How to lead your woman: lessons from the front

Summary

Dr. Orion terban discusses the art of leading in a sexual relationship with confidence and respect. He emphasizes the importance of male competence and understanding one's partner to effectively lead without resorting to authority-based demands. Drawing military analogies, he advises men to become leaders worth following, avoid 'pulling rank,' and to issue commands that are both feasible and timely, fostering a relationship built on mutual growth and respect.

Takeaways

• 🚀 Men should lead their relationships with confidence and respect, based on competence rather than authority.
• 💡 Women may find it challenging to follow a man's lead due to societal misconceptions about submission to male authority.
• 🌟 Men must strive to be more competent than their partners to justify their leadership role in the relationship.
• 🏆 The best leaders are those who are worth following, and this drives self-improvement and merit-based leadership.
• 🛑 Avoid 'pulling rank' in relationships, as it can lead to resentment and a lack of genuine loyalty or respect.
• 🤔 Men should not insist on leadership based solely on gender but should provide reasons for their leadership that are beneficial to the relationship.
• 📚 Understanding the audience is crucial; leaders must know the capabilities and limitations of those they are leading.
• 🏋️‍♂️ Men should act as good coaches, encouraging their partners to grow and succeed without overstepping their abilities.
• 🚫 Never give an order that cannot be followed or will not be obeyed, as this undermines the leader's credibility and respect.
• 🛡️ Good leaders know when to push and when to give rest and rewards, avoiding power struggles that degrade the relationship.
• 🔍 The selection of a partner is key to a successful relationship; finding someone who naturally aligns with your desires is more effective than trying to change them.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Orion terban's talk?

The main topic of Dr. Orion terban's talk is how to lead a woman in a sexual relationship based on his personal and professional experience.

Why does Dr. terban believe that men should be more competent than women in a relationship?

Dr. terban believes that men should be more competent to justify their leadership in a relationship, as it sets a standard for self-improvement and provides a legitimate basis for leadership.

What does Dr. terban consider as the equivalent of 'pulling rank' in sexual relationships?

In sexual relationships, the equivalent of 'pulling rank' is insisting that women should follow men just because they are men, which Dr. terban argues is not a valid reason for obedience.

What is the importance of understanding one's audience according to the military context mentioned by Dr. terban?

Understanding one's audience in a military context is crucial to never give an order that cannot or will not be obeyed, ensuring effective leadership and avoiding unnecessary conflict.

How does Dr. terban suggest men should approach leading their women without resorting to 'pulling rank'?

Dr. terban suggests that men should become men worth following by being competent and understanding their partner's abilities and circumstances, thus earning their loyalty and cooperation.

What is the title of Dr. terban's book, and what does it cover?

The title of Dr. terban's book is 'The Value of Others.' It delves into his economic model of relationships, explains the behavior of men and women in mating and dating, and provides actionable advice on getting and keeping more of what one wants in the sexual marketplace.

What does Dr. terban mean by 'a good order must be within the realm of possibility'?

Dr. terban means that when giving orders or making requests, one must consider the abilities and circumstances of the person involved to ensure that the order is achievable and reasonable.

Why does Dr. terban advise against getting into a power struggle with a woman in a romantic relationship?

Dr. terban advises against power struggles because unlike in a military context, there is no capacity to execute punishment in a consensual romantic relationship, and resorting to emotional manipulation can degrade the relationship's quality.

What is the key to finding a successful relationship according to Dr. terban's perspective in his book?

According to Dr. terban, the key to a successful relationship is selection—finding a partner who enthusiastically wants to do what you want them to do, which may require improving one's own value proposition.

How can one benefit from Dr. terban's advice on leading women in relationships?

One can benefit from Dr. terban's advice by understanding the importance of competence and empathy in leadership, learning to give orders that are reasonable and achievable, and ultimately fostering a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.

Outlines

00:00

🚀 Leading with Competence and Respect

Dr. Orion terban introduces the topic of male leadership in sexual relationships, emphasizing the importance of confidence and respect. He argues that while women may fear male authority, it is often in their best interest to follow a man's lead. To effectively lead, men must develop competence and self-improvement, striving to be slightly better in every aspect to justify their leadership. Dr. terban advises against relying on traditional authority, comparing it to 'pulling rank' in the military, which can lead to resentment. Instead, he promotes the idea of becoming a leader worth following through merit and self-development.

05:01

📘 Understanding and Leading with Insight

In the second paragraph, Dr. terban discusses the necessity for men to understand their 'audience' when leading their partners. He uses military analogies to stress the importance of not giving orders that cannot or will not be followed. Men should understand their partner's abilities and limitations, acting as a good coach who encourages growth and success. Dr. terban warns against becoming a 'slave driver' and emphasizes the importance of knowing when to push and when to give rest and rewards. He advises against power struggles in relationships and suggests finding a partner who naturally aligns with one's desires, rather than trying to force compliance.

10:02

🌟 Encouraging Growth and Sharing Wisdom

The final paragraph serves as a call to action for viewers to reflect on the content and share it with others who might benefit. Dr. terban invites feedback in the comments and encourages the sharing of the episode to help grow the channel. He also offers opportunities for viewers to join his free weekly newsletter or book a paid consultation through his website. The paragraph concludes with a note of appreciation for the support and an invitation to engage with the channel further.

Keywords

💡Leadership

Leadership in the context of the video refers to the ability of a man to guide and influence his partner in a relationship. It is central to the video's theme, which emphasizes the importance of men being confident and respectful leaders. The script discusses how leadership is earned through competence and understanding, rather than asserted through authority or force.

💡Sexual Relationships

Sexual relationships are the focus of the video, where the dynamics between men and women are explored. The term is used to discuss how these relationships can thrive when men take on a leadership role, but it also touches on the complexities of modern relationships where traditional roles are being questioned and redefined.

💡Competence

Competence is highlighted as a prerequisite for effective leadership. In the video, it is mentioned that men should be more competent than their partners to justify their leadership role. This concept is used to illustrate the need for continuous self-improvement and the ability to lead by example.

💡Authority

Authority in the script is contrasted with leadership. It refers to the power or right to give orders, make decisions, or enforce obedience. The video criticizes the reliance on authority alone to lead, suggesting that true leadership comes from merit and the voluntary respect of followers, not from ascribed positions.

💡Self-Development

Self-development is portrayed as essential for anyone aspiring to be a leader. The video encourages men to improve themselves to become 'men worth following,' which aligns with the idea that leadership is not just about commanding but also about inspiring and motivating others to grow.

💡Tact

Tact is the diplomatic approach or skill in dealing with sensitive issues. The video mentions the need for men to approach leadership with tact to alleviate anxieties that may arise from traditional gender roles, suggesting that sensitivity and understanding are crucial in navigating modern relationships.

💡Merit

Merit is the quality of being particularly good or worthy, especially so as to deserve praise or reward. In the video, merit is presented as the legitimate basis for leadership, where a man's leadership is justified by his ability to be slightly ahead or better in various aspects, thus earning the right to lead.

💡Pulling Rank

Pulling rank is a military analogy used in the video to describe the act of reminding someone of one's higher rank to enforce obedience. It is criticized as a sign of weak leadership, as it can lead to resentment and is ineffective in gaining genuine loyalty or respect.

💡Coaching

Coaching is used as a metaphor for effective leadership in relationships. The video suggests that a good leader, like a good coach, understands the capabilities of the person they are leading and encourages them to exceed their past achievements, fostering growth and success.

💡Selection

Selection is the process of choosing or being chosen for a particular purpose. The video emphasizes the importance of selecting the right partner in a relationship, suggesting that finding someone who naturally aligns with one's desires and expectations is key to a successful relationship dynamic.

💡Integrity

Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. The video touches on the importance of maintaining integrity in relationships, criticizing the use of emotional manipulation as a means to enforce one's will, which degrades the quality of the relationship.

Highlights

Leading a relationship requires confidence and respect.

Sexual relationships thrive when the man leads with merit.

Women may fear male authority, but it can be beneficial for them to follow.

Men must approach leadership with knowledge and tact to alleviate anxieties.

Men should aim to be more competent to justify their leadership.

Healthy competition can raise the bar for male leadership.

Leadership is earned by being slightly better in various aspects.

Avoid 'pulling rank' by not reminding of authority without merit.

Insisting on obedience based on gender is not a legitimate form of leadership.

Leadership should be based on necessity, prudence, or wisdom.

The author's book 'The Value of Others' offers deep insights into relationships.

Understanding the audience is crucial for effective leadership.

Leaders should not give orders that cannot or will not be followed.

Good leadership involves knowing when to push and when to rest.

Avoid power struggles and seek mutual benefit in relationships.

Leadership is about capturing hearts and minds, not enforcing obedience.

The importance of selection in finding a compatible partner.

The necessity of self-improvement to increase one's value proposition.

Encouraging men to lead by being competent and understanding their partner's capabilities.

Transcripts

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psycha

Better Living Through psychology and the

topic of today's short talk is how to

lead your woman at this point in my life

based on both my personal and

professional experience I can state with

a high degree of conviction that sexual

relationships between men and women tend

to thrive when the man is confidently

and respectfully leading the

relationship that said in today's day

and age it can be difficult for many

women to follow follow this is because

they believe that if a man leads they

will need to submit to male Authority

and while this isn't entirely untrue it

is invested with a fear that may not be

wholly justified in many cases it may

even be in the woman's best interests to

follow however the men in question need

to approach this with sufficient

knowledge and tact in order to allay

their anxieties in today's episode I'll

be speaking to Men on how to do just

that there are two things that men have

to do in order to lead their women and

since leadership is so important and

obvious in a military context I'll be

making a number of analogies to that

discipline in this talk to explain these

core principles first and foremost men

if you want to lead your woman you have

to be more competent than she is like

you have to be the better leader or else

why the are you in that role and

this is actually no small thing as there

are many very competent and capable

women out there as women continue to

develop their own competencies the bar

is constantly being raised for male

leadership good like a little healthy

competition never hurt anyone ladies I

want you at your best because as far as

you can go I can go further as high as

you can climb I can go higher and as

good as you can

I can be better if you're tough I'll be

tougher if you're brave I'll be braver

if you're kind I'll be kinder like I

will justify my leadership by being at

the very least just a little bit ahead

of you and the better you are the more

powerful the go for my own

self-development which is wonderful

really like I wouldn't be the man I am

today without your often ruthless

discrimination and this in my opinion is

the only legitimate basis of any

leadership Merit so the best way to get

a woman to accept your leadership men is

to become men worth

following because in the absence of that

how do those without Merit attempt to

secure obedience by reminding others of

their place of authority in the military

this is called pulling rank which is

when you remind someone beneath you in

the chain of command that you're their

Superior officer and they have a duty to

obey you like no Commander actually

wants to have to do that because if he

has to resort to that tactic it means

that he has lost the hearts and minds of

his soldiers who no longer see him as a

leader and follow him out of loyalty why

would you need to remind your

subordinates that you're their Superior

like why would they have

forgotten what's more pulling rank

generally just increases resentment in

your

subordinates now the equivalent to

pulling rank in sexual relationships is

insisting that women should follow you

just because you're a man this is

arguing that women have some kind of

moral obligation to obbey you because

you have a dick my dudes they do not

have such a moral obligation like that

only works in some very specific

religious traditions and both parties

need to be consenting participants in

that tradition for that to work it also

begs the question why would you need to

remind your woman that you're the man

like why would she have

forgotten insisting that women should

obey you just because you're a man is

kind of like I don't know a medical

doctor insisting that everyone should

uncritically follow his advice because

he's an authority like that I'm not

an idiot give me a reason to obey you

show me that your leadership is

necessary or prudent or wise and I will

follow

enthusiastically if the only argument

you can give is your ascribed position

then it's probably best that you remain

quiet for the time being work on

capturing hearts and minds and you will

never have to remind people of whatever

Authority has been ascribed to you

because at that point your Authority has

actually become very tenuous so that's

the first

thing if you appreciate the insights on

this channel I would highly encourage

you to get your hands on a copy of my

book the value of others over the course

of 432 pages I delve deep into my

economic model of relationships and

explain the behavior of both men and

women in the game of mating and dating I

also provide a lot of actionable advice

on how to get and keep more of what you

want in the sexual Marketplace once you

read the value of others you'll never

look at relationships the same way again

now available in ebook audiobook and

paperback formats the links are in the

description the second thing that's

important for men to appreciate with

respect to leading their women is the

necessity of understanding Their

audience in a military context this

means never giving an order that either

cannot or will not be obeyed follow that

rule and you will never have a problem

with obedience

ever now there's obviously two parts to

that so let's break it down the first

part is to never give an order that

can't be followed this is really

important officers need to understand

the skill sets the talents and the

liabilities of those under their command

why tell the Gunner to patch up the

wounded or order the medic to pick up

the machine gun like in the absence of

dire necessity that's a very stupid idea

the person you are commanding literally

might not be able to do the thing you

are commanding them to do and becoming

more forceful in your commands isn't

going to change that with respect to

sexual relationships the Trap here is to

think that your woman should be able to

do this like what's your proof of that

on some level when leading a woman you

have to act like a good coach a good

coach deeply understands the skill level

of those he coaches and he encourages

them to go just a little bit further

than what they've shown themselves to be

capable of in the past the total scope

of what can be achieved is not bounded

by what has already been accomplished it

also stretches a little bit past that

and this is why people benefit from good

coaches they help them grow and succeed

at higher levels and when a coach helps

bring out the best in us we are very

grateful for that coach's presence in

our lives we follow them less because

they're the the coach and more because

following them has proven to be

beneficial to us so a good order must be

within the realm of possibility given an

accurate understanding of the abilities

of the person in

question and the second part of this

piece of advice is to never give an

order that won't be followed and this

really has to do with understanding the

current circumstances you're passing

through like a good coach knows when to

push his athletes it's not really for

the athletes to decide it's for the

coach to decide and the coach also knows

when to give his athletes deep rest

after that kind of activity a bad leader

is a slave driver who just whips and

whips and whips to ensure that his

commands are followed a good leader

knows when to give rests and rewards and

praise the leader who doesn't is a

tyrant and a tyrant will grow to be

hated if possible you never want to get

into a power struggle with your woman

this is because you don't have any real

recourse like in the military at the end

of the day you have the capacity to

execute a punishment on insubordinate

who decide they will not follow an order

and have become disobedient however in a

voluntary consensual at will romantic

relationship you can't really do that in

fact you can really only do that in

romantic relationships through emotional

manipulation which people do all the

time but which I think lacks in

integrity and ultimately degrades the

quality of the

relationship in my opinion it's better

not to ask a woman for anything she's

not willing to do and if you think Orion

well why the would I be in a

relationship if she's not willing to do

the thing that I want her to do and I

would answer yeah why the would you

be in that relationship my dude go out

and find someone who wants to do the

thing you want them to do like that's

the secret as I say in my book

90% of a successful relationship is

selection find the woman who

enthusiastically wants to do what you

want her to do trust me she's out there

though you may have to improve your

value proposition to find her and you

may be able to find her in today's day

and age though you will still need to

sift through a lot of chaff to discover

her and there it is gentlemen to lead

your woman you need to be more competent

than she is and you need to learn how to

give orders that neither cannot nor will

not be

disobeyed good luck out there soldiers

what do you think does this fit with

your own experience let me know in the

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thank you for listening