The Joy of Self Denial (A Guide to Asceticism)

Summary

The speaker shares a life of simplicity and self-denial, contrasting the modern pursuit of materialism and instant gratification. They argue that true happiness and fulfillment come from embracing discomfort, self-discipline, and a life centered on spiritual growth. By practicing prayer, meditation, fasting, and service, one can find deeper meaning and joy, moving away from the superficial pleasures of the world towards a life dedicated to the will of God.

Takeaways

• 🌱 The speaker embraces a life of simplicity and self-denial, which they believe leads to true happiness and fulfillment.
• 💰 They live without a bank account, spending only a limited amount of money each month, highlighting the idea that material wealth isn't necessary for happiness.
• 👕 The speaker wears the same clothes regardless of weather conditions, showing a disregard for societal norms and comfort in favor of a more disciplined lifestyle.
• 🚿 They take cold showers and fast twice a week, practicing self-discipline and embracing discomfort as a means to control desires and impulses.
• 🙏 The speaker spends time in prayer and silent meditation, emphasizing the importance of spiritual connection and grounding oneself in the presence of God.
• 🧘‍♂️ The practice of self-denial and discipline is presented as a way to achieve freedom from worldly temptations and to live a life more aligned with spiritual values.
• 🤝 By letting go of the need for control and comfort, the speaker is able to form genuine relationships and serve others without the distraction of self-interest.
• 🌱 The speaker suggests that the key to a meaningful life is not found in material possessions or societal status but in humility, self-mastery, and service to others.
• 🛑 Fasting and limiting luxuries are part of the speaker's routine, serving as physical manifestations of their commitment to discipline and self-denial.
• 💡 The speaker acknowledges that they are not perfect and still face temptations, but the practices they follow are part of their ongoing journey towards spiritual growth.
• 🌟 The ultimate goal is to live a life dedicated to the will of God, finding joy in service and sacrifice, and experiencing a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Q & A

What is the speaker's lifestyle like, according to the transcript?

The speaker lives a simple and ascetic life, abstaining from sex and pornography, not owning a bank account, wearing tattered clothes, taking cold showers, fasting, working with the homeless, and spending time in silence.

How does the speaker describe their happiness and fulfillment?

The speaker describes themselves as being very happy and fulfilled, not in spite of their lifestyle choices, but because of them.

What is the speaker's critique of the modern world's pursuit of happiness?

The speaker criticizes the modern world's pursuit of happiness through material possessions, financial wealth, and instant gratification, suggesting that these do not bring true happiness or meaning.

What misconception does the speaker believe people have about their lifestyle?

The speaker believes that people might think they enjoy pain or hate joy, but in reality, their lifestyle choices are about curtailing desires, controlling impulses, and living a life like Jesus did.

How does the speaker describe the purpose of their lifestyle choices?

The purpose of the speaker's lifestyle choices is to gain freedom from the control of their passions, to discipline their mind, heart, body, and attention, and to live a life directed towards Jesus Christ.

What role does prayer play in the speaker's life?

Prayer plays a significant role in the speaker's life, as they pray five times a day, grounding themselves in the presence of God and reminding themselves of their connection to Jesus.

What is the significance of silent meditation for the speaker?

Silent meditation is crucial for the speaker as it allows them to disconnect from distractions, be present, and have a conversation with God, which provides comfort and guidance.

How does the speaker approach fasting?

The speaker fasts twice a week by going meatless and eating sparse meals, with no snacks or desserts, and also limits screen time and media consumption on those days.

What is the speaker's view on material possessions and money?

The speaker believes that material possessions and money are not necessary for happiness, and that contentment with what one has brings freedom.

How does the speaker's lifestyle affect their relationships and service to others?

The speaker's lifestyle, free from the need for control and material possessions, allows them to enter relationships without sexual tension, serve others selflessly, and spend time with those in need without feeling their day has been wasted.

What advice does the speaker give for someone interested in adopting a similar lifestyle?

The speaker suggests starting small by dedicating time to uninterrupted meditation, denying oneself a usual pleasure once a week, and finding places to volunteer or donate that take one out of their comfort zone.

Outlines

00:00

😌 Embracing Austerity for Fulfillment

The speaker describes their unconventional lifestyle, which includes abstaining from sex, pornography, and materialistic pursuits. They live frugally, wearing tattered clothes and taking cold showers, and dedicate time to silence and service to the homeless. Despite the discomfort, they find themselves to be one of the happiest individuals. The speaker challenges the societal norms of seeking pleasure and comfort, pointing out the increasing rates of depression and anxiety as a result. They share their personal journey from indulgence to a life of self-denial and discipline, which they argue has led to true happiness and fulfillment. The paragraph emphasizes the misconception that such a lifestyle is about seeking pain, but rather it is about finding joy in living a life like Jesus, through prayer, meditation, and denying worldly pleasures to gain control over one's passions.

05:05

🙏 The Path to Humility and Self-Mastery

In this paragraph, the speaker delves deeper into their practices of self-denial, including fasting, limiting screen time, and embracing discomfort in daily life as a means to strengthen the will and resist temptation. They discuss the freedom that comes from realizing the insignificance of material possessions in achieving happiness. The speaker also touches on the benefits of humility and self-mastery, such as being able to form genuine relationships and serve others without the need for personal gain or recognition. They acknowledge their own imperfections and the ongoing struggle with sin, emphasizing that the practices are not about perfection but about conversion and dedication to God's will. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's aspiration to live a life of service and the transformative joy found in embracing a life of penance, as inspired by St. Francis of Assisi.

Keywords

💡Abstinence

Abstinence refers to the act of voluntarily refraining from certain pleasures or indulgences, especially those related to sex, food, or other physical comforts. In the video, the speaker mentions practicing abstinence from sex and avoiding pornography, which is part of their lifestyle to seek a deeper sense of fulfillment and happiness beyond material and physical pleasures.

💡Minimalism

Minimalism is a lifestyle characterized by the intentional reduction of material possessions and consumption to the essentials. The speaker exemplifies minimalism by living without a bank account, limiting their monthly spending to $200, and wearing tattered clothes regardless of the weather, emphasizing the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment through simplicity and non-materialistic values.

💡Fasting

Fasting is the practice of abstaining from food or drink, often for spiritual or health reasons. The speaker discusses fasting twice a week as a form of self-discipline and a means to curb desires, which is integral to their pursuit of a life that is grounded and disciplined.

💡Simplicity

Simplicity in this context means living a life that is free from complexity and unnecessary possessions. The speaker's lifestyle is a testament to simplicity, as they choose to wear the same clothes daily, take cold showers, and live without the need for modern comforts, which aligns with the video's theme of finding happiness in the absence of excess.

💡Self-denial

Self-denial is the act of consciously choosing to forgo personal desires or comforts. The speaker practices self-denial by giving up earthly pleasures, which is a key part of their journey towards a more meaningful and fulfilling life, as they believe that denying oneself can lead to a greater sense of purpose and joy.

💡Discipline

Discipline refers to the practice of training oneself to follow a set of rules or a pattern of behavior, often for self-improvement or spiritual growth. The speaker emphasizes the importance of discipline in their life, such as through prayer, meditation, and fasting, which helps them to control their impulses and live a life aligned with their beliefs.

💡Fulfillment

Fulfillment is a state of being satisfied and content with one's life, often associated with a sense of purpose and achievement. The speaker contrasts the pursuit of material wealth and pleasure with the fulfillment they find in their ascetic lifestyle, suggesting that true happiness comes from a life of self-denial and dedication to spiritual values.

💡Spirituality

Spirituality encompasses a person's sense of connection to something greater than themselves, often involving a search for meaning and purpose. The speaker's life is deeply rooted in spirituality, as evidenced by their daily prayers, meditation, and service to others, which are all aimed at nurturing a relationship with God and finding inner peace.

💡Humility

Humility is the quality of being modest and not overly proud or self-assertive. The speaker discusses the virtue of humility as a result of their lifestyle choices, such as living with less and serving others, which helps them to be free from the need for control and to focus on being of service to God and others.

💡Conversion

Conversion in this context refers to a profound change in one's beliefs, values, or lifestyle. The speaker talks about their personal conversion from indulging in worldly pleasures to embracing a life of self-denial and discipline, which has led them to a deeper understanding of what brings true happiness and fulfillment.

💡Service

Service is the act of helping or doing work for others, often without expecting anything in return. The speaker finds joy and fulfillment in serving others, such as working with the homeless, which is a central part of their life's purpose and a reflection of their commitment to living a life dedicated to the will of God.

Highlights

The speaker leads a life devoid of sex, pornography, and banking, living on a limited budget and embracing discomfort.

Despite a lifestyle of self-imposed hardship, the speaker claims to be one of the happiest and most fulfilled individuals.

The modern world is criticized for its focus on materialism, comfort, and the pursuit of desires, suggesting it does not lead to true happiness.

The speaker questions the effectiveness of indulgence and material wealth in achieving genuine happiness and life meaning.

A personal narrative is shared, describing a transition from indulgence in worldly pleasures to a life of discipline and simplicity.

The concept of a 'penitential life' is introduced as a means to achieve a grounded, disciplined, and fulfilling existence.

The speaker clarifies misconceptions about their lifestyle, emphasizing the pursuit of freedom from worldly temptations, not the enjoyment of pain.

The importance of daily prayer and its role in grounding oneself in the presence of God is discussed.

Silent meditation is presented as a crucial practice for connecting with the divine and finding inner peace.

The speaker describes the transformative power of self-denial and discipline in curbing worldly passions and desires.

Fasting is highlighted as a method for self-control and spiritual growth, promoting a sense of detachment from material comforts.

The benefits of simplicity in material possessions and financial freedom are explored, emphasizing contentment with less.

Humility and self-mastery are posited as pathways to forming deeper relationships and serving others without ego.

The speaker acknowledges their ongoing struggle with sin and the need for continuous conversion and self-improvement.

A balanced approach to asceticism is suggested, allowing for moderation and celebration while maintaining dedication to spiritual practices.

The ultimate goal is described as aligning one's life with the will of God, seeking to be of service and make sacrifices for the betterment of others.

The speaker encourages the audience to start small with practices like meditation, self-denial, and service to experience the joy of a penitential life.

The transformative potential of discipline and self-denial is emphasized, suggesting that with practice, these practices can lead to profound joy.

Transcripts

My life is a bit different from the rest  of the world. I do not have sex and I don’t  

look at pornography. I don’t have a bank  account and I get $200 to spend each month,  

but I rarely use it all. I wear the same tattered  clothes every day, whether it’s raining, snowing,  

or sweltering. I take cold showers, fast  twice a week, work with the homeless,  

and spend hours at a time in complete silence.  In general, I go out of my way to make my life  

uncomfortable… and I am probably the happiest,  most fulfilled person you will ever meet.

Not despite these things. Because of them.

Our world is all about getting  more. It’s about chasing and owning  

and indulging whatever our desires  dictate. The best life, we’re told,  

is one with unlimited hookups with beautiful  people, cash to spend, popping bottles.

Even if we’re not trying to live like a rockstar,  

what I think drives nearly everyone in our  world is a need for safety, and comfort,  

and predictability—just being able to  go on nice vacations with friends and  

provide for our kids without worry. We  want to be control to do what we want.

My question to you is… how’s that working out?

For the person indulging in every impulse, has  that brought you happiness, like real happiness?

For the person living a comfortable suburban  life, has owning the latest gadget, living in a  

nice house, making decent money—brought  your life meaning, like true meaning?

By the looks of our world, my guess is no. Never  before have people been so unhappy. Year after  

year depression numbers skyrocket, anxiety is on  the rise. So many live in a malaise of boredom and  

dissatisfaction, wondering how they got there  and what they can do to feel something again.

I can say that I lived “in the world” for quite  a while. I enjoyed what it had to offer. I sought  

the thrills, I indulged in the immediate  gratifications. I didn’t try everything  

there was to try, but I had my fair share of  pleasure and excess, of comfort and control…

And it was always great while I was experiencing  it, don’t get me wrong. There are some fun things  

in this world. If you want to feel good,  there is something for everyone out there.  

But for how long? What I found is that the more I  indulged, the more I needed… and the less I felt.

Until I left that life behind. Until  I stopped trying to get more. Until I  

decided to live a penitential life—letting go,  giving up, denying myself earthly pleasures,  

to live a life that is grounded, disciplined,  hopeful, and most of all fulfilling.

I think one of the misconceptions of a life  like this is that we’re people who like pain,  

that we do these difficult tasks as ends in  themselves because we hate joy, or something  

like that. The reality is that everything we do  is a means to an end, a means of curtailing our  

desires, of controlling our impulses, of becoming  people who live like Jesus did and enjoy it.

The irony of our lives is that we  deny so many of earth’s pleasures  

because what we really want is freedom—freedom  to be in control of our own passions rather  

than always falling into temptation. It’s about  disciplining our minds, our hearts, our bodies,  

and our attention spans so that we live the way  we want rather than at the whims of the world.

At the heart of it all is the recognition that  left to our own devices, we are prone to sin,  

prone to deny God, and we don’t want  that. We want to direct every aspect  

of our lives to the source of life, Jesus Christ.

Which means that we pray. And not  just a quick prayer before bed or  

the occasional plea in times of need. Five  times a day, no matter the circumstances,  

we take a brief moment to stop whatever  we’re doing and pray a section of the  

psalms. Either together or in private, we  ground ourselves in the presence of God,  

reminding us, even for just a moment, that we  can put the world on hold to be with Jesus.

In addition to this, silent meditation is  a must. Some pray for blocks of 15 minutes,  

others for a half hour… I prefer the holy  hour—an entire hour of silence. Turn off  

the phone, cut off the distractions,  let everything else go.. and just be.

Sometimes I read spiritual books and meditate  on my life. Sometimes I have a conversation  

with God. Sometimes I sit in silence and let God  embrace me, telling me it’s going to be okay.

Much of the time it is a beautiful break in the  day, a time to relax and unwind, but sometimes  

it’s work. Sometimes I have a billion other things  to do and the last thing I want to do is “do  

nothing.” But of course, it’s not nothing.  It’s the most something thing I could do,  

a connection with the source of life himself, the  one who tells me who I am and where I should go.

Without this time, dedicated as a priority,  everything else falls apart. How quickly my  

life becomes about me, when what  I really want is to be about him.

Which is very easy to say, much  harder to do. As our scriptures say,  

“The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak,”  and I know that my flesh is weak. As much as I  

say that I want to do only what is good, my body  still calls out for things that do not fulfill.

I’m talking unhealthy foods, yes, but I’m  also talking lust, drunkenness, laziness,  

self-indulgence of every kind. It doesn’t  matter if you’ve been a friar for 13 years,  

those passions are alive in us.

And so, I try to curb those passions.  I put limits on my body. I whip it  

into shape to strengthen my will and to  remind me that I can resist temptation.

A big part of this is fasting. Twice a week  I go meatless and eat sparse meals—enough to  

be sustained but nothing else. No snacks, no  desserts, often just a peanut butter sandwich  

for lunch and simple dinner. I also try,  on those days, to limit screen time to only  

essential things and cut out all media—TV,  music, movies—enter the silence a bit more.

Cold showers are one of those things that  really aren’t that bad, we’re just addicted  

to having supreme comfort in every instant. The  same with this brown robe, called a habit, and  

these sandals. They’re uncomfortable, they take a  bit getting used to, but you’re going to be okay.

And the money? You really don’t need that much.  The moment I realized that I would never have  

the latest phone, the ability to go out whenever  I wanted, was the moment I realized how little  

those things actually bring happiness. What a  freedom it is to be content with what you have.

What do these two things get  you? Where does humility and  

self-mastery lead? One would hope  to a life of goodness in the world.

Free from the grips of lust, I can  enter into relationships without  

worry of sexual tension or objectification.

Without a need to be in control, I can serve at  the will of others and make friends with anyone.

No longer driven by ambition, I can spend  my whole day with a homeless person,  

a student struggling with self-esteem, an elderly  lady who’s just lonely, and not feel that my day  

has been wasted. This is what the Lord asked of me  today, and so this is what I am able to provide.

Does this mean that I’m perfect now, that I  never give into temptation? Of course not.  

The reason I do them is precisely because  I am still a sinner in need of conversion.

Do I rigorously follow each of  these things without any breaks?  

Hardly. During Easter and Christmas,  times of celebration, I never fast;  

once a week I get a day off from work, and I’ll  often have a beer or two and have some fun;  

the showers don’t have to be ice cold in the  winter, just enough to create discomfort,  

and I take a vacation each year. Even  the ascetic life needs moderation.

Because, again, the purpose is not to cause pain  or to master acts of self-denial in themselves,  

it is to facilitate conversion to God.  What I want more than anything else… is  

for my life is to be so dedicated to  the will of God that what I WANT is  

to be of service. What I WANT is to  help others. What I WANT is to make  

sacrifices so that the world may be  a better place for the people I meet.

As St. Francis of Assisi said in regards  to his own conversion and life of penance,  

“What was bitter has become sweet.” When he was in  the world, there was much that he hated, much that  

revolted him. But now, having found the discipline  of the Gospel, those very things brought him joy.

This is what I think a penitential  life could offer you. At first,  

things like prayer, fasting,  and service may seem boring,  

even dreadful. You turn from them because they  provide no joy. Like someone eating broccoli  

for the first time after eating nothing  candy, there is no appeal to it at all.

But that’s not because these things are bad…  it’s because you’ve become so accustomed to  

the sugar of the world that you don’t even know  what will bring you real goodness. With practice,  

with discipline, with a whole lot of self-denial  and building new habits, you will ultimately find  

that these things bring you joy, and that there  is no joy in the world that will ever match them.

So where do you start? Should you sell all your  things and become a friar? Maybe. But maybe start  

small. Maybe begin by finding one thing in each  of these categories and building from there.

Can you dedicate 15 minutes each day to  uninterrupted meditation? Maybe choose  

one day a week that you deny yourself a  pleasure you’re used to. Find a place to  

volunteer your time or donate your money  that takes you out of your comfort zone.

Do something, anything, that isn’t about getting  more, but is about letting go. Of your comfort,  

your will, your control, your need to be  always be seeking the next pleasure. Do this,  

and then add to it, and add to it, and  add to it, until you find that your life  

is less about you and more about God… and  trust me: your life won’t be stuck anymore.