Why successful men are jerks: no one wants to do the laundry

Summary

In Dr. Orion Terban's talk, he explores the perception that successful men often appear unromantic or uncaring. He explains that many successful men once faced struggles, learning to navigate relationships differently as they gained wealth. While unsuccessful men often use romance to connect emotionally, successful men believe they can forgo these gestures due to their financial stability. Terban argues that societal pressures shape these behaviors, and women’s complaints about a lack of romance may unintentionally alienate men. He emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics to foster healthier relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Successful men may appear less romantic, which can be frustrating for women.
• 💼 Many successful men were once unsuccessful, using time to develop romantic strategies.
• 💰 Romance is often utilized by men lacking financial resources to attract women.
• 🕰️ As men become successful, they tend to shift their focus from romantic gestures to providing tangible benefits.
• 🌹 Most men do not intrinsically enjoy performing romantic gestures like buying flowers; they often feel societal pressure to do so.
• 👩‍🎓 Women may prefer the stability and security provided by successful men over romantic gestures.
• 🚫 Complaining about a lack of romance can lead to resentment from men who feel unappreciated.
• 📉 Men learn what women respond to, which often differs from societal expectations, as they gain success.
• 💔 Successful men often feel liberated from performing unwanted romantic gestures once they establish their status.
• 🔄 Open communication about expectations can help both partners navigate the complexities of modern relationships.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the video?

The main topic is why successful men may appear to be less romantic or caring compared to unsuccessful men, from a woman's perspective.

According to Dr. Orion Terban, how do men use their resources in the dating marketplace?

Men use the resources they have in greater abundance—either time or money—to improve their success in the sexual marketplace. Unsuccessful men often have time but not money, while successful men have money but lack time.

What strategies do unsuccessful men use to attract women?

Unsuccessful men often rely on romance to attract women, using time and effort to create emotional connections, as they may not have the financial resources to offer tangible benefits.

Why do successful men seem to stop performing romantic gestures?

As men become successful, they realize that women are often attracted to their status and resources rather than romantic gestures, leading them to dispense with behaviors they did not genuinely want to perform.

How does Dr. Terban describe the relationship between men and the cultural expectations of romance?

He argues that many men do not have an intrinsic desire to engage in romantic gestures like buying flowers; rather, they are influenced by cultural expectations and social conditioning.

What is the analogy used to describe the impact of money on men's romantic efforts?

Dr. Terban compares money to liberation from drudgery, stating that successful men view romantic gestures as chores they no longer need to perform now that they can provide financial stability.

What should women understand about the behaviors of successful men?

Women should recognize that successful men may not engage in traditional romantic behaviors because they have learned what women truly respond to, which often does not involve these gestures.

How does Dr. Terban suggest women respond to successful men's lack of romance?

He suggests that women should appreciate the overall benefits of being with successful men and not focus solely on the absence of romantic gestures, as complaining may lead to resentment.

What example does Dr. Terban provide to illustrate his point about romantic expectations?

He shares a personal anecdote where he planned a thoughtful date but was criticized for not providing flowers, highlighting how frustrating and invalidating such complaints can be for men.

What is the ultimate takeaway from Dr. Terban's discussion?

The takeaway is that successful men often believe they can forgo romantic gestures as they see that women respond positively to their success and status, and that understanding this dynamic can improve women's dating experiences.