Psychologist explains: How to build self-discipline and achieve your goals.

Summary

The video script, based on Kelly McGonagal's book 'The Willpower Instinct,' offers 14 insightful lessons on enhancing self-control and overcoming procrastination. It emphasizes the pitfalls of the reward system, the dangers of moral licensing, and the 'what the hell' effect, which can sabotage long-term goals. The script introduces the concept of future self and the importance of not treating it as a stranger. It also highlights the limited nature of willpower, suggesting prioritizing important tasks when willpower is at its peak. Strengthening willpower is compared to muscle training, achievable through practices like meditation. The importance of sleep and exercise in bolstering willpower is underscored. The script also addresses the paradox of willpower's inability to control internal thoughts and feelings, proposing mindfulness as a solution. It concludes with the idea that willpower is influenced by social circles and that balance between immediate gratification and long-term goals is key to maintaining self-discipline.

Takeaways

• 🚫 **Eliminate the Reward System**: The pursuit of rewards can undermine willpower. Be wary of using rewards as a coping mechanism for stress or other negative emotions, as they often lead to feelings of guilt and do not live up to the promised relief.
• 🍕 **Avoid Moral Licensing**: Be cautious not to 'license' bad behavior with good deeds. For instance, don't let a day of healthy eating justify indulging in unhealthy food later, as it can negate the benefits of your earlier discipline.
• 🔄 **Beware the 'What the Hell' Effect**: When you slip up on your goals, like eating a piece of cake while on a diet, avoid the tendency to throw in the towel and indulge further. Self-forgiveness and a commitment to do better are more productive than self-criticism.
• 🕒 **Don't Wait for Future You**: Recognize that future you is not a different person; they will have the same willpower challenges. It's a fallacy to believe that you will have more discipline or energy in the future than you do now.
• 💪 **Willpower is One Resource**: Your willpower is not compartmentalized; it's a single entity that can be depleted throughout the day. Prioritize using it for important tasks when it's strongest.
• 🏋️‍♀️ **Strengthen Your Willpower**: Like a muscle, willpower can be trained and strengthened. Start with small exercises in self-control and gradually increase the challenge.
• 🛌 **Sleep is Essential**: Lack of sleep impairs focus and energy, making it harder to resist temptations and maintain self-control. Prioritize getting adequate rest to support your willpower.
• 🏃‍♂️ **Exercise Boosts Willpower**: Physical activity not only improves physical health but also enhances mental strength and willpower. Even short bursts of exercise can make a significant difference.
• 🤔 **Mind Over Matter**: Willpower isn't just a mental challenge; it's also physical. Recognize when your body is influencing your decision-making and work to align it with your goals.
• 🐘 **Acceptance Over Avoidance**: When trying to suppress thoughts or cravings, they can become more persistent. Allowing thoughts to come and go without judgment can help reduce their power over you.
• ⏸ **Pause and Plan**: When faced with a decision that tests your willpower, take a moment to pause and consider the long-term consequences of your actions before acting.
• 🤝 **Willpower is Contagious**: Be mindful of the influence of others on your willpower. Surrounding yourself with people who exhibit the behaviors you aspire to can help reinforce positive habits.
• 🧘‍♂️ **Self-Compassion is Key**: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend facing a similar challenge. Self-compassion can be a powerful tool in maintaining self-control.
• ⚖️ **Balance is Crucial**: While discipline is important, it's also necessary to allow for instant gratification in moderation. Finding a balance between short-term pleasure and long-term goals is vital for sustainable self-control.

Q & A

What is the main idea behind 'The Willpower Instinct' by Kelly McGonagal?

The book explores the concept of self-control, why it's important, and provides strategies for individuals to improve their willpower to overcome laziness and procrastination in various aspects of life.

Why can the reward system be counterproductive to willpower and discipline?

The reward system can trick the brain into seeking pleasure and rewards even when the experience does not live up to the promise, leading to feelings of guilt and frustration rather than the intended positive reinforcement.

What is 'moral licensing' and how does it affect self-control?

Moral licensing is a psychological phenomenon where an individual feels licensed to engage in negative behavior because they have exhibited positive behavior. It can undermine self-control by using good deeds as an excuse to indulge in behaviors that contradict long-term goals.

How does the 'what the hell effect' impact a person's ability to maintain a diet or other self-control goals?

The 'what the hell effect' is a response to perceived failure where individuals feel as if their entire goal is ruined by a single lapse, leading to a cycle of indulgence and regret instead of learning from the mistake and moving forward.

Why do we often treat our future selves as strangers when making decisions?

We often assume that our future selves will be different and better equipped to handle challenges, leading to procrastination and the postponement of tasks. This misconception can result in poor decisions that harm our future self.

How is willpower similar to a muscle?

Willpower, like a muscle, can be fatigued through overuse and requires rest to recover. It can also be strengthened through regular exercise, such as meditation and mindful activities, leading to improved self-control.

What is the ironic rebound effect and how does it relate to willpower?

The ironic rebound effect is a psychological phenomenon where attempts to suppress certain thoughts or desires make them more prominent in one's mind. This can hinder willpower by causing individuals to focus more on the very behaviors or objects they are trying to avoid.

Why is sleep important for maintaining willpower?

Sleep deprivation can impair focus and energy levels, making it harder to resist temptations and maintain self-control. Adequate sleep is crucial for making good decisions and sticking to one's goals.

How does physical exercise contribute to improved willpower?

Physical exercise can strengthen willpower by improving overall health and well-being, reducing stress, and increasing the brain's efficiency. Even short periods of exercise can have a positive impact on willpower reserves.

What is the 'pause and plan' response and how does it help with self-control?

The 'pause and plan' response involves slowing down and focusing on one's internal conflict when faced with a decision that requires self-control. This technique helps to shift the mind and body from a state of stress to self-control mode, allowing for calm and considered decision-making.

How can our social environment influence our willpower and self-control?

Our social environment can significantly impact our willpower and self-control. Being around individuals who exhibit the behaviors we aspire to can help reinforce positive habits, while associating with those who engage in negative behaviors can lead to the adoption of those habits.

Outlines

00:00

🍰 The Perils of the Reward System

This paragraph discusses the concept of the reward system and its negative impact on self-control and discipline. It illustrates how seeking immediate pleasure, such as eating chocolate to alleviate stress, often fails to deliver the promised mood boost and can lead to feelings of guilt and frustration. The text also highlights the brain's tendency to trick us into indulging by promising rewards that don't materialize. It advises against using rewards as a means to justify behavior that contradicts our long-term goals and suggests testing the promise of rewards to adjust our expectations.

05:01

🍕 Avoiding Moral Licensing and the What-the-Hell Effect

The second paragraph addresses two psychological phenomena that undermine self-control: moral licensing and the what-the-hell effect. Moral licensing occurs when individuals feel entitled to indulge after virtuous behavior, negating the benefits of their good actions. The what-the-hell effect is the tendency to give up on one's goals after a setback, leading to a cycle of indulgence and regret. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of self-forgiveness and suggests strategies to counteract these effects, such as focusing on goals rather than perceived permissions to indulge.

10:01

🤔 The Myth of Future Self and Building Willpower

This paragraph challenges the common belief that our future self will be more disciplined and better equipped to handle temptations. It argues that procrastination often stems from the mistaken expectation that future self will miraculously appear to solve current problems. The text advises against treating future self as a stranger and instead advocates for making decisions that align with long-term goals. It also introduces the concept that willpower is a limited resource, urging readers to prioritize important tasks while their willpower is strong. Additionally, it suggests ways to strengthen willpower, comparing it to a muscle that can be trained through practices like meditation.

15:02

🛍️ Coping with Stress and Avoiding Temptation

The fourth paragraph explores the relationship between stress and poor decision-making, particularly when it comes to managing finances and resisting the urge to shop as a coping mechanism. It explains that feeling bad or stressed can lead to more vulnerability to temptation and procrastination. The author recommends developing healthy stress relief strategies, such as exercise, prayer, reading, and meditation, and emphasizes the importance of self-compassion over self-criticism for maintaining self-control.

20:02

💤 The Importance of Sleep, Exercise, and Inner Thoughts

This paragraph underscores the significance of sleep and exercise in bolstering willpower. It likens sleep deprivation to mild drunkenness, highlighting its detrimental effects on focus, energy, and decision-making. The text also discusses the role of the body in self-control and how physical exercise can improve willpower across various aspects of life. Additionally, it tackles the concept of ironic rebound, where attempts to suppress thoughts can lead to an obsession with them, and suggests strategies for managing these thoughts and the importance of balancing immediate gratification with long-term goals.

25:04

🤝 The Contagious Nature of Willpower and Finding Balance

The final paragraph delves into the social aspect of willpower, noting that it can be influenced by the behaviors of those around us. It suggests that while bad habits can spread, so can positive changes, and encourages finding a community with shared goals. The text also emphasizes the importance of empathy and self-compassion, recommending that one should treat themselves as they would a friend facing similar challenges. Lastly, it stresses the need for balance between instant gratification and long-term objectives, suggesting that occasional indulgence is necessary for overall well-being.

📺 Conclusion and Further Resources

The concluding paragraph is a simple acknowledgment of the viewer's time and an invitation to explore more book summaries through a provided playlist. It serves as a polite and direct way to end the video script.

Keywords

💡Willpower

Willpower refers to an individual's ability to control their impulses, emotions, and actions in order to achieve long-term goals. In the video, it is the central theme as it discusses how self-control works and why it is essential for overcoming laziness and procrastination. An example from the script is the discussion of resisting the temptation of a chocolate cake after a bad day.

💡Reward System

The reward system is a psychological construct that involves the brain's response to pleasure and rewards. It is often mentioned in the context of how it can trick us into indulging in behaviors that undermine our self-control. The script uses the example of eating chocolate to reduce stress, which often leads to increased guilt rather than relief.

💡Moral Licensing

Moral licensing is a phenomenon where individuals feel they have the right to indulge or act against their moral standards because they have done something good or virtuous previously. The video explains how this can lead to self-sabotage, as one might eat pizza after a day of dieting, undoing the benefits of their earlier self-control.

💡What the Hell Effect

The 'What the Hell' effect is a psychological response where, after a failure or perceived failure, individuals give up on their goals entirely, leading to a cycle of indulgence and regret. The script illustrates this with the example of someone on a diet who, after eating a slice of cake, decides to eat the whole cake, feeling as if their diet is already ruined.

💡Procrastination

Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing tasks or actions. The video discusses how people often put off tasks, expecting that their future self will have more energy or willpower to complete them. However, the video emphasizes that future self is still the same person, and procrastination will only lead to more difficulty in achieving goals.

💡Self-Control

Self-control is the ability to regulate one's actions in accordance with one's long-term goals rather than immediate gratification. It is closely tied to willpower and is a key focus of the video. An example from the script is the idea of resisting the temptation of a chocolate cake as an exercise in self-control.

💡Instant Gratification

Instant gratification is the desire to experience pleasure or fulfillment without delay. The video discusses the conflict between seeking immediate pleasure and maintaining self-control for long-term benefits. It is often at odds with willpower, as seen in the example of choosing between eating a hamburger now or pursuing a healthier diet for future health.

💡Stress

Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances. The video highlights how stress can lead to poor decision-making and a lack of self-control, such as shopping to cope with financial anxiety. It also suggests that effective stress relief strategies, like exercise and meditation, can improve self-control.

💡Sleep Deprivation

Sleep deprivation refers to a lack of sufficient sleep, which can impair cognitive function and decision-making. The video emphasizes that not getting enough sleep can weaken willpower, leading to a higher likelihood of giving in to temptations and procrastinating on important tasks.

💡Exercise

Exercise is any bodily activity that enhances or maintains physical fitness and overall health. The video presents exercise as a tool for improving willpower, as it not only helps in resisting temptations but also has immediate benefits for mental clarity and stress relief. The script suggests that even short periods of physical activity can significantly boost willpower.

💡Ironic Rebound

Ironic rebound is a psychological phenomenon where attempts to suppress certain thoughts lead to those thoughts becoming more prominent. The video uses the example of not thinking about elephants to illustrate how trying not to think about a craving can make it more difficult to resist. The solution proposed is to let thoughts come and go without acting on them.

Highlights

Eliminate the reward system to avoid seeking pleasure and rewards that don't live up to their promise.

Only 16% of people who eat to reduce stress report it as helpful, indicating the inefficacy of the reward system in stress relief.

Moral licensing can lead to self-sabotage by justifying indulgence based on previous good behavior.

The 'what the hell' effect describes the tendency to give in to indulgence after a perceived failure, leading to a harmful cycle.

Future self is often imagined as superior in self-control, leading to procrastination; however, future self is still you.

Willpower is a single, limited resource that gets depleted with use, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing tasks.

Willpower can be strengthened like a muscle through practices such as meditation and mental exercises.

Feeling bad or stressed can lead to more vulnerability to temptation and procrastination, highlighting the importance of self-forgiveness.

Effective stress relief strategies include exercise, prayer, reading, music, socializing, meditating, and engaging in creative hobbies.

Sleep deprivation impairs focus, energy, and decision-making, which are crucial for self-control.

Physical exercise not only improves willpower but also relieves stress and depression, making the brain more efficient.

Ironic rebound is the phenomenon where trying not to think about something makes it more likely to be thought about.

Allowing thoughts to come and go freely without acting on them can prevent them from hijacking your decision-making.

Finding alternative behaviors to satisfy underlying needs can help break habits and establish positive routines.

Pausing and planning before making a decision can activate the body's natural response to stress, leading to better self-control.

Willpower is contagious; surrounding oneself with people who exhibit desired behaviors can help improve one's own self-control.

Speaking kindly to oneself as one would to a friend can improve self-compassion and aid in overcoming self-control challenges.

Balancing instant gratification with long-term goals is key to effective self-discipline and willpower.

Transcripts

The Willpower Instinct how self-control

works why it matters and what you can do

to get more of it the book is written by

Stanford University psychologist Kelly

mcgonagal I have 14 great lessons from

the book that will help you have more

self-control and beat laziness and

procrastination in all areas of your

life so let's get started number one

eliminate the reward system imagine

you've just arrived home from war work

you've had a bad day and you are so

stressed well you found out your wife or

husband baked an amazing chocolate cake

it's on the table and you can already

taste the soft dough just sweet enough

to match the creamy melted chocolate

sauce you serve yourself a small slice

first and then a second and a third one

you're feeling full but maybe you can

have just one last slice you deserve

good things after the Terrible Day

you've had before you know it there's

barely any cake left have you eaten all

of it oh

no how do you feel stuffed guilty

frustrated probably all of them but

wasn't the cake supposed to make you

feel better the reward system can be one

of your greatest enemies when it comes

to willpower and discipline it's also a

way that your brain uses to trick you we

search for pleasure and rewards even

when the experience does not live up to

the promise

a survey on stress found that only 16%

of people who eat to reduce stress

report that it actually helps them

another study found that women are most

likely to eat chocolate when they are

feeling anxious or depressed but the

only stable change in mood they report

experiencing is an increase in guilt and

if you're judging just know that you do

it too I'm sure there's something that

you believe that makes you happy when in

the end it only makes you sorry chances

are this is is something you believe

would make you happy if you could just

get enough of it junk food cigarettes

just one more episode of your favorite

series does that hamburger really taste

that good or in the end do you just eat

it so fast that you can barely taste it

when you get home with your new items

from your shopping spree do you feel as

happy as you thought you would with all

the things you bought or worried about

your credit card debt and if you've

procrastinated finishing that project

and took a nap instead how do you feel

now happy and rested or worried and

regretful in addition to giving

ourselves reward for past Behavior we

also give ourselves reward for future

Behavior which is even more ridiculous

for example I will spend money at the

mall today but I will not go shopping

for the next 3 weeks or I will eat this

dessert today but no more dessert for

the next month these are just a few of

of the White Lies We Tell ourselves

always test the promise of reward first

if you start explaining to yourself that

the promise of reward and reality don't

match your brain will start adjusting to

the truth number two don't exchange

every good for bad you've been dieting

all day this morning you had fruit for

breakfast for lunch your plate contained

a collection of green leaves and

colorful vegetables you skipped the

afternoon stack and had only a cup of

green tea

you're so proud of yourself that on the

way home you think it's no big deal if

you drop by a pizza place and take a

margarita home after all you kept up the

good work all day long besides you won't

eat the whole pizza just a few slices

you deserve a treat right wrong the four

slices of pizza you're about to eat will

erase the benefits of all the hard work

you've done throughout the day this is

called moral licensing and it's one of

the ways you trick yourself yourself

into giving in to instant gratification

it's a trick that your brain plays on

you in which anything that makes you

feel proud can license you to follow an

Impulse it's not logical thinking the

fact you didn't eat the whole pizza

doesn't make the four slices you did eat

less harmful being proud of the things

you do or resist doing is great the

problem is using this as an excuse to do

something that will harm you moral

license TR Tri you into acting against

yourself it convinces you that

self-sabotaging is actually something

good ask yourself do you use your good

behavior to give yourself permission to

do something that will sabotage your

larger willpower goals if you do here's

how to stop first avoid thinking in

terms of right or wrong just think in

terms of things that help you reach your

goals and things that don't when you

think about giving yourself a treat for

behaving remember why you've been

resisting for example if you want to buy

yourself a gift to celebrate the fact

that you've saved money this week remind

yourself about why you were saving money

in the first place is the gift going to

undo your previous efforts instead of

getting you closer to your main goal if

it will forget it and find a new way to

treat yourself that doesn't count as

self-sabotage remembering the why works

because it changes how you feel about

the reward that so-called treat will

start to look more like a threat to your

goals which is what it really is also

keep both eyes open for magic words that

might give you permission to indulge

like buy one get one free light organic

coupons or for a good

cause number three be careful with the

what the hell effect how do you react

when you disappoint yourself for example

if you're on a diet and you end up

having a big slice of cake for breakfast

what's your

reaction most people in this situation

fall victim to the what the hell effect

this means they feel so bad about this

failure that they feel as if their whole

diet is blown so they tell themselves

what the hell I already blew my diet I

might as well eat the whole thing or

what the hell I already blew my diet

I'll try again tomorrow and proceed to

eat every junk food that crosses their

path that starts a harmful cycle of

indulgence regret greater

Indulgence instead of Falling For That

Trick forgive yourself for the breakfast

mess and promise you'll do better at

lunch maybe you think that if you aren't

self-critical enough you'll never get

anything done but that's not true

feeling bad will only lead you to be

more vulnerable and less disciplined you

don't have to be so hard on yourself

self- forgiveness is not an excuse it's

necessary for

self-control number four are you waiting

for future you let me introduce you to

two people let's call them you and you

2.0 you is prone to procrastination has

trouble controlling impulses and doesn't

like to exercise eat vegetables or do

the laundry you is really good at

dreaming but those dreams rarely to get

out of the realm of

imagination U 2.0 on the other hand has

no trouble with procrastination because

U 2.0 has Boundless Energy for all tasks

no matter how boring or difficult U 2.0

also has amazing self-control and can

face down potato chips cigarettes and

Netflix without a Flinch U 2.0 has

opened a business and works happily for

it in the mornings and evenings and even

pulls all nighters you U 2.0 loves

exercising and thinks sugar is

nasty if my description was accurate you

probably noticed that you is well the

person you are right now well U 2.0 is

the future U the person you imagine you

will be in the future future you is the

person who will eat salad for lunch and

dinner during weekdays and weekends

forever so that present you can enjoy a

birthday every day but he won't mind

will he after all future you loves

salads and hates burgers you probably

know where I'm going with this right we

treat our future selves like strangers

we act as if they will be completely

different from the way we are now the

only reason you procrastinate and put

off what you need to do is that you are

waiting for your future self to show up

and you believe they will find the

effort easier than you do now

unfortunately that won't happen future

you is still you just older and probably

more tired when you get to the Future

your ideal future self will be nowhere

to be found and your same old self will

still be making the decisions and if you

keep up procrastinating and giving in

future you is also in big trouble

whenever you feel like exchanging your

future goals for instant gratification

ask yourself what is the immediate

payoff for giving in what is the

long-term cost is this a fair trade if

it's not then why are you willing to do

it why do you put the future on sale see

every choice you make today is a choice

you're going to make for the rest of

your life oh you want to smoke five

cigarettes today okay but how do you

feel about smoking five cigarettes every

day for the rest of your life does does

that seem like the wisest choice and if

you catch yourself thinking but it's

just today tomorrow I'll

change stop right there you already know

how that works don't you you're using

that as a crutch just pretending that

tomorrow will be different if you don't

make a change now tomorrow will be just

like today is your pleasure today so

important that you're willing to have a

lousy future in exchange for it here's a

trick to help your future self choose

for them before your future self is

blinded by the same Tendencies You are

suffering from now here are some ideas

cook healthy food for your entire week

pack healthy snacks so you don't find

yourself hungry and looking for the

easiest way out in the middle of the

afternoon you can schedule and prepay

for anything you tend to procrastinate

such as Dental visits set up automatic

transfers to your savings account tell

someone about the things you will do

your future yourself will be very

embarrassed if you can't keep the

promise number five you only have one

source of willpower let's say you're on

your way to work and you pass by a

bakery from outside you can smell the

coffee and the sugar you become tense

your mouth salivates and your heart

beats faster you want it so bad but you

have that moment of

hesitation should you go in but you're

on a diet you remind yourself you force

yourself to keep walking feeling

satisfied with your self control once

again you could resist it well on the

way back you better avoid passing by the

bakery again because chances are you

won't resist it this time the reason is

that you've already worn out your

willpower think of your day at work and

how many things you felt like doing but

couldn't or felt like not doing but you

had to think of how many times you had

to use your willpower during that long

day of work if you use your willpower

you run out of it it's like you have

only one one source of willpower a big

well where you get willpower from a

bucket at a time until there's no more

willpower there and you have to wait

until the well refills it doesn't matter

what you've used your willpower for

studies show that smokers who go without

a cigarette for 24 hours are more likely

to binge on ice cream so the important

lesson is this you only have one source

of willpower one single battery you

don't have a different willpower source

for exercise and a different one for

Instagram everything you do depletes it

never wake up and spend time on small

tasks such as cleaning responding to

emails or spending 20 minutes deciding

what you should eat for breakfast do the

most important thing first while your

willpower is full number six you can

strengthen your willpower willpower is

like a muscle it doesn't matter what you

use it for but if you use it too much it

gets tired and then you have to rest a

bit before you use it again the good

news is that just like a muscle you can

train your willpower to make it stronger

meditation is a great tool to train your

mind in self-control because that's

exactly what your mind tries to do

during meditation neuroscientists have

discovered that the brain is highly

responsive to exercise ask your brain to

do math every day and it gets better at

math ask your brain to concentrate and

it gets better at concentrating not only

does your brain find these things easier

but it actually remodels itself and

grows more mass and new connections the

key is to start small and slowly build

up over time very often people set big

and unrealistic goals from day one

before they have developed their

willpower muscles for example several

times I've failed on my diet just

because from the first day I cut a

thousand calories for my daily average

it was just too much and as a result I

would end up feeling hungry at night and

couldn't sleep needless to say the next

day I'd feel terrible and would eat

anything that came across my path the

right thing to do was cut back 300 to

400 calories but of course I said to

myself that 300 calories is nothing and

I will have no positive impact and as a

result I failed number seven don't feel

bad surveys show that women who are

worried about their finances shop to

cope with their

anxiety Yes you heard that right shop

they're just adding to their debt which

will make them feel even more

overwhelmed later so why do they do it

because instead of conscious reasoning

what leads them to do that is their

brain's need for instant

gratification they want to feel better

now no matter the cost feeling bad leads

to giving in it might not make sense but

that's how humans work that's why guilt

self-criticism judgment and Punishment

are terrible strategies of self-control

they make you stressed and therefore

more vulnerable to Temptation and more

prone to

procrastination so pay attention to

yourself and your reactions to stress

what do you turn to when you're feeling

stressed or anxious is there something

else that you could do that could bring

better results what other strategies can

you use the author gives a few

suggestions she says the most effective

stress relief strategies are exercising

praying reading listening to music

spending time with friends or family

meditating and spending time with a

creative hobby number eight you need to

sleep research proves that being sleep

deprived is like being mildly drunk how

do you feel when you've had a sleepless

night if you're like me the next day you

feel tired unfocused and irritable your

mind feels cloudy and even the most

trivial tasks feel like a struggle

unfortunately you're more likely to give

in Temptation and procrastinate

important tasks too if you haven't been

sleeping well or enough chances are your

willpower is very low not a surprise

since you need both f focus and energy

when it comes to sticking to what you

have to do and if you can't sleep well

you have neither Focus nor energy you

also make poorer decisions and some of

them will certainly involve sugar

alcohol and a lot of

procrastination even if you can't get 8

hours of uninterrupted sleep every night

small changes can make a big difference

for example if you couldn't go to bed

early not even once during the week try

to catch up during the weekend or try to

take a short app during your lunch break

even though this is not ideal for your

health it'll partially help to replenish

your

willpower number nine you need to

exercise when you meet a willpower

challenge you feel it in your body just

think about what happens in your body

when you smell your favorite food your

body reacts so strongly that you become

like the old cartoon character who

floats toward the food following the

smell most people understand that

discipline and willpower are mind

efforts but science has proven that your

body is as important as your mind when

it comes to developing strong

self-control sometimes your mind is

focused and you know what you must do

but your body is the one betraying you

you know you should clean the house but

you feel so lazy right now and there's

this backache you know you've been

drinking more coffee than it's healthy

but you're so sleepy you need to feel

more alert you know you shouldn't smoke

but when you see your friend leaving on

a cigarette break your legs almost move

by themselves to follow

him to fight your procrastination

Tendencies You need to work both on your

mind and your body a healthy body will

be stronger and help your mind resist

Temptations or move towards your goals a

great tool that will help improve your

willpower is physical

exercise actually it's almost a miracle

a study conducted at Stanford proved

that by changing only this one thing

getting sedentary people to exercise

their willpower in all aspects of their

lives improved it not only works

immediately making people more willing

to act on their goals but it also

relieves stress and depression and makes

your brain more efficient if you

struggle with having the willpower to

exercise though I have good news 5

minutes a day are enough and anything

that gets your body moving does the

trick you don't need a gym gardening

walking around the block walking your

dog dancing to your favorite song as

long as you're moving your willpower

Reserve will improve if you can find a

way to do that

Outdoors even better exercise and sleep

are the two most important Tools in

order to have more willpower and

ironically these two are the ones you'll

probably end up procrastinating on if

you find yourself procrastinating to

exercise or go to bed early then try to

think of it as an investment that will

provide at least one 1,000% returns in

the future to say it differently

exercising meditating or taking a nap

for 10 minutes is like giving a $10 bill

and getting back a $100 bill number 10

why you can't stop thinking about

elephants willpower does a good job of

controlling our outer actions but it is

useless when applied to our inner world

of thoughts and feelings for example in

the following minutes don't think about

elephants

as soon as you set your mind on this

task all you can think about is

elephants this is the result of what

psychologists call ironic rebound this

is the reason why you can't stop

thinking about bread or pasta as soon as

you cut out carbohydrates from your diet

the harder you try to push away a

thought the more likely it will come

back even stronger so what's the

solution then here are two solutions

number one let your thoughts come and go

freely and they will stop hijacking your

mind if the brain is allowed to express

a thought or feeling that it was

previously trying to suppress it stops

obsessing over it you don't have to act

on your thoughts you just have to let

them wander through your mind and

observe them you stay present watch and

accept them as they are without labeling

this process is called surfing the Urge

number two most habits or behaviors are

an attempt to satisfy some kind of need

it might be a need to have fun reduce

stress or gain approval think about the

Habit you are trying to quit and instead

of banning it see if you can come up

with an alternative behavior that will

satisfy the same need for example

instead of telling yourself that you

will not be late again perhaps you

should start telling yourself that you

will always arrive 5 minutes earlier

number 11 you need to pause and

plan whenever you have to make an

important decision related to willpower

let's say when you need to resist a

cookie start by focusing on your

internal conflict not the external

threat there's something you want to do

eat the cookie but you know you

shouldn't you know you should be eating

fruit Instead This internal conflict is

the threat and the most helpful response

is to slow down so you can focus the

goal is not to paralyze you but to give

you freedom and time to decide this is

called a pause and plan response and

it's a natural response of your body one

way to activate it is to slow your

breathing down to 4 to six breaths per

minute that's 10 to 15 seconds per

breath not difficult with a little bit

of practice and patience this helps

shift the brain and body from a state of

stress to self-control mode a few

minutes of this technique will make you

feel calm in control and capable of

handling the challenge number 12

willpower is contagious can weight gain

spread from person to person as a a

virus does studies show that if you had

an obese sister you had a 67% higher

risk of becoming obese too they also

found out that when a friend became

obese a person's own future risk of

becoming obese increased by

171% you've probably heard stories about

people who started smoking because their

friends smoked or who gained bad habits

from their spouses so this shouldn't be

such a surprise but the truth is that we

like to believe that our choices are our

own and that we are independent so we

refuse to see how other people's

behaviors can influence ours and our

self-control is not immune to that

influence which often gets us into

trouble however it can also help us meet

our willpower goals bad habits can

spread from person to person but

positive changes can too for example you

can find people who share the behavior

you aspire to and get closer to them if

you're trying to stop smoking hanging

out with non-smokers will help number 13

what would you say to a friend think of

someone you respect and care about it

can be a member of your family or a

friend have they been through any

struggles lately have they had trouble

with bad habits or missed deadlines well

it's a great thing that you could see

them experiencing some of those setbacks

why because it'll help you remember that

willpower challenges happen to

everyone now suppose that person called

you and said they're having exactly the

same problem as you they say I'm feeling

like a failure I was so stressed with

work that I ended up eating a bucket of

ice cream yesterday what do you say then

do you help them criticize themselves or

do you find ways to comfort them if

you're a good friend I'm guessing you'll

tell them that they're great and that

slips happen every now and then to

everyone when you have a self-control

problem consider the words you would say

to comfort and encourage a friend in the

same situation and tell yourself those

same words we are usually much more

forgiving towards others others than

ourselves number 14 you need a balance

in a very simple way when you are facing

a willpower challenge two parts of you

are conflicting one part wants to give

in to immediate gratification the other

part of you is trying to protect your

longterm goals you see yourself in a

dilemma smoke now or live longer watch

my favorite series now or go to bed

early and feel rested tomorrow gamble

today or have more money when I retire

so should we all always side with the

part of us who plans for the future not

always yes people who have better

self-control and discipline are happier

they make their dreams and plans come

true more often make more money and have

better health but instant gratification

has its place in our lives too we do

need to do pleasurable things and have

fun in the present and eating a

hamburger every now and then won't kill

you without desires we'd become

depressed discipline is about finding

the balance between instant

gratification and long-term goals this

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