Why Perfectionism Isn't Perfect -- and How to Overcome It

Summary

This episode delves into the paradox of perfectionism among ADHD individuals, who despite not being perfect, set high standards leading to anxiety and dissatisfaction. The host candidly discusses how their perfectionism has contributed to their show's success but also acknowledges its drawbacks, such as hindering progress and causing stress. They explore the root of perfectionism—fear of rejection—and suggest alternative drivers for effort, like setting achievable goals and seeking professional help. The episode encourages embracing imperfection and the value of contributions, despite flaws, for personal growth and societal enrichment.

Takeaways

• 😣 'The problem with perfectionism is that it sets unrealistically high standards and can lead to feelings of failure when not met.'
• 🚀 'Perfectionism can drive individuals to work harder and exceed expectations, which can be a source of pride.'
• 🎯 'Effort, not perfectionism itself, is what leads to success, as it pushes individuals to put in the work required.'
• 🛑 'Perfectionism can be a hindrance, causing individuals to obsess over details and avoid taking risks or making mistakes.'
• 🔄 'It is beneficial to redefine success and set achievable goals that allow for progress rather than striving for unattainable perfection.'
• 🤝 'Finding other motivators besides perfectionism, such as helping others or personal growth, can lead to more fulfilling efforts.'
• 🤯 'Seeking professional help, like a coach or therapist, can provide support in managing and overcoming perfectionistic tendencies.'
• 🚧 'Approach the challenge of overcoming perfectionism with caution, treating it like any other fear that needs to be faced gradually.'
• 🌙 'Aim for a balance between striving for excellence and maintaining self-care, such as getting enough sleep and allowing for rest.'
• 🌟 'Acceptance and self-worth come from embracing one's flaws and contributions, not from achieving perfection.'

Q & A

What is the main issue with perfectionism according to the script?

The main issue with perfectionism is that it sets unrealistically high standards for oneself, leading to feelings of failure when those standards aren't met, and it can drive people to work excessively hard, sometimes to the point of stress and anxiety.

How does the script suggest perfectionism affects people with ADHD?

The script suggests that people with ADHD tend to be perfectionists, which can lead to them feeling like they've failed if they don't meet their high standards, but also drives them to work harder than others to exceed expectations.

What are the three key points the script makes about perfectionism?

The three key points are: A) It's not perfectionism itself that leads to success, but the effort it drives; B) Perfectionism is not the only thing that can motivate effort; C) Perfectionism can be a detrimental driver, causing people to obsess over details and avoid taking risks.

Why does the script suggest that perfectionism might be a defense mechanism against rejection?

The script suggests that perfectionism acts as a defense mechanism against rejection because if one never makes mistakes or puts themselves out there, they avoid the possibility of criticism or being judged as not good enough.

What alternative to perfectionism does the script propose for setting and reaching goals?

The script proposes giving perfectionism 'directions' by changing the marker for success, such as focusing on progress and effort rather than achieving an unattainable standard of perfection.

How does the script recommend dealing with the fear associated with perfectionism?

The script recommends treating perfectionism like any other fear and overcoming it gradually, possibly with the help of a coach or therapist, and by setting realistic goals and expectations.

What is the script's stance on the idea that one must be perfect before starting something?

The script discourages the idea of waiting to be perfect before starting something, arguing that this can lead to missed opportunities and depriving the world of one's contributions.

What advice does the script give for managing the tendency to let perfectionism drive one's actions?

The script advises setting clear goals, finding other motivators besides perfectionism, working with professionals to manage perfectionistic tendencies, and reminding oneself of the negative impacts of perfectionism.

How does the script relate the concept of perfectionism to mental health issues?

The script relates perfectionism to mental health issues by stating that it can lead to anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, and suggests that overcoming perfectionism can contribute to better mental health.

What does the script suggest is the key to real acceptance, as discovered by researcher Brene Brown?

The script suggests that real acceptance comes not from being above criticism, but from putting oneself out there and recognizing that one is enough, with all their flaws, and has something valuable to contribute.

What are some practical steps the script suggests for wrestling control away from perfectionism?

Some practical steps suggested are setting clear success markers, finding other drivers for effort, working with a coach or therapist, proceeding with caution, admitting struggles, asking for help, and reminding oneself why perfectionism should not drive.