REJECTING WOMEN is a SKILL: wanting is free, giving is costly

Summary

Dr. Orion Taraban discusses the vital skill of rejecting women, emphasizing the importance of understanding the asymmetry between wanting and giving. He explains that while wanting is free, giving comes at a cost, and men are often conditioned to provide, leading to a cycle of giving without reciprocation. As success increases, so does the demand for resources, making it crucial to learn to reject to preserve one's time and energy. He addresses common struggles with rejection, such as scarcity mentality and fear of emotional backlash, and illustrates that rejection can be done in a way that leaves the other party feeling respected. The talk encourages men to master the skill of rejection to maintain healthy relationships and personal well-being.

Takeaways

• 🚫 Rejection is a necessary skill for men to learn, as it helps manage the asymmetry between wanting and giving in relationships.
• 💭 Wanting is free but giving is costly, which can lead to an imbalance if not managed properly.
• 👶 Men are often conditioned from a young age to be providers, which can lead to an unconscious reinforcement of giving without receiving.
• 🔄 The social script maintains women's wanting through variable reward schedules and men's giving through negative reinforcement.
• 💸 As men become more successful, the number of people wanting things from them increases, which can deplete their limited resources.
• ⏰ Time is the most precious resource, and it should not be given away lightly, just as money isn't handed out to everyone.
• 🤔 Men often struggle with rejection due to a scarcity mentality and fear of emotional responses from women.
• 💪 Success and having options can make men more virtuous by not compromising their values for any one person or opportunity.
• 👶 Fear of rejection stems from early life experiences with family members and societal expectations.
• 🛡️ Learning to reject can safeguard a man's limited resources and is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.
• 🌟 Rejection can be delivered in a way that leaves the other person feeling good, turning a potentially negative interaction into a positive one.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Orion Taraban's talk?

The main topic of Dr. Orion Taraban's talk is the importance of men learning to reject women and the reasons behind it.

Why does Dr. Taraban suggest that wanting is free but giving is costly?

Dr. Taraban suggests that wanting is free because it doesn't cost the person who wants anything, whereas giving requires a sacrifice from the giver, such as time, energy, or resources.

What is the social script that men are often taught from boyhood according to the talk?

The social script that men are often taught from boyhood is that their role in a relationship is to be a provider.

How does the speaker describe the trap that ensnares many men in relationships?

The speaker describes the trap as a combination of women wanting things from men, which is maintained through variable reward schedules, and men being punished for not giving what women want, often through emotional punishments like shame and guilt-tripping.

Why does the speaker say that the more successful a man is with women, the more they will be wanted by women?

The speaker says that the more successful a man is with women, the more attractive and desirable he becomes, which leads to more women wanting more things from him.

What is the main resource that the speaker identifies as being limited and precious for men?

The main resource identified as being limited and precious for men is time.

What is the scarcity mentality mentioned by Dr. Taraban, and how does it affect men's ability to reject women?

Scarcity mentality is the belief that options are limited, which makes men struggle to reject women because they fear losing their only chance or option.

What is the speaker's view on the relationship between success, optionality, and a man's ability to maintain his values?

The speaker believes that success and optionality can make men more virtuous because they are not compelled to compromise their values for any one person or opportunity.

Why do some men fear the emotional response of women when they consider rejecting them?

Some men fear the emotional response of women because they are afraid that saying no might provoke anger or jeopardize the relationship.

How does the speaker suggest that rejection can be handled in a way that leaves the woman feeling better?

The speaker suggests that rejection can be handled in a way that leaves the woman feeling better by approaching it with the right attitude and delivery, making the rejection feel like a compliment or valuable information.

What personal example does Dr. Taraban provide to illustrate that rejection can be a positive experience?

Dr. Taraban shares an example where a woman rejected him for a second date, but did so in a way that made him feel good about the rejection, as if it were a compliment.