The Hate U Give Chapter 4 - Read by Ms. Nisa

Summary

In this poignant chapter from Angie Thomas's 'The Hate U Give,' Starr Carter is haunted by a nightmare following the tragic shooting of her friend Khalil. The narrative delves into the family's raw emotions, discussing the incident and the impending police investigation. Tensions rise as they debate seeking legal counsel and the impact of racial bias on law enforcement. Starr's courage to face the detectives and her promise to Khalil's family to seek justice highlight the chapter, reflecting the complexities of grief, community, and the pursuit of truth.

Takeaways

• 😴 The protagonist is haunted by nightmares of a traumatic event involving friends Natasha and Khalil, which wakes them up at 11:05 PM.
• 🌡️ The protagonist's household is kept cold due to their father's preference for high air-conditioning, causing discomfort to others.
• 🗣️ A heated discussion is overheard between family members about the investigation into Khalil's death by a police officer, revealing differing opinions on race and justice.
• 👮‍♂️ Uncle Carlos, a detective, is involved in the case and suggests that the protagonist, Star, should speak to the detectives, sparking a debate about the necessity of a lawyer.
• 🏠 There is tension within the family about whether to stay in their neighborhood due to its perceived dangers and the recent violence.
• 🚫 Star's father is resistant to the idea of moving away from their home, despite the concerns for safety and the influence of the environment.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The family dynamic is strained by the incident, with Star's father and uncle having a history of conflict that affects their interactions.
• 🕊️ Star agrees to speak to the detectives, trusting Uncle Carlos's assurance that it will be a straightforward process and that the officer involved will not be present.
• 🏡 A visit to Miss Rosalie, Khalil's grandmother, is planned to offer support and condolences, highlighting the close-knit community.
• 💔 The script explores themes of grief, family bonds, and the struggle for justice in the face of systemic issues like racial profiling and police violence.

Q & A

What is the main character's nightmare about?

The main character's nightmare is about trying to warn Natasha and Khalil about an impending danger, represented by a darkness that eventually swallows them up.

Why does the main character have difficulty falling back asleep after the nightmare?

The main character has difficulty falling back asleep because the nightmare was so vivid and distressing, and they feel a lingering fear of seeing the nightmare again.

What is the family's reaction to the recent shooting incident involving Khalil?

The family is divided in their reactions. The father is skeptical and defensive, suggesting that Khalil's alleged drug dealing might have justified the cop's actions. The mother and uncle Carlos are more concerned about seeking the truth and ensuring justice for Khalil.

Why does Uncle Carlos want Star to speak to the detectives?

Uncle Carlos, who is a detective himself, wants Star to speak to the detectives to help with the investigation and to ensure that her side of the story is heard as she was a witness to the shooting.

What is the family's stance on getting an attorney for Star before speaking to the detectives?

The family is divided on this issue. Uncle Carlos believes it's not necessary at the moment, while the father insists on finding an attorney to protect Star's rights.

Why does the family visit Miss Rosalie?

The family visits Miss Rosalie to offer their condolences and support after the tragic death of her grandson, Khalil.

What is the significance of the money given to Miss Rosalie by Star's parents?

The money is a gesture of gratitude for Miss Rosalie's past help in babysitting Star and her brother, and it's also intended to assist with the financial burden of Khalil's funeral.

How does Miss Rosalie feel about Khalil's involvement in drug dealing?

Miss Rosalie is aware of Khalil's involvement in drug dealing and is saddened by it. She acknowledges that he wanted to stop and that he respected Star's father's advice, but the neighborhood's influence and the lure of money were strong factors.

What is the main character's relationship with Khalil?

The main character, Star, was Khalil's best friend. Miss Rosalie refers to Star as the best friend Khalil ever had, indicating a close and significant relationship.

What does Star's father say to comfort her regarding the upcoming conversation with the police?

Star's father advises her to tell the truth and not let the police put words in her mouth. He reassures her that she didn't do anything wrong and that the cop is the one at fault.

Outlines

00:00

🌙 Nighttime Dilemmas and Family Tensions

The paragraph introduces a young protagonist grappling with the aftermath of a nightmare involving friends Natasha and Khalil, who are swallowed by darkness. The protagonist's attempts to warn them are futile, leading to a jarring awakening at 11:05 PM. The household atmosphere is tense, with the air-conditioning set high by the protagonist's father, creating a cold environment. A heated discussion is overheard between family members about the recent killing of a 16-year-old black boy by a white police officer. The conversation reveals differing opinions on race, justice, and the need for an investigation. Uncle Carlos, a detective, suggests that the protagonist, Star, should speak to detectives, but her father is resistant, fearing manipulation without legal representation. The paragraph ends with Star's internal conflict about her role in the incident and her family's safety.

05:02

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family Dynamics and the Aftermath of Tragedy

This paragraph delves into the family's reaction to Khalil's death and the potential involvement of Star, who was a witness. Uncle Carlos, who is a detective and part of the family, assures Star that she will be protected if she chooses to speak to the police. There's a palpable fear and reluctance within the family, particularly from Star's mother, who is concerned about the repercussions of Star's involvement. Despite the family's mixed feelings, Star agrees to cooperate with the investigation, trusting in Uncle Carlos's promise of protection. The paragraph also touches on the family's consideration of moving to a different neighborhood for a safer environment, reflecting the broader implications of living in a community plagued by violence.

10:02

🍇 Late-Night Conversations and Memories

The scene shifts to a late-night conversation between Star and her father over a bowl of grapes. They discuss the strained relationship between Star's father and Uncle Carlos, rooted in past protectiveness and present disagreements. Star's father opens up about his own experiences with violence and loss, sharing a story about witnessing his cousin's murder. This conversation provides a backdrop to Star's upcoming police interview, as her father advises her to be truthful and stand her ground. The narrative also hints at the community's response to Khalil's death, with Star's family receiving an outpouring of support, symbolized by the numerous food deliveries they've received.

15:03

🏡 A Visit to Miss Rosalie's and Nostalgic Reflections

The family visits Miss Rosalie, an elderly neighbor who is undergoing chemotherapy, to offer their condolences and support following Khalil's death. The visit is filled with nostalgia as Star recalls playing with Khalil on Miss Rosalie's front porch. The paragraph paints a picture of a close-knit community where neighbors support each other through tough times. Miss Tammy, Miss Rosalie's daughter, greets them, and there's a palpable sadness as they discuss the current state of affairs, including Miss Brenda's, Khalil's mother's, struggle with addiction. The visit serves as a reminder of the bonds formed in the neighborhood and the impact of Khalil's death on those who loved him.

20:05

💔 A Heartfelt Conversation with Miss Rosalie

In this paragraph, Star has an emotional conversation with Miss Rosalie, Khalil's grandmother, who expresses her gratitude for Star's presence with Khalil during his final moments. Miss Rosalie shares her knowledge of Khalil's involvement in drug dealing and his internal struggle, revealing his desire to stop but the neighborhood's influence that made it difficult. Star's parents offer financial support to Miss Rosalie, acknowledging the help she provided when Star's mother was in school. The paragraph concludes with a poignant moment where Miss Rosalie gives Star a freeze cup, a sweet treat that evokes memories of happier times with Khalil, leaving Star with a bittersweet sense of loss and love.

Keywords

💡Nightmare

A nightmare is a disturbing dream that typically causes fear or anxiety. In the context of the video, the protagonist experiences a nightmare that reflects their emotional turmoil and the traumatic event they witnessed. The nightmare serves as a metaphor for the ongoing fear and anxiety they feel due to the violence and injustice in their community.

💡Racism

Racism is the discrimination against individuals or groups based on their race or ethnicity. The script touches on systemic racism through the conversation about the killing of a young black boy by a white police officer. The characters' dialogue highlights the racial bias and disparities in how such incidents are perceived and handled within the justice system.

💡Justice

Justice refers to the principle of moral rightness based on ethics, law, and fairness. In the video, the pursuit of justice is a central theme, as the characters grapple with the aftermath of a police shooting and the quest for accountability. The term is used to describe the desired outcome where the truth is revealed and the victim's family receives closure.

💡Trauma

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that has a lasting impact on an individual's mental health and behavior. The protagonist's experience of witnessing a violent incident and the subsequent emotional distress exemplify trauma. The script portrays how trauma affects the protagonist's daily life, sleep, and emotional state.

💡Community

Community refers to a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common. The script emphasizes the importance of community support, as seen in the characters coming together to mourn and provide for the victim's family. It also reflects the shared experiences and challenges faced by the community, such as violence and racial tensions.

💡Police Brutality

Police brutality is the use of excessive and/or unnecessary force by law enforcement officers. The video's narrative is centered around an incident of police brutality, which sparks discussions about the role of law enforcement in the community and the impact of such actions on individuals and families.

💡Witness

A witness is a person who has seen an event or crime take place. In the script, the protagonist is a witness to a critical event, which places them in a difficult position. They must navigate the emotional aftermath and the decision of whether to come forward with their account, highlighting the complexities and responsibilities that come with being a witness.

💡Drug Dealer

A drug dealer is an individual who illegally sells drugs. The script mentions the victim being labeled as a drug dealer, which complicates the narrative and the quest for justice. This label influences public perception and raises questions about the victim's character and the circumstances leading to the incident.

💡Family Dynamics

Family dynamics refer to the relationships and interactions between family members. The script explores family dynamics through the interactions between the protagonist and their parents, as well as the extended family's response to the tragedy. It showcases how family members support each other, have disagreements, and navigate difficult decisions together.

💡Grief

Grief is the deep emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is lost. The video portrays grief as a central emotion experienced by the characters, particularly the family and friends of the victim. The script illustrates how grief manifests in different ways, from tears to anger, and how it affects the community's response to the incident.

💡Testimony

Testimony refers to a formal statement, especially one given in a court of law. In the script, the idea of the protagonist providing testimony to the detectives is a significant point of discussion. It underscores the weight of their potential statement and the implications it could have on the pursuit of justice for the victim.

Highlights

The protagonist experiences a nightmare involving friends Natasha and Khalil, which leads to a discussion about a tragic event.

The family debates the need for an investigation into the death of a young black man, reflecting on racial tensions and police violence.

The protagonist's father, Maverick, expresses skepticism about the police and the justice system, highlighting a lack of trust.

Uncle Carlos, a detective, argues for the importance of understanding the full context of the incident, suggesting complexities beyond racial bias.

The family grapples with the idea of their daughter, Star, being involved in the case and the potential risks and benefits of her participation.

Star decides to cooperate with the investigation to help seek justice for Khalil, showing her courage and commitment to truth.

The family dynamic is explored, with Star's parents showing concern for her well-being and the impact of violence on their community.

Star's father shares his own experiences with violence and loss, providing insight into the cyclical nature of trauma within communities.

The visit to Rosalie, Khalil's grandmother, reveals the deep emotional impact of Khalil's death on his family.

Star's parents offer financial support to Rosalie, demonstrating compassion and a sense of shared responsibility.

The conversation with Rosalie uncovers Khalil's involvement in drug dealing, adding a layer of complexity to his character and the situation.

Rosalie expresses gratitude for Star's presence with Khalil at the time of his death, emphasizing the importance of loyalty and friendship.

The family's visit ends with a poignant moment of shared grief and the offering of a freeze cup, a sweet gesture of comfort.

Star reflects on the painful nature of goodbyes and the lasting impact of Khalil's death, considering the community's perception of him.

The transcript concludes with Star's internal struggle to reconcile Khalil's actions with her memories of him, seeking to preserve his true identity.

Transcripts

hi and welcome to chapter four of the

hit you give written by Angie Thomas and

read by Miss Mesa that night

Natasha tries to convince me to follow

her to the fire hydrant and Khalil begs

for me to go for a ride with him I force

a smile my lips trembling and tell them

I can't hang out they keep asking and I

keep saying no darkness crawls toward

them I try to warn them but my voice

doesn't work the shadow swallows them up

in an instant now it creeps behind me I

back away only to find it behind me I

wake up my clock glows with the numbers

11:05 I suck in deep breaths sweat glues

my tank top and basketball shorts to my

skin

sirens scream nearby and bricks and

other dogs bark and responds sitting on

the side of my bed I rub my face as if

that'll wipe away the nightmare no way I

can go back to sleep not if it means

seeing them again my throat is lined

with sandpaper and aches for water when

my feet touched the floor

goosebumps pop up all over me daddy

always has the air-conditioning on high

in the spring and summer turning the

house into a meat locker the rest of us

shiver our butts off but he enjoys it

saying a little cold never hurt nobody a

lie I drag myself down the hall halfway

to the kitchen I hear momma say why

can't they wait she just saw one of her

best friends die she doesn't need to

relive that right now

I stopped light from the kitchen

stretches into the hallway we have to

investigate Lisa says the second voice

uncle Carlos mama's older brother we

want the truth as much as anyone you

mean y'all want to justify what that pig

did daddy says investigate my ass

maverick

don't make this something it's not

Carlo says a 16 year old black boy is

dead because a white cop killed him what

else could it be

Shh mama hisses keep it down star had

the hardest time falling asleep uncle

Carlo says something but it's too low

for me to hear I inch closer

this isn't about black or white he says

says daddy if this was our

Riverton Hills

and his name was Richie we wouldn't be

having this conversation I heard he was

a drug dealer says uncle Carlos and that

makes it okay daddy ass

I didn't say it did but it could explain

Brian's decision if he felt threatened

no lodges in my throat

aching to be yelled out Khaleel wasn't a

threat that night and what made the cop

think he was a drug dealer

wait Brian that's one 15s name oh so you

know him daddy mocks I ain't surprised

he's a colleague yes and a good guy

believe it or not I'm sure this is hard

on him who knows what he was thinking at

the time you said it yourself he thought

Coolio was a drug dealer

daddy says a thug why he assumed that

though what by looking at Khalil I

explained that detective silence why was

she even in the car with a drug dealer

uncle Carlos asked Lisa I keep telling

you you need to move her and sacani out

of this neighborhood it's poisonous I've

been thinking about it and we're not

going anywhere

daddy says maverick she's seen two of

her friends get killed mama says two and

she's only 16 and one was at the hands

of a person who was supposed to protect

her what you think if you live next door

to them they'll treat you different why

does it always have to be about race

with you uncle Carlos ass other races

aren't killing us nearly as much as

we're killing ourselves Negro please if

I kill Tyrone I'm going to prison if a

cop kills me he's getting put on leave

maybe you know what there's no point

having this conversation with you uncle

Carlos says will you at least consider

letting star speak to the detectives

handling the case we should probably get

her an attorney first

Carlos mama says that's not necessary

right now he says and it wasn't

necessary for that cop to pull the

trigger says daddy you really think

we're gonna let them talk to our

daughter and twist her words around

because she doesn't have a lawyer

nobody's going to twist her words around

I told you we want the truth to come out

- oh we know the truth that's not what

we want

it says daddy we want justice uncle

Carlos sighs Lisa

the sooner she talks to the detectives

the better it will be a simple process

all she has to do is answer some

questions that's it no need to spend

money to get an attorney just yet

frankly Carlos we don't want anyone to

know that star was there mama says she's

scared and I am too who knows what's

gonna happen I get that but I assure you

she'll be protected if you don't trust

the system can you at least trust me I

don't know says daddy can we you know

what maverick I've just about had it

with you you can get out my house then

it wouldn't be your house if it wasn't

for me and my mom

y'all stop mama says I shift my weight

and goddamn if the floor doesn't creak

which is like sounding an alarm

mama glances around the kitchen doorway

and down the hall straight at me star

baby what are you doing up now I have no

choice but to go to the kitchen the

three of them are sitting around the

table my parents in their pajamas and

uncle Carlos in some sweats and a hoodie

hey baby girl he says we didn't wake you

up did we no I say sitting next to mama

I was already awake nightmares all of

them look sympathetic even though I

didn't say it for her sympathy I kind of

hate sympathy what are you doing here I

asked uncle Carlo

sacani has a stomach bug and begged me

to bring him home and your uncle was

just getting ready to leave

daddy adds uncle Carlos's jobs switches

his face has gotten rounder since he

made detective

he has Mama's high yellow complexion as

Nana calls it and when he gets mad his

face turns deep red like it is now I'm

sorry about Khalil baby girl he says I

was just telling your parents about your

parents how the detectives would like

for you to come in and answer a few

questions but you don't have to do it if

you don't wanna daddy says you know what

uncle Carlos vegans stop please

says mama she looks at me much do you

want to talk to the cops I swallow I

wish I could say yes but I don't know

munch on one hand it's the cops it's not

like I'll be telling just anybody but on

the other hand it's the cops

one of them killed Khalil but uncle

Carlos is a cop and he wouldn't ask me

to do something that would hurt me will

I help Khalil get justice I asked uncle

Carlos nods it will will 115 be there

who the officer that's his badge number

I say I remember it oh no he won't be

there I promise it'll be okay

uncle Carlos his promises are guarantees

sometimes even more than my parents he

never uses that word unless he

absolutely means that okay I say I'll do

it Thank You uncle Carlos comes over and

gives me two kisses to my forehead the

way he's done since he used to tuck me

in Lisa just bring her after school on

Monday it shouldn't take too long

mama gets up and hugs him thank you she

walks him down the hall toward the front

door be safe okay and text me when you

get home yes ma'am sounded like our mama

he teases whatever you just better text

me okay okay good night mama comes back

to the kitchen pulling her robe together

munch your father and I are visiting

rosalie in the morning instead of going

to church you're welcome to come if you

want

yeah daddy says and ain't no uncle

pressuring you to go mama cuts him a

quick glare then turns to me so you

think you're up for it start talking to

miss Rosalie may be harder than talking

to the cops

honestly but I owe it to Khalil to pay

his grandmother a visit she may not even

know I was a witness to the shooting if

she does if somehow if she somehow does

and wants to know what happened more

than anybody she has the right to ask

yeah I'll go we better find her an

attorney before she talks to the

detectives

daddy adds says maverick mama sighs if

Carlos doesn't think it's necessary just

yet I trust his judgment plus I'll be

with her the entire time good thing

somebody trust his judgment says daddy

and you really been thinking about

moving we discussed this already

maverick I'm not going there with you

tonight

how are we gonna change anything around

here if we maverick she says through

gritted teeth

whenever mama breaks a name down like

that you better hope it's not yours I

said I'm not going there tonight

she sighed eyes him waiting for the

comeback there isn't one try and get

some sleep baby she tells me and kisses

my cheek before going to their room

daddy goes to the refrigerator you want

some grapes yeah how come you and uncle

Carlos always fighting cuz he a buster

he joins me at the table with a bowl of

white grapes but for real he never likes

me thought I was a bad influence on your

mama Lisa was Wow when I met her though

like all them other Catholic school

girls I bet he was more protective of

mama than seven is with me huh oh yeah

he says Carlos acted like he was Lisa

daddy when I got locked up he moved

y'all in with him and block my calls

even took her to a divorce attorney he

granny's

still couldn't get rid of me I was three

when daddy went into prison six when he

got out a lot of my memories include him

but a lot of my first

first day of school the first time I

lost a tooth the first time I wrote a

bike without training wheels in those

memories uncle Carlos his face is where

daddy should have been I think that's

the real reason they're always fighting

daddy drums the baha'i surface of the

dining table making a don't thump don't

beat the nightmares will go away after a

while

he says they're always the worst right

after him that's how I was with Natasha

how many people have you seen guy enough

worst one was my cousin Andre his finger

seems to instinctively trace the tattoo

on his forearm and a with a crown over

it

a drug deal turned into a robbery and he

got shot in the head twice right in

front of me a few months before you were

born in fact that's why I named you star

he gives me a small smile my light

turned all of that darkness Daddy chomps

on some grapes don't be scared by Monday

tell the cops the truth and don't let

them put words in your mouth God gave

you a brain you don't need theirs and

remember that you didn't do nothing

wrong the cop did don't let them make

you think otherwise something's bugging

me I wanted to ask uncle Carlos but I

couldn't for some reason daddy is

different though while uncle Carlos

somehow keeps impossible promises daddy

keeps it real with me

you think the cops walk lil I have

justice I ask da da dum dum da o the

truth casts a shadow over the kitchen

people like us in situation like this

situations like this become hashtags but

they rarely get justice I think we all

wait for that one time though that one

time when it ends right maybe this can

be a I don't know daddy says I guess

we'll find out Sunday morning we pull up

to a small yellow house bright flowers

bloom below the front porch I used to

sit with Khalil on that

my parents and I hop out the truck daddy

carries a foil covered Pamela's Anya

that mama made sacani claims he's still

not feeling good so he stayed home

sevens there with him I don't buy this

sick act though sacani always gets some

kind of bug right as spring break ends

going up miss Rosalie's walkway floods

me with memories I have scars tattooed

on my arms and legs from falls on this

concrete one time I was on my scooter

and Khalil pushed me off because I

hadn't given him a turn when I got up

skin was missing from most of my knee I

never screamed so loud in my life we

played hopscotch and jumped rope right

on this walkway to Khalil never wanted

to play at first talking about how those

were girls games he always gave in when

me Natasha said the winner got a freeze

Cup a frozen kool-aid in a Styrofoam cup

or Pekka naledas it can a now and laters

MS Rose Lee was a neighborhood candy

lady I was at her house almost as much

as I was at my own momma and Miss Rose

Lee's youngest daughter Tammy were best

friends growing up when momma got

pregnant with me she was in her senior

year of high school and Nana put her out

the house Miss Rose Lee took her in

until my parents eventually got an

apartment of their own mama says Miss

Rose Lee was one of her biggest

supporters and cried at her high school

graduation like it was her own daughter

walking across the stage three years

later Miss Rosa Lee saw mama and me at

Wyatts this was way before it came

became our store she asked my mom how

college was going mama told her that

with Daddy in prison she couldn't afford

daycare and that Nana wouldn't take care

of me because I wasn't her baby and

therefore I wasn't her problem so momma

was thinking about dropping out Miss

Rose Lee told her to bring me to her

house the next day and that she better

not say a word about me paying her about

paying her she babysat me and later

sacani the whole time mama was in school

mama knocks on the door rattling the

screen miss Tammy answers in a head wrap

t-shirt and sweatpants she unhooked the

locks hollering back maverick Lisa

and star a here ma the living room looks

just like it did when Khalil and I

played hide and seek in it there's still

plastic on the sofa and recliner if you

sit on them too long in the summer while

wearing shorts the plastic nearly glues

to your legs

hey Tammy girl momma says and they hug

long and hard how you doing I'm hanging

in there

miss Tammy hugs daddy then me just hate

that this is the reason I had to come

home it's so weird looking at miss Tammy

she looks the way Khalil's mama Miss

Brenda would look if Miss Brenda wasn't

on crack a lot like polio same hazel

eyes and dimples one time Khalil said he

wish miss Tammy was his mama instead so

he could live in New York with her I

used to joke and tell him she didn't

have time for him I wish I never said

that where you want me to put this

lasagna damn daddy asked her in the

refrigerator if you can find room she

says as he heads towards the kitchen

mama said folks brought food all day

yesterday they were still bringing it

when I got here last night seems like

the whole neighborhood has stopped

buying that's the Garden for you mama

says if folks can't do anything else

they'll cook you ain't neva live as

Tammy motions to the sofa y'all have a

seat mama and I sit down and daddy comes

back and joins us miss Tammy takes the

recliner that Miss Rosa usually sits in

she gives me a sad smile star you know

you sure have grown since the last time

I saw you you and Khalil both grew up so

her voice cracks mama reaches over and

Pat's her knee miss Tammy takes a deep

breath and Sun and smiles at me again

it's good to see you baby

we know miss Rosalie call and tell us

she find him

daddy says but how she really doing

we're taking one day at a time

the chemos working thankfully I hope I

couldn't convince her to move in with me

that way I can make sure she's getting

her prescriptions she sized through her

nose

I had no idea mama was struggling like

she was I didn't even know she lost her

job you know how she is never want to

ask for help what about Miss Brenda I

asked I have to Khaleel would've I don't

know Starr Bren that's complicated we

haven't seen her since we got the news

don't know where she is if we do find

her though I don't know what we'll do

I can help you find a rehab facility

near you mama says she's gonna walk

she's got a want to get clean though

miss Tammy nods and that's the problem

but I think I think this will either

push her to finally get help or push her

over the edge I hope it's the former

Camryn holds his grandma's hand as he

leads her into the living room like

she's the queen of the world in a

housecoat she looks thinner but strong

for somebody going through chemo and all

of this a scarf wrapped around her head

adds to her majesty an African Queen and

were blessed to be in her presence the

rest of us and Mama hugs Cameron and

kisses one of his chubby cheeks

Khalil called him chipmunk because of

that but he checked anybody stupid

enough to call his little brother fat

daddy gets camera mom palm slap that

ends in a hug what's up man you okay yes

sir a big wide smile spreads across miss

Rosa Lee's face she holds her arms out

and I walk into the most heartfelt hug

I've ever gotten from somebody who is

not related to me there's not any

sympathy in it either just love and

strength

I guess she knows I need some of both my

baby

she says she pulls back and looks at me

tears brimming in her eyes went and grew

up on me shiho's my parents to Miz Tammy

lets her have the recliner Miss Rose Lee

paths the end of the sofa closest to her

so I sit there she holds my hand and

rubs her thumb along the top of it

mmm she says mmm it's like my hand is

telling her story and she's responding

she listens to it for a while then says

I'm so glad you came over

I've been wanting to talk to you yes

ma'am I say what I'm supposed to you

were the very best friend that boy ever

had this time I can't say what I'm

supposed to miss Rosalie we weren't as

close I don't care baby she says khalil

never had another friend like you

I know that for a fact I swallow yes

ma'am

the police told me you were the one with

him when it happened so she knows yes

ma'am I'm standing on a track waiting

watching the train barrel toward me and

I tense up and wait for the impact the

moment she asked what happened but the

train shifts to another track maverick

he wanted to talk to you he wanted your

help

daddy straightens up for real uh-huh he

was selling that stuff something leaves

me I mean I kind of figured it out but

to know it's the truth this hurts but I

swear I wanna cuss Khalil out how could

he sell the very stuff that took his

momma from him did he realize that he

was taking somebody else's momma from

them did he did he realize that if he he

becomes a hashtag some people will only

see him as a drug dealer he was so much

more than that but he wanted to stop

miss Rose Lee says he told me grandma I

can't stay in this mr. maverick said it

only leads to two things the grave or

prison and I ain't trying to see either

he respected you maverick a lot you are

the only father you were the father he

never had I can't explain it but

something leaves daddy to his eyes dim

and he nods mama rubs his back I tried

to talk some sense into him Miss Rose

Lee says but this neighborhood makes

young men deaf to their elders

the money part didn't help he was going

around here paying bills buying sneakers

and mess but I know he remember the

things you told him over the years

maverick and that gave me a lot of faith

I keep thinking if only he had another

day or miss Rosalie covers her trembling

lips miss Tammy starts for her but she

says I'm okay Tam she looks at me I'm

happy he wasn't alone but I'm even

happier you were with him that's all I

need to know don't need details nothing

else knowing you were with him is good

enough like daddy all I can do is nod

but as I will kahlil's grandma's hand I

see the anguish in her eyes his little

brother can't smile anymore so what if

people end up thinking he if he was a

thug and never care we care Khalil

matters to us not the stuff he did

forget everybody else

mama leans across me and sets an

envelope and miss rosaries Rosalie's lap

we want you to have that miss Rosalie

opens it and I catch a glimpse of a

whole lot of money inside what in the

world y'all know I can't take this yes

you can daddy says we forgot how you

kept starring sacani for us we weren't

about to let you be empty-handed and we

know y'all are trying to pay for the

funeral mama says hopefully that'll help

plus we're raising money around the

neighborhood soon so you don't don't you

worry about a thing miss Rosalie why

it's a new set of tears from her eyes

I'm gonna pay y'all back every penny did

we say you had to pay us back daddy ass

you focus on getting better I and if you

give us any money we giving it right

back

God's my witness there are a lot more

tears and hugs I miss Rosalie gives me a

freeze cup for the road red syrup

glistening on the top she always makes

them extra sweet as we leave I remember

how khalili used to run up to the car

when I was about to go the sun's shining

on the grease lines that separated his

cornrows the glimmer in his eyes

right he'd knock in the window I'd let

it down and he'd say with a snaggletooth

grin see you later alligator back then

I'd giggle behind my own snaggle teeth

now I tear up goodbyes hurt the most

when the other person's already gone I

imagine him standing at my window and I

smile for his sake

after a while crocodile