10 REALISTIC Habits for Getting Your Life Together at 20, 30, and 40+

Summary

In this video, the speaker shares 10 small, realistic habits that helped her regain control of her life after experiencing significant personal and financial challenges. After relocating back to the U.S. from Europe and coping with her family’s struggles, she emphasizes slowing down, prioritizing what matters most, and learning to drop less important 'plastic balls' to focus on crucial 'glass balls.' She also opens up about her personal battle with binge eating and offers insights on coping with stress, self-reflection, managing debt, and the importance of small habits in creating positive change.

Takeaways

• 😊 Take your foot off the gas pedal: When feeling lost, don't push harder; instead, step back and evaluate your direction.
• 🤹 Know when to drop the plastic balls: Prioritize important tasks (glass balls) over less critical ones (plastic balls) when overwhelmed.
• 💡 Adopt healthier ways to cope with stress: Replace destructive habits like binge eating with healthier coping mechanisms like journaling, meditation, and therapy.
• 📊 Conduct a life audit: Reflect on different areas of your life and identify which ones need improvement, such as using tools like the Wheel of Life assessment.
• 💰 Pay off debt ASAP: Eliminate debt as soon as possible for financial freedom and peace of mind, just like the speaker did after escaping an abusive relationship.
• ✂️ Know when to cut your losses: Avoid the sunk cost fallacy by recognizing when it’s time to move on from unproductive investments of time, money, or energy.
• 📝 Write things down: If you struggle with forgetting things, make a habit of writing them down immediately to stay on top of tasks.
• 👗 Get dressed to boost motivation: Changing out of pajamas into real clothes can help break a cycle of low motivation and inactivity.
• 🛏️ Make your bed: This simple habit can have a powerful impact on your mindset and set a positive tone for the day.
• 🧹 Pick things up off the floor: Tidying small areas, even just picking things up off the floor, can create a sense of accomplishment and reduce visual clutter.

Q & A

What prompted the speaker to 'start over' at age 40?

The speaker and her family had to start over at age 40 due to her husband's job loss and a series of unfortunate events at their children's school, which led them to move back to the USA from Europe.

Why does the speaker recommend 'taking your foot off the gas pedal' when feeling lost?

The speaker suggests slowing down and evaluating one's direction, as moving fast in the wrong direction is counterproductive. Taking a step back helps in reassessing priorities and determining where to go next.

What does 'dropping the plastic balls' metaphor mean in this context?

The 'plastic balls' metaphor refers to prioritizing tasks in life and recognizing which ones are less important and can be temporarily dropped without serious consequences, unlike the 'glass balls' that represent essential priorities.

How does the speaker cope with stress in a healthier way after experiencing binge eating disorder relapses?

The speaker copes with stress by practicing healthier habits such as keeping a food journal, meditation, breathing techniques, and regular therapy sessions, which help her manage her binge eating tendencies.

What is the Wheel of Life assessment, and how did it help the speaker?

The Wheel of Life assessment is a self-reflection tool that evaluates satisfaction across key life areas. It helped the speaker identify which aspects of her life needed more focus and guided her in making necessary changes.

How did the speaker's experience with debt shape her approach to finances?

After escaping an abusive relationship and being left in debt, the speaker developed frugal habits and prioritized paying off her debts quickly. This experience made her more financially disciplined, leading her and her husband to pay off over $250,000 in debt in 5 years.

What is the 'sunk cost fallacy,' and how did the speaker overcome it?

The sunk cost fallacy is the tendency to continue investing in something despite negative outcomes because of past investments. The speaker overcame this by recognizing when to cut her losses, such as leaving a toxic relationship in her 20s.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of 'writing things down'?

The speaker emphasizes writing things down because it helps her remember important tasks or commitments. Without writing things down, she often forgets to follow up on messages or appointments.

How does changing out of pajamas help the speaker regain motivation?

The speaker finds that getting dressed in regular clothes helps her feel more productive and motivated. Staying in pajamas all day tends to reinforce feelings of being stuck and unmotivated.

What small habit does the speaker recommend for maintaining a sense of order at home?

The speaker recommends the small habit of picking things up off the floor. Even when she doesn't have the energy to fully declutter, removing items from the floor helps her feel more in control and reduces visual clutter.

Outlines

00:00

💡 Overcoming Life's Challenges and Resetting in Your 40s

In this opening paragraph, the speaker shares her journey of starting over at age 40 due to various life challenges, including her husband losing his job and their children facing difficulties at school. This led her family to leave their life in Europe and return to the U.S. She emphasizes how small, realistic habits have helped her reset her life and how these habits can benefit others at any age. The first suggestion is to 'take your foot off the gas pedal,' meaning to pause and reassess rather than push forward aimlessly.

05:00

🎯 Learning to Prioritize: Plastic vs. Glass Balls

The speaker discusses the concept of juggling life's responsibilities, comparing them to balls—some plastic and some glass. Plastic balls, representing less critical tasks, can bounce back when dropped, whereas glass balls, like her children’s well-being, can shatter. She reflects on her decision to prioritize her kids over work and fitness during their adjustment to a new life. This required her to let go of certain tasks, including publishing YouTube videos regularly. She stresses the importance of determining which 'balls' are vital and which can be dropped without significant consequences.

10:03

🍽️ Coping with Stress and Unhealthy Habits

In this section, the speaker reveals her struggles with food addiction, particularly how the stress from relocating caused her to relapse into binge eating. Despite this, she is actively working to replace binge eating with healthier habits like journaling, meditation, and therapy. She shares personal anecdotes about her family's history of addiction, as well as her experience with the passing of close family members due to their own addictions. The speaker introduces her sponsor, BetterHelp, explaining how therapy has been instrumental in helping her navigate grief, stress, and her eating disorder.

📝 Reflecting on Life through Audits and Assessment Tools

The speaker introduces the concept of a 'life audit,' an exercise that helps assess one's satisfaction across various life areas. She highlights the 'Wheel of Life assessment,' a tool she discovered in the audiobook 'The Miracle Morning,' which helped her evaluate and prioritize aspects of her life, such as family, health, and environment. This tool played a key role in guiding her decisions and addressing areas that needed improvement. She encourages the audience to use similar tools to reflect and realign their lives, offering links to resources for further exploration.

💰 Paying Off Debt and Financial Liberation

In this paragraph, the speaker shares her personal story of overcoming debt, which began in her early 20s after escaping an abusive relationship. She reflects on the hard lessons learned, including how she used frugality and careful financial planning to pay off her debt. This experience taught her the importance of financial independence and smart money management, which she later applied with her husband to pay off over $250,000 in debt. She highlights how liberating it felt to become debt-free and encourages viewers to adopt similar practices.

✂️ Knowing When to Cut Your Losses

The speaker introduces the concept of 'sunk cost fallacy,' explaining how people often continue investing in failing efforts due to their previous commitments. She shares how this applied to her toxic relationship in her 20s and how she’s since become better at recognizing when to cut her losses. She provides relatable examples, such as continuing to read a book or invest in a friendship that isn’t serving you, emphasizing the importance of letting go to invest time and energy into more rewarding pursuits.

📝 Write It Down or Risk Forgetting

In this section, the speaker humorously reflects on her tendency to forget tasks and messages if she doesn’t write them down immediately. She admits to often missing texts or important reminders, despite having once been academically successful. She stresses the importance of writing things down as a method of combating forgetfulness and ensuring responsibilities aren’t neglected.

👖 The Power of Getting Dressed

The speaker highlights the impact that simply getting dressed can have on motivation and mood. While she enjoys the comfort of pajamas, wearing them continuously can perpetuate feelings of lethargy and demotivation. She shares that getting dressed in proper clothes, even if not fancy, helps her mentally shift into a more productive state, snapping her out of periods of low motivation.

🛏️ Small Habits: Making the Bed and Picking Up Clutter

The speaker touches on the importance of small, manageable habits when feeling down, such as making the bed and picking up items from the floor. She shares how making the bed is a foundational task that positively impacts her mindset for the day, while picking up clutter—especially from the floor—creates a sense of order. She concludes by linking this to her long-term journey with decluttering and minimalism, which has made it easier to maintain a tidy home.

Keywords

💡Life Reset

A life reset refers to making significant changes to get one's life back on track when feeling stuck or overwhelmed. In the video, the speaker shares how they had to reset their life after a series of personal and family challenges, including moving back to the USA from Europe and dealing with job loss and their children's educational setbacks.

💡Plastic Balls vs. Glass Balls

This metaphor refers to how people juggle various responsibilities, with 'plastic balls' representing tasks that can be dropped without serious consequences and 'glass balls' symbolizing critical tasks that would cause significant damage if neglected. The speaker uses this concept to prioritize their children's needs over other less crucial tasks, such as skipping weekly video uploads on YouTube.

💡Coping with Stress

Coping with stress involves developing strategies to manage overwhelming emotions. In the video, the speaker discusses their struggles with binge eating disorder and how stress triggered unhealthy habits. They share techniques like keeping a food journal, meditation, and therapy to cope with anxiety and stress in a healthier way.

💡Sunk Cost Fallacy

The sunk cost fallacy is the tendency to continue investing in a situation, relationship, or project even when it no longer benefits us, simply because of the time, money, or effort already spent. The speaker reflects on staying in a toxic relationship during their early 20s due to this fallacy, learning over time when to cut their losses and move on.

💡Financial Freedom

Financial freedom refers to being free from debt and having control over one’s finances. The speaker shares how they and their husband paid off $250,000 in debt over five years. They emphasize how freeing it felt to eliminate debt, which had been a source of stress from past toxic relationships and poor financial decisions.

💡Healthy Habits

Healthy habits are small, positive behaviors that improve well-being. The speaker discusses various habits that helped them regain control of their life, such as making the bed every morning, getting dressed instead of staying in pajamas, and picking up items from the floor. These simple routines contribute to a sense of order and motivation.

💡Generational Trauma

Generational trauma refers to the transmission of emotional and psychological effects of trauma from one generation to another. In the video, the speaker discusses how addiction runs in their family, with both their father and grandmother suffering from substance abuse issues, leading the speaker to struggle with food addiction as a coping mechanism.

💡Therapy

Therapy is a form of mental health treatment where individuals talk to a trained professional to manage emotional difficulties. The speaker credits therapy for helping them cope with the loss of their parents and recover from binge eating disorder, highlighting the role of therapy in managing their mental health and stress.

💡Wheel of Life Assessment

The Wheel of Life Assessment is a self-reflection tool used to evaluate satisfaction in different areas of life. The speaker explains how this tool helped them identify areas that needed improvement, such as family, health, and their physical environment. It guided them in deciding where to focus their efforts for personal growth.

💡Life Audit

A life audit is a thorough evaluation of one’s life, identifying areas that need improvement or change. The speaker mentions using life audits to reflect on their situation, helping them recognize which responsibilities to prioritize and which to let go. This process enabled them to realign their goals and make informed decisions about their future.

Highlights

Starting over at age 40 after facing financial, mental, and physical challenges, including her husband's job loss and moving back to the USA.

Emphasizing the importance of taking your foot off the gas when feeling lost, instead of trying to catch up by doing more.

Using the metaphor of dropping plastic balls (less important tasks) and holding onto glass balls (important priorities) to manage stress and prioritize life.

The 40% rule: when you give 40% on days where you only have 40% to give, you're actually giving 100% of your capacity.

Struggles with binge eating disorder and stress-related weight gain, acknowledging relapse but seeking healthier coping mechanisms like food journaling and therapy.

Highlighting the importance of seeking therapy and support for mental health, mentioning Better Help as a resource.

Conducting a life audit to evaluate key areas of life for improvement, using the Wheel of Life assessment tool.

Emphasizing the importance of paying off debts, sharing a personal story of clearing over $250,000 of debt in 5 years.

Recognizing sunk cost fallacy: the tendency to keep investing time or money into something that no longer serves you.

The habit of writing things down to avoid forgetfulness and improve productivity.

Getting dressed and out of pajamas to boost motivation and productivity when feeling low.

Making the bed as a small but powerful habit that can help kickstart the day and improve mental health.

Clearing visual clutter by focusing on simple tasks like picking things up off the floor to feel more in control and better organized.

The importance of self-care, noting how small habits can help regain control and improve life even during tough times.

Promoting minimalism and decluttering as ways to simplify life and make it easier to maintain a clean and organized home.

Transcripts

today I wanted to share 10 small and

realistic habits that always help me get

my life together whenever I feel down

anxious or just plain stuck the past

year has been a tough year for me

mentally physically and even financially

because I found myself in the odd

position of having to start over at age

40 between my husband losing his job and

our kids falling behind and feeling

unsafe due to a series of unfortunate

events at our school our family made a

tough decision to leave the beautiful

home and life we built in Europe to move

back to the USA in fact the day that I'm

filming this marks exactly 1 year and 1

month ago that I shared a video on my

channel titled I'm starting over at age

40 so I thought that it was high time

for me to share an update on that as

well as the small habits that have

helped me hit the reset button on my

life in my 20s 30s and 40s that I think

might help you as well no matter how old

you are let's dive

and the first suggestion that I have for

you on this list is to take your foot

off the gas pedal I don't know about you

but I've noticed that when I start

feeling lost and left behind in life I

have this instinct to try and catch up

by pushing myself to do more and go

faster when what I really need to do is

pump the brakes and take a step back to

evaluate where I am and where I want to

be going because honestly it doesn't

matter how fast fast you're going if

you're moving in the wrong

direction next up it's important to know

when it's time to let the plastic balls

drop dropping the plastic balls is a

metaphor for prioritizing your life and

making tough decisions about what to

drop when you can't juggle everything

all of us have a lot of balls we're

juggling at any given time everything

from jobs and relationships with friends

and family to things like staying in

shape and keeping up with the housework

and speaking of managing the housework

that in and of itself has so many balls

that you have to juggle one ball for the

laundry one ball for meal planning and

yet another for knowing when it's time

to buy groceries and what the heck you

need to buy and then if you're a mom

with kids that's even more balls to add

to the mix planning playdates buying

gifts for friends who have birthday

parties coming up and helping them with

their homework after school that's three

out of about 300,000 balls that you need

to juggle when you're a mom plastic

balls are the things that are less

important and can bounce back when you

drop them while glass balls are the

things that are more important and can

shatter if dropped and a lot of us are

running ourselves into the ground trying

to keep every single ball in the air

instead of taking the time to try to

figure out which ones are plastic and

which ones are glass so that we can keep

the glass balls in the air and drop the

ones that bounce when we're really

stressed out and overwhelmed and it's

like like that quote about the 40% rule

from Jim quick that talks about how when

you give 40% on the days where you only

have 40% to give you didn't give 40% you

gave 100% effort for me the most

important glass balls are the ones that

represent my kids and their health

happiness and education and because they

needed a lot more one-on-one help and

attention adjusting to a new life and a

new school here that meant I had to let

a few other plastic balls drop I went

from being incredibly consistent and

pumping out a video every single week

here on YouTube to having weeks where I

didn't publish a video at all because

unlike a lot of other big YouTubers I

don't have an entire team behind me

right now I'm a one woman show and I

have to admit I also dropped a lot of

balls related to staying in shape and my

physical health while I do make it a

priority to get to bed at a decent hour

get enough sleep and drink plenty of

water I've definitely Fallen back into

some bad habits in other areas which

brings us to the next point on this list

which is to find healthy or at least

healthy your ways to cope with stress

addiction runs deep in my family

unfortunately some people inherit

generational wealth I inherited

generational trauma it's one of those

things where I have to laugh about it so

that I don't cry the same year I lost my

father to alcoholism my grandmother's

cigarette addiction from her younger

years caught up with her and and she

ended up passing away 6 months after

getting diagnosed with lung cancer now I

don't smoke and I'm not an alcoholic

like my dad or my grandfather but one

thing that I do struggle with is food

addiction and I'm a little bit

embarrassed to admit that all of the

stress and anxiety of this move has

caused me to have a relapse of my Bening

cheating disorder I I can

notice when I'm starting a benge like I

can notice and I know that I

am but for some reason I just feel right

now like I don't have the willpower to

stop myself I can't even tell you how

much weight I've gained over the past

year because I don't own a scale but I

do know that at one point this pair of

pants that used to be huge on me became

snug enough that I could wear them

without a belt even though I haven't

been binging as bad as I was in my early

20s when I fell into a deep depression

after losing my dad and my childhood

home I knew that putting my head in the

sand and ignoring the problem wasn't

going to make things any better and in

fact it was probably more likely than

not going to make them worse which is

why I've been working hard to swap binge

eating with healthier coping habits when

I'm feeling stressed out and overwhelmed

things like keeping a food journal

practicing meditation and breathing

techniques and of course talking to my

therapist which brings me to the sponsor

of today's video better Help Therapy has

gotten me through so many ups and downs

in life from coping with the loss of my

parents and letting go of the 30 years

of grief related to that to reducing

stress and overcoming binge eating

disorder my therapists have been there

to hold my hand through it all better

health therapist are trained mental

health professionals who are there to

listen ask questions and provide a safe

and judgment free space where you can

share what's on your mind and get

valuable insights and guidance on how to

do things like manage your emotions

reduce stress stress and make positive

changes in your life to get started with

betterhelp just go to betterhelp.com

slades andlife and answer a few quick

questions about your needs and

preferences in therapy so that better

health can match you with the right

therapist from their Network usually

within 48 hours and then once you get

matched you can message your therapist

or schedule a call or video chat with

them at a time that's most convenient to

you right in the comfort of your very

own home which is perfect for an

introverted homebody like me so if

you're ready to take control of your

mental health go to better health.com

AES and life or click on my special link

in the description box below to get a

discount off your first month of therapy

and thanks again to Better Health for

sponsoring today's

video sitting down to do a life audit is

another thing that's really helped me in

the past especially when I find myself

feeling lost a life audit is a

self-reflection exercise that helps you

evaluate your life and identify key

areas of improvement I've done life

audits in the past but the best tool

that I've ever found was a fairly recent

discovery for me and it's called The

Wheel of Life assessment and I picked it

up from this awesome audio book called

The Miracle morning that I listened to

when I was really struggling at the

beginning of the year so right here is

the exact Wheel of Life assessment that

I filled out in January and how I rated

my satisfaction across 10 key areas of

my life on a scale of 1 to 10 and as you

can see I was feeling pretty low and

down about where I was wiiz where I was

with things like friends and family

health and fitness and the physical

environment that I was in and getting

that down on paper played a huge role in

me deciding which balls I was going to

drop and which areas I needed to shift

my focus to and act upon and if you're

interested in finding out more about

this and how to do it I will make sure

to link to the miracle morning book and

audio book that I listened to down in

the description box below for you for

your convenience habit number five is

paying off my DB's ASAP I've always

hated being in debt ever since my early

20s when I escaped an abusive

relationship that left me a couple

thousand in debt I had co-signed for an

apartment with this guy that I thought

was the love of my life but who turned

out to be a total loser who couldn't

even hold a job down let alone pay his

part of the rent

and while I felt fortunate that I was

able to get away from him since he

didn't have a job and refused to cop up

money for us breaking the lease or the

damage he had done to the apartment

things like broken blinds and cigarette

Burns in the carpet that meant that the

collection agencies came after me for

thousands and thousands of dollars that

year I learned a pretty harsh lesson

about toxic people and all of the ways

that they can damage you but I walked

away from that experience smarter and

stronger for sure and one of the first

things I did was put myself on a

spending freeze and create a financial

plan for me to pay off that debt as fast

as possible and I remember how

liberating it

felt when I saved up enough money to

stop making the minimum payments and pay

off that balance in full it was almost

like the last chain that was tying me to

that horrible horrible person had

finally fallen off and I was 100% free

again and then later my husband and I Ed

the same Frugal habits and methods to

pay off over

$250,000 worth of debt in 5 years to

become completely debt-free and if you

want to find out more about that and how

we did it make sure to go check out this

video that I'll link up here and down in

the description box below next up number

six on this list is knowing when to cut

your losses I didn't know it at the time

but one of the reasons that I had such a

hard time walking away from that toxic

relationship was because of something

known as as sunk cost fallacy which is a

tendency for us as humans to continue

pouring time money and energy into

something we're invested in even when

it's not working out in our favor

examples of sunk cost fallacy include

things like continuing to read a book or

watch a movie you're not enjoying

because you spent good money to buy it

or continuing to invest time and energy

into a one-sided friendship or even

something like holding on to a stock

that's losing value instead of selling

it at a lost and investing in a stock

that's more likely to rise in value

after going through that experience with

my toxic X in my early 20s I've gotten a

lot better at recognizing when it's time

to cut my losses and move on habit

number seven is to write it down or

else Sinister music mortisha Adam SP are

you scared you should be I can't tell

you how many times I've glanced at a

late night early morning text and

thought to myself I'll just message them

back at a decent hour which of course

doesn't happen and that text is good and

forgotten until the next time that

person messages me and I have an O crap

moment it's kind of funny because I look

at myself and I think you must have been

smart and had all of your ducks in a row

at one time because you got your

master's degree from a big 10 University

and you even graduated with a 3.8 GPA to

boot and yet here you are forgetting to

answer people's text messages anyway

I've accepted the fact that if I don't

write something down right away there is

a 99.9% chance that I'm going to forget

it so I really had to force myself to

get into the habit of writing things

down whether that's a play dat or a

doctor's appointment that I need to

schedule so if you've got a bad case of

chronic brain farts like I do I can't

recommend this habit highly enough

another habit that I fall back on when I

need to get my life back together is

forcing myself to get out of my pajamas

and into some real clothes I mean I'm a

huge fan of cozy clothes and there are

times when I have absolutely no problem

with wearing my pajamas 24/7 but when

I'm feeling really low and unmotivated

and day after day after day after day

I'm just continuing to wear pajamas from

Sunrise until sunset Monday through

Sunday that has a way of dragging me

down it's like I'm giving myself too

much permission to remain unmotivated

and not get things done you know what I

mean so sometimes just forcing myself to

get into the habit of getting up taking

off my pajamas and putting on some

actual clothes that I wouldn't be

embarrassed to be seen in out in public

is all it takes to kind of snap me out

of my funk another small habit that I

find helpful when I need to get my life

together is doing something as simple as

making the bed which I know sounds so so

cliche the days where I don't make my

bed are the days when my mental health

is honestly at its absolute lowest if

you think about it your bed is the first

thing that you see and touch when you

wake up in the morning and it's the last

thing that you touch and see before you

go to bed for the evening so making your

bed is a great way to Kickstart your day

when you're trying to get to your home

or your life in order and finally the

last habit on this list is picking stuff

up off the floor of course if you have

the time and energy for it clearing

visual clutter completely can be really

really helpful but when you're feeling

down and unmotivated you don't always

have the bandwidth for that but I found

that even if I can't clean up all of the

messes just getting into the habit of

picking stuff up off of the floor is

really doable and it makes me feel so

much better not to see piles of clothing

on the floor and toys and paper

scattered here and there now I will say

that after 8 years of decluttering in

minimalism it is so much easier to keep

our home clean and tidy than it was

before we radically simplified

everything and if you want to hear more

about that or find out even more habits

that can change your life make sure to

go check out one of these videos that

YouTube thinks that you'll like or I'll

see you next week until then take care

bye-bye