high costs and uncertain returns on investment compared to hiring escorts.

💡Resource Redistribution

Resource redistribution in the context of the video refers to the way romantic relationships can involve a significant transfer of resources, often from men to women. It is suggested that men, especially successful ones, may spend considerable amounts of money and time in relationships, which can be seen as a form of resource redistribution.

💡Fair Deal

A 'fair deal' in the video signifies a mutually beneficial arrangement where both parties feel they are receiving value. The script implies that successful men may not find traditional dating a fair deal due to the high costs and effort involved compared to the guaranteed satisfaction provided by escorts.

💡Guaranteed Sexual Encounter

This phrase refers to the assurance of a sexual experience when hiring an escort. The video contrasts this certainty with the unpredictability of traditional dating, where there is no guarantee of a sexual encounter despite the time and money invested.

💡Convenience

Convenience in the video is associated with the ease and flexibility of hiring an escort, which can be tailored to the man's preferences and schedule. It is posited as a compelling reason for successful men to opt for escorts over traditional dating, as it aligns with their desire for efficiency and control over their time.

Highlights

The concept of '50,000 dollar beer' is introduced as a metaphor for the high cost of dating successful men.

Traditional dating becomes more expensive as a man's success increases.

Dating strategies involving taking things slow are less effective with age.

Anecdotes of women's dating rules and their impact on successful men's interest.

Expecting time, attention, and provision without sex in return is a one-sided proposition.

The economic perspective of dating where women with strict dating rules are deemed 'too expensive'.

The comparison of the cost of a sexual encounter through dating versus hiring an escort.

Successful men are less likely to date women who make them 'jump through hoops'.

Attractive women are less likely to be found on dating apps due to the high value of their time.

The scarcity vs. abundance mentality and its impact on decision-making in dating.

Successful men view hiring escorts as a cost-effective solution to dating.

The average rate for an hour with a sex worker compared to a corporate lawyer's time.

The abundance mentality allows successful men to save time and resources by delegating to professionals.

The argument that successful men spend a significant amount of resources on pursuing sexual encounters.

Hiring an escort eliminates the need for traditional dating activities and guarantees satisfaction.

The attractiveness of escorts compared to average dating app profiles.

The convenience and control successful men have when hiring an escort.

The economic argument that successful men and attractive women avoid traditional dating due to its high cost.

The conclusion that successful men hire escorts for a more cost-effective and satisfactory experience.

Transcripts

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psycha

Better Living Through psychology and the

topic of today's short talk is the

50,000 dollar

beer this is part two in my three-part

series on why successful men use escorts

so be sure to check out part one before

proceeding in the first episode I

discuss how traditional dating becomes

prohibitively expensive as a function of

a man's success however that discussion

was still from an ideal perspective all

the expenses associated with dating are

exacerbated when the woman in question

wants to take it slow women the success

of this dating strategy is inversely

proportional to your

age the younger you are the slower you

can take it however this is not a

strategy that works for older women I

spoke with a woman in her early 50s

recently who had two kids by two

previous marriages and who told me that

she wasn't willing to have sex before

marriage with any man she is currently

dating you can't make this up as may be

unsurprising she has been single for

quite some time I spoke with another

woman recently she was 41 who was

looking to get married and start a

family she told me that she blamed her

inability to have secure this

relationship already on the fact that in

the past she jumped into bed with men

too quickly I ass assured her this was

not the problem women should be very

sexually generous with the men they're

hoping to catch the problem was not what

she was doing the problem was who she

was doing it with as I've said before

women do the right things with the wrong

men but rather than examine her tendency

of targeting the wrong men she decided

to shoot herself in the foot by making a

relationship with her even more

expensive than it otherwise would have

been by making men wait longer for sex

now she wouldn't sleep with a man until

at least the third date what women need

to understand is that expecting time and

attention and emotion and

provision without providing sex in

return is an extremely one-sided and

expensive proposition in the dating game

it's the gendered equivalent of a man

inviting you over for sex and then

kicking you out when he's finished it's

one side getting what it wants at the

expense of the

other more structured women like these

two have rules about how the dating

process needs to proceed before they

participate in the sexual dimension of

the relationship in most cases these

women are not worth dating they're just

too expensive and if they're too

expensive for the average guy they are

absolutely exorbitant for the successful

one think about it if a woman won't

sleep with a man until the third date as

a rule then at $5,200 a date that

amounts to

$155,600 for a sexual encounter if the

encounter actually occurs after all

there's no guarantee that the woman

won't change her mind or feel there

isn't sufficient chemistry at any point

in the process and I would like women to

consider that 15 grand is an inordinate

amount of money to spend to get to know

you like would you give up $15,000 to go

on three dates with a man especially if

the dates didn't actually involve the

thing you might most be looking for I

don't think you

would and that's why these successful

men aren't going to date structured

women or are very quickly going to be

looking for the door if these women try

to make them jump through hoops they're

not talking xic players as much as they

are not looking to throw five figures of

money away on an unsatisfying

interaction their decision has less to

do with their personalities and more to

do with the economic realities under

which they are operating women if you

make men wait you will end up with the

men with time on their

hands think about it what kind of man is

going to wait around to see if a given

woman thinks he's good enough to sleep

with with I'll help you out it ain't

going to be the attractive men with lots

of options who already know their worth

if you are fortunate enough to find

yourself on a date with one of these

individuals and you are receiving the

undivided attention of a high value man

who is showing you sexual interest it is

not the time to play hard to get you

have been given an opportunity that may

never come again you need to act fast

and you need to give them the rich

creamiest milk you possibly

can let's look at this from another

angle shall we why aren't there female

nines and tens on dating apps I hear men

complain all the time about the apparent

attractiveness of the women they

encounter on apps but my brothers in

Christ of course you're not going to

find super beautiful women on dating

apps these women like the super

successful men don't date conventionally

and they don't date conventionally for

the exact same reason it's far too

expensive imagine you're a worldclass

beauty you're getting DMD hundreds or

thousands of times a day some Saudi

Prince is inviting you out to a

sevenstar resort in Dubai an NFL player

wants to give you tickets to his next

game in a private box on the 50 yard

line some Rising movie star wants you to

join him on location in Tahiti what are

the chances in the midst of all these

options and invitations that you're

going to spend Saturday night having a

beer in a local dive bar with a random

nobody the odds that you would do that

are absolutely non-existent and they're

not existent not because you're just a

shallow and materialistic gold digger

but because that beer just became

extraordinarily expensive from the

nobody's perspective the beer only cost

cost 10 bucks but from your perspective

the world class Beauty it cost an all

expense paid vacation to the Burge Dubai

to her that is a

$50,000 beer and guess what no [ __ ]

beer is worth

$50,000 when you are a world-class

Beauty it's too expensive to date

conventionally the same is true when you

are a very successful man but here's the

difference

a decently attractive man could never

ever engage a world-class Beauty dudes

just try dming a smoke Show with two

million Instagram followers you will

never ever get a response Beyond her

auto reply however a decently attractive

woman could engage a very successful man

she can just slide into his DMS and make

herself

available this doesn't always work

obviously but it absolutely has a

nonzero chance of succeeding if you find

yourself on a date with one of these men

do not waste the opportunity it's kind

of like finding yourself alone in an

elevator with Elon Musk you have 30

seconds to cultivate interest or you

probably blew it forever fortune favors

the prepared wait for your moment and

pounce when it appears so let's recap

the more successful a man is the more

expensive traditional dating comes these

men have to spend time and energy

finding women cultivating interest

planning dates covering expenses

stimulating arousal and most significant

of all waiting what's more all this

occurs without any reasonable guarantee

of a sexual encounter or even mutual

interest most dates are first dates this

means that all other things being equal

the most likely outcome is the man

having paid a sizable amount of money to

feel frustrated and disappointed Ed at

the end of the night in the context of

limited free time and emotional

bandwidth these probabilities become

even more unattractive most likely he

will eventually come to the decision

that he would rather use that time and

energy earning more money or improving

his Fitness or playing video games or

literally any other activity that

reasonably promises a greater return on

his investment of time like the

beautiful woman he will conclude that no

beer is worth

$50,000 now before I go any further if

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out all right let's get back to

it provided we can move past our

reactive judgment we're now well

positioned to understand why successful

men use escorts not only is hiring

escorts less expensive than dating

traditionally but doing so solves nearly

every problem that a successful man

Encounters in the modern dating pool and

regardless of who you are man or woman

young or old gay or straight an option

that solves more of your problems for

fewer resources will always be

preferable to an option that solves few

of your problems for

more apparently the average rate for an

hour of sex with a female sex worker in

the United States is

$250 citation below to put that in

perspective that hour of sex is

comparable to 11 and A2 minutes of that

corporate lawyer's time at $1,300 an

hour however this is just an average

rate for sex in major cities a

high-priced call girl will cost around

$1,000 an hour now to an average guy

this is a lot of money most men do not

have $1,000 to spend on an hour of

pleasure they think this call girl is

expensive however to a successful man

this is a bargain not only is he still

coming out ahead in the head-to-head

comparison on the value of their

respective time he only has to work 45

minutes to purchase 60 Minutes of her

time but relative to the tradition

dating model previously discussed he may

have potentially saved $115,000 worth of

time for $1,000 worth of cash from a

certain perspective he's stealing from

himself by not using

escorts this thinking highlights the

differences between scarcity and

abundance mentality so let me pause here

to explain this further when I first

moved to San Francisco I lived in a

shared house with a Craigslist roommate

and we would get into some disagreements

about cleaning the house the woman I was

living with wasn't doing so well she

wasn't thriving in life and she didn't

have a lot of money on the other hand my

test prep business was Catching Fire and

I was using almost every hour I could

spare to provide lessons to my students

as a consequence I wanted to hire

someone to clean the common areas of the

house if cleaning the house required two

hours a month I would rather pay someone

200 bucks to allow me the opportunity to

earn 500 bucks it was too expensive for

me not to delegate as I would be

functionally stealing $300 for myself to

do the same job less well my roommate on

the other hand did not have $200 to

spend she thought she was saving $200 by

cleaning the house herself and here's

the thing we were both right within our

respective perspectives and economic

realities each of us was making the

rational choice now if you don't have

200 bucks to spend you don't have 200

bucks to spend but the issue is that

scarcity mentality can keep people

trapped in scarcity longer than they

need to be at a certain point an

individual's time always becomes more

valuable than his or her money this is

true of everyone though it will occur at

different rates depending on the value

of the individual's time in the

commercial Marketplace people with

scarcity mentality count the dollars

they spend and track the dollars they

save by doing it themselves on the other

hand people with abundance mentality

count the hours they spend and track the

dollars they save by delegating to

others and this of course is a virtuous

cycle the more you delegate the more you

free up time to earn even more to

delegate even further that's how you

take your time back and increase your

earning

potential a successful man uses escorts

is effectively delegating his time to a

professional rather than doing it

himself and he saves a considerable

amount of resources by doing so most

women do not understand how much time

energy and money men spend trying to get

laid even in their relationships if we

liberated that time we would increase

the GDP by billions of dollars overnight

For Better or Worse getting and

maintaining women is one of the single

greatest expenses incurred by men on

this planet and romantic relationships

are one of the largest resource

redistribution schemes the world has

ever seen for men it's almost always

cheaper to be single and for women it's

almost always cheaper to be in a

relationship that said I found that most

men actually aren't that mythed about

paying probably because they've never

even considered there might be another

option

they just want a fair deal the issue is

that deal becomes less Fair as the man

becomes more successful and this is less

the consequence of the woman's

entitlement as some men might argue and

more a consequence of the man's

success so not only is hiring an escort

even a high-priced one significantly

less expensive to successful men than

dating an average girl the escort solves

a bunch of other problems that are

subject to arising in Tradition dating

this man does not have to spend time

swiping or approaching women and he does

not have to deal with the rejection and

frustration that inevitably attend those

activities he does not have to spend

hours or days texting back and forth to

generate interest he doesn't have to

plan a date and make the woman feel

heard and make the woman feel safe and

make the woman feel aroused he doesn't

have to wait days or weeks for the woman

in question to make herself available

and is absolutely guaranteed of a sexual

encounter if he so desires one what's

more and this might rub folks the wrong

way but that high-priced escort is

probably more attractive than the

average woman on a dating app at the

very least a man who hires an escort

generally selects the one who is most

attractive to him from among the

available options this is a very

uncommon experience for men the fact of

the matter is that it's much easier for

women to get what they want want at

least sexually why because most men will

have sex with most women but most women

will not have sex with most men this

means that women can kind of get what

they want sexually while men typically

have to settle for what wants

them but that Dynamic is reversed when a

man uses a prostitute in this situation

the man ends up with the best he can get

as opposed to the best who will have him

the experience is also delivered to him

at his con venience when he wants it

where he wants it how he wants it and he

can terminate the relationship at his

pleasure at any time with no

consequences in almost every possible

way when a successful man hires an

escort he gets more of what he wants and

less of what he doesn't far more cheaply

relative to dating on the open market

successful men don't date for the same

reason very attractive women don't they

both have to pay much more for much less

just keeping it real with you what do

you think does this fit with your own

experience let me know in the comments

below as always I appreciate your

support and thank you for listening