If you're considering leaving your partner, ask yourself this

Summary

In this video, Anna, a clinical psychology doctorate student, explores how to assess a relationship from an objective perspective. She encourages viewers to look at their relationships factually, without emotional bias, to determine whether they are truly fulfilling or headed for an unhappy ending. Anna provides a set of questions to help assess a relationship, such as evaluating the honeymoon phase, unresolved issues, and whether you're settling. She also presents two scenarios: one that clearly shows a troubled relationship and another that has potential for a happy ending, encouraging viewers to reflect on their own relationship dynamics.

Takeaways

• 😀 A bird's-eye view of relationships helps us assess them more objectively, focusing on the facts rather than emotions.
• 😀 It’s important to look at the beginning of your relationship honestly, including who pursued whom and the circumstances surrounding it.
• 😀 The honeymoon phase typically lasts around six months. Anything shorter may signal potential issues in the relationship.
• 😀 Trust issues are a significant red flag in a relationship and can often indicate deeper problems like emotional or physical cheating.
• 😀 It's crucial to reflect on the mistakes made in the relationship, including how the partner may have influenced your behavior or decisions.
• 😀 Healthy arguments should be respectful and open. Screaming or insults are never acceptable in a relationship.
• 😀 Issues in a relationship should be worked through and resolved over time. If the problems remain stagnant, the relationship may not be sustainable.
• 😀 Multiple breakups or off-and-on cycles in a relationship rarely result in long-term success and often indicate deeper uncertainty.
• 😀 Self-reflection is key to recognizing whether you might be settling in a relationship, or staying out of fear of being alone.
• 😀 Objectivity in assessing your relationship can help you decide if it’s a fulfilling and lasting connection or if it's time to move on.
• 😀 Comparing two hypothetical relationship scenarios—one unhealthy and one healthy—can help identify what a successful relationship looks like.

Q & A

What is the purpose of the video?

The video aims to help viewers objectively assess their relationships by encouraging them to step back from emotions and evaluate the facts of their relationships, similar to how a therapist might view them.

Why is it important to look at a relationship objectively?

Looking at a relationship objectively helps individuals make clearer, more informed decisions, free from the emotional entanglements that can cloud judgment. This approach allows them to focus on facts rather than feelings.

What role do emotions play in assessing relationships according to Anna?

While emotions are important in relationships, Anna emphasizes that they can hinder objective assessment. The goal is to separate emotions from facts in order to understand the relationship more clearly.

How long does the honeymoon phase usually last, and why is it important to assess?

The honeymoon phase typically lasts about six months. It’s important to assess this period because if problems start arising before the six-month mark, it could indicate underlying issues that are concerning.

What should you focus on when assessing your relationship from a bird's-eye view?

When assessing your relationship from a bird's-eye view, you should focus solely on the facts—such as how the relationship started, the duration of the honeymoon phase, any ongoing issues, and how conflicts are resolved—without letting emotions influence your judgment.

What are some of the red flags to look for in a relationship?

Some red flags include lack of trust, repeated arguments with no resolution, unresolved issues, and situations where one partner frequently breaks up and gets back together. These could indicate deeper problems in the relationship.

How does Anna define a 'fight' in a relationship?

Anna defines a 'fight' as any argument involving yelling, insults, or physical actions like slamming doors. She believes these behaviors are unacceptable and should not be a part of a healthy relationship.

What is the significance of identifying deal breakers in a relationship?

Identifying deal breakers is crucial because it helps you understand whether the relationship is truly viable in the long term. Deal breakers are often signs of deep incompatibilities that can lead to further distress.

What’s the importance of being brutally honest with yourself in relationship assessment?

Being brutally honest with yourself allows you to see the relationship for what it truly is, rather than rationalizing or denying issues. This clarity is vital for making decisions that align with your needs and long-term happiness.

Can a relationship improve if it’s experiencing recurring issues and fights?

Yes, a relationship can improve if the issues are addressed openly, and both partners work together to resolve them. However, if issues are unresolved or repeated without any effort to change, the relationship may not last.