How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Relationships

Summary

This video guides viewers through the journey of overcoming self-abandonment in relationships. It emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, understanding emotional payoffs, and rebuilding trust with oneself through small actions. The speaker highlights the discomfort of growth, the need to recalibrate one's identity, and the power of self-care rituals. Ultimately, the video encourages individuals to stop disappearing for others and prioritize their own needs, while acknowledging that true healing requires stepping into authenticity and embracing the discomfort of change.

Takeaways

• 😀 Understanding self-abandonment is crucial for personal healing; it involves disconnecting from your authentic self to gain approval or avoid rejection.
• 😀 Self-abandonment can be a learned behavior from childhood, where you adapt to meet the needs of others in order to feel loved and safe.
• 😀 Acknowledge the emotional payoff of self-abandonment, as it often serves as a defense mechanism to protect yourself from fear or loss of love.
• 😀 Healing from self-abandonment requires mindfulness and self-awareness to identify when and why you disconnect from your true self.
• 😀 People pleasing and over-functioning can lead to power imbalances in relationships, where you cater to others at the expense of your own needs.
• 😀 Expect resistance when asserting boundaries, as some relationships may end when you stop performing or catering to others' needs.
• 😀 Rebuilding self-trust involves small, consistent actions where you prioritize your needs and honor your own boundaries.
• 😀 Practicing self-care through daily rituals, without external expectations, is an important part of recovering from self-abandonment.
• 😀 Discomfort is a natural part of growth and should not be seen as a sign of danger. You must sit with the discomfort of change.
• 😀 Recalibrating your identity is essential, as you must release the old self that abandoned you and embrace your authentic self.
• 😀 It's essential to recognize that losing relationships while healing from self-abandonment may be a sign of positive growth, not personal failure.

Q & A

What is the primary reason people engage in self-abandonment?

Self-abandonment often occurs because individuals believe that being true to themselves would lead to rejection or loss of love. It is a survival strategy learned from childhood to protect oneself from emotional pain.

How can mindfulness help in overcoming self-abandonment?

Mindfulness helps by raising awareness of when self-abandonment occurs. It allows individuals to identify patterns of behavior where they sacrifice their true self for the sake of others, and to understand what triggers these behaviors.

Why is it important to identify the emotional payoff of self-abandonment?

Recognizing the emotional payoff is crucial because it shows that self-abandonment is an intelligent survival strategy, not a weakness. It helps individuals understand that they were protecting themselves from fears like rejection or conflict.

What role does self-trust play in overcoming self-abandonment?

Self-trust is essential for healing from self-abandonment. It is built by making small, consistent choices that prioritize one’s own needs and desires. Each decision to honor oneself strengthens trust in one’s ability to navigate life authentically.

What can people expect when they start asserting themselves and choosing themselves over others?

When individuals start asserting themselves, they may experience discomfort, guilt, and fear, especially when people in their lives react negatively. This discomfort is a natural part of growth and should not be mistaken for doing something wrong.

Why might people in your life push back when you begin to stop self-abandoning?

People may push back because they are used to the version of you that abandoned yourself to meet their needs. When you stop doing this, they may feel threatened or uncomfortable as the power dynamics in the relationship shift.

What is the significance of journaling in overcoming self-abandonment?

Journaling helps individuals identify and reflect on moments when they withhold their true feelings or act inauthentically. It allows them to recognize patterns of self-abandonment and explore how they can start expressing themselves more genuinely.

How can saying no in small moments help in rebuilding self-trust?

Saying no in situations where you would normally overextend yourself allows you to practice choosing yourself. These small acts of self-care gradually build trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your true needs.

What is the significance of discomfort in the process of self-healing?

Discomfort is a sign of growth and is part of the healing process. Learning to sit with discomfort, such as guilt or fear, when making decisions for yourself is essential for moving out of survival mode and reclaiming authenticity.

Why is it necessary to retire the identity of self-abandonment?

Retiring the identity of self-abandonment is crucial because it signifies that you have outgrown that survival mechanism. Releasing this old identity allows you to step into a more authentic version of yourself, free from the need to constantly seek external validation.