How to Get People to Listen to You | The Harvard Business Review Guide

Summary

The video script emphasizes the importance of being heard in the workplace, which significantly impacts one's perceived competence, credit for work, and job effectiveness. To achieve this, the speaker suggests a strategic approach over simply raising one's voice. Key strategies include active listening, laying groundwork by requesting attention and putting important points in writing, and building personal relationships for credibility. The speaker also advises on choosing words carefully, especially in emotionally charged situations, using 'I' statements to express opinions without accusations, avoiding phrases that apologize for feelings, and using 'and' instead of 'but' to foster collaboration. Repetition is highlighted as a method to capture attention, and changing the conversation's tenor is recommended when discussions become unproductive. Nonverbal communication is also crucial, with the acronym CENTER (Core posture, Eye contact, Natural gestures, Tone, Tempo, Timing, Expressions, and Regions and territory) providing a framework for confident body language. The script concludes by urging managers to be aware of communication biases and to ensure all employees have equal opportunities to be heard.

Takeaways

• 👂 Active Listening: Demonstrating active and engaged listening is crucial before expecting others to listen to you.
• 💡 Lay Groundwork: Increase your chances of being heard by encouraging focus and acknowledging potential distractions.
• 📝 Put in Writing: Writing down important points helps increase retention and understanding.
• 🤝 Build Relationships: Developing personal relationships can earn you credibility and make others more likely to listen.
• ⏰ Be Concise: Capture attention quickly by getting to the point and providing only necessary context.
• 🔑 Choose Words Carefully: Use simple, clear, direct, and neutral language, especially in emotionally charged situations.
• 🙋‍♀️ Own Your Perspective: Start with 'I' to express your opinion without making the listener feel accused.
• 🚫 Avoid Apologizing for Feelings: Focus on the issue, not on how difficult it is to express your feelings.
• ➕ Use 'And': Instead of 'but', use 'and' to foster collaboration and keep the listener engaged.
• 🔄 Repetition: Repeating key messages can help them sink in and capture attention.
• 🧍‍♂️ Body Language: Pay attention to your own and others' nonverbal cues to enhance communication.
• 🔄 Change Conversation Tenor: If discussions become unproductive, shift the approach to regain focus on the issue.

Q & A

What is the main issue Amy Gallo addresses in the video?

Amy Gallo addresses the issue of not being heard in the workplace and its impact on being seen as competent, getting credit for work, and completing tasks effectively.

What is the first strategy Amy suggests to improve the chances of being heard at work?

The first strategy is to listen well. Active, engaged listening is a prerequisite to being heard and involves understanding and demonstrating attentiveness to the speaker's points.

How can you lay the groundwork to be heard more effectively?

You can lay the groundwork by encouraging your counterparts to focus, putting important things in writing to aid retention, and building relationships with people around you to earn credibility and respect.

Why is it important to get to the point quickly when speaking to your boss or colleague?

It's important because they likely spend a significant portion of their day listening to others, so you have a limited time to capture their attention. Being concise helps ensure your message is heard.

What does Holly Weeks suggest regarding the language to use in emotionally charged situations?

Holly Weeks suggests using simple, clear, direct, and neutral language. She also advises starting sentences with 'I' instead of 'you' to avoid making the listener feel accused and to show acknowledgment of one's role in the situation.

How can using 'and' instead of 'but' improve communication?

Using 'and' instead of 'but' can engage the listener in collaborative problem-solving without making them feel defensive. 'But' is a naturally combative word that might cause the listener to stop listening.

What does Ben Parr suggest about the use of repetition in communication?

Ben Parr suggests that repetition is key to capturing people's attention and can help them embrace an idea they may have been predisposed to ignore.

How can changing the tenor of the conversation help when things get heated?

Changing the tenor of the conversation can help by shifting the focus from a power struggle to discussing the process itself, allowing for a more productive dialogue and a return to the substance of the matter.

What does the acronym CENTER stand for and how can it help with nonverbal communication?

CENTER stands for Core posture, Eye contact, Natural gestures, Tone, tempo, timing, Expressions of the face, and Regions and territory. It helps to remember key aspects of nonverbal communication that can convey confidence and keep the listener engaged.

Why is it important for managers to be aware of their own biases?

It's important for managers to be aware of their biases to ensure that all employees, regardless of their communication style, are given equal opportunities to be heard and credited for their ideas.

What does Amy Gallo encourage viewers to do after presenting her strategies?

Amy Gallo encourages viewers to share any advice they might have on improving their chances of being heard or to suggest other topics they would like her to cover, by commenting below the video.