Jordan Peterson Shares How To HEAL From Emotional Trauma | Lewis Howes

Summary

This video script explores the complexities of trauma and healing, particularly focusing on shame, sexual abuse, and how past pain affects the present. The speaker discusses how memories of trauma, when left unresolved, continue to haunt individuals and shape their relationships. Healing requires understanding that past trauma doesn't define the present, as well as separating the trauma from one’s identity. Key to this process is developing a broader perspective on malevolent actions, processing painful memories, and finding ways to make them less emotionally overwhelming. The journey toward healing involves gradually transforming these experiences into a less controlling force in one’s life.

Takeaways

• 😀 Trauma should not be discussed while it's actively happening, as dwelling on it can make things worse.
• 😀 It's important to separate current disagreements from past baggage to avoid escalating conflict in relationships.
• 😀 Couples should avoid revising their history during arguments, as it can quickly escalate into a deeper, unresolved conflict.
• 😀 Establish clear conditions of satisfaction in relationships to avoid misunderstandings and reduce conflict.
• 😀 Talking openly about difficult experiences, like sexual abuse, can be a significant step toward healing shame.
• 😀 Realizing that trauma is a universal human experience helps reduce the isolation that comes with shame.
• 😀 It's important to understand the trauma from the perspective of the present self, not the younger self who was harmed.
• 😀 Developing a philosophy of malevolence helps understand the harmful actions of others and reduce their emotional impact.
• 😀 The goal of processing trauma is to break free from emotional resonance with past memories by reframing them.
• 😀 A significant part of healing is separating past fears and vulnerabilities from present realities to regain emotional control.

Q & A

What is the first thing you should do to heal from past trauma?

The first thing to do is avoid dwelling on the trauma while it’s still ongoing, as this can make the situation worse. Healing starts with understanding that you are no longer in the same situation and allowing time to process the emotional response.

Why is it important not to play revisionist with past disagreements in relationships?

When you revisit past issues and alter your stance, it can escalate small arguments into larger problems. It’s crucial to address current issues without dragging in unrelated past grievances, which can cloud judgment and prolong conflict.

How can couples improve communication and avoid arguments from escalating?

Couples should focus on addressing the current issue rather than bringing up past problems. Clear communication about what each person wants and expects, as well as defining 'conditions of satisfaction,' can help in resolving conflicts without creating further tension.

What role does acknowledging shared human experiences play in healing trauma?

Recognizing that trauma is a common human experience, rather than something unique to you, helps reduce feelings of isolation and shame. It provides a sense of shared humanity and can make it easier to process and heal from traumatic events.

How can a person shift from being a victim of trauma to someone who can process it?

By developing a broader understanding of the traumatic event, such as recognizing that the person who caused harm was not necessarily 'evil,' but possibly acting out of their own dysfunction. This helps detach the trauma from personal identity and aids in healing.

What does it mean to 'decompose' a traumatic memory?

To 'decompose' a traumatic memory means breaking it down emotionally and conceptually, reducing its emotional intensity. This process allows you to understand the event more clearly and to separate it from your present identity, reducing its ongoing impact.

Why is it crucial to understand the context of the trauma, especially regarding age or power dynamics?

Understanding the age and power dynamics involved in the trauma helps shift the perception of victimhood. For example, a 5-year-old might view an older child as an 'adult' figure, even though the abuser is still a child, which can change how the victim interprets the experience.

What role does memory play in processing trauma?

Memory’s role is to protect you by helping you avoid future harm. By processing traumatic memories and understanding them in a more sophisticated way, you allow your brain to adjust its map of the world, reducing the emotional burden tied to those memories.

How can someone overcome the emotional charge attached to a traumatic memory?

To overcome the emotional charge of a traumatic memory, you need to revisit the experience, process it thoughtfully, and gradually reduce the emotional intensity tied to it. This involves breaking down the memory into smaller, more manageable parts and understanding it in a more balanced way.

What is the significance of developing a 'philosophy of evil' when healing from trauma?

Developing a 'philosophy of evil' helps you understand the actions of those who caused harm without internalizing their behavior as part of your identity. It allows you to process the trauma by recognizing that the harm was not a reflection of your worth, but rather the dysfunction of others.