Dr. Jordan Peterson Explains 12 Rules for Life in 12 Minutes

Summary

The video discusses a series of life rules designed to enhance personal responsibility and well-being. These include standing tall, treating yourself as someone worth helping, choosing friends who support your growth, and focusing on self-improvement. Other rules emphasize humility, truth-telling, meaningful actions, listening, and clear communication. The speaker highlights parenting, encouraging independence in children, and embracing risks. Lastly, dealing with life’s hardships involves focusing on the present and appreciating small moments, symbolized by petting a cat when you encounter one. The video advocates self-awareness, resilience, and courage in navigating life’s challenges.

Takeaways

• 🧍 Rule One: Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
• 🤝 Rule Two: Treat yourself as someone responsible for helping others.
• 👫 Rule Three: Make friends with those who want the best for you.
• 🆚 Rule Four: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.
• 🚫 Rule Five: Don't let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.
• 🏡 Rule Six: Put your house in perfect order before criticizing the world.
• 🌟 Rule Seven: Do what is meaningful, not what is expedient.
• 🗣️ Rule Eight: Tell the truth or at least don't lie.
• 👂 Rule Nine: Assume the person you're listening to knows something you don't.
• 💬 Rule Ten: Be precise in your speech.
• 🛹 Rule Eleven: Don't bother children when they're skateboarding.
• 🐱 Rule Twelve: Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.

Q & A

What is the first rule mentioned in the transcript?

The first rule is to stand up straight with your shoulders back.

According to the transcript, what is the purpose of Rule Two and Rule Three?

Rule Two is to treat yourself like someone responsible for helping, and Rule Three is to make friends with those who want the best for you. They are designed to make life more difficult, not easier, as a way to inject difficulty into life.

What does the speaker say about Kierkegaard's view on difficulty in life?

Kierkegaard believed that as life became easier, people would eventually cry out for difficulty, and he saw his role as making life more difficult for everyone.

How does Rule Four address the issue of envy?

Rule Four advises comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today, to avoid envy and focus on self-improvement.

What is the main guideline of Rule Five regarding children?

Rule Five suggests not letting your children do anything that makes you dislike them, emphasizing the importance of teaching children how to behave so that they are welcomed by the social world.

What does 'put your house in perfect order before you criticize the world' mean according to the transcript?

This phrase means to bind your ambition with humility and work on what's right in front of you before engaging in large-scale transformation of others.

Why is it important to tell the truth according to Rule Eight?

Telling the truth is important because lying corrupts the instinctual mechanisms that manifest as meaning, making it difficult to trust your own perceptions.

What is the significance of Rule Nine in terms of personal growth?

Rule Nine suggests assuming that the person you're listening to knows something you don't, which is a recognition of your own ignorance and a way to foster personal growth.

What does Rule Ten emphasize about speech?

Rule Ten emphasizes being precise in your speech, which is related to the idea that you don't get what you don't aim at, suggesting that specifying your goals can help you achieve them.

How does Rule Eleven relate to courage and encouragement?

Rule Eleven advises not to bother children when they're skateboarding, which is a metaphor for encouraging children to take necessary risks to develop competence, rather than sheltering them out of cowardice.

What is the metaphorical meaning of Rule Twelve about petting a cat?

Rule Twelve uses the act of petting a cat as a metaphor for appreciating small things when you don't know what to do, especially during times of crisis or tragedy.

Outlines

00:00

📚 Self-Improvement and Personal Responsibility

The paragraph discusses a set of rules for personal development and behavior. Rule one emphasizes the importance of physical posture as a metaphor for personal integrity. Rule two and three encourage treating oneself with the respect due to a helpful individual and surrounding oneself with people who demand the best, which can be challenging. Rule four advises comparing oneself to who they were yesterday rather than someone else today to avoid envy. Rule five is about not letting children do things that make others dislike them, focusing on social acceptance. Rule six suggests ordering one's own life before criticizing the world, advocating for humility and local improvement. Rule seven promotes doing what is meaningful over what is expedient. Rule eight stresses the importance of truth-telling for maintaining trust in one's own judgment. Rule nine is about assuming that others know something you don't, promoting a stance of learning and respect for others' knowledge. Lastly, rule ten encourages precision in speech to improve one's ability to manifest desired outcomes.

05:01

🤔 The Pursuit of Knowledge and Ignorance

This section delves into the importance of acknowledging one's own ignorance and the pursuit of knowledge. It suggests that what you don't know is more important than what you do know, especially if you believe there's room for improvement in your life. The speaker encourages actively seeking out new information and learning from others, even if the communication is difficult. The idea is that every conversation has the potential to reduce one's ignorance. The speaker also touches on the concept of aiming for potential and the idea that specificity in speech can help manifest desired outcomes, drawing parallels to the New Testament's teachings about asking and receiving.

10:02

🛹 Encouragement and the Importance of Risk

The final paragraph focuses on the concept of encouragement, particularly in the context of parenting and personal growth. It argues that while guiding children to act in a socially desirable way is important, it's equally important to encourage them to take risks necessary for their development. The speaker warns against sheltering children from the world's difficulties, suggesting that it's a form of cowardice that can hinder their growth. The metaphor of not bothering children when they're skateboarding is used to illustrate the idea of allowing children to face challenges. The paragraph also includes a discussion on dealing with tragedy and uncertainty by narrowing one's time frame and focusing on the immediate, as well as the importance of finding moments of appreciation even in the midst of hardship. The paragraph concludes with a sponsored message about Blinkist, an app that condenses book summaries for efficient learning.

Keywords

💡Responsibility

Responsibility refers to the state of being accountable or having a duty to fulfill obligations. In the video, it is linked to Rule 2, where individuals are encouraged to treat themselves as if they are responsible for helping others. This concept is central to the video's theme of personal growth and social contribution, as it implies that personal development is not just for oneself but also for the betterment of others.

💡Difficulties

Difficulties in the script denote challenges or hardships that one might face in life. The video suggests that embracing difficulties can lead to personal growth, as they push individuals to strive for improvement. This is exemplified by Kierkegaard's view that people will eventually seek out challenges when life becomes too easy.

💡Envy

Envy is a feeling of discontent and desire for what someone else has. The video advises against comparing oneself to others to avoid envy, which can be detrimental to personal growth. Instead, the focus should be on self-improvement by comparing oneself to one's past self, as per Rule 4.

💡Truth

Truth, in the context of the video, is the concept of honesty and sincerity in communication. Rule 8 emphasizes the importance of telling the truth or at least not lying, as lying corrupts one's perception of meaning and undermines trust in oneself. This is crucial for pursuing meaningful endeavors.

💡Ignorance

Ignorance refers to a lack of knowledge or awareness. The video suggests that acknowledging one's ignorance (as in Rule 9) is a sign of wisdom and openness to learning. It encourages individuals to assume that others know something they don't, which can lead to personal growth through learning from others.

💡Courage

Courage is the ability to face fear, danger, or adversity. The video discusses the importance of courage, particularly in parenting (Rule 11), where parents are advised not to shelter their children from necessary risks. This is portrayed as a form of encouragement, allowing children to develop competence in a challenging world.

💡Humility

Humility is the quality of being modest and not overly proud. The video links humility with ambition in Rule 6, suggesting that one should work on improving oneself before attempting to change the world. This reflects a balanced approach to personal development and social engagement.

💡Meaningful

Meaningful refers to something that has significance or importance. Rule 7 in the video emphasizes doing what is meaningful over what is merely expedient. This underscores the video's message that actions should be guided by deeper values rather than short-term gains.

💡Precision

Precision in the script refers to the quality of being exact and accurate. Rule 10 suggests that being precise in speech can lead to clarity in thought and action. This aligns with the video's broader theme of intentional living and the pursuit of personal and social betterment.

💡Fragility

Fragility is the state of being delicate or easily broken. The video uses the metaphor of petting a cat (Rule 12) to discuss how to cope with overwhelming situations. It suggests focusing on small, positive actions when faced with life's fragility, as a way to maintain resilience and find solace.

💡Competence

Competence is the ability to do something successfully or efficiently. The video mentions that by not sheltering children from risks, parents allow them to develop competence necessary to thrive in a challenging world. This highlights the video's advocacy for fostering independence and self-reliance.

Highlights

Rule one emphasizes standing up straight with your shoulders back.

Rule two is about treating yourself as if you're responsible for helping others.

Rule three suggests making friends with people who want the best for you.

Rule four advises comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, not to others.

Rule five is about not letting your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

Rule six encourages putting your house in order before criticizing the world.

Rule seven is about doing what is meaningful, not what is expedient.

Rule eight stresses the importance of telling the truth or at least not lying.

Rule nine is about assuming the person you're listening to knows something you don't.

Rule ten suggests being precise in your speech to aim accurately at your goals.

Rule eleven is about not bothering children when they're skateboarding, a metaphor for encouraging independence.

Rule twelve encourages petting a cat when you encounter one, a metaphor for finding comfort in small things during difficult times.

Kierkegaard's view that people will cry out for difficulty as life becomes easier.

The idea that making life more difficult can be beneficial, as proposed by Kierkegaard.

The concept that aiming high and having something worthwhile to strive for is essential to avoid envy.

The importance of humility in conjunction with ambition, as expressed in rule six.

The necessity of telling the truth to maintain trust in your own perceptions.

The value of recognizing your own ignorance and learning from others.

The psychological impact of specifying your goals and the benefits of precision in speech.

The metaphor of not doing anything for others they can do for themselves, promoting independence.

The importance of allowing children to take necessary risks for their development.

The concept of narrowing your time frame to cope with immediate challenges effectively.

Transcripts

rule one

is stand up straight with your shoulders

back

and rule two is treat yourself like

you're someone

responsible for helping a number three

which is very tightly associated with

number two

they're sort of variations on a theme is

make friends with

those people who want the best for you

by the way these last two rules aren't

injunctions designed to make your life

easier

they're actually injections designed to

make your life more difficult

kierkegaard said at one point that his

role in life

given that everything was proceeding to

become

easier and easier in all possible ways

that there would come a time when

people would cry out for difficulty and

so that's partly how he envisioned his

role

in the world interestingly enough as a

universal benefactor of mankind

who would strive to do nothing other

than to make life more difficult for

everyone

right and so rule two and three are like

that because

treat yourself as if you're someone

responsible for helping

isn't the same as be nice to yourself

it's not that

and to associate with people who want

the best for you

means that they get to demand the best

from you

and that's also not an easy thing rule

four

is compare yourself to who you were

yesterday and not to who someone else

is today and that's an injunction about

envy

you need things that are above you

because you need to do something

worthwhile with your life you need

something to aim at but one of the

consequences of that

is that you can become envious of people

that you believe have

attained more in a deserved or

undeserved manner and

that can make you better and so it's

much better to compare yourself to

yourself

and to use yourself as the target for

improvement and comparison

rule five is don't let your children do

anything that makes you dislike them

and the rule of thumb there is if you

dislike them

then other people will and it's a bad

idea to allow your children to act in a

way

that makes other children dislike them

or adults

dislike them given that they're going to

have to deal with children

and they're going to have to deal with

adults so your primary responsibility as

a parent is to

help your child learn how to behave so

that the social world

opens up its arms to them and welcomes

them

at every level and you've done your job

if you can manage that

and it's not a simple thing to do rule

six is

put your house in perfect order before

you criticize the world

and that's not take no

action for others until you have your

act together that isn't what the rule

means

it means that bind your ambition with

humility

and work on what's right in front of you

that you will suffer for

if you get wrong before you engage in

the large-scale transformation of other

people

rule seven is do what is meaningful

and not what is expedient and i would

say in some sense that's the core

ethos of the book not exactly because

rule eight which is tell the truth or at

least don't lie

is a necessary conjunction to that or a

necessary

additional element because i don't think

that you can pursue what is meaningful

without telling the truth and the reason

for that is if you don't tell the truth

or let's say if you lie

which is an easier way to think about it

you corrupt

the mechanisms the instinctual

mechanisms that

manifest themselves as meaning and then

you can't trust them

and that's a very bad idea so the

fundamental

reason to not lie is because you corrupt

your own perceptions if you lie

and when you corrupt your own

perceptions then you can't rely on

yourself

and if you can't rely on yourself then

well good luck to you

because what are you going to rely on in

the absence of

your own judgment you've got nothing if

you if you lose that

rule 8 is as i said tell the truth or

don't

or at least don't lie rule 9 assume that

the person that you're listening to

knows something you don't

and that's not so much a mark of respect

for the person although it is that

it's a mark of recognition of your own

unbearable ignorance

one of the things you have to do in life

you have to decide what's more important

what you know or what you don't know

first of all there's a lot of what you

don't know

and so if you make friends with that if

you decide that's important then

well that's a good thing because you're

going to be surrounded by what you don't

know

your entire life and so if you're

appreciative of that then that's going

to make things go better for you

but the other element of that is

well why should you be appreciative of

what you don't know and the answer to

that is well you shouldn't if your life

is absolutely perfect in every way

you have exactly what you need and want

you've put everything in order around

you then what you know is sufficient but

if you

believe that things could still be put

right around you

in your own personal life and with

regard to the effect that you have on

other people

then obviously what you don't yet know

is more important than what you do know

and you should be paying attention to

find out what you don't know at every

possible moment

and if you're fortunate when you have a

conversation with someone and you're

actually interested in what they say

then

even if they're not very good at

communicating even if they're awkward or

even if they display a certain amount of

enmity towards you

there's always the possibility that they

might tell you something you don't know

in which case you can walk away from the

conversation less

ignorant and corrupt than you were when

you started the conversation

and if your life isn't everything that

you would like it to be

then being slightly less ignorant and

corrupt is probably a good thing

and so rule 10 is be precise in your

speech

and that's that's an observation i would

say that's

a variant of a new testament injunction

which is

or maybe a description of the nature of

the world which is

knock and the door will open and ask and

you will receive

which is a very strange theory

let's say but which i would say is far

more in accordance

with what we know about the psychology

of perception

let's say than you might imagine because

it is the case that you don't get what

you don't aim at

you might get what you do aim at and

your aim might get better as you aim as

well which is something to consider

if you specify the nature of the

actually if you specify the nature of

the being that you want to bring into

being

then you radically increase the

probability that that's what will occur

and

of course you all know that because you

regard yourself

at least to some degree as active

creative agents right

your fundamental attitude towards

yourself

at least in the manner that you act

towards yourself is that

you wake up in the morning and you have

a landscape of possibilities that

lay themselves open to you and you make

choices

between those possibilities and

determine in consequence

how the world is going to manifest

itself so you confront

a field of potential that's a good way

of thinking about it

and through your choices you determine

which elements of that potential are

going to

concretize themselves into the real

world and

you are very unhappy with yourself if

you don't do that properly and

you're very unhappy with other people if

they don't do that properly and

you're very unhappy with other people if

they don't treat you

like that's what you're like because

part of what you

demand from people let's say in terms of

sheer civility is that

they act towards you is if you're the

locus of voluntary choice in a world of

potential and you upgrade each other for

that as well if you have children

and parents your parents will say to you

if you're fortunate you're not living up

to your potential

which is actually a compliment in a

sense even though it's also

a judgment and the compliment is i know

perfectly well that you could be more

than you are

and you'll hang your head if you have

any sense and you'll think like you

think in relationship to your own

conscience that

yes i have a lot of potential that i'm

not fully realizing and that

actually constitutes a transgression

against the good

and i don't i don't think i've ever met

anyone who doesn't

believe that if you if you have a

reasonable conversation with them it

just seems

self-evident i mean maybe now and then

you meet someone who's narcissistically

self-satisfied but

then they're narcissistic and that's not

good that as a as a

medium to long-term strategy that's a

catastrophe that ends in disaster

you know it's a short term it protects

people but long term

it's not good in the least and of course

other people don't appreciate it as well

rule 11 is don't bother children when

they're skateboarding

and that's actually a discussion of

courage of encouragement

more specifically because i've i've been

trying to understand for example

what role parents play in the lives of

their children and i would say this is a

role that

is of fundamental importance as well as

attempting to

guide your children so that they act in

a socially desirable manner

so that the world opens itself up to

them you also

want to encourage them which is not the

same as sheltering them

it's not the same at all and to

encourage someone is to say

something like or to act out something

like look kid

the world's already difficult because

the world isn't easy for children any

more than it's easy for adults the

difficulties are

they're not the same their child size

difficulties but there's still

difficulties

the world is a very hard place and

it's a bitter place in many ways and

it's not only a hard and bitter place

it's also

touched with betrayal and malevolence

and that's

the fundamental bottom line but there's

something

in you that is capable of

taking that full on and transcending it

and that's encouragement you say well

as difficult as things are

you're up to the challenge and to

interfere with

children when they're skateboarding for

example when they're doing

let's say inadvisably dangerous things

which kids of course do

if they're skateboarding to interfere

with that is to

interfere with the child's willingness

to voluntarily expose themselves to the

risks

that they need to expose themselves to

in order to develop the sort of

competence

that allows them to thrive in a world

they cannot be sheltered from

and so to interfere with children when

they're

taking necessary risks is not love or

empathy

but cowardice on the part of parents and

it's deeply damaging to children

and i can tell you as a clinical

psychologist i've never had

a client come to my office in all the

hundreds of

encounters i've had with people in my

office i've never had a client say

my parents made me too independent that

hasn't happened

once right now my parents made me too

dependent or i conspired with my parents

to perpetuate my dependence that

happened

all the time so there's a rule of thumb

which i think is a good one which i

believe is often applied in nursing

homes by

people who work in nursing homes which

is of course a very difficult job

and the rule is do not do anything for

anyone they can do for themselves

and the reason for that is that it's a

form of theft

rule 12 is pet a cat when you encounter

one on the street and it's a

oddly enough a meditation on fragility

it's a discussion of what you do when

you don't know what to do

and that's really when things have gone

badly for you when you face a terrible

tragedy

in your own personal life or in your

familial life or perhaps even in the

life of your community when things come

crowding in at you

too quickly in the case of a death in

the family or a terrible illness or

the collapse of a dream or any of the

things that can flip your world upside

down

is how do you cope with that and that

chapter contains

discussion of the necessity of narrowing

your time frame

you know because sometimes the right way

to look at the world is across

years and sometimes it's across months

and when things are more out of control

perhaps it's across

days and when things are really when

you're really up against the wall it's

across

hours or even minutes and during those

minutes then you concentrate on

doing as well as you can with what's

right in front of you for the

longest unit of time that you can

tolerate conceptualizing

maybe that's what you do at someone's

deathbed and while you're doing that

and suffering away madly then you also

take the time to

appreciate everything you can that

manifests itself

that allows itself to be appreciated and

so that's the metaphor of the cat i

suppose

this video is sponsored by blinkist

reading books is great but i've talked

about this many times before

many books are written very

inefficiently and should be much much

shorter than they are

not only that sometimes you just don't

have the time to read a whole book

or you might want to just go back and

review the main ideas without reading

the whole thing again

this is why i use and recommend blinkist

it's a great app that takes information

from the best books

and condenses it to 15 minutes that you

can read or listen to

for someone looking to learn i really

think this might be one of the best apps

out there right now

i recommend starting with a summary for

any book on the fight mediocrity

beginners reading list

or any of the books that are in my

blinkist library right now

if that sounds good head over to

blinkist.com

fight mediocrity or click the link in

the description below

you can give it a try for seven days

completely free and if you don't want to

continue you can cancel at any time

as a fight mediocrity viewer you'll also

get 25

off if you decide you want the full

membership thanks for watching