Tracee Ellis Ross: A woman's fury holds lifetimes of wisdom | TED

Summary

The script narrates an incident of a woman being physically moved at a post office, igniting a deep-seated fury in her and many others. It delves into the broader cultural issue of men's unwelcome intrusions into women's personal space, from trivial to severe, and how these actions are part of a spectrum that women must navigate. The speaker calls for men to be allies in changing this behavior and encourages women to acknowledge and express their anger, viewing it as a source of wisdom and power.

Takeaways

• 😡 The script discusses the experience of a woman who felt a surge of fury when a man physically moved her aside without her consent at a post office.
• 🔥 The feeling of fury is a common emotional response among women, ignited by a lifetime of men taking liberties with women's bodies without consent.
• 👥 The speaker suggests that this fury is not just personal but collective, reflecting the experiences of mothers, sisters, and generations of women.
• 🌐 The script highlights a cultural issue where men are accustomed to treating women's bodies as objects, from seemingly harmless acts to more violent ones.
• 📱 A metaphor is used to illustrate the point: men taking a woman's phone without permission, similar to how they might move a woman without consent.
• 🤔 The script challenges the notion that men are less moral, instead suggesting that this is a 'blind spot' in societal norms and expectations.
• 💔 It emphasizes the emotional impact of these actions, triggering not just discomfort but also the collective memories of women's lives.
• 🤯 The fury felt by women is described as a deep-seated response to centuries of being treated as property and having their bodies disrespected.
• 🚫 The speaker argues against the tendency of women to internalize and rationalize their anger, suggesting that it's time to acknowledge and express this fury.
• 🌟 The script calls for a cultural shift, with men taking responsibility for changing their behavior and women acknowledging and expressing their anger.
• 🤝 It invites men to become allies in the pursuit of gender equality, urging them to be self-reflective, compassionate, and supportive of change.
• 💬 Women are encouraged to give voice to their fury, to share it in safe spaces, and to recognize it as a source of wisdom and power.

Q & A

What incident occurred at the post office that sparked the actress's fury?

The actress was physically moved out of the way by a man who needed to reach for something she was blocking, without her consent or any verbal communication.

How did the actress describe her initial reaction to being moved?

She was initially shocked and then a fury rose up in her that she could not explain, which was not just annoyance or frustration, but a deep-seated anger.

What does the speaker suggest is the root cause of the fury felt by the actress and many women?

The speaker suggests that the fury is ignited by lifetimes of men helping themselves to women's bodies without consent, which is a cultural issue that ranges from seemingly innocuous actions to the most egregious and violent situations.

What analogy does the speaker use to explain the impact of men taking things without permission?

The speaker uses the analogy of someone taking a man's cell phone without permission, happening multiple times a day, to illustrate the constant, unwelcome intrusion into personal space and autonomy.

Why does the speaker believe that men are often blind to their actions?

The speaker believes that men are often blind to their actions because it's a very big blind spot for them, not because they are fundamentally less moral, but because they are so used to helping themselves that it's become a cultural norm.

What does the speaker mean when she says that the innocuous makes space for the horrific?

The speaker means that seemingly minor, everyday acts of disrespect and violation of personal boundaries pave the way for more severe and horrific acts of violence and abuse.

How does the speaker describe the historical context of women's experiences with men?

The speaker describes a history of women being treated as property, having their bodies used without consent, and being subjected to harassment, assault, and manipulation, all while being silenced and told to tolerate such behavior.

What does the speaker suggest is the responsibility of men in addressing this issue?

The speaker suggests that it is men's responsibility to change their bad behavior and become allies in the movement towards women's equality, by being accountable, self-reflective, compassionate, and open.

What advice does the speaker give to women regarding their fury?

The speaker encourages women to acknowledge their fury, give it language, and share it in safe places and ways, as it holds lifetimes of wisdom and is not something to be afraid of.

What is the overarching message of the speech?

The overarching message of the speech is that the time is up for dismissing women's experiences and emotions as overreactions or 'just the way it is', and it's time for a cultural shift towards women's equality and respect.

How does the speaker address the audience, particularly men, in the speech?

The speaker directly addresses the audience, especially men, inviting them to be allies and to take responsibility for their actions, while also encouraging women to express and acknowledge their anger and frustration.

Outlines

00:00

😠 Unwanted Touch and the Fury It Ignites

The first paragraph narrates an incident where an actress in her 60s was physically moved aside by a man at a crowded post office without her consent. This seemingly minor act triggered an intense fury in her, a feeling she couldn't rationalize given the lack of physical harm. The speaker uses this incident to explore the broader issue of men's historical entitlement to women's bodies, from everyday annoyances to severe violations, and how this fuels a collective fury among women. The speaker also humorously illustrates this entitlement by likening it to someone taking a man's phone without permission, emphasizing the absurdity and frequency of such actions.

05:01

💥 The Historical Weight of Women's Fury

In the second paragraph, the speaker delves into the historical context of women's fury, highlighting the lifetimes of being treated as property, enduring harassment, and having their bodies used without consent. The speaker emphasizes the internal conflict women face, where they are trained to suppress their anger and rationalize inappropriate behavior as their fault. The paragraph calls for a societal shift, urging men to take responsibility for changing their behavior and encouraging women to acknowledge and express their fury as a form of resistance against centuries of injustice.

10:04

🌟 Embracing Fury as a Catalyst for Change

The final paragraph focuses on the positive potential of women's fury. The speaker encourages women to embrace their anger as a source of wisdom and a catalyst for change, rather than something to fear or suppress. The speaker thanks the audience for their attention and support, indicating a shared understanding and readiness for collective action towards gender equality and respect for women's autonomy.

Keywords

💡Fury

Fury is a term used to describe a state of intense anger that is often uncontrollable. In the context of the video, it is a central theme representing the accumulated frustration and rage felt by women due to lifetimes of being treated without respect or consent. The speaker's friend experiences this fury when she is physically moved without her permission, and it is a reaction to a broader societal pattern of men taking liberties with women's bodies.

💡Emotionally Intelligent

Emotionally intelligent refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one's own emotions and the emotions of others. The actress in the video is described as emotionally intelligent, which underscores her capacity to feel and express her emotions deeply and authentically, including the intense fury she experiences at the post office.

💡Consent

Consent is the voluntary and explicit agreement to engage in a particular activity or to allow someone to do something. In the video, the lack of consent is highlighted as a critical issue where men have historically taken liberties with women's bodies without their permission, contributing to the fury felt by women.

💡Cultural Norms

Cultural norms are the unwritten rules and expectations that shape behavior within a society. The video discusses how certain cultural norms have allowed men to feel entitled to women's bodies, creating a spectrum of behaviors from seemingly harmless to violently abusive, all of which contribute to the collective fury of women.

💡Objectification

Objectification is the act of treating a person as an object or thing, rather than as an individual with feelings and rights. The video uses the metaphor of a woman's body being treated like a saltshaker to illustrate how women are often objectified and their autonomy disregarded.

💡Blind Spot

A blind spot is an area of lack of awareness or understanding. In the video, the term is used to describe how men are often unaware of the impact of their actions on women, particularly in terms of respecting personal boundaries and consent.

💡Indignation

Indignation is a feeling of anger or annoyance provoked by what is perceived as unfair treatment. The speaker mentions the unspoken experiences of women that trigger indignation, which is a part of the fury that women feel when their bodies are treated without respect.

💡Rationalization

Rationalization is the process of justifying or making excuses for one's feelings or actions. Women, as described in the video, often rationalize their reactions to inappropriate behavior, questioning whether they are overreacting or if the incident was their fault, which suppresses their fury.

💡Accountability

Accountability is the expectation that individuals should be responsible for their actions and accept the consequences. The video calls for men to be accountable for their behavior and to actively participate in changing the cultural norms that contribute to the mistreatment of women.

💡Ally

An ally is a person who supports a cause or group that is not their own, often in the pursuit of social equality. The video invites men to become allies in the fight for women's equality, emphasizing the need for them to be self-reflective, compassionate, and supportive of women's rights.

💡Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is the process of examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and actions to gain a deeper understanding of oneself. The video encourages men to engage in self-reflection to understand their role in perpetuating harmful cultural norms and to change their behavior accordingly.

Highlights

A woman in her 60s, an actress, experienced an unexpected physical intrusion at the post office, igniting a deep-seated fury.

The incident at the post office was a catalyst for a fury that was not just personal but shared among many women.

The fury described is not merely a reaction to the immediate incident but a response to a lifetime of similar, often overlooked, violations.

The speaker draws a parallel between seemingly harmless actions and more egregious forms of disrespect towards women's bodies.

The analogy of a woman's body being treated like a saltshaker illustrates the normalization of such disrespectful behavior.

The speaker challenges the audience, particularly men, to consider the impact of repeated minor invasions on personal space.

The speech addresses the broader issue of men's entitlement and its roots in societal norms and historical practices.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing the anger that many women feel due to societal injustices.

The fury is described as a centuries-old response to the mistreatment and objectification of women's bodies.

The speaker calls for men to become allies in the fight for gender equality and to take responsibility for changing societal norms.

The speech encourages women to acknowledge and express their anger, viewing it as a source of wisdom and power.

The speaker highlights the cultural shift towards recognizing and addressing gender inequality and the need for collective action.

The speech concludes with a call to action for both men and women to work together towards a future of gender equality.

The importance of safe spaces for women to express their anger and experiences is emphasized as part of the healing process.

The speech acknowledges the complexity of the issue when considering the intersectionality of gender with race and other factors.

The speaker reflects on the societal conditioning that leads women to question their own reactions and suppress their anger.

Transcripts

So, I have a friend.

She's an actress, she's in her 60s.

She's super bright,

badass,

emotionally intelligent.

And a couple of days before Christmas, she was at the post office.

It was really crowded, as it is around the holidays,

and she was filling out some forms

and she was really focused.

And out of nowhere, someone moved her out of the way --

just physically put their hands on her and moved her out of the way.

He apparently needed something that she was blocking,

so he moved her.

Maybe he had said something to her, maybe he didn't, she didn't hear it ...

Either way, she was focused, she was filling out the form.

And the next thing you know, there were hands on her,

and she was being moved out of the way.

He then got what he was reaching for,

whatever she was blocking,

and went on his merry way.

She said that she was shocked at first --

yeah.

And then a fury rose up in her that she could not explain:

not annoyance,

not frustration,

but "fury" was the word that she used.

And she went on to say,

"I mean, I wanted to get physical.

I don't know -- I was furious.

And I don't know why.

I mean, he didn't hit me.

He didn't hurt me,

he didn't violate me.

He moved me,

and I wanted to hurt him,

or at the very least,

run after him and yell in his face."

So later, I was left pondering this fury,

and looking for an explanation as to why, even in her telling of it,

I felt fury, too,

and why this was a word and a feeling that I was hearing a lot about lately.

I feel like this is the point in the room

where all the men are getting a little bit uncomfortable.

(Laughter)

It's OK.

Stay with me.

This fury is something that I have been chomping on

since the last US presidential election.

And it seems that many women have.

This fury was not my friend's alone.

Her fury was ignited

by lifetimes of men helping themselves to women's bodies

without consent.

There's a culture of men helping themselves to women,

and in this case,

in a seemingly innocuous way,

where a woman's body is like a saltshaker:

"Get out of the way so I can get to the fries" --

(Laughter)

to the most egregious,

violent

and horrific situations.

I imagine that some of you are wondering what the connection is

between the innocuous and the horrific,

two things that seem to be on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Well, the common thread is the spectrum.

The innocuous makes space for the horrific.

And women have to live with the effects of both

and everything in between.

Fellas,

can you imagine you're just on your phone,

and someone walks up to you and just takes it out of your hand?

And they're like, "OK dude, I don't know why you're getting so upset,

I want to make a phone call.

I'm going to give it back to you as soon as I'm done.

Whatever."

And then imagine if someone takes that cell phone out of your hands --

I don't know -- once a day,

twice a day,

random times.

And the explanation is,

"Yeah, well, I mean, you got a fancy case,"

or "You shouldn't have taken it out of your pocket,"

or "Yep. Yeah.

That's just the way it is."

But somehow, no one ever talks about the person who took the cell phone.

Overly simplified, I get it,

but you see where I'm going.

Men are so used to helping themselves, that it's like ...

they can't help themselves.

And not because men are fundamentally less moral,

but because this is a very big blind spot for most men.

When someone helps themselves to a woman,

it not only triggers discomfort and distress,

but the unspoken experiences of our mothers' lives,

sisters' lives

and generations of women before us.

That's lifetimes of women dealing with men

who assume they know better for us than we know for ourselves,

being the property of husbands,

landowners,

and having old, white men tell us the fate of our lady parts;

lifetimes of having our bodies used for love and objects of desire,

instead of bodies that we get to wield and use as we choose;

lifetimes of knowing that whether we play by their rules or not,

we still have to tolerate harassment,

assault

and even worse;

lifetimes of our bodies being used as property that can be hit and hurt,

manipulated and moved

and like objects that are not deserving of respect;

lifetimes of not being able to express the anger of our bodies.

It's no wonder we feel this fury.

And if you add in the history of race --

which is a whole other talk --

it gets exponentially more complicated.

When women get manhandled, we start to rationalize,

try to figure out the ways that it was --

"It was probably our fault.

You know what? He probably said something, and I didn't hear him.

I'm just overreacting.

I'm totally overreacting."

No.

No.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Women have been trained to think that we are overreacting

or that we're being too sensitive or unreasonable.

We try to make sense of nonsense,

and we swallow the furious feelings.

We try to put them into some hidden place in our minds,

but they don't go away.

That fury sits deep inside as we practice our smiles --

(Giggling) "Yes, of course" --

and try to be pleasant.

"I know --" (Giggling) "Yes, yes, of course,"

because apparently, women aren't supposed to get angry.

That fury that my friend felt holds centuries

of never being able to directly address or express our indignation,

our frustration

and our rage.

When someone thinks they can help themselves to our bodies,

it not only ignites the current fury,

but it lights up the past.

What seems like a benign moment at the post office

is actually an anger grenade.

Well,

kaboom!

Today, the global collection of women's experiences

can no longer be ignored.

Time's up on thinking that we're overreacting

or "This is just the way it is."

Time's up on women being held responsible

for men's bad behavior.

It is men's responsibility to change men's bad behavior.

(Applause)

Our culture is shifting,

and it's time.

So my fellow women

and our gentle men,

as we are here together within this particular window

of this large-scale movement towards women's equality,

and as we envision a future that does not yet exist,

we both have different invitations.

Men,

I call you in as allies,

as we work together towards change.

May you be accountable and self-reflective,

compassionate and open.

May you ask how you can support a woman and be of service to change.

And may you get help if you need it.

And women,

I encourage you

to acknowledge your fury.

Give it language.

Share it in safe places of identification

and in safe ways.

Your fury is not something to be afraid of.

It holds lifetimes of wisdom.

Let it breathe

and listen.

Thank you.

(Applause)

Thank you.

(Applause)