How social media makes us unsocial | Allison Graham | TEDxSMU

Summary

The speaker addresses the disconnection caused by social media, highlighting a decrease in close friendships and the constant distraction of smartphones. They discuss the risks of texting while driving, the impact on our vocabulary, and the pressure to present a perfect life online. The talk concludes with a call to action for a screen-free challenge, urging people to make human connections and engage in real-life experiences.

Takeaways

• 📵 Social media is causing us to disconnect from real-life interactions and relationships, with people increasingly preferring online communication over face-to-face conversations.
• 📉 A significant decrease in the number of close friends reported by Americans from 10 in 2001 to 2 in the present day suggests a shift in social dynamics due to technology.
• 👥 The speaker observes families and couples using their phones even when together, indicating a preference for online interactions over being present with loved ones.
• 📱 The average person checks their phone 150 times a day, highlighting the pervasiveness of technology in our daily lives.
• 📸 The immense number of photos uploaded to social media platforms like Facebook reflects a culture of constant sharing and seeking validation through likes and comments.
• 💬 The use of text messaging and social media shorthand can lead to a loss of rich vocabulary and the ability to express nuanced thoughts and emotions.
• 🚗 Texting while driving is identified as the leading cause of death among teens, emphasizing the dangers of being distracted by technology while operating vehicles.
• 🏖 People often feel compelled to check work emails even during vacations, reflecting the expectation of constant availability and the difficulty of disconnecting from work.
• 🤳 The rise of the 'selfie' culture and the various contexts in which they are taken, from parties to funerals, shows a focus on self-presentation and seeking online approval.
• 🏆 The emotional impact of social media, such as jealousy over the number of likes received, affects self-esteem and can lead to negative behaviors like deleting posts for more attention.
• 🌈 The speaker calls for a return to more authentic human connections and experiences, suggesting a screen-free challenge to encourage people to look up from their devices and engage with the world around them.

Q & A

What is the speaker's request at the beginning of the talk?

The speaker asks everyone to power down their devices during the talk and points out the location of the power buttons on phones.

Why does the speaker want to post about the coffee but is struggling to find a funny way to say it?

The speaker is looking for a humorous angle to make the social media post engaging and entertaining for their audience.

What is the issue with the speaker's Facebook post being 'like a page long'?

The speaker is concerned about the length of the post and is looking for a way to shorten it without losing the message.

What does the speaker suggest to shorten the Facebook post?

The speaker humorously suggests removing all the vowels from the post to make it shorter.

What is the main topic the speaker wants to discuss in the talk?

The speaker wants to discuss how social media is disconnecting people from real-life interactions and relationships.

According to the Gallup poll mentioned, what change has occurred in the number of close friends Americans have?

The Gallup poll showed a decrease from an average of 10 close friends in 2001 to just two in the current year.

What does the speaker attribute the decrease in close friendships to?

The speaker attributes the decrease to the rise of technology and social media, which has led to more virtual than real-life interactions.

What is the average number of times people check their phones according to the study by Mary Meeker?

According to Mary Meeker's study, people touch or check their phones 150 times a day.

What is the speaker's concern regarding the use of abbreviations in communication?

The speaker is concerned that the use of abbreviations may lead to a loss of nuances, subtleties, and the richness of the American vocabulary, affecting our ability to express ourselves fully.

What is the new study from Cohen Children's Medical Center in New Hyde Park highlighting?

The study highlights that texting while driving has become the number one cause of death for teens, surpassing even drinking and driving.

What is the speaker's advice regarding the use of technology while driving?

The speaker advises against using technology while driving, emphasizing that no text message is worth the risk and that messages can wait until one reaches their destination.

What is the impact of social media on the way people present their lives?

Social media impacts the way people present their lives by often promoting an idealized version, focusing on positive aspects and avoiding negative or ordinary experiences.

What does the speaker suggest as an alternative to the constant use of social media?

The speaker suggests taking a screen-free challenge, unplugging for one hour a day, and focusing on real-life interactions and experiences.

What is the speaker's final call to action for the audience?

The speaker's final call to action is for everyone to take a screen-free challenge, to unplug for an hour a day, and to prioritize face-to-face interactions and human connections.

Outlines

00:00

📵 The Impact of Social Media on Human Connection

The speaker begins by requesting the audience to power down their devices during the talk, highlighting the importance of being present. They express gratitude to state.com for permission to use the video and humorously discuss the challenge of posting on social media. The speaker then delves into the disconnection caused by social media, citing a Gallup poll that shows a decrease in the number of close friends from 10 to 2 over the years. They describe common scenarios of people being on their phones during social gatherings and the implications of this behavior. A study by Mary Meeker is mentioned, which states that people check their phones 150 times a day and upload 1.8 billion pictures to Facebook. The speaker reflects on the early days of the internet and the simplicity of communication before the advent of smartphones, emphasizing the risk society is running by becoming increasingly dependent on technology and the potential loss of rich communication.

05:01

🚗 The Dangers of Distracted Driving and the Pressure of Constant Connectivity

The speaker discusses the phenomenon of 'phone shame' when transitioning from a Blackberry to an iPhone, illustrating the societal pressure to conform to technological trends. They mention a study by Cohen Children's Medical Center that identifies texting while driving as the leading cause of death among teens, surpassing even drunk driving. The speaker emphasizes the risks of even brief distractions while driving, using the example of driving 55 miles per hour and looking at a phone for 5 seconds, which equates to driving the length of a football field blind. They also touch on the constant connection and distraction faced by adults in the workplace and the impact this has on children who observe and emulate this behavior. The speaker critiques the presentation of idealized lives on social media, where people often only share positive aspects, and the resulting emotional turmoil caused by the pursuit of likes and validation.

10:02

🤳 The Selfie Culture and the Need for Human Connection

The speaker critiques the selfie culture, describing it as a sad invention that reflects a society increasingly focused on self-image and online validation. They humorously recount various types of selfies, including the 'bathroom selfie' and the 'Oscar selfie,' highlighting the absurdity of some of these practices. The speaker also mentions the darker side of social media, such as the 'funeral selfie,' which can be seen as disrespectful. They advocate for a return to more authentic human interactions, suggesting a 'screen-free challenge' where people unplug for an hour a day. The speaker calls for a change in behavior, starting with ourselves, to create positive face-to-face communities and to value human interaction as essential as breathing. They conclude by encouraging the audience to look up from their screens and make genuine connections with those around them.

Keywords

💡Social Media

Social media refers to digital platforms that allow users to create and share content or participate in social networking. In the video, it is discussed as a factor that disconnects people from real-life interactions, with examples given of how it has reduced the number of close friends and increased the reliance on digital communication over face-to-face conversations.

💡Disconnection

Disconnection in this context means the lack of real, meaningful connection between people due to the overuse of digital devices and platforms. The speaker mentions a Gallup poll showing a decrease in the number of close friends, indicating a trend of disconnection in society.

💡Technology

Technology here refers to the advancements in communication devices and platforms that have transformed how we interact. The video discusses the impact of technology on personal relationships and the potential risks it poses to our social skills and vocabulary.

💡Vocabulary

Vocabulary in the script is used to describe the breadth of words and expressions available in a language. The speaker argues that the reliance on texting and social media has led to a shortened vocabulary, which may result in the loss of nuances and the ability to express oneself fully.

💡Multitasking

Multitasking is the act of performing multiple tasks at the same time. The video script mentions multitasking in a humorous context, highlighting the absurdity of trying to do multiple things at once, especially when it comes to using technology while driving.

💡Selfie

A selfie is a self-portrait photograph, usually taken with a smartphone. The video discusses the phenomenon of selfies, particularly the 'driving selfie,' as an example of how social media and technology can encourage risky behavior and a focus on self-image.

💡Human Connection

Human connection refers to the emotional and social bonds between people. The speaker emphasizes the importance of human connection over digital interaction, urging the audience to look up from their screens and engage with the people around them.

💡Screen-Free Challenge

The screen-free challenge is a call to action for individuals to take a break from screens and digital devices for a set period. The video ends with the speaker asking the audience to participate in a screen-free challenge, suggesting it as a way to improve the quality of life and interpersonal relationships.

💡Facebook

Facebook is a social networking site mentioned in the script as a platform where people often present an idealized version of their lives. The speaker critiques this practice, suggesting that it can lead to misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations in real-life relationships.

💡YOLO

YOLO, an acronym for 'You Only Live Once,' is a cultural phenomenon that encourages people to take risks and live life to the fullest. The video script humorously uses the term to highlight the absurdity of taking selfies while driving, suggesting that the phrase can sometimes be misused to justify dangerous behavior.

💡Road Trip

A road trip is a journey made by car for pleasure. In the script, the term is used in the context of a hashtag, possibly indicating a social media post about a road trip. It serves as an example of how social media can distract from the present moment and the experience of travel.

Highlights

The speaker requests the audience to power down their devices for the duration of the talk.

The speaker expresses a desire to post about great coffee but struggles to find a humorous way to do so.

A humorous suggestion to shorten a social media post by removing vowels is mentioned.

The speaker criticizes the culture of sharing mundane details on social media and the pressure to be constantly connected.

A significant decrease in the number of close friends reported by Americans from a Gallup poll conducted in 2001 to the present day is highlighted.

The observation that people are more connected to their phones than to those they are physically with is made.

A study by Mary Meeker is cited, indicating that people check their phones 150 times a day and upload 1.8 billion pictures to Facebook.

The speaker reflects on the simpler times before the internet and the constant connectivity it brings.

The risk of technology dividing society and the demand for more from it is discussed.

The impact of text messaging on vocabulary and the potential loss of nuanced communication is explored.

The speaker questions the anxiety people feel when separated from their phones, even for a short time.

A personal anecdote about transitioning from a Blackberry to an iPhone and the cultural shift it represents is shared.

A study indicating that texting while driving is the number one cause of death for teens is mentioned.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of not texting while driving and the dangers of doing so, even at a stop sign.

The constant connection to work and the expectation to be available at all times is critiqued.

The unrealistic portrayal of life on social media and its impact on self-esteem and relationships is discussed.

The speaker calls for a screen-free challenge, encouraging people to unplug for one hour a day.

The importance of human connection and interaction over digital interaction is emphasized.

Transcripts

hi thank you very much uh I'd like to

start out by asking everyone to power

down their devices during my talk and

for those of you that don't know the

power buttons either on the top or on

the side of your phone I'd also like to

thank the guys from state.com for

permission to use this

video I want to post about how great

this coffee is but I can't think of a

funny way to say it this post is like a

page long how do I shorten this just

take out all the

vowels still still be like a seriously

hey guys you on Twitter follow me

sometimes I want to move to another

country where would have to deal with

this

stuff # photo of the day # quit just

kidding # multitasking # squirm # road

trip dudes not while you're driving man

# YOLO is anybody even going to read

this fast coffee

friends subscribe what's up Facebook

follow look my new shoes unfollow I love

cop we're going viral driving

selfie third world nobody

[Music]

cares I'm going to hide all of

you dude I made the popular

[Music]

page so I want to talk about three

things

tonight how social media is

disconnecting us what's happening now

and how we can do

better Gallup took a poll in 2001 and

every average American said that they

had 10 really close friends the same

poll this year said we had two so what

happened where did everybody go and I

think we know

where I think we've all seen this by

now maybe even been a little guilty of

it ourselves I see families like this

out to dinner all the time and it drives

me nuts and I see couples on dates

clearly together but on their cell

phones it's one of the strangest things

I've ever seen but to me what does it

say when we are together to me it says

that there's someone anyone on the other

end of the screen that's way more

important than you who's right in front

of my face there's a study by Mary maker

that says we touch our phones or check

our phones 150 times a day and we upload

1.8 billion pictures to Facebook that's

a little over a six of the population a

day for

pictures remember when the internet was

new those of us that do that was really

actually only about 25 years ago if you

can

imagine I remember when we had pagers

time seemed a little simpler back then

you'd get the beep you may return the

call you may not return the call or when

we had answer machines you could always

say that you weren't home now we have a

list of all these excuses that may or

may not work but it seems like the more

we talk about how how technology divides

us the more we demand from

it and I think that's a huge risk that

we're running in our society

today we have this shortened vocabulary

now it's all about the texting even my

mom she says just text me and she's a

little bit older I won't say because

she'll see this later so OMG oh my

goodness LOL

laugh out loud

WTF why the

face so when we abbreviate our

vocabulary what we risk is losing the

nuances subtleties and intimate parts of

our personalities that make up our very

rich American vocabulary and with that

shortening we lose and run the risk of

not being able to fully express

ourselves and communicate as we move

forward and that losing our vocabulary

equals a potential loss of being able to

express

ourselves how many times does anybody

look in horror when their cell phone

rings with the personal

call a whole conversation starts

happening in your head when it

rings

Tiffany why is Tiffany calling what does

Tiffany

want why is she calling me and then you

have that last ringtone moment where you

know know you have to pick up that phone

or let it go to a voicemail you may or

may not check hey Tiffany what's up the

whole time thinking she could have

completely texted this whole message to

me if I asked everybody in here if they

could take their phone set it down and

walk away for an hour could you do it an

immediate sense of panic comes over us

we will turn the car around even if we

are halfway to our Des ation just to go

back and get our cell

phones I had a Blackberry which I adored

and I kept it for a really long

time but you guys remember when we had

blackberries don't you what did we call

them back then that's right crack

berries so it's no surprise where we've

landed ourselves now so I took my

Blackberry into the Apple Store when

everybody else had their Apple phone and

the transition was more than I could

bear experiencing phone

shame and I went in and of course it was

completely jam-packed at the Apple Store

and this cute kid comes up to me and

he's like may I help you and I said yes

you

can I would like a phone that could do

this so I took my Blackberry and I threw

it on the ground pop pop pop it goes all

the way across the store everybody just

stops in the store gasps and I walk over

and I pick it up and I said see the

screen's fully intact and it still works

and he just looked not missing a beat

and he said we don't have a phone that

can do

that a new study out by the Cohen

Children Medical Center in new hide Park

their study says this year that texting

while driving is now the number one

cause of death for teens more than

drinking and

driving so what this this means is

there's a lot of drunks on the

road I was speaking to some high school

students and of course you know they're

always willing to make some sort of

bargain and they raised their hand and

they said well what if you're at a stop

sign or what if you're at a stoplight

and I said my message was I don't think

there's really anything that can't wait

until we get to our destination and

don't forget if you send that text at

the stop sign they're probably going to

text you back while you're driving so

maybe not the best idea and I'll give

you example if you're driving 55 miles

an hour and you look down at your phone

for 5 seconds you've just now driven the

length of an entire football field

completely

blind and it's not just our kids it's us

as well we are constantly at work

constantly constantly connected and

constantly

distracted every every one of us thinks

of some sort of extreme vacation we need

to go on where we may say to our bosses

you know I'm going to go to on a very

extreme vacation there's just absolutely

no way I can return anything during the

day but you're still expected to go back

to the hotel and return your work emails

so if we as adults are this distracted

our kids are seeing this we're always at

work and where are they always on their

devices and how many times have you guys

heard

what do you mean you don't know I posted

it on

Facebook so for some reason now we're

all supposed to know about each other's

lives because they posted it on Facebook

and I don't know that you climb Mount

Kilimanjaro you didn't tell me last week

when we were at

brunch and and what do we present really

when we are on Facebook we present an

idic life perfect parenting great

relationships we hardly ever give any

bad news or copy about ourselves because

that doesn't make for a lot of

likes different High School group I was

speaking to and they raised their hand

and educated me on something I didn't

know they said you know we wait until 5

o'clock before we post our Instagram

pictures because that's when we know all

of our friends are out and we'll get the

most traffic I thought that was pretty

interesting and then they started

talking a little bit more about how they

get jealous so if one person gets more

likes on Instagram than the other then

they just take it down so there's all

this emotional turmoil and strife going

on with our number of likes somehow

equaling our self-esteem we are all our

own public relations firms always trying

to figure out how we can increase our

numbers work sometimes demands that from

us as well certainly we do that a lot in

our personal

life and this is what we present on on

faceb I mean here's who we really are in

real life and this is what we present on

Facebook guilty a little bit of

it we have the selfie

now and if you think about a selfie it's

rather a sad invention it's a us taking

a picture of ourselves by ourselves

maybe we can get two more people if

somebody really has a long

arm the bathroom selfie I find this

hilarious I I see it all the time I'm

like oh great that's you in front of a

mirror great going to a party I probably

was not invited to that you're going to

be selfing your way through while I

watch Home Alone on

Facebook we have the Oscar selfie that

was a lot of fun that uh crashed the

Twitter feed I think most people know

and then we have uh the funeral selfie

not so

fun um she looks very unpleased

and we have the driving selfie because I

mentioned research shows that won't kill

you at

all I think we would all live life

better if we had Hands to Hold rather

than keys to

click thank

you thank

you I think we need to take that pause

in our life make mud pies build a fort

take the time

to gaze at the clouds for rhinoceroses

and unicorns screen

free and if change starts from within we

are that change we can be that change

and teach our kids what it was like

before we live life in front of a screen

we can use social media to create

positive face-to-face groups and

organizations and meeting places like we

have tonight not hash # activism but

people

activism we need to look up and see who

our neighbor is we need to look up and

put that phone

away make a human connection teach human

interaction as if it were as important

as the very breath we breathe look up at

me look up at each other and look up at

you and I'm gonna ask everyone in here

to take a screen-free challenge unplug

for one hour a day and if you like this

message please share it thank you very

much