The Joy of Getting Feedback | Joe Hirsch | TEDxTarrytown

Summary

The speaker shares a personal journey of overcoming the fear of receiving feedback. Initially avoiding feedback due to fear of judgment, they later realized that feedback isn't about looking back but moving forward. By shifting from 'window gazing'—where feedback focuses on the giver's perspective—to 'mirror holding,' feedback becomes a tool for self-reflection and growth. The speaker encourages both givers and receivers to embrace this partnership approach, which fosters personal development and joy. The message emphasizes the power of feedback in unlocking potential and shaping who we can become.

Takeaways

• 😨 The speaker's fear of feedback stemmed from a fear of how others perceive them, which led to avoidance and isolation.
• 🚫 Avoiding feedback can strain relationships and hinder one's standing within an organization, as it creates a gap between one's self-perception and others' views.
• 🤔 People may misinterpret fear of feedback as arrogance, which can further alienate individuals and create a negative image.
• 🔍 Feedback can be uncomfortable because it forces individuals to confront aspects of themselves they may not be familiar with or like.
• 🔄 The speaker suggests shifting the perspective on feedback from a negative to a positive, viewing it as a tool for growth and potential.
• 🌟 Feedback should not be a source of fear but an opportunity for joy, as it can lead to self-improvement and personal development.
• 🪞 The concept of 'feed-forward' is introduced as a way to reframe feedback, focusing on the future and potential rather than past shortcomings.
• 🤝 Feedback should be a partnership, not a trial, with the goal of provoking insight and growth rather than enforcing change.
• 🗣️ When giving feedback, the speaker encourages 'mirror holding' instead of 'window gazing', which means helping others see their own reflections and truths.
• 🙏 For those receiving feedback, the speaker advises finding 'mirror holders' who can help improve self-perception and foster personal growth.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial fear regarding feedback?

The speaker's initial fear was the possibility of receiving feedback that might reveal their shortcomings and the way they saw themselves differently from how others saw them.

How did the speaker initially deal with their fear of feedback?

The speaker initially avoided feedback by building walls and closing doors, essentially pulling back and not engaging with it.

What negative consequences did the speaker experience due to avoiding feedback?

Avoiding feedback led to strained relationships, a damaged standing within the organization, and a perception of arrogance by others.

How did others misinterpret the speaker's fear of feedback?

Others misread the speaker's fear as arrogance, thinking they were too proud or too good to listen to what others had to say.

What is the difference between 'feedback' and 'feed-forward' as described in the script?

Feedback looks back on a past we can't change, while feed-forward looks out towards a future that we can, focusing on potential for change and opportunity.

What is the role of joy in the context of feedback according to the speaker?

Joy comes from recognizing that feedback doesn't have to hold us back and can instead push us forward, allowing us to do something different or become someone different.

What is the difference between 'window gazing' and 'mirror holding' in the context of giving feedback?

Window gazing is when the person giving feedback focuses on their own view and perspective, while mirror holding is about helping the recipient see themselves and their potential for growth.

What was the pivotal question asked by the speaker's friend that helped them change their perspective on feedback?

The pivotal question was 'Who do you want to be?' which made the speaker reflect on their own goals and aspirations rather than focusing on others' views.

What advice does the speaker give to those who are giving feedback?

The speaker advises those giving feedback to get comfortable with letting go of their own perspective and start helping others see themselves more clearly, like a mirror holder.

What advice does the speaker give to those receiving feedback?

The speaker advises those receiving feedback to find 'mirror holders' in their life who can help them improve their view and see themselves in a new light.

How does the speaker suggest we should view feedback in terms of our personal growth?

The speaker suggests viewing feedback as a partnership, not a trial, and as a tool for growth and self-improvement, rather than something to be feared.