Family Values | Deon Jones | TEDxAmericanUniversity

Summary

The speaker, born in rural Mississippi, shares his journey from a life of poverty to making a significant impact, inspired by his grandmother and the influence of Oprah Winfrey. He emphasizes the importance of mentorship and being a 'rainbow in someone's cloud,' advocating for the upliftment of youth, especially those from at-risk backgrounds. The power of caring and validating young people's dreams is highlighted as a means to change their life trajectories and foster future leaders.

Takeaways

• 🎤 The speaker emphasizes the importance of being cared for and the impact it had on their life, from childhood to adulthood.
• 🌱 Growing up in a small, impoverished town in Mississippi, the speaker's family background and living conditions were challenging but formative.
• 🏡 Life at Great Grandma Shug's house, despite its lack of modern conveniences, provided a foundation for the speaker's values and aspirations.
• 📺 Watching Oprah with Grandma Shug instilled in the speaker the idea of striving for more and the importance of mentorship.
• 🎓 The speaker's journey from a high school dropout to becoming the first in their family to graduate from college was fueled by an instinct to thrive.
• 🌟 The speaker's success includes interning in the administration of the first African American president, highlighting the power of perseverance and mentorship.
• 🤝 The impact of being a mentor and a positive figure for incarcerated youth underscores the speaker's belief in the potential of every individual.
• 🌈 The speaker's life was influenced by 'rainbows in the clouds'—people who cared and made a difference, a concept they wish to pass on to others.
• 📚 The value of education and mentorship is a recurring theme, with the speaker's experiences at American University and with notable figures like Julian Bond and Dr. Maya Angelou.
• 💔 The tragic story of Jonathan McClard illustrates the devastating consequences of a lack of mentorship and the importance of caring for at-risk youth.
• 🕊️ The speaker calls to action, urging everyone to find a way to be a 'rainbow in someone's cloud,' emphasizing the collective responsibility to uplift humanity, especially the youth.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speaker's story?

The main theme of the speaker's story is the impact of care and mentorship on personal growth and the importance of being a 'rainbow in someone's cloud' to uplift and support others, especially young people.

Where was the speaker born and what was the living condition like in their hometown?

The speaker was born in Mississippi, in a very rural and impoverished area. The hometown, Wiggins, and the nearby community of Bond, Mississippi, were so small that the combined population was only 4,500 people.

What was the significance of the speaker's great-great-grandmother's house in their upbringing?

The speaker's great-great-grandmother's house was significant because it was where they spent much of their childhood. Despite the lack of modern amenities, it was a place where they learned about resilience and were influenced by the values and wisdom of their elders.

Why did the speaker's family watch Oprah regularly?

The speaker's family watched Oprah regularly because their grandmother believed that Oprah was 'somebody' and that watching her show would provide valuable life lessons for the children to become successful individuals.

What impact did the Oprah Winfrey Show have on the speaker's life?

The Oprah Winfrey Show had a profound impact on the speaker's life, serving as a source of inspiration and a constant presence throughout their life, teaching them about the potential for a better life and the importance of striving for more.

How did the speaker's experience with Dr. Maya Angelou influence their perspective on life?

The speaker's experience with Dr. Maya Angelou reinforced the idea that everyone has a 'crown' that has been paid for by the sacrifices of others, and that it is their responsibility to live up to that legacy by being a positive influence for others.

What is the significance of the phrase 'rainbow in someone's cloud' in the speaker's message?

The phrase 'rainbow in someone's cloud' signifies the role of a mentor or caring figure who provides hope and guidance to someone facing difficult circumstances, helping them to see a brighter future.

What was the speaker's experience like when they first moved to Atlanta?

When the speaker first moved to Atlanta, they continued the ritual of watching Oprah at 4:00 pm Eastern Time on ABC, channel 2, as it was a constant in their life and a source of comfort during a time of upheaval.

What was the speaker's relationship with Julian Bond during their time at American University?

The speaker had the privilege of having Julian Bond, a civil-rights icon, as their professor during their senior year at American University, which was a significant and influential experience for them.

How did the speaker's grandmother's death impact their life and perspective?

The speaker's grandmother's death was a deeply emotional experience, but it also reinforced the speaker's commitment to live out their purpose and to continue the legacy of care and mentorship that their grandmother had instilled in them.

What is the speaker's call to action for the audience?

The speaker's call to action is for the audience to take on the role of a mentor or supportive figure in the lives of young people, whether through financial support, direct mentorship, or simple acts of kindness and encouragement, to be a 'rainbow in someone's cloud'.

Outlines

00:00

🏡 Childhood Memories and the Impact of Care

The speaker reflects on their childhood in Wiggins, Mississippi, a small town with a close-knit community. Despite the lack of modern amenities in their great-great-grandmother's house, they felt cared for and valued. The speaker's mother worked multiple jobs, often leaving them in the care of their great-grandmother, Grandma Shug. The daily routine included watching Oprah, who became a significant influence, teaching the speaker about striving for more than their circumstances. The speaker's desire to make a difference in the world is rooted in these early experiences of care and the inspiration from figures like Oprah.

05:00

🌈 The Power of Mentorship and Instinct to Thrive

The speaker shares their journey from a challenging upbringing to achieving academic success and making a positive impact on others' lives. They emphasize the importance of mentorship and the instinct to thrive, which they attribute to their exposure to strong role models like Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Maya Angelou. The speaker's experiences, including their time in college and interactions with civil rights icons, have shaped their belief in the power of caring for and mentoring young people, especially those from difficult backgrounds.

10:01

📚 The Transformative Role of Education and Mentors

The speaker discusses the profound effect that education and mentors had on their life, from being inspired by Oprah's story to interviewing civil rights icons. They highlight the transformative potential of mentorship, especially for at-risk youth, using the story of a young man they mentored who was incarcerated at 16. The speaker also shares the story of Jonathan McClard, emphasizing the tragic consequences of a lack of mentorship and the importance of providing hope and validation to young people.

15:02

🌟 Honoring Legacy and Continuing the Purpose of Care

The speaker recounts the passing of their great-grandmother, Grandma Shug, and the profound impact she had on their life. They reflect on her resilience and faith, particularly her reliance on a hymnal during difficult times. The speaker is determined to honor her legacy by continuing their purpose of caring for and uplifting others, especially young people. They believe that everyone has the capacity to enhance the lives of others, whether through financial support, direct mentorship, or simple acts of kindness and encouragement.

20:06

🕊️ The Ripple Effect of Care and the Potential for Change

In the final paragraph, the speaker calls for a collective effort to care for and mentor young people, emphasizing the potential for positive change when individuals are supported and validated. They share the story of Kalief Browder to illustrate the tragic outcomes of neglect and the power of care in preventing such tragedies. The speaker concludes with a vision of a future where young people, regardless of their background or identity, can aspire to greatness because someone cared for them and believed in their potential.

Keywords

💡Care

Care refers to the provision of attention, support, and protection. In the video's theme, it symbolizes the nurturing and guidance that can profoundly impact a person's life. The script mentions 'cared for me' in the song, emphasizing the importance of someone's care in the speaker's life, which is a central message of the narrative.

💡Impact

Impact denotes the effect or influence one has on others or the world. The speaker expresses a desire to make an impact in individuals' lives and the world, which is a driving force behind their actions and aspirations, as illustrated by their reflections on personal growth and societal contribution.

💡Poverty

Poverty is the state of being extremely poor. The script describes the speaker's upbringing in rural Mississippi, characterized by poverty, which shapes their early life experiences and contributes to the narrative of overcoming adversity.

💡Instinct

Instinct is an inherent, typically fixed pattern of behavior in response to certain stimuli. The video uses 'human instinct' to describe the innate drive to strive for more, as exemplified by Oprah Winfrey's story and the speaker's own determination to rise above their circumstances.

💡Mentor

A mentor is someone who imparts wisdom and guidance to less experienced individuals. The script highlights the absence of mentors in many young lives and the profound effect a mentor can have, as seen in the speaker's own journey and the tragic story of Jonathan.

💡Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Winfrey is a media executive and talk show host who is referenced as a source of inspiration and life lessons in the script. Her story and the speaker's ritual of watching her show underscore the role of positive media in shaping aspirations and values.

💡Injustice

Injustice refers to unfairness or the lack of justice. The speaker mentions Mississippi's history of racial injustices, which is a backdrop to their personal story and a broader societal issue that the video touches upon.

💡Validate

To validate means to confirm the truth or value of something. In the context of the video, validation is the acknowledgment and support given to young people, which is essential for their self-worth and development, as illustrated by the stories of the young man in prison and the speaker's own experiences.

💡Trajectory

Trajectory is the path that a moving object follows. The script uses this term to describe the course of one's life, which can be changed through care and support, as the speaker's life was altered by the influence of caring figures.

💡Human Being

Human being is a term that emphasizes our shared humanity. The script uses it to convey the idea that all people have the potential for greatness and the capacity for darkness, highlighting the importance of empathy and understanding in our interactions with others.

💡Rainbow in the Cloud

Rainbow in the cloud is a metaphor used in the script to represent hope and positivity amidst adversity. It is a recurring motif that encapsulates the idea of being a source of support and inspiration for others, drawing from the speaker's personal experiences and the impact of figures like Grandma Shug and Oprah Winfrey.

Highlights

The speaker grew up in poverty in Wiggins, Mississippi, a very small town.

Their great-great-grandmother's house had no central air or heat, and they had to manually flush the toilet.

The speaker's family members worked various low-wage jobs with long hours.

Grandma Shug made them watch Oprah to learn life lessons and aspire to be somebody.

Oprah's story of watching her grandmother hang clothes and not wanting that life for herself inspired the speaker.

The speaker became the first in their mother's family to graduate college, inspired by Oprah and their upbringing.

They interned in the administration of the first African American president, Barack Obama.

The speaker has been a father figure and mentor to incarcerated youth.

The power of someone speaking into a young person's life can change their trajectory.

Grandma Shug provided love and care, not material wealth or connections, but it was impactful.

The speaker interviewed Dr. Maya Angelou for a college paper, a significant experience before her passing.

Dr. Angelou emphasized the responsibility to be a 'rainbow in someone's cloud' and uplift others.

16 million young people in the US will reach age 19 without ever having a mentor.

Mentoring is powerful as most kids without a mentor always wanted one.

The tragic story of Jonathan McClard, a young man who needed a mentor but was lost to suicide.

Grandma Shug's death and how the speaker honored her life by continuing her purpose of caring for others.

The importance of giving what others have given to us to enhance all of our lives.

Ways to uplift young people, from financial support to volunteering to simple kindness.

The potential of young people to become future leaders if given care and support.

The story of Kalief Browder, who spent 3 years in Rikers Island and later committed suicide, highlighting the need for care.

The power we have to uplift the next generation of leaders by caring and mentoring.

Transcripts

Translator: Tanya Cushman Reviewer: Peter van de Ven

(Singing) Somebody cared for me,

had me on their mind,

took the time and cared for me.

I'm so glad they cared,

I'm so glad they cared,

I'm so glad they cared for me.

(Speaking) I spend a lot of my time

thinking about how I can make a difference in the world.

I spend a lot of my time

thinking about how I can make an impact in individuals' lives.

For all I can remember,

I've always just wanted to be used by the Creator -

Lord, just use me.

I was born in Mississippi, poverty, very rural.

The town I grew up in for most part of my childhood

was a town called Wiggins, Mississippi.

And about three miles north of Wiggins was a small, unincorporated community

called Bond, Mississippi.

To give you a clue on how small it was:

the population of both places together

is 4,500 people.

Towns so small,

with my maternal side of the family and my paternal side of the family,

I'm literally related to almost every black person there.

(Laughter)

The town is so small,

you have to put on clothes and make sure your hair's done -

you can't go with your hair scarf on

to the Walmart

because you're destined to see somebody you know.

During this time growing up in Mississippi,

we spent a lot of time at Great Grandma Shug's house.

Now, Great Grandma Shug, she lived in her mother's house

because her house, back in the day, there was some problems with it.

So I spent a lot of my childhood in my great-great-grandmother's house.

So this house had no central air,

so when we were hot, we put the fans in the window

and put a little ice-pack there so you could stay cool.

No central heat, so we would stand with the wood and the gas stove

and, you know, burn our hands and our butts.

(Laughter)

To flush the toilet,

we would have to get a bucket and fill it up with water

and pour it down the toilet for it to flush.

One of our favorite chores was to hang clothes on the line,

because we didn't have a dryer.

Now, growing up in Grandma Shug's house,

it was really no place fun, really, for a child.

However, because my mom worked two and three jobs

because she had to take care of my sister the best way she could,

and my aunts and uncles,

they did everything from being truck drivers

to working at the lumber factory

to working in fast food

to cleaning hotels -

all crazy hours -

so most of the time, we ended up at Great Grandma Shug's house.

My sister and I would be dropped off in the morning before Head Start,

and most of the time, it was before the sun even came up.

I would go get in Grandma Shug's bed,

my sister would go to the other room, where my momma's mom was staying,

Grandma Tootie,

and get in her bed.

Now, I always grew up thinking that I was Grandma Shug's favorite

because I was the one and the only grandchild

who was able to sleep in her bed with her.

However, I realized as time went by

that I was the only grandchild who didn't kick her at night,

my hand wasn't over here,

I didn't move throughout the night.

But fast forward,

we would get up, and we would go to Head Start,

and we would come back to a totally different environment.

The bed was neatly made.

In the South, the old folks say

you're not supposed to get in the bed unless you're going to sleep.

So we would sit on the floor.

Like I said, we didn't have cable,

so Grandma Shug would make us watch Oprah.

We had an antenna that allowed us to get ABC, PBS and Fox.

So we would watch Oprah - 3:00 pm, ABC, channel 13.

Grandma said, "Y'all got to watch Oprah because she's somebody,

and I want y'all to get your all lessons so y'all can be somebody too."

There was one episode that Oprah had

where she told the story of her growing-up experience -

she's from Kosciusko, Mississippi.

Her grandma was a maid,

and her grandma used to hang clothes out on the line,

and Oprah would watch her,

and she would say "Oprah Gail, you got to watch me now

because you're going to have to learn to do this for yourself one day."

And Oprah said

that that thing we all have in us called human instinct hit her and said,

"No, this is not going to be my life."

Now, most of us who grew up in the South,

most of us who know black grandmothers,

she probably didn't say that out loud.

(Laughter)

She wasn't going to be planting any switches.

But that instinct to thrive not just to survive,

that instinct to reach for something better than what you're seeing,

I grabbed onto that, and I ran with it.

It was that instinct that led me from a high-school dropout factory

to being the first of my mother's children to graduate from college.

It was that instinct that led me from a state like Mississippi,

that's still haunted by its racial injustices,

to interning in the administration of the first African American president.

(Applause)

It's that same instinct that led me from a fatherless home

to being a father figure and a big brother

to so many kids who have been incarcerated in adult jails and prisons.

Now, I don't say that for the applause -

I appreciate it -

I say that because there is power

when someone speaks into a young child's life

and allows them to see better for themselves

and to change their trajectory.

Thanks to Grandma Shug,

who couldn't provide me much material wealth,

didn't have the connections to get me here and there,

but she loved me,

she cared for me,

she made me watch Oprah.

(Laughter)

And since, I have seen every episode of the Oprah Winfrey show.

(Laughter)

I wish they would have a heads-up Oprah thing -

I would always win.

But even when I went to Atlanta in the fourth grade

because my mom ran in the middle of the night

from a man who beat her for breakfast, lunch and dinner -

nothing prepares you to see your mom being whipped with a belt.

So we ran.

Even when I got to Atlanta from Mississippi,

I held onto that ritual:

to go home -

4:00 pm Eastern Time, ABC, channel 2 in Atlanta -

to watch Oprah.

For most of my life, and all of my life actually,

Oprah has been a constant and consistent rainbow in my cloud.

I came here to American University in the summer of 2010

and had the awesome privilege my senior year

of having Julian Bond as my professor.

Legend, civil-rights icon.

And in our class, the first semester,

we had to write a 20-page paper on a civil-rights icon,

and we had to interview that icon.

I had the distinct honor of being able to do mine on Dr. Maya Angelou -

one of the greatest experiences of my life

because it was just a few months before she passed away.

And in one of those interviews,

she said that your crown has been paid for -

put it on your head and wear it -

paid for by the slaves who came here and were sold on auction blocks

so you could be the fruit produced by their seed,

paid for by those who bled and died,

like Vernon Dahmer and Medgar Evers

and Malcolm X and Martin Luther King and Fannie Lou Hamer,

who said, "I question America.

Is this America, the land of the free, the home of the brave,

where we have to sleep with our phones off the hook

because our lives are threatened daily just because we want to have our freedom?"

Paid for.

We've been paid for.

Because you and I have been paid for

and someone has been rainbows in our clouds,

we have the responsibility to be that for someone else.

There are one of three young people in our country

who will grow up without ever having a mentor,

structured or natural.

That means today, approximately 16 million young people

will reach the age of 19

without ever having someone to validate them,

to say, "I see you. I hear you.

What you say and you as a person

matter to me."

I'm reminded of a young man who I worked with

who was incarcerated as an adult at 16.

He called me one time and said,

"I just want to say thank you."

And I said, "For what?"

He said, "For accepting my collect calls,

for sending me books,

for being here for me,

for never leaving my side,

for taking care of my mom" -

she hadn't seen him in over a year -

"for never seeing me as a monster."

Tears began to form in my eyes

because, one,

"thank you" is the greatest thing you can say to someone.

Those of us who are believers,

"thank you" is what we say to God.

But second, what he was saying

is you are the first person to see and treat me as a human being.

Dr. Angelou told me in one of our interviews,

"If you don't remember anything else out of our conversation,

remember this statement that comes to us from the BC period

by a Roman playwright named Terence" -

Terence with one "r."

"It says, 'I am a human being.

Nothing human can be alien to me.'

'I am a human being.

Nothing human can be alien to me.'

What does that mean?

That means all of us have the same human instinct to be as great as Dr. King,

to be a Mahatma Gandhi,

to be Mother Teresa.

But all of us has the same human instinct to commit the darkest act.

Because we are human beings, nothing human can be alien to us.

You have to remember that."

And we have to understand

that the most important responsibility we have in our country

is to uplift the humanity and validate our young people.

Most people say, "Deon, I've tried it" -

particularly when we talk about kids who come from at-risk environments -

"I've tried it.

Those kids today, they're a whole different breed.

There's no hope for them."

However, research shows us

that most kids who grew up without a mentor, without a caring adult,

always wanted one

because they understand the power of mentoring.

Jonathan McClard needed a mentor.

Jonathan needed a rainbow in his cloud.

Jonathan was witty, he was funny, he was intelligent.

He wanted to be a psychiatrist.

He wanted a side hustle -

he wanted to open up a bar and grill on the beach.

But we lost Jonathan three times.

We lost him at the age of 16 when he was charged as an adult,

sent to an adult jail.

We lost him emotionally when he was actually sentenced

and he was told he would be going to spend 30 years in an adult prison.

Jonathan never made it to that prison,

because the third time we lost Jonathan,

just a few days before his 17th birthday,

we found him hanging from his cell.

Jonathan needed somebody in the system that cared.

Jonathan needed a rainbow in his cloud.

Jonathan needed someone to validate his dreams.

On this journey in life,

you have the opportunity to be someone's rainbow.

Grandma Shug passed away my freshman year here at the American University,

and I remember the night so well.

I was coming from choir rehearsal,

I'm getting on the American University shuttle, coming back to campus,

and between Tilly Campus and Ward Circle,

I get a call that Grandma Shug has passed away.

Human instinct says that you should cry,

you should yell, you should wail, you should be filled with grief.

It was one of the hardest family deaths that I've ever dealt with in my life.

But at that moment,

I flashed back to sitting on the wooden floor

watching Oprah,

and Great Grandma Shug sitting in her blue rocking chair

that was fixated between her bed and her dresser.

In the darkest times,

when there seems that there may not be a light,

she had a red United Methodist hymnal

on her dresser.

She would pull it out in the darkest times.

She would say,

(Singing) "Precious Lord,

take my hand.

Lead me on.

Let me stand.

Lord, I'm tired;

I am weak.

And Lord, I'm worn

through the storm,

through the night.

Lead me on to the light.

Take my hand,

precious Lord,

and lead me home."

(Speaking) I thought about how could I best honor her life.

I thought about how would she want me to continue.

And I knew that it was the only way that I could continue,

the only way that I could honor her life,

was walking the purpose that the Creator has provided for me.

And that purpose is to make sure that every human being,

particularly our young people,

has the opportunity to live their best life.

We all can do that.

And what I know for sure is that all of our lives are enhanced

when we give what others have given us.

For some of you, it may be writing a check

to a national or local organization that focuses on uplifting young people.

For others, it may be structured

where you have a one-on-one mentor,

where you volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club once a week.

And for some of you, it just may be a simple smile and "good morning"

and encouraging conversation to a young person

you see on public transportation or walking down the street.

But you have to make the decision to do it.

And when we make that decision to care,

when we make the decision to be a rainbow in someone's cloud,

a young man can live with a hope

of being the next president of the United States

instead of the fear of being the next Michael Brown.

A young woman can live with the dream of being the next CEO or Mellody Hobson

instead of the fear of having to be the next young woman in her family

who will have to sell her body to make ends meet.

A young person who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,

gender queer, same-gender loving

can live with the hope of being the next Supreme Court justice

instead of contemplating suicide

because they are not loved by those who shall love the most.

If we care more,

if we decide to be a rainbow in someone's cloud,

if we will do this,

may Kalief Browder,

a young man who was charged as an adult,

never saw a courtroom

but spent three years in New York's Rikers Island.

One out of those three years, he spent it in solitary confinement.

He finally was released

because they found out what they had charged him for -

he actually didn't do it.

He tried school, but it didn't work out.

If we cared more,

when Kalief's mom walked outside her backyard one day,

she wouldn't have found her son hanging from his bedroom window.

We have the power to care and uplift our young people,

training the next generation of leaders.

They'll go and serve in public office,

they'll become teachers, they'll become the next Beyoncé.

They'll do well,

and they'll walk up on a stage,

and when they're asked about how did they get to where they were -

what was it for you? -

they'll say,

(Singing) Somebody cared for me,

had me on their mind,

took the time and cared for me.

I'm so glad they cared,

I'm so glad they cared,

I'm so glad they cared for me."

Thank you.

(Applause)