Would it be ok with you if life got easier? | Maria Nemeth | TEDxExchangeDistrict

Summary

In this thought-provoking talk, Maria explores how we often focus on personal issues and dilemmas, which can hinder our ability to contribute meaningfully to the world. She introduces the concept of shifting from a psychological lens—concerned with fixing ourselves—to an ontological one, focusing on our inherent qualities and contributions. Drawing inspiration from admired figures like the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela, Maria encourages us to find purpose by shifting our focus from internal struggles to making a positive impact. By doing so, we can create meaningful moments and a life of greater ease and fulfillment.

Takeaways

• 😀 Focus on contributions, not personal dilemmas: Shifting attention from psychological struggles to ontological contributions makes life easier.
• 😀 The salience function: The brain focuses on what we deem important, reinforcing repetitive thoughts or patterns unless we consciously change our focus.
• 😀 We all want to be remembered for love and contributions, not our issues or struggles. Reflecting on how we want to be remembered can help shift our focus.
• 😀 Psychological questions focus on self-fixation (e.g., 'What do I need to fix about myself?'), while ontological questions focus on contribution (e.g., 'What can I contribute?').
• 😀 Our thoughts and feelings are temporary, but who we are ontologically (our essence) remains constant, and we have the power to focus on it.
• 😀 Admiration for others reveals qualities we also possess. Identifying the traits we admire in people helps us recognize those traits within ourselves.
• 😀 A shift in perspective from personal issues to contribution can turn uncomfortable moments into meaningful, impactful experiences.
• 😀 Each time we shift focus to contribution, we create a 'luminous moment' that reflects our true essence and enriches our life path.
• 😀 Life becomes easier when we contribute rather than continually work on fixing ourselves. Contribution leads to fulfillment.
• 😀 The three-step formula for shifting focus: 1) Think of someone you admire. 2) Reflect on their qualities. 3) Contribute those qualities in the moment.

Q & A

What is the significance of the 'salience function' in our brain as discussed in the script?

The salience function refers to the brain's ability to focus on and give importance to certain things. It directs attention by providing evidence and reasons to focus on what the brain deems important. The speaker discusses how this function can lead to repetitive thoughts and focuses, and how shifting focus can help bring about personal growth.

Why did the speaker undergo psychoanalysis for ten years, and what did they learn from the experience?

The speaker underwent psychoanalysis as part of their training to become a psychoanalyst. Initially, it helped them address personal issues and learn about themselves. However, after years of the same repetitive thoughts, they realized they were not making progress in terms of contribution and shifted their focus away from personal dilemmas.

What does the speaker want to be remembered for on their tombstone?

The speaker expresses a desire to be remembered for the positive impact they had on others, saying their tombstone should read: 'Here lies Maria, she loved us, we loved her, and life was better because she was in it.'

What is the difference between psychological and ontological questions?

Psychological questions focus on self-improvement, such as 'What do I need to fix or develop about myself?' Ontological questions, on the other hand, focus on what an individual is willing to contribute, emphasizing a deeper sense of being and purpose beyond thoughts and feelings.

How can one shift their focus from psychological to ontological thinking?

The speaker provides a practical approach: think of someone you admire, identify qualities in them that you respect, and recognize that these qualities also reside within you. By focusing on these qualities, you can shift attention from personal struggles to contributions you can make.

What example does the speaker use to illustrate the shift from psychological to ontological thinking?

The speaker shares a personal story about receiving chemotherapy, where a nurse struggled to find a vein. The speaker shifted focus from discomfort to compassion and trust, helping the nurse feel reassured and successfully complete the task.

What is the ultimate message the speaker conveys about how to make life easier?

The speaker suggests that life gets easier when we shift focus from fixing ourselves to contributing to others. By focusing on our inherent qualities and what we can offer to the world, we can reduce the emphasis on personal dilemmas and foster a more meaningful existence.

What role does contribution play in overcoming personal struggles, according to the speaker?

Contribution plays a key role in overcoming personal struggles because it shifts focus from internal issues to the external impact one can have on others. This shift can help individuals feel more purposeful and less trapped in their own psychological concerns.

How does the speaker view the path of life in relation to shifting focus?

The speaker views life as a path illuminated by moments of shifting focus from psychological concerns to ontological contributions. These moments are like golden lanterns, lighting the way and creating a fulfilling life.

What are the three steps to shift focus provided by the speaker?

The three steps are: 1) Think of someone you admire, 2) Identify qualities they contribute, and 3) Contribute those qualities in the moment, whether it's with family, friends, or strangers. This shift from personal worries to contribution leads to a more meaningful life.