Your Inner Magnificence | Bary Fleet | TEDxBryantU
Summary
TLDRThis motivational speech draws a parallel between rocks hiding inner beauty and individuals concealing their inner magnificence due to fear, criticism, or trauma. The speaker references Abraham Maslow’s theory of self-actualization, dividing people into three groups: those who have realized their potential, those who believe in their potential but have been beaten down, and those living in quiet desperation. Through personal anecdotes of overcoming self-doubt and achieving physical challenges, the speaker encourages the audience to recognize their magnificence and help others see theirs, ultimately leading to self-acceptance and fulfillment.
Takeaways
- 🌟 We all have an inner magnificence that can be uncovered, like a rock hiding beauty within.
- 🤔 There are three types of people: those who are self-actualized, those who believe they have potential but are held back by life experiences, and those who feel so beaten down that they can't see their own potential.
- 🧑🤝🧑 Many of us have built protective layers due to criticism, fear, and insecurity, covering up our true inner greatness.
- 😢 Childhood experiences, like being made fun of or laughed at, can lead us to hide our true feelings and diminish our confidence in ourselves.
- 🏅 Achieving something significant, like completing a triathlon or a Spartan event, can unlock the belief in one's own magnificence and capabilities.
- 💪 Having someone believe in us, like the speaker's coach, can inspire us to achieve things we never thought possible.
- 👀 Recognizing and seeing the magnificence in others is a powerful way to change lives and help people realize their potential.
- 🎯 Self-actualization is not about how others perceive us but about being the best version of ourselves and feeling good about who we are.
- 🤝 The speaker encourages the audience to look at each other and see their magnificence, reinforcing the idea that everyone has inner greatness.
- 📈 The journey to realizing our own magnificence can be difficult, but it is essential for personal growth and making a positive impact on the world.
Q & A
What is the main metaphor used in the script to describe human potential?
-The main metaphor used in the script is a rock that, when cut open, reveals a magnificent gem inside. This is used to illustrate the idea that each person has an 'inner magnificence' that may not be immediately apparent but is there waiting to be discovered and expressed.
Who are the three kinds of people mentioned in the script in relation to self-actualization?
-The three kinds of people mentioned are: 1) Those who are self-actualized and self-transcended, like historical figures such as Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, and Mother Teresa. 2) Those who want to believe in their inner magnificence but have been discouraged by negative experiences, causing them to hide their potential. 3) Those who have been so beaten down by life that they don't even consider the possibility of having inner magnificence.
What personal experiences from the speaker's life are shared to illustrate the concept of hidden magnificence?
-The speaker shares experiences from his childhood and adulthood, such as being the smallest kid in school, being made fun of for his enthusiasm for learning, and being laughed at during a school assembly for giving an earnest but misunderstood answer. These experiences led him to hide his true feelings and thoughts, illustrating how one's magnificence can be obscured by life's challenges.
How does the speaker describe the process of building protective layers in response to negative experiences?
-The speaker describes the process of building protective layers as a series of reactions to negative experiences such as being made fun of, criticized, or feeling defective. Each negative experience leads to the creation of another layer of protection, which over time hides the person's true, magnificent self from the world.
What significant event in the speaker's childhood had a lasting impact on his self-perception?
-The significant event was when the speaker, as a six-year-old, witnessed his school burning down. He felt a deep sense of loss and cried, which led to older kids mocking him. This event taught him a lesson to hide his true feelings to avoid being laughed at, which affected his self-perception and behavior for much of his life.
What role did the gym owner Heather play in the speaker's journey towards realizing his magnificence?
-Heather played a pivotal role as a trainer and believer in the speaker's potential. She recognized his magnificence, had a plan for him to participate in Spartan events, and trained him to achieve it. Her belief in him and her plan gave him the confidence and direction to push past his self-doubt and achieve something he initially thought was impossible.
What was the speaker's initial reaction to the idea of participating in a Spartan event?
-The speaker initially cringed at the idea of participating in a Spartan event and wanted to say no. He was intimidated by the thought of the physical challenge and his age compared to other participants.
How did the speaker's perspective on himself change after completing the Spartan Beast event?
-After completing the Spartan Beast, the speaker cried tears of exhaustion and joy, feeling overwhelmed with pride for what he had accomplished. He realized that it wasn't about what others thought or how he compared to others, but about being the best version of himself.
What is the speaker's invitation to those who consider themselves self-actualized and self-transcendent?
-The speaker invites those who consider themselves self-actualized and self-transcendent to make a point of seeing the magnificence in every person they meet, as doing so can change their lives.
What final activity does the speaker ask the audience to participate in to conclude his talk?
-The speaker asks the audience to turn to the people next to them, look into their eyes, and see their magnificence, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and acknowledging the inner greatness in others.
Outlines
🔍 Discovering Inner Magnificence
The speaker begins by using the metaphor of a rock to illustrate the concept of hidden potential. They explain that just as a rock holds beauty and value within, each person possesses an inner magnificence. The speaker connects this idea to Abraham Maslow's personality theory, which focuses on self-actualization and transcendence. They identify three types of people: those who have achieved self-actualization like historical figures, those who believe in their potential but have been held back by negative experiences, and those who have been so beaten down by life that they cannot see their potential. The speaker invites the audience to recognize and embrace their inner magnificence and shares personal stories to inspire the realization of one's true potential.
🏫 Childhood Experiences and Lessons
The speaker recounts childhood experiences that shaped their understanding of self-worth and expression. They remember being physically small and less athletic than peers, leading to feelings of inadequacy. A pivotal moment was when their school caught fire, and they felt a deep sense of loss, which was met with laughter from older children. This incident led to a decision to hide their true feelings to avoid ridicule. Another experience involved a school assembly where the speaker, despite giving a correct answer, was mocked, leading to a resolve to keep thoughts to themselves. These experiences contributed to a protective shell that concealed their inner magnificence.
🏊♂️ Embracing Challenges and Growth
In their later years, the speaker stumbled upon an advertisement for a triathlon, which sparked a desire to challenge themselves. Despite initial panic and self-doubt during training, they completed the sprint triathlon, marking a significant personal achievement. This success led to an interest in Spartan events, which are known for their grueling physical challenges. With the encouragement and training from a friend, the speaker overcame fears and completed the Spartan Beast, an experience that left them feeling proud and accomplished. This narrative underscores the transformative power of believing in oneself and the support of others in realizing one's capabilities.
🤝 The Power of Recognition and Support
The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of recognizing and supporting the potential in others. They reflect on how the belief and guidance of their friend, Heather, played a crucial role in their achievements. The speaker encourages the audience to see the magnificence in everyone they meet and to seek help in realizing their own potential. The talk ends with an interactive exercise where the audience is asked to look into each other's eyes and acknowledge the inner magnificence, highlighting the theme that recognizing and believing in oneself and others can lead to a profound sense of self-worth and fulfillment.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Magnificence
💡Self-Actualization
💡Self-Transcendence
💡Layers of Protection
💡Fear and Insecurity
💡Metaphor of the Rock
💡Quiet Desperation
💡Panic Attack
💡Belief in Others
💡Transformation
Highlights
The metaphor of a rock being cut to reveal inner magnificence symbolizes the potential for greatness within each individual.
Abraham Maslow's personality theory suggests that everyone has the capacity for self-actualization and self-transcendence.
There are three types of people: those who are self-actualized, those who desire to believe in their potential but have been held back by negative experiences, and those who have been so beaten down they don't believe in their potential.
The speaker's personal experiences of being underestimated and ridiculed led to a belief that one's true potential can be hidden behind layers of protection built up due to negative experiences.
The importance of recognizing and acknowledging one's own magnificence is emphasized as a key to personal growth and fulfillment.
The speaker shares a childhood memory of a school fire that led to a decision to hide true feelings to avoid being laughed at.
A humiliating experience in a school assembly about the difference between a fiddle and a violin reinforced the speaker's decision to hide their true thoughts.
The concept of building layers of protection due to fear, anxiety, and insecurity is discussed as a barrier to expressing one's true self.
The speaker's late-in-life realization of their own magnificence through participating in a triathlon and Spartan races is shared as a turning point in their self-perception.
The role of a supportive mentor, like Heather, in helping the speaker overcome self-doubt and achieve personal goals is highlighted.
The speaker's completion of the Spartan Beast race at an older age serves as a powerful example of overcoming self-doubt and achieving personal greatness.
The invitation for the audience to see the magnificence in others and the impact it can have on their lives is extended.
The speaker encourages those who recognize their magnificence to help others realize theirs, creating a positive cycle of personal growth.
The act of looking into someone's eyes and seeing their magnificence is proposed as a powerful exercise for personal connection and self-discovery.
The promise that realizing one's magnificence leads to feeling good about being oneself is a central message of the speech.
Transcripts
so what do you see it's a rock it's a
rock but somebody that knows about rocks
knew that there was more to this and
they cut into it and they saw this but
their curiosity didn't stop there
they cut it again and they saw this a
magnificence now I don't know a lot
about rocks but I know about people and
I am convinced that this is a wonderful
metaphor for each one of us that inside
each one of us there is an inner
magnificence I think that that was what
was behind Abraham Maslow's personality
theory about how to get that
magnificence to self-actualize to self
transcend in working with people through
the years I realized there are three
kinds of people they're the people that
Abraham Maslow was thinking about when
he created his model of personality
these are the people that are self
actualized self transcended
people like Gandhi people like Abraham
Lincoln people like Mother Teresa where
they're living from that place they're
expressing that place and it's
noticeable it's recognizable so I'm
curious if Abraham Maslow were alive and
we're here today if you are one of those
people that you think he would look to
and say yep I want to pick you and I
want to pick you to base my personality
theory on raise your hands okay I just
want to be sure I had the right audience
here
the second group of people are those of
us that want to believe this about
ourselves we want to believe that
there's something magnificent in us but
we've been put down we've been made fun
of we've been criticized we've been told
we're wrong all kinds of negative
experiences and we've covered up our
magnificence and instead of the world
seeing our magnificent miss they see our
rockness then there's a third type of
people and these are the people that
have been so beaten down and beaten up
by life they've had so much trauma that
this isn't even a possibility in their
minds and these are people that are
living lives of quiet desperation I'm
not going to ask any of you to raise
your hand but if that applies to you you
know who I'm talking to
I'm gonna tell you a couple of stories
about me and from that I hope that you
will realize why I am so passionate
about helping others you realize your
magnificence and by realize it I mean
two things one is I want you to know
what's there at least have the
intellectual idea that somewhere in me
is something magnificent and the second
part of that is to realize it make it
real make it in the world so the world
sees it and you're magnificent makes a
difference in the world
I've always been small I started school
a year early intellectually ready
physically a year behind I was the kid
that at recess when the self-appointed
captains were choosing up teams they
would argue over who had to take me on
their team when I was in Little League
oh that's really not fair I wasn't good
enough for a little league I was in the
minor leagues of the little leagues
and I was that kid they put out in right
field and everybody but me hope the ball
would never get to me I love school even
in first grade I was offended if the
teacher didn't assign homework because I
knew that's the way you learn you'll
learn by doing homework and so if the
teacher didn't assign homework I would
go home and I would sit in front of my
little chalkboard and I would make up
homework for me to do October of 2nd
grade our family had just sat down for
supper heard the town fire alarm go off
it was a really small community we
didn't have any professional
firefighters and the way it worked was
as soon as somebody knew there was a
fire they sounded the siren and whatever
able-body men were in town would rally
around and go get the one little
firetruck that we had and go fight the
fire
well what little six-year-old boy
doesn't like sirens and fire trucks so
as soon as I heard it I jumped up from
the table I ran outside and I looked
down the street to see if I could see
the fire truck and in just a moment I
did I watched it cross our street and I
knew the only place it could be going
was the school I ran back inside I
yelled at my parents the schools on fire
ran outside cross the street through the
neighbor's backyard over the fence onto
the hillside I goddess as close to the
school fire as I felt safe getting I
could feel the heat I could see the men
from the town I could see the fire truck
and it didn't take me long to realize
the fire was way too big and the
resources of the town weren't gonna be
enough and the fire was gonna win and as
that was sinking into me some of the big
kids now that's the third and fourth
graders came up to me and they said
Barry why are you crying
well I hadn't realized that I was crying
but
there were these quiet tears that were
coming down my cheeks and I looked at
them with great sincerity and I said
we're not gonna have school tomorrow
yeah that's what they did to kind of
laughed and I made a decision that day
don't tell people what you really feel
because if you do they'll laugh at you
skip to 5th grade middle school assembly
fifth sixth and seventh grade all
gathered in the gym I walked in looked
on the stage and there were all of the
instruments of the orchestra music
appreciation I was so excited I loved
music I couldn't wait for this assembly
over the course of the presentation the
man that was conducting the presentation
asked a question he said do any of you
know the difference between a fiddle and
a violin any of you know the difference
well I did I raised my hand I don't
think the guy expected anybody to do
that but when he saw my hand he called
on me so very proudly I stood up and in
my head I'm thinking bass fiddle violin
and so this little fifth grader did an
impromptu comparison and contrast speech
on the difference between a bass fiddle
and a violin and very proudly I sat down
and the guy that was running the
assembly made fun of my answer and the
whole school assembly laughed at me my
answer wasn't wrong it just was it what
he was looking for what he was looking
for was if we play country in western
music we call it a fiddle if we play
classical music we call it a violin it's
the same thing it just depends on the
kind of music what we call it but I made
a second decision that day don't tell
anybody what you really think because if
you do they'll laugh at you
and so I went through most of my life
thinking there was something wrong with
me
there was something defective in me
there was something deficient in me
there was something that wasn't normal
in me here's how it works
we're born and at our birth we are
magnificent parents proud parents look
at that infant and they see maybe the
most special person in the whole world
and then as we go through life things
happen to us people make fun of us and
we build a layer of protection people
laugh at us and we build another layer
of protection people criticize us and we
put another layer of protection and
inside each one of these layers is fear
anxiety insecurity and this is what we
show the world and this is what we hide
the part of us that is the best of us
because somehow as little kids we think
that that's very tender and as little
kids it is so fast-forward again I'm in
my late 60's scrolling through Facebook
one day and I see a facebook ad for the
ohmygod 'red sprint an Olympic triathlon
and something caught my attention about
that and I investigated a little bit and
I saw that a sprint triathlon a quarter
of a mile of open water swim 12 mile
bike ride 5k trail run I'm thinking I
know how to swim I've got a bike I got a
pair of sneakers
this is possible for me in retrospect I
think this was my magnificence trying to
get out and that's what caught my
attention so I signed up for the
triathlon and I signed up for the
clinics to prepare for the triathlon I
had my first ever full-fledged panic
attack at the open water swim clinic I
had already noticed that I was by far
the oldest person that was in the
clinics the irony was if I had stopped
stand up I could have stood up in the
water but I was so over my head
psychologically emotionally that I
panicked in the midst of my panic attack
the coach got in my face and she said
Barry you know how to swim you're a
triathlete now do this Wow me a
triathlete so far from this kid that
nobody even won on their team but it
clicked and so I did the triathlon I
didn't set any records except that day I
was the oldest person to finish but I
came home with a medal saying I am a
triathlete I felt pretty good about me
so as I was kind of basking in that I'd
seen some Spartan events on television
just little clips and my wife and I once
or twice a week we were going to this
little gym in Warwick that was a cardio
kickboxing gym and Heather the owner of
the gym I knew had done some Spartan
events for those of you that aren't
familiar with Spartan events there are
three categories based on various
distances and you run over very
challenging terrain and you encounter
ridiculous obstacles along the way
so I went to Heather because I knew that
she had done Spartans and I had great
respect for her and her ability as a
trainer and I said Heather you've known
me a little bit do you think it would be
possible that I could ever do a Spartan
event and she looked at me and her face
lit up and she said not only can you
you're going to and here's the plan in
April you're gonna do the Beast in
August you're gonna do the super and
you're gonna celebrate your 70th
birthday at Fenway Park
completing the Spartan trifecta and
everything in me cringed and I wanted to
say no no you don't understand I wasn't
actually thinking about doing it I was
just thinking about do you think it
would be possible she said Barry I'm
gonna train you and you stick with me
and you're gonna do this the night
before the Beast I had my second panic
attack there were I don't know eight or
ten or twelve of us in the condo and
there were about 40 from our gym that
we're doing this beast I was twice the
age of most of them and I'm thinking
they are younger than I am by decades
they are stronger than I am
they are faster than I am what was I
thinking don't remember much about that
night but I remember the next day I
remember the Beast
it was between 16 and 17 miles of very
challenging terrain over 5,000 feet of
vertical climb 35 ridiculous obstacles
along the way and when I jumped the fire
at the finish line I went off by myself
and I cried like a baby there were tears
of exhaustion tears of joy just
overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings
what made the difference between this
boy that didn't feel very good about
himself and this man who felt incredibly
proud about what he had accomplished
that day I knew it wasn't about what
anybody else thought I knew it wasn't
about how I compared to anybody else I
knew it was about me being the best me
so what makes the difference is I was
fortunate to have somebody that looked
at me and they saw this they saw inside
to something that I didn't see and
Heather had a plan and I did it not
because I believed in me but because I
believed in Heather and Heather believed
in me so if there was anybody here that
did raise your hand and said yes I am
self actualized I am self-transcendent I
am a model for Maslow kudos to you and
here's my invitation make it a point to
see the magnificence in everybody that
you meet it will change their lives and
if you're more like me I want you to
realize your magnificence and if you
need to get somebody to help you do that
don't hesitate to ask so what I'd like
to have you do right now is I want you
to turn to the person next to you and I
want you to look at them and I want you
to look in their eyes and I want you to
see their magnificence you just go ahead
okay
now now I want you to turn I want you to
turn to the person on the other side or
behind you and see their magnificence
and what I want you to realize what I
want you to realize what I want you to
realize is that two people just looked
at you and saw your magnificence and I'm
here to say the extent to which we
realize our magnificence it's the extent
to which we will be able to say I feel
good about being me and that's a promise
thank you
[Applause]
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